How long does it take to get over a breakup if you were the OM?

[Poppy47]

I find that a remarkable and very moving story.

 

I don't think you or your wife will ever forget this woman as it has to be half your lifetime.

 

Are you happy together with your wife?

 

Poppy.

[portwine]

Anyway....I had a day off today...met a friend this morning...arranged some business...had a few drinks...went off on my own afterwards and basically went in like a wrecking ball. Couldn't hold it in any more.

 

 

 

 

Feel like an exorcist right now. I probably need exorcising myself, I was worse than Regan today!

 

 

 

Oh no....not Pazuzu. Feel bad for what you're going through, but that was funny...

[portwine]

Anyway....I had a day off today...met a friend this morning...arranged some business...had a few drinks...went off on my own afterwards and basically went in like a wrecking ball. Couldn't hold it in any more.

 

 

Basically told her she couldn't be my friend if she was ****ing him, pushed her as to what she wanted, says she loves me deeply but is 'trying' to love him for the kids. Says she's 'heartbroken' we can't be friends. I sent her 'cool' and a thumbs up smiley.

 

 

Told her to **** off, sick of her bull****, was really quite anus-y if I'm honest, been obnoxious all day. So much so I've tried to destroy any semblance of getting back together I can. Like, incendiary obnoxious.

 

 

Not the best way but it gets the cat amongst the pigeons. I'm not even ashamed. Anything I said was dead on.

 

 

Feel like an exorcist right now. I probably need exorcising myself, I was worse than Regan today!

 

Run far away.....She plays games by "playing" everyone in her life. Reminds me of that song

 

She's in the zone

Crying on the phone

I need you here

I'm on the street again

Staggering out into the burn

Only to find her gone

 

Another negative girl

At the edge of the frame

Deliciously toxic

The original classic thing...

[Grapesofwrath]

Getting over a break-up is always difficult, and even moreso if the other party initiated it. Have you been through it before? What techniques worked for you in getting over it?

 

I think A break-ups are tougher because there is often very little support to help you. If the relationship was secret, you may not have anyone to talk to you in your life about it, which makes it take longer to heal. (Though I've heard this is more of an issue for women than for men.)

 

Give yourself time to heal. Avoid contact with her. Block her texts. When she sends those little messages, it just sends you into a tailspin. She sends them to satisfy her own desires. It makes her feel like she is a good person who is still pals with her ex. Just unplug from that whole dynamic. Cut the cord. Then take good care of yourself. Have fun. Do the things you enjoy doing, whatever that means to you.

 

Remember that each time you think a thought, you wire your brain to have more of that thought. This is how we develop belief systems. You now need to change your belief system. That starts by changing your thoughts.Time will do its magic.

[LostIsMe]

Ask yourself this question which I keep asking myself. And yes, I am the other man who had an unbelievable connection, mentally, emotionally, friendship and sex was by far the best I've ever had

 

"why do I want to continue to waste years of my life waiting for a woman that has proven I'm not what she truly wants"

 

Im going thru this myself and it sucks. I feel like I would let her back in with one message but my brain wants out. I know nothing good will come from it. I'm done wasting time waiting. If she wanted me, she could have had me. End of story. She might love me but she didn't show me where it counted the most and in the way I needed it most. I was short changing myself over the idea of being with her. I built her up to the goddess she is but here is a fact.... I am gonna tear that image down and build reality. That's what you need to do. You will find someone that you will connect with on all levels. You never will until you let go of her... Heal and open up to someone that will blow your mind and do anything for you... No more crumbs.

 

I want the whole cake. I want to share it with my partner. Not give it away to some undeserving woman that plays with my head.

[portwine]

Ask yourself this question which I keep asking myself. And yes, I am the other man who had an unbelievable connection, mentally, emotionally, friendship and sex was by far the best I've ever had

 

"why do I want to continue to waste years of my life waiting for a woman that has proven I'm not what she truly wants"

 

Im going thru this myself and it sucks. I feel like I would let her back in with one message but my brain wants out. I know nothing good will come from it. I'm done wasting time waiting. If she wanted me, she could have had me. End of story. She might love me but she didn't show me where it counted the most and in the way I needed it most. I was short changing myself over the idea of being with her. I built her up to the goddess she is but here is a fact.... I am gonna tear that image down and build reality. That's what you need to do. You will find someone that you will connect with on all levels. You never will until you let go of her... Heal and open up to someone that will blow your mind and do anything for you... No more crumbs.

 

I want the whole cake. I want to share it with my partner. Not give it away to some undeserving woman that plays with my head.

 

 

 

 

I totally get where you are coming from and it makes all the sense in the world. But as I mentioned in my previous posts, I am fiercely independent and I like my space and down a lot, so seeing her in increments actually suited my lifestyle perfectly in the past. The tipping point came about when she got divorced and decided that she wanted to test the waters to see if there was another suitable life partner on the horizon who isn't there exclusively for her sexual needs; I fulfilled that role.

 

The bottom line is that I'm pissed and hurt that I lost this beautiful and charming sex partner with whom I did a lot of fun stuff with.

[burnt]

Basically told her she couldn't be my friend if she was ****ing him,

Are you saying she's still having sex with her abusive husband that she's planning on leaving?

 

says she loves me deeply but is 'trying' to love him for the kids. Says she's 'heartbroken' we can't be friends.

"Trying" to love him?

That's absolutely the most amazing news.

Let her, RPO.

Let her "try to love" her abusive husband, with all her heart and soul.

 

She's 'heartbroken'? Is she now?

 

I sent her 'cool' and a thumbs up smiley.

 

Told her to **** off, sick of her bull****, was really quite anus-y if I'm honest, been obnoxious all day.

 

I'm not even ashamed. Anything I said was dead on.

 

Good for you.

There comes a point where it's necessary to let the steam off sometimes.

 

Clearly she is not ready to leave--sadly often times abused people need to be abused too much before they find the will power to leave.

You leaving her to "love" her husband will probably teach her what she desperately needs to learn herself.

 

Sorry for the mess you're going through RPO.

[ShatteredLady]

Sometimes things happen in life or, in this case I knew someone for many years & it made me very suspicious of this particular MW story.

 

I worked with her. She was always having an affair (or 2) with MM. I knew her, she had redeeming qualities, particularly if you're a sucker for a sob story. Sweet, little blonde, fake tan, petite, "take care of me please! I need you to save me" girl. I enjoyed her company some of the time. She was funny.

 

Anyway, her story was that she was horribly abused by her mean, drug dealing, violent criminal-world husband. Some days she would be wearing a lot of makeup & not quite normal. She would insinuate that it had been a bad night because of her H. (Truth - she drank too much, got no sleep, same clothes etc)

 

The thing is that me & my H & some of our friends knew both her AND her H very, very well. She knew that I knew her H so well that she would go bright red when someone mentioned how despicable her H was within my earshot.

 

In real life he was like a round cuddly teddy bear! He was a hippy pacifist, even demonstrated! He took really good care of her when she was going through a horrible time in her life. She had very fragile self esteem. The problem was, she started to want more from work. She was embarrassed by her working Class, works with his hands husband.

 

She had a huge problem with alcohol & sex. She did things, in public, with men that were humiliating for her! Combine her alcohol & men problems & she was a very messed-up lady.

 

It's just.... She did desperately want to be rescued...from her life. Her H was lovely but she didn't want that life anymore. Men were suckers for the abused little girl story. It was very sad. She destroyed so many relationships & made herself so utterly miserable.

[RedPurpleOrange]

^I know where you're coming from but she isn't lying about the abuse. But I think they kind of thrive on a mutual hatred. It's nuts. I was telling my friend...you can either a bring up a dog with love and it'll love you unconditionally...or you can bring it up by battering it...and it'll love you unconditionally. I guess she falls into the latter camp. Some peeps like being treated like dogs.

 

 

RPO, give me a helping hand here. Mi granny, bein a Geordy with ni eddycation beyond age 12, did na tech me proper English History. So, I ask you: which Knight of the Roundtable hailed from Yorkshire? Whatever his name was, you should adopt it here. Because you are a KISA to her. Guenivere is her given name? I hope not. I don't know all the details,,but I recall something about her and Sir Lancelot (talk about your Freudian suggestion!!!!!) did not end well.

 

BTW! It's,damn hard to try to type in Geordie. divent ye naw?

 

 

Well i'll speak in' broad Yorkshire an tell thee ya bloody well spot on! Ah cuhnt say fo sure but ah think there int no knight in' Arthurian legends books from them parts but I'd be daft not to think o mesen as un! Knight In Shinin' Armour as I live and bloody breathe. But at least me lance did lance a lot, eeh bah gum.

 

 

PS: You should get a vintage Viz annual off eBay....I recommend either 'The Big Hard Number Two', 'The Big Pink Stiff One' or 'The Spunky Parts' for some proper funny Geordie shenanigans!

Edited April 23, 2016 by RedPurpleOrange

[RedPurpleOrange]

And Pazuzu!!!! I had to Google that lol. Most definitely Pazuzu! It's my new favourite word...though I'll try not to say it out loud too much!

 

 

Anyhoo...the day after my Pazuzu moment, there was a lull. I dropped my dark energy down. She was still trying to butter me up so we had a few brief chats at work (no kisses) and remained civil.

 

 

Woke up yesterday feeling peed off again. Started getting those two-kiss "Hi Mr ___ , how are you did u sleep well lol xx" texts, to which I simply replied 'slept good' and then she rang me before work and I just told her I was sick of all her fake stuff, sick of being a mug offering love to her whilst she was with him, told her that if she kept all this up I'd start to hate her and said just stop calling or texting me unless necessary (about the house or finances). She started crying and said "OK" and I put the phone down on her. Glimpsed her at work but didn't speak. No texts. 26hrs no contact so far lol.

 

 

Feel kind of horrible inside but glad as well. Just want her away from me now. Got three more weeks of maybe seeing her at work, four and a bit weeks with the house. In a month it should be all over. Huzzah!

[RedPurpleOrange]

Are you saying she's still having sex with her abusive husband that she's planning on leaving?

 

 

"Trying" to love him?

That's absolutely the most amazing news.

Let her, RPO.

Let her "try to love" her abusive husband, with all her heart and soul.

 

She's 'heartbroken'? Is she now?

 

Clearly she is not ready to leave--sadly often times abused people need to be abused too much before they find the will power to leave.

You leaving her to "love" her husband will probably teach her what she desperately needs to learn herself.

 

Sorry for the mess you're going through RPO.

 

 

Thanks burnt. Everything you say is true. Why am I even tolerating all that? Like I said to her...all I get is pain and jealousy and the crumbs are pathetic.

 

 

She doesn't love him like me...but that's not enough. I am the third leg of this twisted tripod of love...but I much prefer a bipedal form of love.

 

 

Started off as never going back to him and taking their house, kids and him moving out>he wheedles his way back in>they're 'making a go of it'>back to previous abnormality.

 

 

Nah, I'm better than either of em. I realise they're suited for each other.

 

 

Thinking about it, I had to compromise my intellect, my natural quirks, to fit in with it all. I'm not even sure if I ever achieved much happiness from the entire enterprise. Just lying to myself. Being that proud Knight In Shining Armour (which, in all honesty, I achieved with aplomb, lol).

 

 

And portwine, truly sorry for hijacking your thread. I'll try not to take up so much space. I never knew my drama would interfere as much as it has. So tell me off man if you're feeling peed off with me!

[RedPurpleOrange]

The bottom line is that I'm pissed and hurt that I lost this beautiful and charming sex partner with whom I did a lot of fun stuff with.

 

 

I hear that. But it's never fun chasing it, is it? Once you know the wind isn't in your favour...and likely never will be the way it was...it just hits your soul like the sickest feeling you could ever feel. And *trying* to gain that back...well, it just makes you feel like a right proper whelk, doesn't it?

[portwine]

I hear that. But it's never fun chasing it, is it? Once you know the wind isn't in your favour...and likely never will be the way it was...it just hits your soul like the sickest feeling you could ever feel. And *trying* to gain that back...well, it just makes you feel like a right proper whelk, doesn't it?

 

 

 

Saw her today. We said high, she gave me that charming angelic smile, but no conversation. She hung around at the venue we were at, I walked past her and winked but kept on going - she thought I probably was going to chase her and strike up a conversation. Fugetaboutit!!

 

My confident strut and the I'm-having-a-ton-of-sex-these-days vibe I was projecting bothered her because she was obviously lingering waiting for me to make some move. But you know what? It's only a game that she plays to prove to herself that men don't have self respect and that they're weak.

 

I know that she only wants me on her tems, or when it's convenient, that she loves to play sneaky head games to f*** with my mind, and above all that she only cares about herself.

 

The big red flag from the get go when I first met her was that she never had any real close female friends...not one!! She hangs around with other women, but she's quick to criticize them and "cut them off" if she feels that they don't live up to her expectations. This woman can only take people,things, etc. in increments She finds faults in everybody which actually is a sign of her mirroring herself onto others.

[RedPurpleOrange]

We need to really get away from these people. I feel like Gollum when she's around. Hurts to feel like I never wanna see her again but I can't see any other way. Even when she switches to weekends, she'll still be working with the same people as me. I don't wanna quit because I like my job, I'm good at it, been there nearly ten years and I'm a really popular guy with lots of pals. I just feel like I have to go!

 

 

At least mine isn't torturing me like yours is. She doesn't hang about and try to lure me so overtly. You got it bad with her!

[portwine]

We need to really get away from these people. I feel like Gollum when she's around. Hurts to feel like I never wanna see her again but I can't see any other way. Even when she switches to weekends, she'll still be working with the same people as me. I don't wanna quit because I like my job, I'm good at it, been there nearly ten years and I'm a really popular guy with lots of pals. I just feel like I have to go!

 

 

At least mine isn't torturing me like yours is. She doesn't hang about and try to lure me so overtly. You got it bad with her!

 

 

***well....it happened again last night, just like what happened two weeks ago per my post. I was contacted by her while I was out on a date; she wanted to talk to me and "coincidentally" happened to be in the same area I was in. How did she know I was out on the town that night in that area? Nothing materialized from it. This is getting spooky....

[RedPurpleOrange]

Maybe just tackle the issue head on? Call her on it? Because keeping them around just keeps that cycle of agony and false hope rolling along.

 

 

That's what I seem to be doing now. If there's gonna be closure, then you have to close. Glengarry Glen Ross. ABC. Always Be Closing. Time to be Alec Baldwin and get the brass balls out.

[portwine]

Maybe just tackle the issue head on? Call her on it? Because keeping them around just keeps that cycle of agony and false hope rolling along.

 

 

That's what I seem to be doing now. If there's gonna be closure, then you have to close. Glengarry Glen Ross. ABC. Always Be Closing. Time to be Alec Baldwin and get the brass balls out.

 

 

 

Did you read all my previous posts? I'm not keeping her around. She gave me the green light to "move on", and we don't contact each other. Now that I'm out dating a buch of attractive women she mysteriously reappears in a covert fashion while I'm out on dates. It almost feel like she's trying to c*** block me by planting something in my head before I considers having sex with someone else. It's weird but funny at the same time........feels like she has paranormal, claire voyant powers actually.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Yeah, I read them. I didn't mean keeping her around as you keeping her around. I meant more by her letting her bother you. So no crossed wires.

 

 

She doesn't want to let ya go and is obviously trying to make it tough and keep her image foremost in your mind. But very spooky.

[portwine]

Yeah, I read them. I didn't mean keeping her around as you keeping her around. I meant more by her letting her bother you. So no crossed wires.

 

 

She doesn't want to let ya go and is obviously trying to make it tough and keep her image foremost in your mind. But very spooky.

 

 

I called her out on it yesterday to let her know that we need to talk, but again, true to ther nature, she's MIA and acts like I don't exist. That's what she does...throws a little bit out there and then retreats just to make me guess and chase her.

 

I need to talk to her to let her know that she needs to stop disrespecting me by contacting me when I'm out with other women. Things are getting a bit more serious with this girl I was with on Saturday; she's is very, very attractive and downright gorgeous, and I think that my ex saw us out in public.....I can feel it. She's very envious of others (NPD) but she tries to act aloof.

 

RPO, on a side note, you need to get out there and get your game on and take some of these honeys out! The number of attractive women in their late 30's and 40's who are looking for a "good guy" is off the charts. It's downright nuts the hits I'm getting...crazy.

[sandylee1]

Blocking her number would solve the problem of her contacting you while you're out and don't pick up calls from numbers you don't recognise.

 

Get the power back before the new girl smells a rat and gets put off.

[RedPurpleOrange]

I called her out on it yesterday to let her know that we need to talk, but again, true to ther nature, she's MIA and acts like I don't exist. That's what she does...throws a little bit out there and then retreats just to make me guess and chase her.

 

I need to talk to her to let her know that she needs to stop disrespecting me by contacting me when I'm out with other women. Things are getting a bit more serious with this girl I was with on Saturday; she's is very, very attractive and downright gorgeous, and I think that my ex saw us out in public.....I can feel it. She's very envious of others (NPD) but she tries to act aloof.

 

RPO, on a side note, you need to get out there and get your game on and take some of these honeys out! The number of attractive women in their late 30's and 40's who are looking for a "good guy" is off the charts. It's downright nuts the hits I'm getting...crazy.

 

 

I think it's seriously weird what she's doing. I can see that behaviour backfiring and making you dislike/hate/alienate her. She really needs to be told. But god she's gonna flutter those eyes and wear her best fragrance and that top you like her in. But the way she's acting...it's getting a little "Play Misty For Me". Take solace in your Clint Eastwoodness, at least. I think overtly insane behaviour can be the death knell for attraction. So maybe she's doing you a favour and doing herself out of your attentions for good.

 

 

I'm sorry I've been venting on here. It was just a phase. I needed to, was going nuts. I've had a lot of help here and I've been able to put things into perspective a bit more. And you're right, Portwine, I need to get out there more. She's been chasing again and I caved today (we ended up cuddling and I ended up fondling her bare butt under her work gear!) BUT...I've been talking to women again. I don't feel 'reserved' now. I'm not as emotionally bonded...I feel like I've got one foot in the water, one foot out, and I've been working on someone else the last few days. So who knows?

 

 

All I can say is I'm a fine figure of a man, I'm not lacking female attention...and I'm too good to allow myself to fall into the oneitis trap...though I can be prone to...as I have here. If I'm not getting love all I'm getting is crumbs. And a guy like me...he needs love. In his arms, in his bed, on his lips, consistent.

[portwine]

I think it's seriously weird what she's doing. I can see that behaviour backfiring and making you dislike/hate/alienate her. She really needs to be told. But god she's gonna flutter those eyes and wear her best fragrance and that top you like her in. But the way she's acting...it's getting a little "Play Misty For Me". Take solace in your Clint Eastwoodness, at least. I think overtly insane behaviour can be the death knell for attraction. So maybe she's doing you a favour and doing herself out of your attentions for good.

 

 

.

 

 

 

Okay...we talked today, and per my suspicions....my ex is bat $hit crazy and cuckoo for cocoa puffs, a stealthy game player. I confronted her about those weird SMS and overtures when I happened to be out on dates....and she f***** denied it!! At least the content...lol., Then, in typical narcissist fashion, she turned everything around and tried to make me look like the crazy one for overreacting - I called her out on what she was doing and stopped her right in her tracks! I told her flat out that her behavior is not normal.

 

Ready for this? Even though she mentioned that she's dating etc., when I told her that I moved on as well and gave her some details, she wanted to hang up and run, end the conversation. She was eviscerated! But not because she "loves" me and hopes that we might get back together, but she gets off on thinking that men that she broke up with are 1) irreparably emotionally damaged and 2) ruminating and in a protracted state waiting by the phone for her call and unable to move on and date again. That's how she is. Well not me. I'm doing fine...again.

 

She was probing again who I was copulating with, supposedly in a "joking manner". Yeah right. I threw a couple of indirect hints out there that perhaps I was actually a lothario all thru our "thing" all those years. She tried to act indifferent and aloof, but the fact that she realized she never controlled me, including now, felt like kryptonite to her psyche. She plays games.....push and pull.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Wow. She's a 'collector' of broken souls that only she can fix. Bizarre.

 

 

How do you feel about her after confronting her? Do you feel less attraction now you know she's a little...odd? Is she going to stop? Or do you feel she's gonna chase you with a psychotic fervour now she knows you've broken away? Or...is her brokenness a temptation for you to 'fix' (doesn't sound like it is but thought I'd ask...gotta ask).

 

 

I think I mentioned I did OLD to get over the breakup of a longterm relationship several years back? I had ONE date with a lady who neglected to mention she had Borderline Personality Disorder on her profile. Never again. My phone was buzzing for WEEKS after. She was real crazy. Scary stuff.

[portwine]

Wow. She's a 'collector' of broken souls that only she can fix. Bizarre.

 

 

How do you feel about her after confronting her? Do you feel less attraction now you know she's a little...odd? Is she going to stop? Or do you feel she's gonna chase you with a psychotic fervour now she knows you've broken away? Or...is her brokenness a temptation for you to 'fix' (doesn't sound like it is but thought I'd ask...gotta ask).

 

 

I think I mentioned I did OLD to get over the breakup of a longterm relationship several years back? I had ONE date with a lady who neglected to mention she had Borderline Personality Disorder on her profile. Never again. My phone was buzzing for WEEKS after. She was real crazy. Scary stuff.

 

 

How do I feel?? I feel great for having confronted and calling her out. I called her out six years ago about her odd hot and cold behavior, selfish nature, and her biologically hardwired inability to experience love the way you and I can. I've moved on - this 5'2" intelligent, fun, and beauty of a girl I'm seeing now rocks my world!

 

Here's the deal: she doesn't really want me back but she still wants the attention from me, make sense? The same applies to her ex as well. Years ago she shared something really odd in that she took solace with people having compared her to a Siren (Greek mythology). Deep inside, she's a broken soul. The way you and I felt when these women dumped us and gave mixed signals is how my ex feels 24/7, and it all reverts back to daddy issues. She covers it up with this poise and pragmatic demeanor, but inside she's fighting some serious demons.

[RedPurpleOrange]

Dang right! Daddy issues!!! You said it, I see it with mine all the time.

 

 

I'm glad you got over her and have found someone better. The only downside is...you're making my ex sound quite sane by comparison! She definitely sounds like an entire well of broken souls...maybe the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders Of The Lost Ark. At least she didn't break your soul. Truly well done.

 

 

5 foot 2 is a superb height. I go for those, too. Compact curvy cuties. Perfect with a 6ft man. Jealous, my man, lol.