confusion

[darce]

I've got a problem. I met a guy online a few months ago - we talked, and talked, and really seemed to click. we had so much in common. We finally had a first date about 2 weeks ago, and things got very physical, very quickly. Each date seemed to begin in the bedroom, and after a few hours, we would go get dinner or something. The problem was, while naked, we could talk about anything. But once we were dressed, and out in public, things were kind of awkward and quiet - although phone conversations and online chats were still very active. I confronted him about this 2 nights ago, and he was very quiet and unresponsive. I asked what, for him, this relationship was - was it just sex? And he seemed to be very disturbed by that. I had also left a note on his fridge with magnetic poetry, saying "do you love me yet?" (thinking that he wouldnt really notice it) and he mentioned something about being kind of disturbed. I sent him an email yesterday apologizing for my outburst, and asking him if he still wanted to talk to me - he said that he did, but I've heard nothing since, nor seen him online. Am i over-reacting? What should I do? I don't want to be a stalker, but I would like to know what is going on. Have I made too many mistakes already? Any advice at all would be wonderful. Thank you.

[Tony T]

It is very unusual to begin a dating relationship starting each date in the bedroom and working on out from there. That was a pretty serious mistake. You handed this guy a conquest on a silver platter with little or no work on his part. So what reason does he have to move forward from here? He's probably wondering just how many times you have done this with other guys.

 

Stop worrying about what you've done wrong and just go with the flow. Send him one more Email, don't apologize for anything though, and then don't try to contact him again. If he calls you, fine. If not, it's not the end of the world.

 

Guys don't like things handed to them so easily.

 

As far as him not talking outside the bedroom, maybe he doesn't have much to say away from that venue. It's really sad that you didn't take the time to get to know him really well before you took to the friendly sheets and matresses.

 

Sit this one out and see what happens. Could go either way. But don't be so easy in giving your body to guys when you first start dating them no matter how heavy things may get. Men want a challenge, they want to have to do some work to get to the intimate part.

 

Meanwhile, you have no obligation to this guy. You are certainly free to find other men with whom you can start out somewhere besides the bedroom and enhance chances for things to go forward in a healthy fashion.

 

Don't write this guy off yet. But he's not going to be real motivated to call you so often. He's already had his sampler.

[darce]

I totally hear what you are saying, and this is certainly not the way I usually do things, but the thing was, we both talked about how our "first date" didn't really feel like a first date - we already knew each other pretty well. I think maybe thats the trap of an online relationship that moves offline.

[sparkle]

Just because you two had sex doesn't mean he loves you. How old are you by the way? You should know this!

 

Okay...you slept with this guy on your first date. And all your dates afterwards were also in the bedroom.

 

So far, to me, it seems like just sex.

 

You said "I had also left a note on his fridge with magnetic poetry, saying "do you love me yet?" (thinking that he wouldnt really notice it) and he mentioned something about being kind of disturbed."

 

That really made me wonder. Do you think he should love you because he had sex with you? Or that he had sex with you because he loved you? I don't know this guy at all, but the chances are really slim that he loves you. First of all, most guys don't fall in love after a few dates. Secondly,

 

if their dates usually start in the bedroom, they're probably looking for a physical relationship.

 

There is nothing wrong with you two having sex. Just don't let that make you think that you two are in a committed relationship, or even in any relationship whatsoever. So if you want to have sex with him, go ahead. Just remember to keep your feelings out of this.

 

If you can't do that, then you don't need this relationship which is based on sex. If you want to be in a serious relationship which doesn't revolve around sex, I think you're with the wrong person. But then again, if you're jumping into bed with a guy on your first date, but expecting him to be relationship material, then YOU are the wrong person. Get rid of this guy and change your level of self-control and self-esteem.

 

Ask the guy once if he's interested in pursuing a relationship with you. If not, tell him it's been fun, and be on your way. The only way to reduce the pain you feel or may feel as a result of this is to end it quickly and move on.