What Other Women Have to Say to Betrayed Wives

[CurlyIam]

I know what you mean, izzy. I hope she gets him back but doesn't marry him. I remember dating a guy with such a strong personality that I felt he was sucking the life out of me... IT's really hard when you're with someone so very different from you, very easy to become dependant on him, even against your own will. Won't she get sucked back into her old lifestyle?

 

It's a terrible thing to say, but one must be on the verge of losing someone to trully and completely appreciate that person. Anyway, with or without her husband, I wish your friend is well.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by jj003

 

I just wonder why you guys fight so hard to keep these cheaters and liars in your lives? and get so angry and upset if they want out?

don't tell me it is because of house payment, car payment and kids to send to school, because all these are not worth keeping a liar and cheater if you have self respect yourself.

And don't say because of emotional investment you made for years? emotional investment in someone who cheat on you? lie to you? broke his vows to you? and very likely, may do it again with some other ow. Do you really expect him to change?

Why get so upset over such a loser? and why fight so hard to keep him?

If you insist on keeping such a cheater and liar in your life, you should also not expect any sympathy from others as well !! You also engineer your downfall...whining and moaning about the downfall doesn't cut it.

One more thing, you got it right when you said " supposed love"

 

Obviously you don't have children, car payments, a house, mortgage, wedding vows taken, building a life together...a HISTORY...

 

It's not WEAK to take back the love of your life after an affair, it's the fact the BS still have enough love to take him back - TO work on the marriage together and find out why the affair happened, fix the problems, learn to communicate and try again. For some, with that much history, is the REASON why BS take back the cheating husband. It isn't because she's weak.

 

Why is it OW keep on taking the crap MM throws at them? Why would OW want that kind of man in her life? Knowing upfront that he is capable of cheating and lying!! The main difference is, the WIFE doesn't have first hand knowledge that the husband is a cheater UNTIL the affair is revealed. The OW is completely aware of this as she is with a MM from the start!

[jj003]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

Whom are you reffering to, jj, the OW or the wife? I take it you're post is reffering to the wife, so here's my reply:

 

 

It's so easy to say: why you want a cheater and a liar? The wife didn't know he is a cheater and a liar, but you, the OM, you do!!! Why do YOU? Why do you settle for second best?

 

.

Often the OW doesn't even know the mm is married when they first met, not until they have fallen in love with him..by then it is too late, so their situations are not much different from the wives, they also trust him...

 

 

 

I would not speak for others, but for myself only, would I go after my friend's husband, i don't think so. If I knew a guy is married and loves his wife etc, would i fall in love with him? i doubt it...why would I fall in love with someone I know I cannot have or love me in return? I don't think so...but if I meet a guy and I like him and fall in love with him, then I find out he is married but he tells me he is not happy, can i stop loving him all of a sudden, probably not. Would i demand him to leave his family for me, probably not, this is because I love him, I would not apply any pressure on him and I want it to be all his decision. This is the same for the wife, if my husband nolonger loves me and falls in love with someone else, would i want him to stay with me out of obligation, I don't think so, because you know, people do change, and If we love them, we would allow them to choose what is best for them, this applies to both the Wives and OW, " I love you enough to let you go free..." ( Yes, I was the wife, i knew how it is like also)

 

Originally posted by CurlyIam Because they both promised to God "till death do you part". Because they share a past, frinds, a life, children and both families. It doesn't get more serious than that..

Do you know how high the divorce rate is? for example, in calif.? This is the reality....look at the numbers !

[whichwayisup]

Often the OW doesn't even know the mm is married when they first met, not until they have fallen in love with him..by then it is too late, so their situations are not much different from the wives, they also trust him...

I only know of two OW who have posted here who didn't know MM was married. Most of the OW who have posted knew that he was married already.

 

Their situations are different though - OW doesn't have a history with him, WIFE does. The feelings may be there, but the rest isn't. They're still in the "get to know" stage too, that all so new and exciting stage.

[jj003]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

Obviously you don't have children, car payments, a house, mortgage, wedding vows taken, building a life together...a HISTORY...

 

Hoe do you know???????

How do you know I have NOT experienced such things like you mentioned?

In fact I had a husbamd who told me he fell in love with my best friend once...

But I chose to respect his decision and let him chooses what is best for him, what would make him happy, I did not want a husband to stay with me out of obligation...

 

 

 

Originally posted by whichwayisup

the WIFE doesn't have first hand knowledge that the husband is a cheater UNTIL the affair is revealed. The OW is completely aware of this as she is with a MM from the start!

But once you found out, you still accept him even you may call him a liar and a cheater ! and he may do the same to you again and again with different OW, think of it? this is entirely your choice to accept such a liar as your husband, so don't complain about it or blame the OW..

[izzybelle]

curly,

 

i hope she makes it through this as well. and she has a lot of support from others in helping her through this but i think she's finally realized that she has to take an active role in fixing this. i have known them for years, and their problems in their marriage go back at least 8 years, so in many ways, this was unfortunately an accident waiting to happen. i was married to someone who was what i refer to as an emotional vampire. he'd pull you in and then suck the emotional energy right out of you until there was nothing left but a shell of a person. took me years and a major personal crisis to gain the strength to leave. in some ways i've always wondered if he'd had an affair, would i have found the courage and the strength to leave earlier and not waste so much of my life on him.

 

wwiu -

 

i understand your points, and if you reallly are truly in love with someone then obviously it is not weak to fight for the person you love. but so many times i read here, and heard from exMM, that the reason they try to make it work isn't because of love, it is because of history, mortgage payments, et al.

 

Why is it OW keep on taking the crap MM throws at them? Why would OW want that kind of man in her life?

 

and i think for some of us OW, or at least for me, it is statements like these that puzzle me the most. you're right, we do take the crap for longer than we should. and sometimes we do want this man in our life because of the person we fell in love with and perhaps see what we think (maybe a facade) is the warm, caring, loving man on the inside. we may fall for a lot of crap, and you can speculate as to why it happens. but we may fall in love with him and perhaps it's the "same" man you fell in love with years ago. but then again, we can turn it around and ask that now that you see the "kind" of man this is why would you keep taking his crap? why would you want him in your life? history aside, i trust it's because you love him. because of the man you know he can be, the one you fell in love with years ago, perhaps the same man that's been there for the OW. yes, we may see a clearer picture of him as a man who may lie and cheat, and still we love him. puzzling yes, but it's the same man that you love.

[jj003]

Originally posted by whichwayisup

I only know of two OW who have posted here who didn't know MM was married. Most of the OW who have posted knew that he was married already.

 

Their situations are different though - OW doesn't have a history with him, WIFE does. The feelings may be there, but the rest isn't. They're still in the "get to know" stage too, that all so new and exciting stage.

I also read here some OW have known their mm for years, some even over 10 years !!!! and that's a lot of time? think of it? how do you feel to have a H with you every night while he is thinking of another woman?? you would feel happy about it? you are willing to accept it because of the structure you built? I'd say if anyone who is willing to sleep with a guy who is thinking of another woman all the times, she can ask no sympathy from others for her pain...

Yes, exactly, why would you accept second best?

Don't you deserve better? a man that love you and only you??? A man who won't think of another woman constantly??

[newbby]

Originally posted by newbby

how do you know?

 

 

 

Well, most marriages do have that. Most marriages do have children and are busting their arse off for downpayments, because not everybody's daddy is rich enough to offer the newlyweds a house. And then there's sacrifices made for the children, for their private lessons, for their tuition, things that have the possiblity to impact profoundly their lives. With dad out of the picture - one less income, how's the kid/kids gonna pay for his education? and then there's makig compromises, chossing a less expensive school, or no school at all for that matter.

 

And the OW isn't even around to see it, especially if the marriage brakes when the kids are little. IF you don't see it, it doesn't make it less real or painful! As I've said before, for just sex, the consequeces are very dire! And even if it's not your own family, you still have them on your conscience! or should, if you had a conscience, which most people do.

 

actually i meant how do you know that the ow is not also in this position, i.e, a single parent

they may also have these hardships and they may not have the history of a good marriage and thus financial support from an ex husband.

as izzy says in most cases if the marriage does end the husband will continue to support financially and even emotionally, the wife and continue to be a good father to the children.

also you say that the ow already knows the mm to be a cheat and a liar, it is possible the ow views him as a good man who is trapped in an unhappy marriage and wants out, and this view is consolidated by what the mm tells her and initially actually feels. love unfortunately IS blind, there is actually masses of scientific evidence to back this up.

the ow is guilty of falling in love and believing she may have a chance for happiness.

the mm is the ONLY one in the situation that really knows both sides of the story.

i believe that the mm usually DOES fall in love with the ow, and most certainly as you will see if you read the stories here, pursues the ow, and believes that he will leave his marriage for her, in the intensity at the beginning of the affair. it usually takes a while before his heavy pursuit wears her down, by which time she has fallen in love. he has decided to leave.

suddenly the reality of leaving and the stigma that he will face hits the mm, by which time he is enjoying a life where he is getting to have a relationship with the ow, without ending his marriage. he then decides he wants to keep this situation going, it is at this point and not before that the words he uses become a lie to keep the ow sweet. whereas before when he said he wanted to leave his marriage and be with the ow, it was the truth, now it becomes a lie. this is when the ow's gut feelings tell her he is lying, she begins to wonder what went wrong, why he no longer means the things he said in the beginning but continues to say them, the ow begins to feel rejected within the relationship, she also begins to question the mm, she begins to feel guilty about the wife as she has not willingly, become a part of his lie. the mm also loses respect for the ow at this point, he sees her putting up with the situation as her condoning this treatment of her. his own guilt towards his wife is put on the ow, he thinks she is selfish making demands on him to leave his poor wife, because he still loves his wife and sees her as the innocent party.

when the ow starts to break away from the relationship, realising that the mm will not leave his wife, the mm then looks at his life with only the wife and not the ow, he then feels trapped by his wife and no longer feels love for her, he begins to chase the ow again, the pattern repeats and repeats until the ow eventually gets so sick of him she cuts him off. or until the wife finds out, then the husband faced with the consequences of his actions, places the blame onto the ow.

then the wife hates the ow and attacks her, as does the rest of society.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by jj003

Hoe do you know???????

How do you know I have NOT experienced such things like you mentioned?

In fact I had a husbamd who told me he fell in love with my best friend once...

But I chose to respect his decision and let him chooses what is best for him, what would make him happy, I did not want a husband to stay with me out of obligation...

 

That's your choice. Not every woman gives up that easily, most women fight for their marriage, scream and beg and do awful things, because they are inlove. If you chose to silently let your marriage go, it doesn't make you a saint. In my eyes, it only makes you a quitter.

 

Originally posted by jj003

But once you found out, you still accept him even you may call him a liar and a cheater ! and he may do the same to you again and again with different OW, think of it? this is entirely your choice to accept such a liar as your husband, so don't complain about it or blame the OW..

 

He may do it. Not all men who had an affair are serial cheaters. Not all affairs end marriages. Yes, trust is a terrible thing to regain after f*cking up this badly, but we are all human and thus imperfect. And we all have the right to be forgiven. Even OW/OM. Don't know if shown mercy, but everyone desirves forgiveness. IT's their marriage, it's their bed to sleep in.

[izzybelle]

nicely put newbby and i think it pretty accurately chronicles many of the stories i've read here. exMM pursued me and spent a considerable amount of energy convincing me that his M was over. and over time, since i had no reason (foolish i know) to not believe him, i did. after all, it was his W who wanted to divorce, had talked to an attorney, talked with a realtor about selling the house. and i fell for it all, hook, line and sinker. fell in love up to my eyeballs, every ounce of my being was in love with this man, who yes, i had known as a friend for over 15 years. it was all suppose to happen when his youngest left home a few months after the affair began. i saw happily ever after in our future and he constantly talked about his life together with me. and then the W found out, son changed his plans and my whole world crashed. he had neglected to include in his professions to me that if his W found out, all bets were off. just a minor little detail.

 

and i do wonder how much of all of that story he ended up sharing with his W. i have no doubt that i was painted as some sl*t who pursued him, wouldn't leave him alone. and i doubt he ever told her that he was talking about a future with me. point is... the lies, i believe go both ways. and in some ways as the OW we have it easier, we can walk away. and in other ways it's more difficult, when MM leaves to go back to his W 9 times out of 10 (and understandably so) all ties, communication, etc. is cut with the OW. and that's what can make the pain unbearable. to know that someone who was important in your life who professed his love to you ... just disappears, sometimes without a word or an explanation.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by jj003

I also read here some OW have known their mm for years, some even over 10 years !!!! and that's a lot of time? think of it? how do you feel to have a H with you every night while he is thinking of another woman?? you would feel happy about it? you are willing to accept it because of the structure you built? I'd say if anyone who is willing to sleep with a guy who is thinking of another woman all the times, she can ask no sympathy from others for her pain...

Yes, exactly, why would you accept second best?

Don't you deserve better? a man that love you and only you??? A man who won't think of another woman constantly??

 

You're making a major mistake here. You think the MM is actually inlove with the OW. I don't think so. No one does this type of things to the person the love. Men cheat because they have the oportunity. How many affairs last over One year?? Please, the MM has his plate full, what he usually seeks is something on a side. Not just sex, but the whole acknowledgement of his being attractive, desired, the possibility of seducing another woman.

 

thinking about her all the time? you give men too much credit, girl. Men aren't half as deep as you think! That's why they can have affairs at the back of the spouse, their conscience isn't thet strong.

 

 

That's the thing: men are week! They have a big ego and need to prove that they're studs. sometimes the marriage is going badly and they're hurt and unsure... and then they have the possibility to feel better about themselves.

 

The wife knowing about the affair is the exception, rather than the rule, sorry. And the rule also if that when the wife knows, the affair ends. That puts a stop to your scenario.

[jj003]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

That's your choice. Not every woman gives up that easily, most women fight for their marriage, scream and beg and do awful things, because they are inlove. If you chose to silently let your marriage go, it doesn't make you a saint. In my eyes, it only makes you a quitter.

 

 

 

.

it is not a quitter, it is called respect for another person's decision...! it is called love...

yes, you are right, I am NOT a saint !! and I will never be one !

[jj003]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

You're making a major mistake here. You think the MM is actually inlove with the OW. I don't think so. No one does this type of things to the person the love. Men cheat because they have the oportunity. How many affairs last over One year?? Please, the MM has his plate full, what he usually seeks is something on a side. Not just sex, but the whole acknowledgement of his being attractive, desired, the possibility of seducing another woman.

 

thinking about her all the time? you give men too much credit, girl. Men aren't half as deep as you think! That's why they can have affairs at the back of the spouse, their conscience isn't thet strong.

 

 

That's the thing: men are week! They have a big ego and need to prove that they're studs. sometimes the marriage is going badly and they're hurt and unsure... and then they have the possibility to feel better about themselves.

 

The wife knowing about the affair is the exception, rather than the rule, sorry. And the rule also if that when the wife knows, the affair ends. That puts a stop to your scenario.

I hate to tell you this, many affairs as you can read here, last for years !!

my own ex-brother- in-law married the OW and left my sis..think of priince charles also....

how do you know your husband won't eventaully leave you for good? you cannnot look into the future...

how do you know your H is NOT thinking of another woman all the times?

you seem to have very little respect for men. you wrote:"you give men too much credit, girl. Men aren't half as deep as you think! That's why they can have affairs at the back of the spouse, their conscience isn't thet strong." "men are week! They have a big ego and need to prove that they're studs"

with an attitude like that, it wouldn't be surprising that H would look elsewhere for affection and understanding!!!

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by newbby

actually i meant how do you know that the ow is not also in this position, i.e, a single parent

they may also have these hardships and they may not have the history of a good marriage and thus financial support from an ex husband.

 

If the OW is in a tough spot finacially, there are wealthy single men to see and date.

 

Originally posted by newbby

as izzy says in most cases if the marriage does end the husband will continue to support financially and even emotionally, the wife and continue to be a good father to the children.

 

Will he also go to the bank and make the biggest loan possible for his daughter to go to Stanford? thought so! Add one or two little kids with the new wife and you'll see just how wiling he is to continue participating to his other children wellfare.

 

Originally posted by newbby

also you say that the ow already knows the mm to be a cheat and a liar, it is possible the ow views him as a good man who is trapped in an unhappy marriage and wants out, and this view is consolidated by what the mm tells her and initially actually feels. love unfortunately IS blind, there is actually masses of scientific evidence to back this up.

the ow is guilty of falling in love and believing she may have a chance for happiness.

the mm is the ONLY one in the situation that really knows both sides of the story.

 

That's exactly what I'm talking about. You think, you belive, you trust his words. That's the mistake. Want to put your faith in something, put your faith in the things you do yourself. How can you belive someone who's lying to his wife? How can you take words for granted, when parents lie, friends lie, everyone, everyone lies?

 

You don't believe him, you chose to believe him because it's easier. It eases things with your conscience! You're chosing to be blind to reality, you prefer words to facts. That makes it your own personal hell, 'cause I'm sure it's hell to let yourself be lied to this way.

 

Originally posted by newbby

i believe that the mm usually DOES fall in love with the ow, and most certainly as you will see if you read the stories here, pursues the ow, and believes that he will leave his marriage for her, in the intensity at the beginning of the affair. it usually takes a while before his heavy pursuit wears her down, by which time she has fallen in love. he has decided to leave.

 

If he's inlove, he doesn't leave. He doesn't give up. IF he gives up, it means it was the trill of the chase that attracted him in the first place, not the OW in herself. And that is the biggest slap in the face any woman get get!

 

Originally posted by newbby

suddenly the reality of leaving and the stigma that he will face hits the mm, by which time he is enjoying a life where he is getting to have a relationship with the ow, without ending his marriage. he then decides he wants to keep this situation going, it is at this point and not before that the words he uses become a lie to keep the ow sweet. whereas before when he said he wanted to leave his marriage and be with the ow, it was the truth, now it becomes a lie. this is when the ow's gut feelings tell her he is lying, she begins to wonder what went wrong, why he no longer means the things he said in the beginning but continues to say them, the ow begins to feel rejected within the relationship, she also begins to question the mm, she begins to feel guilty about the wife as she has not willingly, become a part of his lie. the mm also loses respect for the ow at this point, he sees her putting up with the situation as her condoning this treatment of her.

 

It's debateble, each affair has its own rythm of unfolding.

 

 

Originally posted by newbby

his own guilt towards his wife is put on the ow, he thinks she is selfish making demands on him to leave his poor wife, because he still loves his wife and sees her as the innocent party.

 

If she doesn't know about the affair, even if the marriage is a joke, she is the innocent party.

 

Originally posted by newbby

when the ow starts to break away from the relationship, realising that the mm will not leave his wife, the mm then looks at his life with only the wife and not the ow, he then feels trapped by his wife and no longer feels love for her, he begins to chase the ow again, the pattern repeats and repeats until the ow eventually gets so sick of him she cuts him off. or until the wife finds out, then the husband faced with the consequences of his actions, places the blame onto the ow.

 

I agree to this paragraph of your post up untill you say he blames the OW.

Originally posted by newbby

then the wife hates the ow and attacks her, as does the rest of society.

 

The wife hates the OW because she had the affair, irrespective of who told whom what. The minute you learnt about his marriage and you didn't leave his sorry arse, you're exposing yourself to everyone. And they will attack you, because you are alone. He is in a marriage and thus, in a couple and everybody knows that all marriages have ups and downs. YEs, he has his family, he's not in the rough spot. You are. And he will make you pay for his guilty conscience, as well. Again, by staying, by not leaving the second you knew he was married, you've signed your sentence.

[izzybelle]

curly,

 

i do understand much of what you're saying but please, please don't equate someone being a lousy husband to being a lousy father in supporting his kids. i'm sure you can argue with me, but they are separate issues. and yes, i know single dads who have taken out huge loans to send their kids to stanford, and cornell, and harvard, and to graduate school, etc. they left their wives, they did not give up the responsibility they have to their kids! if they're the kind of man who would do that sort of thing ... why in the heck would ANYONE want to be with them?!?!?!?!?

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by jj003

I hate to tell you this, many affairs as you can read here, last for years !!

my own ex-brother- in-law married the OW and left my sis..think of priince charles also....

how do you know your husband won't eventaully leave you for good? you cannnot look into the future...

how do you know your H is NOT thinking of another woman all the times?

you seem to have very little respect for men. you wrote:"you give men too much credit, girl. Men aren't half as deep as you think! That's why they can have affairs at the back of the spouse, their conscience isn't thet strong." "men are week! They have a big ego and need to prove that they're studs"

with an attitude like that, it wouldn't be surprising that H would look elsewhere for affection and understanding!!!

 

Affection and understanding? What are they, crippled somehow? Please, I may have little respect for men, but I at least I don't buy in for their BS. As I see it, you overestimate them, maybe even idealise them a little. Sure, they need "affection" and "understanding", but so do women.

 

I don't know if my husband will cheat. No one does. How do I know he's not thinking of other women? I can't, I'm not a mind reader. Imagining things like that sure don't help a marriage, though.

 

What I do know is that no man will ever cheat his wife or gf with me.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by izzybelle

curly,

 

i do understand much of what you're saying but please, please don't equate someone being a lousy husband to being a lousy father in supporting his kids. i'm sure you can argue with me, but they are separate issues. and yes, i know single dads who have taken out huge loans to send their kids to stanford, and cornell, and harvard, and to graduate school, etc. they left their wives, they did not give up the responsibility they have to their kids! if they're the kind of man who would do that sort of thing ... why in the heck would ANYONE want to be with them?!?!?!?!?

 

In these part of the world, where the laws are much easier on alimony, I can tell you that women have to hunt men down to see a cent. The thing is I cannot help but associating being a bad husband with being a bad parent, becausee when cheating, they're also cheating on their kids too. They're letting them down, they're betraying the very unit that they're creating. I know, the father isn't married to the kids, but his actions are emotionally distroying for them nonetheless.

 

I think that when the issue of money comes to the table, people are more often deceiving then living off to the expectations. but you're right, it's my personal take on it and I shouldn't generalize it.

[jj003]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

Please, I may have little respect for men, but I at least I don't buy in for their BS. As I see it, you overestimate them, maybe even idealise them a little.

good, so you admited you have little respect for men !!!! so don't get mad at these people you have little respect for leaving you !!!

no need for me to comment further on this...

[CurlyIam]

I'm not mad at all. I said I may, which is relative. And I certainly don't expect everyone to respect my opinions or me, that's demading too much out of some people. IT implies that they had common curtesy. And that would be overestimating them, again. I just call it what I think it is. Don't like it? don't read it or don't answer it, that's what I do.

[jj003]

[jj003]

sorry, you misunderstood...I meant don't get mad at these people (meaning men) you have little respect for leaving you..

[jj003]

[CurlyIam]

Oh, sorry, I'm kinda feisty, LOL. It didn't happen so far, being left - except for once, when I was in highschool . But I know that no one is at safe from these type of things...

 

I don't have a bad opinion of men, per se, but I do know that they are highly sexual creatures and that makes them vulnerable and maybe weak. I remember moimeme posting a thread about what happenes from a chemical pov inside a man's brain when he sees a beautiful attractive female. Momentarily, he loses it, it's a pretty strong urge they have to fight. I am simply acknowledging that.

 

Truth is, men don't know what they want when starting an affair, they don't always have a plan to seduce and abandon the OW or to leave their marriage. They are at lost. And I think while in a relationship things aren't all that different either, unfortunatelly for us. That's why women must be tough and making their own decisions. For her career, for her marriage, for her relationship.

 

I think that OW's big mistake is that they expect to MM to make decisions for them. They're unable to do that, I'm sorry. They go back to the wife, among other things, because she is the strong one. She's the one calling the shots. I don't mean dictators, of course. I don't know if I'm making myself clear.

 

- btw, Spock is gonna have a fist when she sees we've hijacked her thread.

[jj003]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

.

 

I think that OW's big mistake is that they expect to MM to make decisions for them. They're unable to do that, I'm sorry. They go back to the wife, among other things, because she is the strong one. She's the one calling the shots. I don't mean dictators, of course. I don't know if I'm making myself clear.

 

- btw, Spock is gonna have a fist when she sees we've hijacked her thread.

 

Not always the case!! some do leave their wives ( as I mentioned before)

and some men do cheat again even they promise they won't....

a male friend told me this" he cried so much when he broke up with his ow, even though he stays with his wife out of obligation ( he said I do love her(his W), but not enough), the person he loves the most is this OW, not his wife, and he said, often, for many guys, the person they love most may not be their wives.." ( just in case you ask, I am not this OW )

[CurlyIam]

The main point is that he stays in his bad marriage. Which proves my point. I think men return to whomever is the strongest, irrespective of whom they love. (I understood you're not the OW ). Hence, they're weak.