deckard11 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 You know the old saying "nice guys finish last" but is it always true If a girl says you are a nice guy, does that mean you are done for and you are in the friend-zone Well last night a girl I have been sleeping with said "you're such a nice guy" I just sat and thought "oh shoot" but wait, nice guys shouldn't be getting laid right? So is it really that bad to be called a "nice guy"? Yes, it is. I've heard that bs line from women my whole life. Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 From what I understand, women don't want a guy who defines himself as a "nice guy". They want a guy who defines himself by other things, and despite also being nice, doesn't use that quality to define himself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Randomlyrandomme Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Maybe she wants a little gentle spanking? Is she a bad girl? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Unfortunately I have to agree, I'm way to nice, but find it hard not to be, it's my nature and is in my blood. But I always finish last and have never managed to hang onto a woman or get the one I want. Especially the one I like at the moment! As we've been discussing, being a nice is just a basic requirement of being a decent human. What else have you got going for yourself? What are your joys? Your passions? Hobbies? Friendships? Do you have good boundaries? Are you assertive when it comes to getting your needs met? Will you stand up for yourself when required? Being a nice person isn't enough to get a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Yes, it is. I've heard that bs line from women my whole life. When I read your posts, I have a lot of thoughts about you. But never have I considered that your posts reflect you being a nice person. In fact, you seem the very antithesis of nice with how you talk about your ex-friends. I can't get my head around the juxtaposition of what you say you are vs how you present. Have you considered that if you present in real life as you do here, it would be the reason you're alone? Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 nice guys make nice friends. i like my bf's to be 'nice,' but i don't think i've ever referred to a bf as nice. if i said 'you're so nice' to a guy, he'd probably is, or would end up, a friend. when you talk about your bf, it's assumed he's a nice guy, but most grown women aren't going around calling their bf 'nice' Link to post Share on other sites
Ferret Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) The inconvenient truth is that being 'nice' is not what sparks attraction. Attraction is edgy, exciting, and a little dangerous. I watch some of my friends and relatives that try to appease women by being 'nice'. At best, women tell them they are 'busy'; at worse, women use them. Being 'nice' is considered weakness. As a man, It's better to be respected than liked. Any relationship should be based on respect first and foremost. I'll give you a brief story about my cousin. He's a bodybuilder who wouldn't take any nonsense from men, but has been messed around by women his whole life. He wouldn't listen to any advice from me or anyone else. His wife dumped him after a period of disrespecting him, even going so far as to call him names in public. He thought that the best way to get back with her is by appeasing her. So, he tries to 'make things work'. He was always available to her. He listened to her family when they would tell him off for being a 'bad husband and father'. He got talked into going to counseling (which I told him not to do). None of this works, and she is clearly just messing him around - playing him for attention and enjoying the power trip. Then, he finally has enough. He goes out and starts dating other women. The tables turned. Now she is desperate to win him back, but he no longer wants her. He's exploring his options and finding out that he can do a lot better. Now that she sees his appeal to other women, and his ability to walk away and have other options, she respects him again as a man. All the counseling in the world wasn't going to change that. He didn't need counseling; he needed game. Being nice doesn't cut it. It's better to be respected than liked. Did he ever consider that maybe she was just [being nutty]? hence what I said about being a nice guy but not perusing the nutty women seams some men are also attracted to the "bad girl" types while they ignore the "nice women" they then bitch when those kinda gals use and abuse them.. Edited March 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) The inconvenient truth is that being 'nice' is not what sparks attraction. Attraction is edgy, exciting, and a little dangerous. Who says a nice guy can't be edgy, exciting and a little dangerous? Being nice is just a basic personality thing.....now add some attitude and boundaries to being nice and you're on to a winner. Nice guys can ride Harleys. He can go partying till the break of dawn. He can tell a woman "no" when she's pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do. He can have a wicked sense of humour. He can be a tease. He can fight the establishment. He can live an alternative lifestyle. Then, he finally has enough. He goes out and starts dating other women. The tables turned. Now she is desperate to win him back, but he no longer wants her. He's exploring his options and finding out that he can do a lot better. And here we have a guy who is both nice AND who has found the secret to being successful in love. Edited March 1, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Ok, there's a new thread just turned up where a woman went on an awful date and he wants to know where he went wrong. She gave a litany of complaints but also said he was a 'nice guy'. Translation: Yes, he wouldn't hurt her, but it's ONLY thing he's got going for him. There's a whole lot of other things missing. In this case, she also wants social skills and a connection.....which really isn't asking a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 It's better to be respected than liked. Sorry, I should have put this in one post.... Anyway, why the binary approach? I'm wondering why you think a person can't be both respected AND liked. I mean, isn't being respected and liked the ultimate win? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 OP, as long as you respect yourself...then being "too nice" (as in "pushover", "people-pleaser", "ass kisser", "try-hard") shouldn't be an issue for you. I think that woman was giving you a genuine compliment. As for the poster who mentioned "respected rather than liked"...err, good people of both genders are respected AND liked. They aren't mutually exclusive. And BTW, they don't TRY to be liked; they just ARE likable...due to the way they naturally carry themselves and treat others. A nice person who has little else going for him is likely to come across as mundane, forgettable and uninteresting. The problem isn't the "nice"...it's the "little else". OTOH, great people also have things that get their engines revved up. They have direction in their life. They actually want to LIVE life, DO things in their life, IMPACT the world in some way (even if microscopic in scale), SHARE their passions with others. Those are the types of people that others tend to find intriguing, memorable, attractive and want to get to know better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Oh this has my hackles bristling... I loathe and detest the word "nice". Its such a non word. Its used when something is alright and not all that unpleasant but isn't all that great either. Sums my ex up to an absolute T. He was pleasant enough. Didn't offend my grandmother or anything like that but that was it. That was all. He had no gumption, no loyalty, no basic damned manners! Nothing. Everyone described him as "nice", nothing else, just "nice". They couldn't say anything else about him because there was nothing else. Hence why I do not ever EVER want to date a guy who is "nice" EVER again. Give me the man who works hard, is dedicated and gregarious. Give me the guy who is passionate and loving, caring and stands up for his beliefs. The guy who buys flowers because he wants to not because he thinks he has to... The guy who yes makes mistakes but has the heart and gumption to BE somebody... That is the guy I want. Not the take it or leave it. Certainly not the a hole or the PUA idiot. You see where I am going with this? In the context you have given OP being the nice guy is alright. But if you are being called "nice" a lot... be warned... you are disposable. Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 "Nice" is ok as long as you're not a doormat or pushover, and you can show some teeth when you have to. "Nice" is also usually not enough to be a standalone selling point. Nice as a quality is detrimental if it's the only thing about you, but advantageous if the other things about you are desirable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Nice guys are boring and predictable. Women are emotional and emotion, even negative, makes them feel alive. Never knowing what to expect or being intimidated by the guy makes them emotional. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 The phrase "nice guy", has many different meanings so can not really be relied on, on its own, to say anything about a person. He is a "nice guy" can mean he is a genuine, loving, caring person - salt of the earth, strong, a great person to have around. or it can mean he is pretty bland, insipid, weak, unspectacular, average, a bit dull perhaps, so the only diplomatic adjective found to describe him most people find is "nice" - equivalent to "she's a nice girl". However, it can also mean he is one of the apparently growing tribe of men who think they are "nice guys" but in reality are bitter people, who do not know how to interact with anyone, hate the world and continually moan that "nice guys finish last". The first meaning is what many women want as a long term partner, the last is what many women do NOT want. Of course "nice" takes on a different meaning depending on who is saying it too. "That's a nice dress" - Wow, what a fabulous dress "That's a nice dress" - Too staid and "proper" for my taste, but your granny would love it. "That's a nice dress" - It's "nice", but pretty average. "That's a nice dress" - You look pleased, so I have to say something good about it... "That's a nice dress" - Are you serious? I guess you are. "That's a nice dress" - Awful just awful and you know I am being sarcastic here. Link to post Share on other sites
deckard11 Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 When I read your posts, I have a lot of thoughts about you. But never have I considered that your posts reflect you being a nice person. In fact, you seem the very antithesis of nice with how you talk about your ex-friends. I can't get my head around the juxtaposition of what you say you are vs how you present. Have you considered that if you present in real life as you do here, it would be the reason you're alone? Should I be flattered? Haha Link to post Share on other sites
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