edgygirl Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 I finally feel ready to fall in love again after a bad experience 1.5 years ago. But I've been getting a weird vibe of the few men I do get interested in. I am dating guys 42-50, and the few I do seem to strike a connection with seem to adore me and feel a special chemistry with me. Convos are interesting and it seems you finally found someone worth investing your time on. That is, until we meet. Then they suddenly turn into sex beasts who try to force me into getting into a one night stand situation. Wth. It's happened at least 3 times lately, and I am so disappointed. Was my judgement about them so wrong? Are grown men with children this age just looking for a quick lay? Why try to do it with someone who clearly stated she is looking for a real relationship? Is it me, giving sexy vibes unknowingly? Am I too hot that they can't resist? Haha. Meh. It just happened again with someone super promising I met this week. I am just so disappointed. Any thoughts? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Darling, Let me tell you how it is. Men can be the cleverest of correspondents, the most sincere sounding soul-mates and produce the most convincing of arguments. All of this is designed by genetics to gain your trust and get into your panties. Trust me on this one. Solution? Not all of them are like that, but it's really hard to find the ones who aren't. Just kick the sex-seeking Casanovas to the curb and keep looking for the decent ones. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 LOL Lydia... I am quite experienced. Look, I am not naive or anything. But lately this been happening a lot. Wth is going on? When I dated 10 years ago, people were looking to find someone, the one. Is it this age bracket that gets complicated? Is it people with kids that are not really looking to find a relationship, just stay single and enjoy life? Ahhh. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 The problem is you keep clicking on the wrong profiles. Some how your picker is wrong. Or needs an adjustment. Why not give the guys that can't message as well a try? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 I disagree... I am extremely selective and only go for people who seem to have intellectual chemistry with me. I have dozens sometimes hundreds of guys like me or check each week... and choose about 1 guy to go on a date per month. They seem interested in me, in my life, in my brain... but lately quite a few will try to lay me on the first night. Ugh. It's been really weird lately. The problem is you keep clicking on the wrong profiles. Some how your picker is wrong. Or needs an adjustment. Why not give the guys that can't message as well a try? Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 edgy, what happens when you turn them down? Do they leave never to be heard from again? And do they tell you all they want is a ONS? Most men want sex assuming they are attracted. Does not necessarily mean that is *all* they want. I am sure many do, but I am curious how this all comes down and what happens after you say no... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 If you're spending a lot of time chatting or writing and such, they consider this time as you two getting to know each other (personality) and emotionally connecting and they think about you a lot (yes, sexually), so when you meet in person, they want to do something about all these thoughts they've been having.... If you want to instead get to know each other in person rather than thru electronic media, then skip the chatting and meet up earlier, so you can get to know each other live in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 Katie... so you made me think... No they do not say it's all they want. It's just that if I like them a lot, am vulnerable and go for it, (it happened a year ago and then again recently) men seem to turn 180 degrees - from being 100% into me and looking like good matches to becoming weird just because... it happened. Guess I have to remember that that's what happens and never ever cave in early on even if I feel comfortable. Most men don't seem to have the tools to deal with early intimacy as us women do. It seems most men will try - maybe to see what they can get away with or test you to see if you're gf material or so? If I refuse and stand my own, it's usually all good. They seem to keep being interested in general. Still it annoys me. I feel like a piece of meat. How come I am equipped to sleep with someone early on and keep the interest, and men can't do the same usually? I find it fascinating. edgy, what happens when you turn them down? Do they leave never to be heard from again? And do they tell you all they want is a ONS? Most men want sex assuming they are attracted. Does not necessarily mean that is *all* they want. I am sure many do, but I am curious how this all comes down and what happens after you say no... Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 As a man, I know this is a problem for many women. Too many men are goal oriented, in a bad way. If they would chill a bit and show sincere interest in their dates as people, they would probably do far better - unless they really are only interested in hitting it and quitting it. A very small amount of patience and real sincerity would serve them well, IMO. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 I can see that... but I do prefer to get to know them through electronic media first... I filter out the people who are not compatible with me mentally wise. It's usually one in 200 guys I find could be a match :/ If I were to meet every guy who writes me, I wouldn't have time to sleep. If you're spending a lot of time chatting or writing and such, they consider this time as you two getting to know each other (personality) and emotionally connecting and they think about you a lot (yes, sexually), so when you meet in person, they want to do something about all these thoughts they've been having.... If you want to instead get to know each other in person rather than thru electronic media, then skip the chatting and meet up earlier, so you can get to know each other live in person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Still it annoys me. I feel like a piece of meat. How come I am equipped to sleep with someone early on and keep the interest, and men can't do the same usually? I find it fascinating. That is a good question... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 Agree 100%. As a man, I know this is a problem for many women. Too many men are goal oriented, in a bad way. If they would chill a bit and show sincere interest in their dates as people, they would probably do far better - unless they really are only interested in hitting it and quitting it. A very small amount of patience and real sincerity would serve them well, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Was my judgement about them so wrong? Are grown men with children this age just looking for a quick lay? Why try to do it with someone who clearly stated she is looking for a real relationship? Is it me, giving sexy vibes unknowingly? Am I too hot that they can't resist? Haha. Since you mention that you've gone for it, they probably get vibes from you that you are attracted and open to it. You can state that you are looking for a real relationship, but your actions may be telling them something different. Regardless, going forward I'd consider any move for sex on the first date to be a sign of disrespect and disinterest in a serious relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 I'm not going to force any girl. However at that age, I am not looking for long term anything with someone else. I can show you a good time, it's going to be lots of fun, but I am not going to drag things out. Some people are on the same page. Some people are not, I cut them loose fast. Have a good life. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Katie... so you made me think... No they do not say it's all they want. It's just that if I like them a lot, am vulnerable and go for it, (it happened a year ago and then again recently) men seem to turn 180 degrees - from being 100% into me and looking like good matches to becoming weird just because... it happened. Guess I have to remember that that's what happens and never ever cave in early on even if I feel comfortable. Most men don't seem to have the tools to deal with early intimacy as us women do. It seems most men will try - maybe to see what they can get away with or test you to see if you're gf material or so? If I refuse and stand my own, it's usually all good. They seem to keep being interested in general. Still it annoys me. I feel like a piece of meat. How come I am equipped to sleep with someone early on and keep the interest, and men can't do the same usually? I find it fascinating. edgy, gonna get you thinking again.... Why do you feel like a piece of meat? When you have sex with a man, is that how you feel about him? Like he is a piece of meat? I don't know why these guys disappear after early sex. Perhaps they would have disappeared regardless of whether you had sex or not. They just weren't the right guys. I had sex with my ex the first night we met, and we were together six years after that night! Go figure. If you could try and get past that crappy experience last year, that would probably be helpful. Judge each man separately from the other, as individuals. If you don't feel comfy having early sex then don't. But try not to judge them too harshly for trying. They are attracted to you, and that's what happens when men are attracted to you -they want sex! Doesn't mean that is *all* they want. But it's good to have boundaries.... and stick to them. And let things unfold the way they're meant to. Hope this didn't sound too preachy....good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 I disagree... I am extremely selective and only go for people who seem to have intellectual chemistry with me. I have dozens sometimes hundreds of guys like me or check each week... and choose about 1 guy to go on a date per month. They seem interested in me, in my life, in my brain... but lately quite a few will try to lay me on the first night. Ugh. It's been really weird lately. You miss my point. I did not say that you are not selective enough or that you are too selective. It seems to appear that you are consistently picking men that do not work out. So I suggest that you try to choose different kind of men. You see you are the person that complains that it hurts when the bang their head against the wall. Then you go and bang your head off the wall some more. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 That is a good question... Still it annoys me. I feel like a piece of meat. How come I am equipped to sleep with someone early on and keep the interest, and men can't do the same usually? I find it fascinating. Maybe because you are picking the men that just want ONS verses a relationship. Maybe your profile is attracting the men that want a ONS and not the men that want a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Thing is, I am not sure what other "kind" of men to go for... I go for men I have intellectual chemistry with and am not repulsed by their looks, and also who have their life together. What should I go for? People I have no chemistry with and I'm repulsed by? lol. There is no other kind of men... I go for the only ones I am attracted by, brain wise and well a little also looks-wise. Not much choice left after that. Even this is hard for me to find. I could go for men who don't have their life together professionally and are not my intellectual type, that would make it easy to find a relationship... but no, I don't want to. So I suggest that you try to choose different kind of men. Could be... but I state clearly I am looking for a real relationship. Although I responded to okc sex questions... Should I just delete all my responses? Ugh That might be it. Maybe because you are picking the men that just want ONS verses a relationship. Maybe your profile is attracting the men that want a ONS and not the men that want a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 I can see that with many guys, they were already married and had (nightmarish) relationships, not looking for a new one, only for fun... but it would be helpful if they found women who are in the same page... is it that hard? I bet many are in the same situation. Why prey on women who state clearly they want a relationship? I'm not going to force any girl. However at that age, I am not looking for long term anything with someone else. I can show you a good time, it's going to be lots of fun, but I am not going to drag things out. Some people are on the same page. Some people are not, I cut them loose fast. Have a good life. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 EG, how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Well xxoo I was reading older threads on the same subject, and I found this by Gaeta below. Like her, I do prefer to have sex early on to see if there is compatibility, I prefer it sooner than later, but I also have a sensitive heart which doesn't help. Guess that's why I'm usually torn. I do agree that first date is too early though and does feel disrespectful and will remember to not cave in. -- Quote: Originally Posted by Gaeta If you have a sensitive heart and think sex means something then by all means don't have sex before the promise of an exclusive relationship. If on the other end, you are a woman that don't equate sex to love then sex on a 1st date or on the 10th date makes no difference. I have sex early. I'm older, I've been around, I know sex is not a commitment, it doesn't even mean the guy likes me. If I don't hear from him after that then *meh*, at least I have not invested any feelings in him. I would never be heart broken over a man I saw twice and had sex with on second date. I guard my heart much more then I guard my....... To me sex compatibility is extremely important, that is why I'm quick to test it. If we don't fit in bed then I am not interested in a relationship with the person. I am sorry, I am not investing 1-2-3 months in a man that will turned out to have a micro-d1ck, doesn't do oral, and has huge hick-ups about sex. The problem with the ladies is they don't respect their own wants and needs. If you know you will get hurt if a guy bails after sex then respect your emotional needs/wants and don't DO IT. Since you mention that you've gone for it, they probably get vibes from you that you are attracted and open to it. You can state that you are looking for a real relationship, but your actions may be telling them something different. Regardless, going forward I'd consider any move for sex on the first date to be a sign of disrespect and disinterest in a serious relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) I don't like "hot"... I like nerdy cute guys. For some reason most men I date are lawyers. I like the way they think. Edited February 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 Early 40s but look in my 30s. Sometimes people say I'm late 20s haha. Any particular reason you're asking? EG, how old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) By the way, lots of traditionally hot guys write me, I don't even respond if I don't sense there will be intellectual chemistry. Hot men who are not interesting brain-wise = meh. Lots of younger hot guys also write me. Meh. Do. Not. Care. Edited February 28, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 I feel like a piece of meat because when I finally sense a special chemistry with someone and intellectual and emotional closeness (it's rare, obviously) some go on to disappoint me trying hard to get laid quickly, which is something men can't really emotionally deal with obviously, and then become the opposite of what they seemed to be. Of course I don't look at men like pieces of meat. If I did, I'd sleep with traditionally hot guys who write me everyday. I am not interested in them. I am interested in brain chemistry. I also had sex with long-term partners early on in the past... but I think these days with online dating it's become more banal in general. I do try to judge them individually... hence sometimes I fall for one's talk because I see connection. But lately it's following a pattern that some promising ones to my intuition (that is usually very acute) do turn out to be guys who don't know how to deal with their own actions. edgy, gonna get you thinking again.... Why do you feel like a piece of meat? When you have sex with a man, is that how you feel about him? Like he is a piece of meat? I don't know why these guys disappear after early sex. Perhaps they would have disappeared regardless of whether you had sex or not. They just weren't the right guys. I had sex with my ex the first night we met, and we were together six years after that night! Go figure. If you could try and get past that crappy experience last year, that would probably be helpful. Judge each man separately from the other, as individuals. If you don't feel comfy having early sex then don't. But try not to judge them too harshly for trying. They are attracted to you, and that's what happens when men are attracted to you -they want sex! Doesn't mean that is *all* they want. But it's good to have boundaries.... and stick to them. And let things unfold the way they're meant to. Hope this didn't sound too preachy....good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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