bluefeather Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 It is lose lose for men. I think the number one relationship problem people are too hung up on how they must follow the "rules" to court/be courted rather then just being honest, be themselves, and just court. It's not lose lose for men. Both men AND women lose out when they do not communicate properly. Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 I'll never understand how men behave. Is this normal for a 44 yo? Did he need this time alone to regroup this week after we were together? Is that what happens? Venus/Mars thing and going to the cave? Or what is it? He's turning me off by not being in contact every day. Am I asking too much? He was in touch several times a day before we did it. This is why I thought you were in your 20s. This is really, really typical male behavior. Yes, it's all explained in the Mars/Venus crap. Very basic knowledge here....nothing he is doing is strange. Yes, they pursue you much more intensely before sex. Sex is acceptance, it's sealing the deal about the woman's level of interest. You gave it away really soon, which caused him to think- does she "Accept" every single man on a first date? We've been through this many times already within this thread... That caused him to back away a little bit, also the fact that he needed to manage your expectations...as he knows that the majority of women expect a relationship to get more serious after sex. Adding to the mix that you guys live a plane ride, not a car ride, away from each other just makes this all the more complicated. Bottom line, he's still interested- why wouldn't he be- but he's probably not really sure what to do next since you guys live far away and all the reasons I just explained. This is not at all as complicated as you're making it out to be. Too much too soon. Are you asking too much? I don't know what you're asking him for. A relationship? Daily texting? Plans to fly to see each other again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rumely Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 I don't think you quite get it... It's a little offensive to have a guy trying to bed you by the end of date. Ok you're right, I didn't get it. This isn't about expectations, this is about being completely disrespectful. I don't understand it either. On the brighter side, at least they let their true colors out right away. You didn't waist a lot of time to find they were grooming you for sex them disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 I need connection. The reason I gave it too soon is because I felt it with him through our chatting and during the date. We are a good match intellectually and mentally (and turns out during the date, physically). The fact that he stopped the constant conversation after sex happened is really disappointing to me. I need the communication, to explore each other's mind. That's what led me to have sex so soon. I am a sapiosexual, I get turned on by stimulating conversation. It doesn't have to be every day all the time, but it needs to be somewhat constant otherwise it kills it for me. I am going to his city every month for work. He comes to mine sometimes and I know he's coming this month. I don't think it's absurd to think it could still work. But the fact that he is apparently not interested in continuing to explore each other's mind often has been really disappointing to me, I'm surprised. I shouldn't be - for men it's mainly about the conquest in the beginning, and he conquered me too soon. This is not at all as complicated as you're making it out to be. Too much too soon. Are you asking too much? I don't know what you're asking him for. A relationship? Daily texting? Plans to fly to see each other again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 During our date, he did think out loud saying: we are doomed. You are never moving here anyway... He has 2 pre adolescent kids, his ex lives nearby... so the only way it could work is me eventually moving there as he is not moving anytime soon. I think maybe that's something that he has in the back of his mind that might be getting on the way of wanting to strengthen the connection (?) Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Hope you figure yourself out. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I will take a man who wants to sleep with me over a man who doesn't any day. Being able to decide when it happens is the best place to be in! When men ask a woman out on a date they all want to get laid, re-laid, over-laid, under-laid, and de-laid. Rest. Then get laid all over again with her. Then wake up in the morning next to her hoping she is to worn out for a before I have to go to work performance. Not because they would not want another round because they know they satisfied her. They do not move fast enough for many reasons. Lack confidence, shy, afraid they move too fast they'll ruin it with her and forget getting to 2nd base they won't even get another date from her. They are thinking long term strategy and they wind up getting dumped short term any way. So they are trying to play it careful. They don't want to hit it and dump it. They want the whole package a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Saracena Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I can't speak for all men, but I used to test women in this manner. However, it was natural. I didn't consciously know that I was doing that. I am not a sex fiend, but I always tried to have sex with women on the first date. If a woman did sleep with me, I would naturally lose interest and only view her as a booty call. If she didn't sleep with me, I gained respect for her and my interest grew. As I started thinking about it more, I stopped doing this since it gave women the wrong impression. However, I now have conscious tests to see if the woman is or has been promiscuous. Interesting thread. I'm curious to know how you consciously test for the above? I can't imagine there's a fool proof way of doing this as I have, for instance, known some girls who became 'reformed' later when they met someone they were interested in long term. On the other end of the scale there are those who may well have only slept with you on the first date. I've never done it, ever but I'm well aware others are different. Oddly enough I had a discussion with some friends recently about this very testing and they all dismissed the notion as rubbish. Just out of interest, do you mind my asking how old you are? In addition, how would you feel if someone just slept (no sex) with you in the early stages of dating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 (edited) Sorry for reviving this topic, but... have to vent somewhere. So after almost two months without writing me... (he last wrote a "Hi how are you" message back then to which I responded, but he did not follow up... I didn't get why he bothered getting in touch if he didn't mean to follow up but... go figure) ...this guy from original post suddenly sends me a message today with a link for something he saw today and "thought of me". Yeah, sure. What the...? Seriously, why do men do that? Does he really think he deserves a response? Is he testing the waters to see if gate is still open due to a dry spell or whatnot? Ah, the chutzpah My first instinct is - meh. ignore. Another part of me wants to punch him in the face. It doesn't help he's the only guy I found interesting and with potential in a good while. Should I just go with the flow and respond in a few days pretending his behavior doesn't phase me? Ignore? Not sure what is the response I am trying to get here... Edited May 4, 2016 by edgygirl Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Sorry for reviving this topic, but... have to vent somewhere. So after almost two months without writing me... (he last wrote a "Hi how are you" message back then to which I responded, but he did not follow up... I didn't get why he bothered getting in touch if he didn't mean to follow up but... go figure) ...this guy from original post suddenly sends me a message today with a link for something he saw today and "thought of me". Yeah, sure. What the...? Seriously, why do men do that? Does he really think he deserves a response? Is he testing the waters to see if gate is still open due to a dry spell or whatnot? Ah, the chutzpah My first instinct is - meh. ignore. Another part of me wants to punch him in the face. It doesn't help he's the only guy I found interesting and with potential in a good while. Should I just go with the flow and respond in a few days pretending his behavior doesn't phase me? Ignore? Not sure what is the response I am trying to get here... I think you're better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edgygirl Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 Yeah I agree... I think. Probably. Been so hard to meet someone I am slightly interested in lately. But you are probably right. Thanks. I think you're better than this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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