Promising men trying for sex on first date :/

[road]

Lord. Go back to your puritan monastery, k?

 

 

I am not anti alcohol. Though I do not have to have it with any activity for that activity to be fun or have fun doing it.

 

 

Also your own words complained and regretted drinking to much because it caused you to do what you did not want to do.

 

 

Monastery?

 

 

I tell jokes in my posts from time to time. I may come across harsher then I intended. Though I do not throw out insults.

[road]

It's quite obvious to me now most men do this...

 

That's the only thing that makes sense. He was crazy about me right before and now turned cold. And he's def not the ahole kind.

 

Sometimes I feel men are one notch down in the evolution... sorry.

 

 

Obvious now when?

 

 

As of this last date?

 

 

Well to me a man that nails it on the first date and then disappears is definitely the "ahole" kind.

[edgygirl]

Perhaps if you are going to give your opinion you should read all the posts.

 

He wrote me the next day, he wrote me yesterday although I'm back to my city. He did not disappear although he seems to be acting colder.

 

This post is not only about him though, it's a general post - trying to understand why many men try to get laid on a first date.

 

Obvious now when?

 

 

As of this last date?

 

 

Well to me a man that nails it on the first date and then disappears is definitely the "ahole" kind.

[Shining One]

I'm one of the exceptions, so perhaps my opinion doesn't matter for this topic. I don't judge a woman negatively for having sex with me on the first date. I'm actually in a relationship with one now that's nearing the two-year mark.

 

With that being said, I have often decided to end things with a woman shortly after we've had sex due to one deal-breaker or another. From the woman's point of view, it could easily appear that I just wanted to "hit it and quit it".

[Randomlyrandomme]

Still it annoys me. I feel like a piece of meat.

 

We're all pieces of meat. Men are designed to want to put their penises in girls. It's literally our sole evolutionary purpose.

 

I guess your problem is figuring out if there is any authenticity to what they present themselves as.

 

If you're looking for a guy who does not want sex on an instinctual level, I don't think you'll find him. We can all (some more easily than others) feel the impulse shadowing and tainting our thoughts and motivations.

 

I'm a 32 M and all guys know what most of the others are thinking (it's usually the same thing) , from a middle aged Doctor, to a teenage dungeons and dragons nerd, to a pro athlete.

The only difference is that someone can empathize better than others (empathy is a learned skill, not natural) regarding the emotions and needs of the opposite sex. It's very difficult for some to keep their human mind disciplined with millennia of instincts pushing for one single thing.

 

 

The greates illustration of what I mean; this is Chappelles spoof of the move What Women Want, called What Men Want

 

I consider myself a very pro female, equal rights guy, and I AM serious. If I ever have a daughter she will see this clip before she starts dating.

[edgygirl]

I always enjoy your posts at loveshack - thank you Grumps

 

Testing for morality through trying for sex is like having sex to determine worth and that is sexist and hypocritical. Boys and girls who do this are usually insecure and have sexist views.i won't even get into lack of honor and integrity.

Just be who you are, and don't conform to rigid and outdated sexist ideas.

They are the ones who lose the opportunity to be with you,

Grumps

[edgygirl]

F... do you really mean every men is thinking about sex all of the time when in the presence of a woman they find attractive?

 

I mean... we women build to it and after a hot make out session or so can get there too, but but... do men really think about it all of the time?

 

Wow.

 

We're all pieces of meat. Men are designed to want to put their penises in girls. It's literally our sole evolutionary purpose.

 

I guess your problem is figuring out if there is any authenticity to what they present themselves as.

 

If you're looking for a guy who does not want sex on an instinctual level, I don't think you'll find him. We can all (some more easily than others) feel the impulse shadowing and tainting our thoughts and motivations.

 

I'm a 32 M and all guys know what most of the others are thinking (it's usually the same thing) , from a middle aged Doctor, to a teenage dungeons and dragons nerd, to a pro athlete.

The only difference is that someone can empathize better than others (empathy is a learned skill, not natural) regarding the emotions and needs of the opposite sex. It's very difficult for some to keep their human mind disciplined with millennia of instincts pushing for one single thing.

 

 

The greates illustration of what I mean; this is Chappelles spoof of the move What Women Want, called What Men Want

 

I consider myself a very pro female, equal rights guy, and I AM serious. If I ever have a daughter she will see this clip before she starts dating.

[edgygirl]

Are you 18?

 

its a waste of hard earned dollars when you can have a pepsi instead

[Shining One]

F... do you really mean every men is thinking about sex all of the time when in the presence of a woman they find attractive?

 

I mean... we women build to it and after a hot make out session or so can get there too, but but... do men really think about it all of the time?

 

Wow.

Speaking for myself, it's not quite all of the time. If it's been a while since I've last had sex, then yes, I'll be thinking about it all of the time. This is why I like having a FWB during the early dating stage. It actually takes a lot of the pressure off.

[edgygirl]

Well it seems I am going to go against what I imagined and do the same, get a FWB. I didn't want to be with people who mean nothing to me, but it's creating secondary issues... as in: being too horny when I do find someone I like. I wish there was another option, but there isn't. Staying celibate for months drives a person who is highly sexual crazy.

 

Speaking for myself, it's not quite all of the time. If it's been a while since I've last had sex, then yes, I'll be thinking about it all of the time. This is why I like having a FWB during the early dating stage. It actually takes a lot of the pressure off.

[AceCutty]

It's quite obvious to me now most men do this...

 

That's the only thing that makes sense. He was crazy about me right before and now turned cold. And he's def not the ahole kind.

 

Sometimes I feel men are one notch down in the evolution... sorry.

 

How are men "one notch down in the evolution"?

 

We don't want a promiscuous woman. Why would we? If anything, we are adhering to our evolution and biology (which is why most men screen for this sort of thing subconciously).

[edgygirl]

Blah blah blah. Not interested in turning this thread into... one more discussion on this silly subject. There are a thousand threads on this. Mainly from very young puritan men who are looking for virgins. You want a non-promiscuous woman? Get one, my friend. I couldn't care less what men who think this way wants, I have zero interest in puritanical men.

 

Evolution made women more apt to deal with feelings that emerge after sleeping with someone - we don't turn into someone else when it happens and we don't devalue a man when it happens. We also don't need the silly testing to find out whether someone is promiscuous. Someone can be as promiscuous as they want when single - doesn't make any difference to me.

 

Yawn... Zzzzz.

 

How are men "one notch down in the evolution"?

 

We don't want a promiscuous woman. Why would we? If anything, we are adhering to our evolution and biology (which is why most men screen for this sort of thing subconciously).

[ManyDissapoint]

At the end of the day if he likes you enough, he will ask you out again. The first date sex thing does give him a bit of information, but that's what dating is--collecting information about the other person.

 

Men don't toss high quality women out so capriciously.

[AceCutty]

Blah blah blah. Not interested in turning this thread into... one more discussion on this silly subject. There are a thousand threads on this. Mainly from very young puritan men who are looking for virgins. You want a non-promiscuous woman? Get one, my friend. I couldn't care less what men who think this way wants, I have zero interest in puritanical men.

 

Evolution made women more apt to deal with feelings that emerge after sleeping with someone - we don't turn into someone else when it happens and we don't devalue a man when it happens. We also don't need the silly testing to find out whether someone is promiscuous. Someone can be as promiscuous as they want when single - doesn't make any difference to me.

 

Yawn... Zzzzz.

 

I'm just responding to your issue. Obviously, many men that you date have issues with your promiscuity.

 

Don't blame that on me.

 

I wish you luck in finding one that's okay with it.

[bluefeather]

Is it me, giving sexy vibes unknowingly? Am I too hot that they can't resist?

 

Yes, this was my initial thought. You are probably very hot. Extreme hotness can set off all but the most cool men. So if you don't want those kinds of guys, you will have to find someone who is strong enough to control himself. There are worse problems to have, IMO. I would see it as a way to identify weaklings and pigs.

[Randomlyrandomme]

F... do you really mean every men is thinking about sex all of the time when in the presence of a woman they find attractive?

 

I mean... we women build to it and after a hot make out session or so can get there too, but but... do men really think about it all of the time?

 

Wow.

 

We think about It a lot. Maybe not most of the day, but frequently

 

Why do you think fathers (caricature) great their teens first boyfriend with a shotgun, stare him down. What do you thing "what are your intentions with my daughter?" means? Dad knows what younger man's intention is, obviously. He's just trying to interrupt the kid's agenda

 

My best friend had his first child last week. A wonderful, beautiful, perfect baby girl. I am bubbly with excitement and love for the new family. When he told me it was to be a girl, my first reaction was to make fun of him. he'll be fighting off horny hordes of hormone driven boys with the exact same impulses as we had at that age.

 

I truly believe having a gir introduces a man to a horrifying new fear and realization. A fear he can't protect her from guys he understands too well.

[road]

The greates illustration of what I mean; this is Chappelles spoof of the move What Women Want, called What Men Want

 

 

 

The truth.

 

 

I have seen young boys 4 yo have crushes on women and they don't even know what sex is yet. Little Rascals having crushes on their teacher Mrs Crabtree.

 

 

Females and males are made to attract each other.

[road]

F... do you really mean every men is thinking about sex all of the time when in the presence of a woman they find attractive?

 

I mean... we women build to it and after a hot make out session or so can get there too, but but... do men really think about it all of the time?

 

Wow.

 

Yes.

 

 

Not thinking of doing a specific act, or how it will be. Just how much the thought of how much we want to do her.

 

 

As her attractiveness increases so does our desire to do her.

 

 

Also as her attractiveness increases reality intrudes and we start to think it never will happen for the thought increases for she is out of my league.

 

 

Also just because she is attractive enough to do and imagine how nice it would be to do her we do not want to do her for we are committed already.

 

 

But damn does she look good.

[road]

Most men do not need a virgin. Most men do not want women with a high number. To want a woman without the high number has nothing to do with being puritanical.

 

 

Since the days of clubbing on the head and dragging her back to the gave have ended and men can no longer take a woman that was wanted men now have to be gifted the privilege of a woman's company.

 

 

To receive a special gift implies that the giver says you are special to receive this gift.

 

 

So when a normally tightly controlled commodity that is hard to come by is given away to easily it greatly devalues that gift.

 

 

This is why men get bothered by high numbers. It sends the message that she does not value herself which makes him think that she may not value me as well because she gives it up to everyone. So in her mind I am not special but a sex toy to get her off.

 

 

It also sends a message to fear her lack of control will make it hard for her to be monogamous. Whether true or not it plants a seed of doubt in the mans mind.

 

 

As with anything more is not always better.

[SSJROMANCE]

Men are physical and women are emotional. Yes most men think about sex quite a bit. Some men will even go as far as undressing every women that walks by. It is in their nature. You may not understand it but that's how it is. They will never admit this for obvious reasons. If you are a man and you disagree with me on this post you are probably lying.

 

Having said that there are men who are sincere who think of sex all the time. Then there are men who are not sincere who think of sex all the time. Trying to weed out those who just want to bone and dump you vs. those who want to bone you and spend time with you is probably quite challenging. At the end of the day those who are sincerely interested in you will stick around for quite awhile without sex. Those who are not will blow up off after you reject them. Those are the ones you stay away from.

 

No man wants a promiscuous women so if you are dating a lot and are having sex with every guy who wants it you are eventually burying yourself. You wouldn't want to find that dream guy one day only to lose him because he found out that you were promiscuous.

 

So to answer one of your questions - is it because you are too hot? Whether you are or not guys are going to tell you you are hot. Guys are going to tell you everything you want to hear in order to prep you for that ONS. They will prey on low self-esteem, those looking for validation and those with no boundaries. Don't fall for it.

[GoodOnPaper]

F... do you really mean every men is thinking about sex all of the time when in the presence of a woman they find attractive?

 

I mean... we women build to it and after a hot make out session or so can get there too, but but... do men really think about it all of the time?

 

Wow.

 

Of course. It's why we see so many struggling guys on LS who think the world is coming to an end and they develop bitterness or other defense mechanisms. It's why a struggling man is much more likely than a struggling woman to adopt a take-what-you-can-get attitude when it comes to sex vs. holding out for a more ideal partner. It's why it is difficult for many guys on LS to hear about women complaining that they have to fend off hookup attempts all the time.

 

Hopefully the guys in your age range have a little better awareness and experience. It also helps when the sex drives ebbs just a bit - that happened with me in my late 30's - it makes the testosterone background "noise" in your head much more tolerable.

[Randomlyrandomme]

Having said that there are men who are sincere who think of sex all the time. Then there are men who are not sincere who think of sex all the time. Trying to weed out those who just want to bone and dump you vs. those who want to bone you and spend time with you is probably quite challenging.

 

There you go. Dead on.

 

I consider myself a very self aware, empathic, and pro-equality guy. I accept these urges as natural, but don't let them overload my interactions or behaviour with women (aside from the general drive to find/have a mate). I realize that a deeper emotional relationship will potentially give me two things (emotional development/benefits, and in the end, a greater chance of regular and successful mating.

 

In order to have something more than a ONS (a consistent developing relationship not just based on sex) a guy has to be patient and look at the bigger picture. That's a quality that must be learned and is probably associated with the ability to empathize.

 

Not all guys do that. Either they're satisfied with a constantly shifting roster of ONS's, or their incapable of overcoming basic impulses and forming a deeper emotional attachment.

 

I'd suggest that if you're having issues attracting dogs or emotionally immature guys, stop posting/sending pics of yourself as early. Get rid of the cutesy blonde avatar. If they ask you what you look like, say average. This will cut out all the guys that are solely into you for your looks. Make them work a bit harder before you reveal yourself. Ask them tough questions about their past, LTR goals.

 

If he's not considering LTR, then it's a ONS thing.

[road]

Of course. It's why we see so many struggling guys on LS who think the world is coming to an end and they develop bitterness or other defense mechanisms. It's why a struggling man is much more likely than a struggling woman to adopt a take-what-you-can-get attitude when it comes to sex vs. holding out for a more ideal partner. It's why it is difficult for many guys on LS to hear about women complaining that they have to fend off hookup attempts all the time.

 

Hopefully the guys in your age range have a little better awareness and experience. It also helps when the sex drives ebbs just a bit - that happened with me in my late 30's - it makes the testosterone background "noise" in your head much more tolerable.

 

 

 

 

Yes I agree. In general all I read on LS is about women that can't find a good man. Yet stay rigid on dating only certain kinds of men.

 

 

Then a never ending amount of men want to get married yet so many can't even get the 1st date. The few that do they can't get a 2nd date. So forget having a relationship and getting married.

 

 

And there will always be the orbiters. That's where women will not date them and be their girlfriend but will let them hang around and be their girl friend. Letting them hope that maybe someday they will be able break out from the friend zone. Then get made at them for attempting to do so.

[AMJ]

And here's all the comments that I'd expected to read on pages one and two. OP you just need to learn how to control your own urges to have sex right away. The good guys will wait for it. Easier said than done, I know

[Rejected Rosebud]

Still it annoys me. I feel like a piece of meat. How come I am equipped to sleep with someone early on and keep the interest, and men can't do the same usually? .

I don't agree with your premise here. I am sure that a guy is very equipped to maintain interest in a woman after having sex early in their relationship. It just doesn't have to be the major bonding experience that evidently it is to you. The guy can go ahead and have sex while he's still trying to figure out whether he is that into you or not, and for you (I'm like this too) having sex MEANS that you both are into each other.

 

I bet that almost every single guy that you or other women had sex early with and then disappeared would have disappeared even without the early sex. They were not going to have a relationship with the woman, early sex or no early sex.

 

Since you are not a person who is into having sex for fun with guys you might be interested in for a partner, just don't do it. If he really likes you AND shares values with you he won't disappear if you choose to take whatever time you need.

 

But don't hold it against them for trying, or assume that they only want you for a one night stand!! In most cases they are just reacting to their sexual attraction towards you and not thinking of the future.