adarna Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 While it's true that people leave all the time regardless of label, if someone is not even prepared to have a label it shows that he isn't even considering sticking around. Not true. This kind of mindset is such a relationship ruiner and is why people can't just enjoy what is and let everything develop organically. You can't just apply "if he/she does X then it shows Y" sweeping generalizations like that. Men/women/relationships are never this black and white. I know plenty of men, including my brothers, who take a little longer to come around -- and it's not because they aren't considering sticking around. Sometimes it *is* because they love the woman so much. It was for reasons like whether they felt they were at the right place to commit. They know what their woman deserves and they want to be able to give her that. They also wanted to take it slow and build a foundation before rushing into a relationship, even if they knew this was the woman saw as a future wife. Kinda like, "Okay I already know I want to be with you forever/I already know where this is going, so why are we in a rush?" Then there are men who more cautious, like if they have kids or have been burned in the past. Just because a person isn't ready doesn't mean they don't see a future with someone. And don't forget, some people don't care about labels at all. They care only about how it feels and how much they care about the person, so the point is moot. Regardless, it's up to their partner to decide if they are okay with waiting a little longer. Some people want a relationship in 2 months, while others consider that to be way too soon (myself included) and it has nothing to do with seeing other people, shopping around or not wanting to stick around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 I think with the rise of dating sites, the easiness of multi-dating and hooking up has changed things somewhat. I feel that is why the "exclusivity" and the "official gf/bf" talks have now become necessary. Casual sex is so easy to find. Assuming exclusivity and assuming relationship status can be a recipe for disaster. People get badly hurt when they just "assumed" for weeks or months, and then find the other party is on a different wavelength altogether. I do agree that pushing the relationship agenda too much can be a turn off, but it is about getting to know the person and making sure a relationship IS what they are looking for from day one. Too many in my opinion coast along and get carried away, hoping they can persuade the other to get serious about them, when that person made it perfectly clear a relationship was not on the cards. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Assuming exclusivity and assuming relationship status can be a recipe for disaster. People get badly hurt when they just "assumed" for weeks or months, and then find the other party is on a different wavelength altogether. Bolded -- and in my mind so what? So what if I eventually discover we are not on the same wavelength - will I die? No... I will simply wish him well and move on. I am being perfectly serious here. I am not afraid of getting hurt... because I KNOW I will be okay no matter what. This attitude has allowed me to maintain a very positive and open attitude...and I have also found that my attitude draws guys IN.... draws them TO ME.... so much so that they have been the ones to want to push something forward with me!! instead of me pressuring them for a "title" and pushing them away. Anyhoo whatever works, right? This is the way I have always been....I am 37 and don't see that changing now. We shall see though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 You claim to be in an exclusive relationship, but you are hanging out with and kissing other guys? Then you blame it on your boyfriend because he did not make it 'official'? It sounds like you are the one that isn't taking the relationship seriously. It sounds like you are cheating. I agree with the others that you should end the relationship. But I think you should end it for entirely different reasons. You don't deserve him. Link to post Share on other sites
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