SugarLips72 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 You sound like a handful. You cheated long term on him, more than once and he found out about it the worse way possible. Everyone else in your life probably knew you were seeing this guy too. This poor guy really got the pie in his face. Give him some space. Take a break. If he actually finds it in his heart to forgive your lying, cheating and humiliation then hes a schmuck but a schmuck so in love he is willing to give you another chance. Happy people do not cheat. Dig deep for the reason and can it be resolved so you don't do it again? I would remain in minimal contact and let him decide the future here. If he decides to permanently end it you cannot blame him, you really ****ed him over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 All affairs contain lies and deception, but some can justly be described as a conspiracy to deceive. It goes way beyond 'merely' lying. It is carefully executed and sustained dishonesty over time. Personally speaking, I wouldn't even think about taking that person back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 All affairs contain lies and deception, but some can justly be described as a conspiracy to deceive. It goes way beyond 'merely' lying. It is carefully executed and sustained dishonesty over time. Personally speaking, I wouldn't even think about taking that person back. Yes, because, for every rat you see, you can be sure that there are 50 more behind it or waiting for it . . . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UltimatePanacea Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 What if I drive to his place? Do you guys thing it is a bad idea now that he needs some space? Or would it be a better way of apologizing than just texting? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 What if I drive to his place? Do you guys thing it is a bad idea now that he needs some space? Or would it be a better way of apologizing than just texting? You want to get back with him. That's clear. What's in it for him? Why should he take you back? How would he benefit from taking you back? What do you have to offer? ????????????????????????? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 What if I drive to his place? Do you guys thing it is a bad idea now that he needs some space? Or would it be a better way of apologizing than just texting? Showing up unannounced after he asked for space doesn't serve you. He asked for fidelity & you gave him cheating. Now he is asking for space & you are trying to crowd him. Do you see why that would be counterproductive? Since you want to do something else, trying getting him an apology card. Do not write him one of those full blown letters with pages & pages of heartfelt drivel. Do write 1 paragraph about how sorry you are and how you are willing to make it up to him if he gives you a second chance. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 You're not ready for a relationships so move on and play the field. Learn what love actually means. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jesslindy Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 The fact that you would even consider texting him an apology makes my stomach turn. Leave him alone. You don't deserve him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 What if I drive to his place? Do you guys thing it is a bad idea now that he needs some space? Or would it be a better way of apologizing than just texting? Oh, boy, you just don't have any concept of or respect for boundaries, do you? First you cross the line of trust by cheating on him and now you want to violate his space! Selfishness and disrespect are great qualities in a woman. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Whats in it for him? Something? Nothing? Anything? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 What's going on ? I started reading your past posts and thread. Have you only been dating 6 months? Did you really accuse him of giving you a STD because you where in an exclusive relationship, but now he knows you where cheating. Check out post number 8 on one of your other threads http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/567605-he-won-t-talk-me-after-fight#post6755400. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 The OP is confused and dysfunctional to a spectacular degree . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I don’t feel good therefore I am bad therefore no one loves me. I feel good therefore I am good therefore everyone loves me. I am good You do not love me therefore you are bad. So I do not love you. I am good You love me therefore you are good. So I love you. I am bad You love me therefore you are bad. - RD Laing, Knots. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UltimatePanacea Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 What's going on ? I started reading your past posts and thread. Have you only been dating 6 months? Did you really accuse him of giving you a STD because you where in an exclusive relationship, but now he knows you where cheating. Check out post number 8 on one of your other threads http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/567605-he-won-t-talk-me-after-fight#post6755400. Yes, we've been dating for 6 months, we talked about being exclusive, but like I said, he was not paying enough attention to our relationship because of his endless business trips and family drama. I am not trying to find excuses for my affair, but I felt lonely and needed something new...the STD drama settled between as we both got tested and nothing was there, but he is not able to get over my affair. We've hit the "point of no return" and it is my fault as I was unable to follow the rules of No Contact... Ok, guess driving to his places is another violation of his space and privacy. I just don't want to let him go, I know I will never do what I've done, I've apologized already but he said there was nothing I could do to "fix" things. I'm a little confused on why he slept with me after all that and why he said that it wasn't absolutely over...does he still think that maybe he would change his mind about me? Has anyone been forgiven/forgave their cheating ex??? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Since you dated/had sex with another guy for three months behind this guy's back, you don't deserve a second chance IMO. If you really loved this guy, you should just let him go and let him meet someone else. Trying to get him back and constantly remind him of the hurt you caused is selfish behavior. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UltimatePanacea Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 What would make you take your cheating sorry ass ex back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author UltimatePanacea Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Since you dated/had sex with another guy for three months behind this guy's back, you don't deserve a second chance IMO. If you really loved this guy, you should just let him go and let him meet someone else. Trying to get him back and constantly remind him of the hurt you caused is selfish behavior. Well the affair with the other guy didn't start purely as sexual, and we've only slept a few times, not throughout those 3 months... And as for my bf, well he wasn't necessarily committed to the relationship though he wasn't cheating. He was constantly unavailable, his family was also a big part of our arguments (his divorcing parents, in particular)...all I wanted was for him to care and invest a little more into our relationship. It's still not an excuse to sleep with someone else though...I just feel so ****ty and I have realized that I didn't even like that guy I was cheating on him with. I really like my bf and I would do anything to get him back. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) Yes, we've been dating for 6 months, we talked about being exclusive, but like I said, he was not paying enough attention to our relationship because of his endless business trips and family drama. I am not trying to find excuses for my affair, but I felt lonely and needed something new...the STD drama settled between as we both got tested and nothing was there, but he is not able to get over my affair. We've hit the "point of no return" and it is my fault as I was unable to follow the rules of No Contact... Ok, guess driving to his places is another violation of his space and privacy. I just don't want to let him go, I know I will never do what I've done, I've apologized already but he said there was nothing I could do to "fix" things. I'm a little confused on why he slept with me after all that and why he said that it wasn't absolutely over...does he still think that maybe he would change his mind about me? Has anyone been forgiven/forgave their cheating ex??? You've been cheating on him for three months! "he was not paying enough attention to our relationship because of his endless business trips and family drama." -- Most people who've been dating someone for three months and experiencing this, would have simply said "I can see that your schedule doesn't allow for a relationship that supports my needs. I wish you well but I'm moving on". Why did he sleep with you after all that? -- He needed comfort and he was horny. He's treating you like you behaved . . . decorum and site rules prevent me from being specific. Edited February 29, 2016 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UltimatePanacea Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Wow! You know, you're playing with fire here. Your ex came back, slept with you and then walked away. 1) Your ex just wanted to do you one last time and never see you again. Kinda like him getting the upper hand. 2) He did you just to give you an STD. I know that's crazy, but possible. You hurt this guy bad and you expect him just to forgive you and go back to being boyfriend and girlfriend? You're nuts. It's over. I wouldn't trust you. Ever since that sexual encounter he's been even more distant now. He has told me that he had promised himself that he was going to push me away but when we met things got heated between us and it happened. Now he regrets it probably or thinks it was his weakness and completely shut down... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 (edited) Ever since that sexual encounter he's been even more distant now. He has told me that he had promised himself that he was going to push me away but when we met things got heated between us and it happened. Now he regrets it probably or thinks it was his weakness and completely shut down... Of course he is feeling badly . . . he reduced himself to sleeping with a person of low character. However, there is such a thing as revenge sex . . . I don't want her back but I'll take the sex. Have you heard the saying "You teach people how to treat you?" Edited February 29, 2016 by Redhead14 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author UltimatePanacea Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Well for now I am going to leave him alone because I've been violating the NC all this time...But then I am planning to drive to his place, maybe 2-3 weeks later for a final shot...then if he still sticks to his guns I will let it go... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Well for now I am going to leave him alone because I've been violating the NC all this time...But then I am planning to drive to his place, maybe 2-3 weeks later for a final shot...then if he still sticks to his guns I will let it go... I've been violating the NC all this time -- You've been violating this guy for three months in every way possible. OMG! If you were truly repentent and feeling shame, you'd be under a rock for the next 2 to 3 weeks. If he wants to reconcile, let it be his decision without pressure and without being influenced by the sex. Don't disgrace yourself any further. The only way to recover from a "fall from grace" is to start being graceful and maintaining it. Live these next few weeks as the "new person" you think you can be. Be respectful, patient and accepting. In other words, deal wid it . . . 4 Link to post Share on other sites
VintageWine Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 What would make you take your cheating sorry ass ex back? As cliche as this sounds, try putting this into perspective... Breaking someone's trust is like crumpling a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it out over but it's never going to be the same again. If you really love him, you'll leave him alone and let him move on, you'll let him be with someone that deserves him and won't cheat on him. Respect his boundaries. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
VintageWine Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Well for now I am going to leave him alone because I've been violating the NC all this time...But then I am planning to drive to his place, maybe 2-3 weeks later for a final shot...then if he still sticks to his guns I will let it go... Why on God's green earth can't you just leave him alone? Just leave him alone, don't drive by his house. Leave.him.alone. Seriously. omg girl 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 my friends enemy kevin s once overcame a quadruple He's either lying or living a real life of hell with her, which he deserves. But more likely, if she took him back, she's as screwed up as he is and they deserve each other. Congratulations to him for finding the mother of all dysfunctional relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
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