Should I go to my sister's wedding?

[dragonfire13]

My family and I have always had a strained relationship and we often go periods being out of contact, especially as we currently live all over the country, something that's been familiar since childhood as my siblings and I spent time in various foster care homes.

 

We all tend to be quite hot headed and so it seems best to keep our distance.

 

However, I moved back to my hometown and as a result was living closer to a sister of mine (let's call her N) and my mother and I've fast realized our mentalities are very different.

 

This came to a head over the Xmas/New Year period when my sister from London came to visit. We all got into a an argument, and N and my mum ended up trying to physically assault my sister from London and I. I intervened to stop the fight and it was like a friggin' tag-team, two versus two. Ridiculous.

 

I haven't gotten into a physical altercation since my teen years, yet in the past year I've gotten into two scraps, fighting back after N has instigated a physical attack. So this was the second time things have turned physical. It's embarrassing ratchet behavior that I want no part of.

 

I'm so disgusted at their behavior (I still have a scar from the scratches of trying to break up the fight) and I ended up calling the police but didn't press charges as N works in a school and I didn't want to ruin her career. However, it's not the first time and probably won't be the last, that N and my mum have hit the other female members of our family.

 

It's massively affected me as I already go through bouts of depression and anxiety and it's been an awful start to the year, compounded by things like things ending with a guy I was seeing and some job stresses.

 

There's been some half-arsed attempt at an apology from N and my mum and they seem slightly embarrassed by their actions, but I don't think they realise how damaging that type of behaviour is. I'm struggling to get over such low-life behaviour and I've made a decision to permanently distance myself from the two, which obviously makes me sad having to cut family members out, much like I have done with the majority of the rest of my family.

 

My hometown is pretty small and I often bump into N as we live close by. I acknowledge her but whatever brief convo I have with her ends up irritating me because of her trashy/bitchy mentality. She also often tries to text from time to time as if nothing has happened. Most of her texts go ignored, although I did snap at her recently telling her to basically f*** off and stop messaging me like we still have a good relationship.

 

Anyway, I was out last night and bumped into a few of N's friends, telling me about her wedding plans (she's been seeing a guy for some time). Lo-and-behold I get a text this morning, inviting me to the wedding and telling me to invite my other sister from London (they are no longer on speaking terms after the fight) and a friend of mine.

 

This is her second marriage and the first was a stressful farce. Add to that the incident earlier in the year, and it's fair to say I have no desire to be there. However, I'm wondering if I will regret it and if I should keep up appearances, as the chances are high I will continue to see her friends around (I used to go out with them sometimes with my sister) who will most likely ask why I wasn't there..

 

TL;DR:

Invite from sister who is getting married. Been on bad terms after she psychically attacked me after an argument. Has a history of physically lashing out at people.

Edited February 28, 2016 by dragonfire13

[d0nnivain]

You are certainly not obligated.

 

 

However I would see the invite as an olive branch. I'd at least go to the ceremony. I'm hoping they wouldn't start anything in church or at a courthouse.

 

 

Perhaps pop into the reception but since there will probably be alcohol I'd cut out early before the shenanigans have a chance to start

[dragonfire13]

Thanks d0nnivain....haven't visited this site for a while but your advice is always great

 

I come from a Muslim background so the alcohol won't be an issue. This is actually my sister's second wedding, I went to the first and it was a farce.

 

I do appreciate her reaching out but I've let bygones be bygones after physical altercations a couple of times now...I'm not sure I can forgive it anymore. It's a couple of months after the incident and it still brings me down when I think about it - I feel sick seeing that kind of violence, esp amongst family members.

 

I have till Aug to decide though I guess.

[d0nnivain]

Then sleep on it for a while & see how you feel in July.