His wife texted me asking to meet- what do I do? [Updated 2016-12-2]

[goodyblue]

These are my thoughts on this stuff concerning xMM and his wife -- I think xMM told his wife that Mayday is a sappy, emotionally-driven girl who doesn't have a lick of sense, and is someone who is easily conned. I think Mayday has surprised him by filing for child support, and by her limited reactions to the things that they're doing.

 

I'm not trying to paint a bad picture of xMM's wife, however, no woman in her right mind would be supporting her idiot husband just days after such a hard blow, nor should she think extending the olive branch to Mayday would come across as sincere. She may be sincere but it's extremely hard to believe and she should understand that "liking" her husband's baby by another woman would ring false to anyone. Not only that, it would set off alarm bells. I don't know exactly what game they're playing but I do think it's a game. Mayday is smart to stay quiet and let her lawyer take the wheel.

 

Completely agree. I am of the opinion that all contact should be through attorneys. That doesn't mean MM or BS contacting OP's attorney, that is unethical as they have an attorney. It means filing paperwork and making sure that provisions and safeguards are put in place to p properly protect the well being of the baby. I would not speak to the BS for any reason, at least not this soon. I don't care what anyone says, she just found out her husband is a cheater and Has a baby with another woman, there is no way she is thinking clearly at this point. Her emotions are ruling her actions and those will be all over the place. OP should try to stay out of their drama and concentrate on her family right now. Nothing has to happen TODAY.

[NewLeaf512]

Out of lurking because I just couldn't stand it:

 

Disclaimer: This post does not constitute legal advice and does not establish an attorney-client relationship.

 

 

You have retained counsel. This is about one thing and one thing only: child support. Do not speak to MM, BS or anyone else who knows them. You attorney is there to represent you and your minor child.

[imperfectangel]

Maybe the BS is in shock and I a few weeks or months all this will hit her. Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet and she's just gone into auto pilot. Also if she knows he's cheated before she may have wondered that there's a chance one day he'll get someone else pregnant

[sandylee1]

Strange how some think that the BS has bad intent without knowing her.....and think she's plotting some evil game. The family have been informed about CS..... they want to be a part of the child's life..... would it have been preferable if she demanded no contact with the OP or her daughter..... The woman can't do right for wrong right now... through no fault of her own.

 

It really does confirm how the BW is viewed as the wicked witch no matter what. She is the ONE adult in all this who hasn't done anything wrong and is even apologising for her husband's behaviour. This woman is truly unique despite the pain she must be going through .... he doesn't deserve her at all.

 

Without his wife.... it's highly unlikely they'd want a relationship with the baby...... it seems impossible for some here to even acknowledge that and give her props..... that's really cold IMO.

 

She's staying with her H..... she just wants a drama free relationship. ....where the OP won't go after her husband and maintain the best interests of the baby.

 

OP - I suggest you try and establish through your attorney if she is indeed bipolar. You don't want to leave the little one with them without knowing the facts.

 

If he's lying about this... then it would do you good to really see him for what he is. This affair didn't just happen .... he went looking for it.

 

Remember.. you need your energy for baby girl.. your other kids and yourself of course.

I recommend a baby massage class if you can.... relaxing for mom and baby.

[bathtub-row]

It doesn't matter what the BS's intentions are. The fact is, there's too much room for error here and too much guesswork. Mayday's smartest move would be to stay out of it until the legal stuff is settled. That's really the bottom line.

[goodyblue]

It doesn't matter what the BS's intentions are. The fact is, there's too much room for error here and too much guesswork. Mayday's smartest move would be to stay out of it until the legal stuff is settled. That's really the bottom line.

 

Yes, this. Also, it is not BS's baby. It is OP's baby. BS should not be involved yet. Too soon.

 

Someone said maybe BS perhaps wants a drama free relationship... If that is so, she knows the only way to get it is to leave the loser to whom she is married. And she isn't. So I don't agree she wants drama free.

[minimariah]

It doesn't matter what the BS's intentions are.

 

of course it does.

 

the BS is irrelevant ONLY if MM gets supervised visitations or no visitations at all; in every other scenario, the BS will be around. so i mean... it matters if she wants to accept the child or abuse and isolate her - no?

 

the MM from this story disappeared and can be found under his BS's skirt -- i assume every important move will be done by the BS.

 

i agree - the OP should protect herself legally; after that is done... i see no reason why she shouldn't meet with the BS and try to establish a normal relationship.

 

Someone said maybe BS perhaps wants a drama free relationship... If that is so, she knows the only way to get it is to leave the loser to whom she is married. And she isn't. So I don't agree she wants drama free.

 

oh, come on!

 

let's put it this way -- the only way to have a drama free relationship is to date someone who isn't married with kids but so many OWs are still doing it and sticking around; can i assume that they OBVIOUSLY want and desire drama in their lives (because that's the logic you're using)? it sounds ridiculous... am i right? it's equally ridiculous to assume that the BS wants drama because she is sticking around and doesn't want to divorce.

 

and even if she did divorce, she would STILL have to deal with the OP because the babies are sisters.

 

the BS is really damned if she does and damned if she doesn't in this story because I KNOW WELL that you'd be all over her if she kept quiet and didn't reach at all.

[Dancewithme]

Careful,the anti- BS biases are showing!

[Furious]

If this situation happened to me I'd file for divorce and insist on the innocent child's right to financial support.

 

If I were the ow and the father of my child did not accept their child, I'd only fight for the child's rights but wouoln't want the WS as a potential mate.

 

I find it horrifying that both the ow and the betrayed spouse are vying for a despicable WS.

 

My advice would be to focus on the child's rights through a lawyer and not participate in dysfunctional drama.

 

I do hope both the ow and betrayed spouse endeavour to both realize this WS is not good for either one of them and not be sidetracked by a "man" who cares for no one but himself.

[sandylee1]

of course it does.

 

oh, come on!

 

let's put it this way -- the only way to have a drama free relationship is to date someone who isn't married with kids but so many OWs are still doing it and sticking around; can i assume that they OBVIOUSLY want and desire drama in their lives (because that's the logic you're using)? it sounds ridiculous... am i right? it's equally ridiculous to assume that the BS wants drama because she is sticking around and doesn't want to divorce.

 

and even if she did divorce, she would STILL have to deal with the OP because the babies are sisters.

 

the BS is really damned if she does and damned if she doesn't in this story because I KNOW WELL that you'd be all over her if she kept quiet and didn't reach at all.

 

 

Mini ... you are correct..absolutely spot on with this ^^^^^^^^^

 

The BW can't do ANYTHING right.

 

She IS NOT irrelevant ...because the child will be spending time with her. This use of the word irrelevant.. is the very same logic used in the beginning....a child is here now.....time to change that mindset and realise the BW isn't a ghost....she's here...she's real and she's relevant as far as the OP and the baby are concerned.

 

Who do you honestly think will be changing and feeding her while with her dad.... time to get real here.

[Mayday2016]

If this situation happened to me I'd file for divorce and insist on the innocent child's right to financial support.

 

If I were the ow and the father of my child did not accept their child, I'd only fight for the child's rights but wouoln't want the WS as a potential mate.

 

I find it horrifying that both the ow and the betrayed spouse are vying for a despicable WS.

 

My advice would be to focus on the child's rights through a lawyer and not participate in dysfunctional drama.

 

I do hope both the ow and betrayed spouse endeavour to both realize this WS is not good for either one of them and not be sidetracked by a "man" who cares for no one but himself.

 

Oh, I'm well aware he's toxic. On our last phone conversation I called him a sociopath, narcissist, that he had BPD, he was a terrible human being. These things while said in anger, are absolute truth. He has an allure though, a charm. He is very, very handsome. He is witty with an intelligent sense of humor. I know everyone here is not understanding the 'draw' and this is it- he is incredibly intelligent, he knows a lot about a lot of things, he is a beautiful conversationalist and he owns the attention in every room. Whenever he took me out women would practically break their necks to look at him and do whatever they could to catch his attention. His looks are on par with 'old' Hollywood actors, classically handsome like James Garner or Clint Eastwood. Plus his height is intimidating to a woman and there's something about that in itself. Believe me, I am NOT glorifying him right now but I understand everyone is struggling to see why anyone would want him. When he's bad, he's soul crushingly bad but when he's good, he gives you the time of your life. He has a lot of worldly life experience, he has lived an unusual life and his stories are a lot of what drew me in and kept me in the affair, kept me fighting to stay in it because when his mic was turned on, he had me totally captivated.

 

But yes, I know he's awful for me. He exploited my feelings and manipulated me. He reduced me to NOTHING and I'm sure his wife is convinced I'm young and stupid, and I am in many ways, but I am acutely aware of what he is. I'm just having trouble because there's no Suboxone to help love sickness or the withdrawals of an affair, there's nothing outside of my own 'head' to break the spell that man had on me. I just have to keep reminding myself he's no good, he's bad, and there are even undertones of pure evil in the way he worked me and his abandonment of the child we created.

[goodyblue]

[]

 

OP is the mother of this baby and should spend her time enjoying it, let her attorney navigate the courts, get CS, paternity and visitation in place and THEN move forward.

 

[]

 

I am FOR the rights, comfort and well bring of mother and baby. The end.

Edited March 2, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[sandylee1]

May

 

I'm sure he's all those lovely things you said... but he's not loyal. The things you love about him are probably the same things his wife loves.

 

I find that women married to really good looking guys face others falling over for him and are used to them cheating. Look at how women looked when you were with him... sounds like he could have any woman he wants with his charm....but you gotta have the looks to go on AM after all.

 

Perhaps now that his cheating has produced a very heavy price ....he won't cheat again.

 

Good news about the little ones progress BTW. I'm glad she's doing so well.

[Ms. Faust]

Who do you honestly think will be changing and feeding her while with her dad.... time to get real here.

 

Yeah, I think that is one thing we can all agree upon. MM is not baby friendly at all.

[imperfectangel]

Are you sure all these messages are actually from her and not him using a different phone?

[Ms. Faust]

May

 

I'm sure he's all those lovely things you said... but he's not loyal. The things you love about him are probably the same things his wife loves.

 

I find that women married to really good looking guys face others falling over for him and are used to them cheating. Look at how women looked when you were with him... sounds like he could have any woman he wants with his charm....but you gotta have the looks to go on AM after all.

 

Perhaps now that his cheating has produced a very heavy price ....he won't cheat again.

 

Good news about the little ones progress BTW. I'm glad she's doing so well.

 

I can see why she is attached in a way.

Dare I say, it sounds like the OP affaired up. MM *seemingly* has wealth, or at least a comfortable lifestyle, is highly educated (PhD), and has traveled. I don't think the OP realizes that the qualities that she listed about him being intelligent and knowledgeable are typical qualities of someone with that level of education. There is definitely a draw. From outward appearances he has a lot going on.

 

Too bad he's mental.

[Ms. Faust]

Are you sure all these messages are actually from her and not him using a different phone?

 

Considering how he has acted up to this point, and him not wanting anything to do with the baby, I think it is safe to say it is from the wife.

[Mayday2016]

Are you sure all these messages are actually from her and not him using a different phone?

 

 

I put the phone number into Facebook and her profile showed up. He could have taken her phone and texted me himself to see what id say to his 'wife' but I don't know. I don't know anything right now, I'm calling my lawyer today so maybe if he's able to return my call he'll be able to tell me if either of them called like she said she did on Friday.

[Mayday2016]

I can see why she is attached in a way.

Dare I say, it sounds like the OP affaired up. MM *seemingly* has wealth, or at least a comfortable lifestyle, is highly educated (PhD), and has traveled. I don't think the OP realizes that the qualities that she listed about him being intelligent and knowledgeable are typical qualities of someone with that level of education. There is definitely a draw. From outward appearances he has a lot going on.

 

Too bad he's mental.

 

I know on paper he is way, way 'too good' for me. There's ALOT more, his brother is essentially a celebrity and his mother was in politics in the 90's. That's what got me into the affair so deep because he had this worldly life whereas I was living in basically a closet for 10 years because my soon to be xH wouldn't even let me leave the house most days.

[imperfectangel]

I put the phone number into Facebook and her profile showed up. He could have taken her phone and texted me himself to see what id say to his 'wife' but I don't know. I don't know anything right now, I'm calling my lawyer today so maybe if he's able to return my call he'll be able to tell me if either of them called like she said she did on Friday.

 

 

 

I was only asking as my mm faked a d day and used "her" phone to text and call me. It was actually his new number but mm are capable of all sorts.

 

Good luck x

[stillafool]

I found it curious that the BS said she had spoken with OP's atty. That would never happen, conflict of interest esp. If they have an atty also... doesn't ring true.

 

But May told her to go through her lawyer. Then she doesn't want her to go through her lawyer. What is BS supposed to do?

[stillafool]

the reason she's staying is probably their little daughter and his already "strained" relationship with the MM; i assume the BS, just like the OP, wants her daughter to have a father and will feel guilty if she divorces him and they end up having no relationship. NEVER underestimate the power of that.

 

 

Also never underestimate the power of love. This woman obviously loves her husband very much if shes willing to act in this manner. She doesn't want her family broken up.

[Maddieandtae]

Mayday it's not about him being too good for you, those things you wrote are just things. What about qualities that make a person "good"? You have had an very traumatic life with your ex-husband, you have three children one of them being an newborn and now another traumatic situation on your hands. It would be really beneficial for you to be able to talk with someone qualified in domestic abuse. There are reasons you went down the path you did and when you see for yourself you will be free of thoughts of MM and all the drama that goes along with him.

[stillafool]

Yes, this. Also, it is not BS's baby. It is OP's baby. BS should not be involved yet. Too soon.

 

Someone said maybe BS perhaps wants a drama free relationship... If that is so, she knows the only way to get it is to leave the loser to whom she is married. And she isn't. So I don't agree she wants drama free.

 

Well in this case neither did OP. She was perfectly willing to have sex with him, let him hide the baby from his wife and hopefully have a secret family. At least BS is married to him is her excuse to accept this drama. OP could have walked away free along time ago.

[Tayla]

On paper was a marriage certificate.

 

Paper seems to have little bearings in the antics of folks.

 

The Original question and advice stands. Face the consequences thru the legal venue.

 

Paternity thru a court order, then potential case for child support contingent on who gets final custody. OP may well understand that she could be paying child support. This is not an open and shut case by any means.