His wife texted me asking to meet- what do I do? [Updated 2016-12-2]

[dreamingoftigers]

Hence his continued cheating. She has proven to him that she's willing to put up with anything and he has no respect for her. Great way to let a man treat you.

 

But, oh, wait! She loves him and wants the intact family. Yep, that makes perfect sense. Better to teach her daughter that men are simply jerks and she's destined to live with that.

 

None if this is proven. For all we know he told her it was an ONS that went badly and that he's never had another affair and etc etc etc etc.

 

"Kid might not be his" on and on and on.

 

BW is less than a week out. Seriously, I was still scraping myself off of the floor crying and throwing up at this point.

[bathtub-row]

Curiosity.....Perhaps she wants to see you in the flesh ....see the woman who her H had an affair with. See how you look after having the baby. This is a trauma for her.

 

If it happens again.... best tell your attorney.

 

Yeah, there's no doubt the BS is hurt deeply by this. This is the fall-out of her husband's total disregard for everyone except himself. Very sad.

[bathtub-row]

None if this is proven. For all we know he told her it was an ONS that went badly and that he's never had another affair and etc etc etc etc.

 

"Kid might not be his" on and on and on.

 

BW is less than a week out. Seriously, I was still scraping myself off of the floor crying and throwing up at this point.

 

If this is her reaction to this devastating info -- trying to befriend the OW -- then this is familiar territory for her. Yeah, I'd be puking every day. I'd be out of my mind with grief. But the last thing I'd do is be gracious toward my husband. And there's no way on earth I'd stay with him. But that's just me.

[Robert]

A reminder from moderation that bashing the thread-starter will not be tolerated. Post to be supportive or move on.

 

Thank you,

~6

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Mayday, how did you know it was her driving past your apartment? Are you sure?

[Mayday2016]

Mayday, how did you know it was her driving past your apartment? Are you sure?

 

 

Because he's driven me in that car. It's very distinct. I know the plates and all the individual after market features of it.

[Mayday2016]

I'm still unnerved. She watch me put my two big kids in the backseat then watched me go back into my apartment and come back out and put the baby in the car. She sat and watched me as I had an internal panic attack debating how to get off my street, when she saw me do the turn around she left and then as I was on the main road she was several cars behind as she exited the street in the opposite direction. I went down all the crazy side roads to jump on the highway. When I did I passed his truck driving on the opposite side of the interstate. I'm assuming she was either there because she didn't know where he was or because he left town she assumed it was safe to 'snoop'. I'm not really 'scared' right now, just unnerved. I had a bad morning as was and was trying to rush out of the house and then all of a sudden there she was, it had me so flustered I drove over a damn sidewalk.

[Tayla]

Wow, that does sound un nerving! Take deep breaths and maybe discuss this with a therapist. Good luck!

[13Hearts]

I'm still unnerved. She watch me put my two big kids in the backseat then watched me go back into my apartment and come back out and put the baby in the car. She sat and watched me as I had an internal panic attack debating how to get off my street, when she saw me do the turn around she left and then as I was on the main road she was several cars behind as she exited the street in the opposite direction. I went down all the crazy side roads to jump on the highway. When I did I passed his truck driving on the opposite side of the interstate. I'm assuming she was either there because she didn't know where he was or because he left town she assumed it was safe to 'snoop'. I'm not really 'scared' right now, just unnerved. I had a bad morning as was and was trying to rush out of the house and then all of a sudden there she was, it had me so flustered I drove over a damn sidewalk.

 

You should tell your lawyer and if it happens again, ask lawyer if you should request a protective order from the court.

 

On another note, I cannot imagine keeping myself involved with a man who is so untrustworthy and dysfunctional that I have to drive by his OW's house and watch her and her children, for ANY reason! That is just nuts.

[Mayday2016]

You should tell your lawyer and if it happens again, ask lawyer if you should request a protective order from the court.

 

On another note, I cannot imagine keeping myself involved with a man who is so untrustworthy and dysfunctional that I have to drive by his OW's house and watch her and her children, for ANY reason! That is just nuts.

 

I could understand the curiosity and wanting to see if I was 'real' but you have to go out of your way to go down my road, and then she just sat and watched me. My hands were shaking as I started the car and I could barely think. I get as the OW I should expect her being angry or curious or 1,000 different emotions but that was wrong of her, it felt like she was stalking me. I can't excuse that, at all. If she had driven off as soon as she saw me, maybe but as she parked and watched waiting for me to drive down to the end of the road, no. It wasnt just a 30 sec thing, it was about 5 mins. I emailed my lawyer, he emailed 2 hours later and said it won't happen again. I'm not sure if he talked to their attorney to ensure it won't but he knows who their attorney is and when he found out who it was he said "good!"

[LivingWaterPlease]

I'm still unnerved. She watch me put my two big kids in the backseat then watched me go back into my apartment and come back out and put the baby in the car. She sat and watched me as I had an internal panic attack debating how to get off my street, when she saw me do the turn around she left and then as I was on the main road she was several cars behind as she exited the street in the opposite direction. I went down all the crazy side roads to jump on the highway. When I did I passed his truck driving on the opposite side of the interstate. I'm assuming she was either there because she didn't know where he was or because he left town she assumed it was safe to 'snoop'. I'm not really 'scared' right now, just unnerved. I had a bad morning as was and was trying to rush out of the house and then all of a sudden there she was, it had me so flustered I drove over a damn sidewalk.

 

 

But, you got through it and got through it the right way! Good for you for not approaching her to talk with her or engage with her in any way. Good for you for going about your business normally. This shows good judgment, Mayday 2016, and I'm so glad for you that you have chosen to behave this way.

 

Yes!!!!

 

Just read your latest post about you telling your attorney what happened. That was a good idea. You're handling this very well.

Edited March 3, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[Sub]

Did you take photos and include them in the email? I'm just wondering how your lawyer can make sure it never happens again based off of an email alone.

[whichwayisup]

exMM must have told her where you live, how else could she have figured out how to find you?

 

Time to lock down your fb account, stop making your pictures public,set it to friends only. Email kids pictures directly to your exH instead. This way exMM's wife won't be able to lurk your page (and you know she has).

 

Not sure what to think of her watching you - I'm hoping it was just curiosity, she may have wanted to see what you and the baby looked like up close. Hopefully it won't happen again after the lawyer lets her know to stop.

[Tayla]

Restraining orders or even letters from a lawyer must specify cause and parameters. Lawyers usually need more then a phonecall to resolve matters. I doubt the lawyer jeopardized years of legal training to resolve this one unverified incident. Public roads are not denied to citizens. No physical threat or verbal was exchanged. Place things in perspective.

 

Op, try meditation and counseling for you sound anxious...

[ladydesigner]

exMM must have told her where you live, how else could she have figured out how to find you?

 

Time to lock down your fb account, stop making your pictures public,set it to friends only. Email kids pictures directly to your exH instead. This way exMM's wife won't be able to lurk your page (and you know she has).

 

Not sure what to think of her watching you - I'm hoping it was just curiosity, she may have wanted to see what you and the baby looked like up close. Hopefully it won't happen again after the lawyer lets her know to stop.

 

I'm sure this is what it is. The BS seems very composed and has acted with dignity up until this point. I feel sorry for her, honestly would cut her some slack here unless it happens again.

 

OW are intruders to a M. So to accuse BS of intruding/stalking is a little hypocritical IMHO.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Restraining orders or even letters from a lawyer must specify cause and parameters. Lawyers usually need more then a phonecall to resolve matters. I doubt the lawyer jeopardized years of legal training to resolve this one unverified incident. Public roads are not denied to citizens. No physical threat or verbal was exchanged. Place things in perspective.

 

Op, try meditation and counseling for you sound anxious...

 

 

This info about restraining orders is true where I live, too, Mayday. That's just one thing your records are for, in case things should continue and you need to file some kind of restraining order.

 

Hopefully, if an informal contact has been made between the two attorneys, she'll be notified and realize it's in her best interest to deal with her emotions about this with her supporters, keeping boundaries where you and your child are concerned.

 

As you see the BW struggling with her emotions about this at the same time you're struggling with yours, I wonder if it helps you to realize that it seems exMM has run away and left the two of you to deal with the difficulties of this situation on your own.

 

To me, that's pretty unattractive and hopefully, you'll find it so, too, and it'll help you to disengage your emotions. My heart goes out to both of you for the problem this exMM seems to be. That said, though, I'm really thankful for the way you're handling things at this point for your child and for yourself. You're on the pathway to resolution from all of this. It just takes time and putting one foot in front of the other to try to do the right thing and I believe you're going to come out of this a stronger and wiser woman.

[PinkElephants]

Our divorce was supposed to be finalized in mid January but exH (I feel like I can call him that as we have been separated a long time) hasn't done anything he was supposed to and won't decide if I'm allowed to have part of his 401k or who gets what assets. We go in April to finalize if he does these things. He has held us up multiple times and I don't understand why, he's living with a 25 yr old girl who has recently started wearing a ring on her left hand, I assume he's ready to move on, I don't get why he won't stop dragging his feet though. Maybe someone here has insight on that?

 

It's been a while but I have a thought on this. He might be dragging his feet so he doesn't have to marry the other girl and so he can force you to keep him in your life.

 

Maybe she's putting the pressure on to tie the knot and he doesn't want to. As long as you're married, he can continue stalling and say "oh, I wish I could marry you! If only my stbxw would stop dragging her feet and cooperate I'd marry you this second."

 

He also spent much of your marriage trying to control you and by refusing to do what's needed for the divorce he's still controlling you. He's forcing you to continue dealing with him. His new gf isn't going anywhere, he's making sure you don't go anywhere, and having 2 women might be a sweeter deal than the reduced support you mentioned.

 

I have no idea what you can do about it and it doesn't help with the mm situation. Hopefully the men in your life start getting it together.

[Cappycorny]

Honestly, she could be a crazy person and could hurt you. People can do awful things when there limits are pushed like this. I'd decline and let him deal with her.

[serial muse]

Because he's driven me in that car. It's very distinct. I know the plates and all the individual after market features of it.

 

How do you know it wasn't him? Did you see the driver?

[S2B]

You don't HAVE to wait on him to take action. You can ask a judge to make a ruling when you file the papers to get it finalized.

 

If he doesn't show up at the hearing - you could potentially get everything granted in your favor since he's not there to argue his side.

[RRM321]

You don't HAVE to wait on him to take action. You can ask a judge to make a ruling when you file the papers to get it finalized.

 

If he doesn't show up at the hearing - you could potentially get everything granted in your favor since he's not there to argue his side.

 

Yes, don't wait for him to settle - present what you want to the court and ask for a summary ruling. The court will decide without his input, and it becomes immediately enforceable.

[georgia girl]

Mayday,

 

First of all, we should all be cautious about offering you legal advice. The statements above about a court entering into a settlement could be true in the right circumstances, but I don't think those exist here. In your own words, you said that MM and his spouse have retained counsel. I'm not yet certain that anything has been filed in court, per se, or if there has just be a demand for support. At this point, paternity hasn't even been settled. So, it follows that if there has been no established paternity or no current court action, then the fact that both parties are represented by counsel means that both sides will be represented in any child support and/or custody hearing. Please just let the legal process play out.

 

In that same vein, please also let your attorney be your advocate. I agree with posters who are advising you to do this. This is a HIGHLY emotional situation, with all three parties likely very emotionally invested. This is one of those circumstances that have hired advocates who do not have the same emotional investment gets everyone to the best outcome. Particularly because there are two little girls hanging in the balance, all parties should try and go exclusively through attorneys or have arranged mediation where there are neutral parties on site. It will save pain and anguish that can't be taken back later.

 

As for costs, I do feel badly that you will likely incur a lot of legal fees and it may be that you can ill afford them. Unfortunately, however, good expertise is expensive and hopefully you have some family that can help out.

 

Take care, Mayday. You are still postnatal and you're trying to raise three children alone with a controlling exH and a MM who has literally disappeared. It sounds like your mom and your sister (even if a little misguided) are good and loving supports.

 

Hugs, GG

[S2B]

Is he (MM) providing child support now?

 

Sorry if I missed it.

[Sub]

 

As for costs, I do feel badly that you will likely incur a lot of legal fees and it may be that you can ill afford them. Unfortunately, however, good expertise is expensive and hopefully you have some family that can help out.

 

In a previous thread, Mayday said the lawyer's not going to charge her and try to get the MM to pay his fees. So I guess thst's not an issue. Though, she then said she was happy he didn't return the BW's call so she didn't have to pay for it. Maybe some confusion there.

[Mayday2016]

In a previous thread, Mayday said the lawyer's not going to charge her and try to get the MM to pay his fees. So I guess thst's not an issue. Though, she then said she was happy he didn't return the BW's call so she didn't have to pay for it. Maybe some confusion there.

 

 

 

IlL address this. When I met with my lawyer 3 days after baby was born he said he'd get MM to pay my fees, it was a very chaotic meeting as my Dad was home and wanted to attend, he made what should have been a 20 min consult turn into FOUR hours. However, last week I got a bill. I'm not sure how to address this with my lawyer. The bill was $450 to send MM the papers and draft them up, etc. I myself am confused.