His wife texted me asking to meet- what do I do? [Updated 2016-12-2]

[Mayday2016]

You said earlier that you want him to walk and that you think it would be the best thing for your daughter.

 

You can't wish him to walk away and push him out of your lives but then throw around the ''he left me to do everything on my own'' martyrdom.

 

 

 

But he did though. Baby is 6 months old. We have met twice in the last 2 months to discuss baby and he still has yet to "meet" her, hold her, talk to her etc. I'm waiting for his exit once his wife loses interest because she isn't being included. The full exit will come. He was there during the entire pregnancy and wanted to continue screwing me up until 6 weeks postpartum; I started fussing because internally I could no longer cope with the idea that he wasn't even looking at her to try and start a bond. That's why I let him do the ****ing awful things he did to me over the last 8 or so months; I assumed once he saw she was real he would want to be involved. But once I started hawing, he took off, ghosted her and I had to chase him down. He's had 2 months of court appointments to be involved but he's letting his wife dictate her terms because she wants the baby more than he does. He doesn't want the baby. He sent me an email New Year's Day saying - from here on, she is YOUR child, not mine. He meant it. The way he has acted since her birth, he meant those words.

 

I don't need to defend any actions I take- I have been through the wringer. I have been to hell and back because I did an honorable thing keeping a pregnancy most people would not want. It's been hard. I've been heartbroken but now I'm just pissed. I'm allowed to be. I'm allowed to feel however I want and to stumble and fall over my own words. I'm done apologizing to other 'other women' or betrayed spouses lurking the board that are saying I can't want xyz.. Well, go on. i think I'm doing marvelously for having gone through what I have since I met xMM. And I think the decisions I have made have been solid, rational, and well executed. It may look messy to others but I have been courteous and composed and I have impressed the hell out of myself being able to walk right past this guy without even looking once at him. I have come a long way.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I don't need to defend any actions I take- I have been through the wringer. I have been to hell and back because I did an honorable thing keeping a pregnancy most people would not want. It's been hard. I've been heartbroken but now I'm just pissed. I'm allowed to be. I'm allowed to feel however I want and to stumble and fall over my own words. I'm done apologizing to other 'other women' or betrayed spouses lurking the board that are saying I can't want xyz.. Well, go on. i think I'm doing marvelously for having gone through what I have since I met xMM. And I think the decisions I have made have been solid, rational, and well executed. It may look messy to others but I have been courteous and composed and I have impressed the hell out of myself being able to walk right past this guy without even looking once at him. I have come a long way.

 

I heartily agree with this, Mayday. Taking all of your posts into consideration you seem to me to be one of the most consistent and rational posters on LS.

 

You have grown a lot in the relatively short period of time since you first began to post on LS.

 

I knew early on you had it in you and I am so proud of you! It is inspiring to me to have observed the situation you have emerged from; how you have taken the reigns in this predicament, stood your ground then gone to the mat for your daughter! Bravo!

 

You have been courageous, determined and tenacious in your fight to get your daughter her just due!

[ChickiePops]

But he did though. Baby is 6 months old. We have met twice in the last 2 months to discuss baby and he still has yet to "meet" her, hold her, talk to her etc. I'm waiting for his exit once his wife loses interest because she isn't being included. The full exit will come. He was there during the entire pregnancy and wanted to continue screwing me up until 6 weeks postpartum; I started fussing because internally I could no longer cope with the idea that he wasn't even looking at her to try and start a bond. That's why I let him do the ****ing awful things he did to me over the last 8 or so months; I assumed once he saw she was real he would want to be involved. But once I started hawing, he took off, ghosted her and I had to chase him down. He's had 2 months of court appointments to be involved but he's letting his wife dictate her terms because she wants the baby more than he does. He doesn't want the baby. He sent me an email New Year's Day saying - from here on, she is YOUR child, not mine. He meant it. The way he has acted since her birth, he meant those words.

 

I don't need to defend any actions I take- I have been through the wringer. I have been to hell and back because I did an honorable thing keeping a pregnancy most people would not want. It's been hard. I've been heartbroken but now I'm just pissed. I'm allowed to be. I'm allowed to feel however I want and to stumble and fall over my own words. I'm done apologizing to other 'other women' or betrayed spouses lurking the board that are saying I can't want xyz.. Well, go on. i think I'm doing marvelously for having gone through what I have since I met xMM. And I think the decisions I have made have been solid, rational, and well executed. It may look messy to others but I have been courteous and composed and I have impressed the hell out of myself being able to walk right past this guy without even looking once at him. I have come a long way.

 

But..the father is one of the people who did not want the pregnancy. So how is it fair to push fatherhood on him when he would rather just throw money at the problem and be done with it?

 

He is essentially a sperm donor and you should treat him as such. To ask anything else of him is unfair.

 

And I still have trouble believing that you allowed him to mistreat you for the sake of your baby. Nothing you've said here has backed that up.

[Adoraxx]

I'm VERY proud of you too, May!!!!!!!!!!!! I agree completely with what LivingWater said. You go, girl!!!! You've shown so much strength and you're fighting for your little one(s) . Hugs! Adoraxx

[Lady Hamilton]

... But you said he did see and hold the baby, and previous posts said both he and his wife asked about visitation, the wife you blew off because you don't want to talk to, and the husband you told to wait for court (or blew off because you assumed it was his wife)...

 

As far as 50/50 goes, you only gave him one hour of supervised visitation a week, excluded his wife and other child... You haven't offered 50/50 and you have tried to make the whole process as difficult as possible by trying to customize visitation to just you and him privately meeting and exchanging the baby and/or you being there too.

 

You say that his wife will lose interest and so will he because she's not involved... But that is your doing... Then you talk about how if you could "get" another $200 a month "out of him" and you're going to "go after" all you can...

 

It seems like your goal is a paycheck and cutting him out of the child's life.

 

I get wanting more for your kids, but hammering an ex for cash out of spite then cutting off visitation because you don't like he picked his wife over you is very extreme. Especially since it doesn't appear you went after another ex with this zeal and fervor. You say he only pays 1/8th of his income... If that's what the court found he was liable for, there must be a reason. They don't just decide to chuck child support guidelines randomly. There is something going on to make it that amount... Either there's too little visitation or you earn too little or he has family expense on his income that is counted first (such as his wife's medical needs), or he's paying for insurance for the baby...

 

Ultimately support falls on both of you and at some point you need to kick in and step it up a notch if you want more for your kids. Knocking on the door of Bank of Ex is neither fair nor appropriate in this scenario. Are you employed? Are you seeking better employment?

 

The one common thread in all of these posts and updates is that everything is done to you, not that you played a part in what's going on. He used you for sex for 6 weeks after the baby was born, not that you opened the door and allowed him to. He will want to give up the baby (which you don't know for sure), not that you are structuring things in a way you hope he will walk away over. He's not paying enough, not you aren't bringing in enough income of your own.

 

I just keep hoping in one of these updates, you'll have a revelation that the baby benefits from a father, has one that at this point wants to be with her, so you are putting the needs of the baby over your anger and doing what's best for her. Not an update that makes her sound like the golden egg and you want him to pay out the nose then just go away without making a fuss until he's ready to play family with you and not try and fix his marriage with his wife. Right now, "because I have baby" is just the trump card of leverage played for personal convenience and extracting what is wanted, and it doesn't seem like best interests that are hers ( that don't tie into wants of yours... Like money) are flat out ignored.

Edited June 23, 2016 by Lady Hamilton

[IfWishesWereHorses]

But he did though. Baby is 6 months old. We have met twice in the last 2 months to discuss baby and he still has yet to "meet" her, hold her, talk to her etc. I'm waiting for his exit once his wife loses interest because she isn't being included. The full exit will come. He was there during the entire pregnancy and wanted to continue screwing me up until 6 weeks postpartum; I started fussing because internally I could no longer cope with the idea that he wasn't even looking at her to try and start a bond. That's why I let him do the ****ing awful things he did to me over the last 8 or so months; I assumed once he saw she was real he would want to be involved. But once I started hawing, he took off, ghosted her and I had to chase him down. He's had 2 months of court appointments to be involved but he's letting his wife dictate her terms because she wants the baby more than he does. He doesn't want the baby. He sent me an email New Year's Day saying - from here on, she is YOUR child, not mine. He meant it. The way he has acted since her birth, he meant those words.

 

I don't need to defend any actions I take- I have been through the wringer. I have been to hell and back because I did an honorable thing keeping a pregnancy most people would not want. It's been hard. I've been heartbroken but now I'm just pissed. I'm allowed to be. I'm allowed to feel however I want and to stumble and fall over my own words. I'm done apologizing to other 'other women' or betrayed spouses lurking the board that are saying I can't want xyz.. Well, go on. i think I'm doing marvelously for having gone through what I have since I met xMM. And I think the decisions I have made have been solid, rational, and well executed. It may look messy to others but I have been courteous and composed and I have impressed the hell out of myself being able to walk right past this guy without even looking once at him. I have come a long way.

 

Mayday, I'm curious know, if you feel like considering it, what you think the major difference in your emotional state as it applies to your situation with this MM and baby and Noelle's situation. They are somewhat similar in that her MM wanted nothing to do with the baby. She did break it off during the pregnancy, so that is one difference for sure. Do you see other differences? I'm asking because she seemed to have a different experience with a similar situation and wonder if her perspective has anything to do with it and maybe could help you to view things in a different light.

[wmacbride]

It's really too bad that the op, for the sake of her daughter, won't allow the bs to be her ally in providing what's best for the little girl.

 

the little girl and the mm's other children should be the top priority here, not the feelings of the op, nor the ex-mm or even his w.

 

If the bs can help to facilitate her H and the little girl getting to know each other, then it would be better for everyone involved, even the op.

 

Right now, it really does sound like it's more pride and hurt that's in the driver's seat.

[ufo8mycat]

... But you said he did see and hold the baby,

 

I recall this as well.

 

Mayday, what is your expectation of your MM meeting the baby?

[whatatangledweb]

Hasn't the child support amount already set and being sent to you? How can you get more if it is set? Did the court have MM pay your lawyer fees? I thought you said the next court date was just about visitation?

[stillafool]

Very contradictory here but I will push ahead. Going

for as much child support I can get for my daughter IS in HER best interest.

Raising a child doesn't stop at 18. I want my daughter to go to college despite

socio-economical disadvantages. If I can get another $200/mo out of him that's 4

years paid for for a state school by the time she's 18. Parenting doesn't thrive

within a state calculator either, sometimes a child's financial needs stretch

well beyond 'guidelines' .. Him paying 1/8 of his reported monthly salary to

care for a child he spends ZERO time with means I'm going to go after all I can;

if we did 50/50 parenting it would be a different case but he has left

everything up to me. Everything. He can afford to man up to his fiscal

responsibility if he won't his parental and even moral.

 

May is this what you have in place for your other children as well?

[noelle303]

But he did though. Baby is 6 months old. We have met twice in the last 2 months to discuss baby and he still has yet to "meet" her, hold her, talk to her etc. I'm waiting for his exit once his wife loses interest because she isn't being included. The full exit will come. He was there during the entire pregnancy and wanted to continue screwing me up until 6 weeks postpartum; I started fussing because internally I could no longer cope with the idea that he wasn't even looking at her to try and start a bond. That's why I let him do the ****ing awful things he did to me over the last 8 or so months; I assumed once he saw she was real he would want to be involved. But once I started hawing, he took off, ghosted her and I had to chase him down. He's had 2 months of court appointments to be involved but he's letting his wife dictate her terms because she wants the baby more than he does. He doesn't want the baby. He sent me an email New Year's Day saying - from here on, she is YOUR child, not mine. He meant it. The way he has acted since her birth, he meant those words.

 

I don't need to defend any actions I take- I have been through the wringer. I have been to hell and back because I did an honorable thing keeping a pregnancy most people would not want. It's been hard. I've been heartbroken but now I'm just pissed. I'm allowed to be. I'm allowed to feel however I want and to stumble and fall over my own words. I'm done apologizing to other 'other women' or betrayed spouses lurking the board that are saying I can't want xyz.. Well, go on. i think I'm doing marvelously for having gone through what I have since I met xMM. And I think the decisions I have made have been solid, rational, and well executed. It may look messy to others but I have been courteous and composed and I have impressed the hell out of myself being able to walk right past this guy without even looking once at him. I have come a long way.

 

What we are saying here does not come from being ''other women'' and ''betrayed spouses''. For me personally this situation isn't about that, it's about parental alienation. I'm sorry to say this, but that is what you're doing.

 

He was an ass in those first weeks, I'll give you that. But that doesn't mean he doesn't get another chance to get to know his child and more importantly, that she doesn't get a chance to know him. She is ONLY 6 months old, there is so much time for them to establish a relationship if only you would let it happen.

 

Yes, you get to feel however you want. Emotions are valid and no one can take them away from you. But this needs to be approached rationally, not emotionally. Set your emotions aside for a minute and think about how you can enable your daughter to have both parents in her life.

 

I said it before, my xMM left our child for 5 years. What he said and did to me while I was still pregnant envokes anger to me to this day. But he came around and I'm setting that anger aside to give the two of them a chance to get to know each other because that's what my daughter needs me to do.

[LivingWaterPlease]

From reading all of your posts from the beginning, thoughtfully, May, I believe you are continuing to make wise choices for your daughter.

 

I don't see your situation and Noelle's situation as being the same at all. Obviously, the WH and BW in Noelle's situation have different personalities, temperaments and perspectives from exMM and BW in your sitaution which make co parenting desirable in Noelle's situation.

 

I am thankful you haven't taken the cookie cutter approach of applying her choices to your situation, though from what I've read of her situation I applaud Noelle for working together with her exMM and his BW. It seems her exMM does want to be a father at this point (correct me if I'm wrong but I believe I read he also wanted nothing to do with his child by Noelle during the first five years of his life and she also didn't force the issue with him), whereas yours doesn't.

 

You can't force fatherhood on a man. And exMM has made it clear he doesn't want to be a father to this precious little girl.

 

Although BW has tried to get the daughter of May into her home that is no guarantee exMM would have a relationship with this little girl. In fact, since he has a strained R with his and BW's daughter, it is very possible history could repeat itself with him having a strained R with May's daughter so that she could feel rejected by him in the home. Couple that with the history of instability BW has and you have a recipe for disaster by having your daughter in their home.

 

Have a great day and know that you are doing a superb job as a mom!

 

You are going to go far in life and be a great role model for your little ones!

[LivingWaterPlease]

I said it before, my xMM left our child for 5 years. What he said and did to me while I was still pregnant envokes anger to me to this day. But he came around and I'm setting that anger aside to give the two of them a chance to get to know each other because that's what my daughter needs me to do.

 

 

It's wonderful that you've set aside those reactions to his early behavior, noelle303 and that you're cooperating with xMM in facilitating a R for xMM and your daughter.

 

I believe that when May's xMM becomes interested in being in their daughter's life she'll do the same.

[Mayday2016]

Ty Water. I think a lot of other women have had a hard time not being able to understand why I don't want his wife involved. Many assume it's because they think I wanted a life with xMM; I never did. I never planned to 'be' with him in a relationship. There was talk of him divorcing her or leaving her but we had a moment one night where he and I said we would never remarry. That our own first marriages had been so epically disastrous we could never make a commitment of that magnitude again. He had said something like, "why not just have a partnership where I would live independently/separately" and I told him it was idyllic because being a military wife my best times were when my own husband didn't even live at home! I think so many women here are of the camp that they think I must want to have him play daddy, I must want to be with him, I must want xyz, I must still love him. It's not so. I don't want his wife uninvolved not because I am envious of her position but because I have legitimate proof she is often unstable, unmedicated, and has shown violent tendencies toward her own husband and even once her own child. I don't trust her, I don't trust him; my children are the most precious things in the entire world to me and I will not offer her up like a lamb for slaughter because something feels nefarious. I do not see kindness from the wife, the looks she has given me at court, I see in her eyes a hatred; I'm not giving her the opportunity to let that filter through my daughter. That's the reason. Baby will not be an act in her/his three ring circus. She is not a shiny new toy for his wife to play with- my daughter is my heart and soul existing in a physical form outside of my body (all of my kids are), no one is ****ing with that.

[minimariah]

I think so many women here are of the camp that they think I must want to have him play daddy, I must want to be with him, I must want xyz, I must still love him.

 

i personally think that's true because YOU wrote that; i remember your early posts and you most definitely wanted a family with him. you hoped for that.

 

...but because I have legitimate proof she is often unstable, unmedicated, and has shown violent tendencies toward her own husband and even once her own child.

 

i find this very hard to believe because this "proof" is mostly your MM's words + your assumption and gut feeling. you "see" hatred in her eyes - that is NOT, in any way, a legitimate proof. on the other hand - you're using him as an ATM while doing some major parental alienation; be very careful because your behaviour might backfire.

[noelle303]

 

I believe that when May's xMM becomes interested in being in their daughter's life she'll do the same.

 

He is currently seeking out visitation. May suspects that it's his wife's doing but again, there is no proof of that.

 

I know her situation is not the same as mine is and it's not my intention to tell her to do the same thing I did, everyone has their own path in life and their own course of action.

 

But why I say that it's parental alienation is because he is seeking out visitation, she is making it increasingly difficult for him to see the child, wants him to walk away from the child but at the same time she berates him for not being involved in a 50-50 custody situation and wants more child support precisely because he isn't very involved. I also remember when she said that breastfeeding will prevent him to see the baby more than a couple of hours at the time for at least two years.

 

These incocistencies make me think that she actually simply does not want to share the baby with her father.

[LivingWaterPlease]

He is currently seeking out visitation. May suspects that it's his wife's doing but again, there is no proof of that.

 

I know her situation is not the same as mine is and it's not my intention to tell her to do the same thing I did, everyone has their own path in life and their own course of action.

 

But why I say that it's parental alienation is because he is seeking out visitation, she is making it increasingly difficult for him to see the child, wants him to walk away from the child but at the same time she berates him for not being involved in a 50-50 custody situation and wants more child support precisely because he isn't very involved. I also remember when she said that breastfeeding will prevent him to see the baby more than a couple of hours at the time for at least two years.

 

These incocistencies make me think that she actually simply does not want to share the baby with her father.

 

It's my understanding from reading her posts that May supports visitation by her daughter's father agreed upon by the system set in place to settle the issues.

 

I don't agree with you that she is making it increasingly difficult for him to see the child but rather believe exMM has been given the opportunity to demonstrate, by complying with the visitation schedule set up for him with his daughter, his intention of being a father to her. As he does this consistently over time then he places himself in a position of establishing credibility as a caring father and as time goes by would surely be able to expand his visitation times leading at some point to having her in his home should he demonstrate a solid and responsible interest in her.

 

The opportunity is his. Now lets see what he does with it.

 

I also don't agree with you that May has alienated exMM's daughter from him as he wasn't interested in his newborn daughter when he was in the same room with her. It was his decision at the time, not May's, to be distant from his child.

 

Hopefully he will honor the visitation schedule that has been established thereby demonstrating his intention of being a father to his daughter.

Edited June 23, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

[stillafool]

Ty Water. I think a lot of other women have had a hard time not being able to understand why I don't want his wife involved. Many assume it's because they think I wanted a life with xMM; I never did. I never planned to 'be' with him in a relationship. There was talk of him divorcing her or leaving her but we had a moment one night where he and I said we would never remarry. That our own first marriages had been so epically disastrous we could never make a commitment of that magnitude again. He had said something like, "why not just have a partnership where I would live independently/separately" and I told him it was idyllic because being a military wife my best times were when my own husband didn't even live at home! I think so many women here are of the camp that they think I must want to have him play daddy, I must want to be with him, I must want xyz, I must still love him. It's not so. I don't want his wife uninvolved not because I am envious of her position but because I have legitimate proof she is often unstable, unmedicated, and has shown violent tendencies toward her own husband and even once her own child. I don't trust her, I don't trust him; my children are the most precious things in the entire world to me and I will not offer her up like a lamb for slaughter because something feels nefarious. I do not see kindness from the wife, the looks she has given me at court, I see in her eyes a hatred; I'm not giving her the opportunity to let that filter through my daughter. That's the reason. Baby will not be an act in her/his three ring circus. She is not a shiny new toy for his wife to play with- my daughter is my heart and soul existing in a physical form outside of my body (all of my kids are), no one is ****ing with that.

 

So are you going to prevent MM from seeing your daughter too? Afterall, you said he doesn't care about her. If you ask me he has mental illness as well. I'm sure this man has had numerous affairs on his wife and if she is mentally ill it's because he drove her there. This is a game to him. He's probably working on another affair as we speak.

[LivingWaterPlease]

So are you going to prevent MM from seeing your daughter too? Afterall, you said he doesn't care about her. If you ask me he has mental illness as well. I'm sure this man has had numerous affairs on his wife and if she is mentally ill it's because he drove her there. This is a game to him. He's probably working on another affair as we speak.

 

I believe May has posted that arrangements that she has agreed to have been made for exMM to visit with his daughter.

[Lady Hamilton]

One hour a week at a facility is not an arraignment for visitation. I spend more time at the grocery store per week than he has been permitted to see his daughter.

 

And even then, she finds this arraignment to be too much of a burden on her because of where it's located.

 

Even if we were to follow that this woman is Looney Tunes, this is a supervised visit at a facility... There is no reason to not allow both more time as he wants (as opposed to waiting for September for the hearing he asked for) and his wife and other child to be present, both of which are forbidden by OP.

[stillafool]

I believe May has posted that arrangements that she has agreed to have been made for exMM to visit with his daughter.

 

Oh, sorry I didn't see that. When are they going to meet?

[Mayday2016]

One hour a week at a facility is not an arraignment for visitation. I spend more time at the grocery store per week than he has been permitted to see his daughter.

 

And even then, she finds this arraignment to be too much of a burden on her because of where it's located.

 

Even if we were to follow that this woman is Looney Tunes, this is a supervised visit at a facility... There is no reason to not allow both more time as he wants (as opposed to waiting for September for the hearing he asked for) and his wife and other child to be present, both of which are forbidden by OP.

 

 

 

His wife chose the facility. We could have gone to a ymca, a park, or a library but his wife said NO because he is not even allowed to look at me. She is afraid if he even sets eyes on me he will want to restart the affair.

[Mayday2016]

Oh, sorry I didn't see that. When are they going to meet?

 

His wife emailed me a week after court reiterating to me that he wants to start visitation in mid July because he's too busy right now. Our court date was the first week of June and his lawyer told Mine that xMM is busy on sabbatical (which he went on while we were together) and is just so overwhelmed and busy being a professor he can't even start visitation until mid July. It was all so strange, she talked like I had no idea about his life and I said nothing just nodded. But in the summers he does not teach, 2x a week he's in the lab with the students that stay at the college for the summer semester. And then he usually does one conference during the summer and I know he'll do one at the end of the month that he flies out to for 2 days. It's fine. He's had since she was born to see her but if he wants to wait it doesn't bother me.

[minimariah]

His wife chose the facility.

 

the facility is actually not a bad idea at all because it allows controlled space & time unlike parks and libraries - you forgot to add that you refuse to allow his wife near the baby. so it's only logical that she'll refuse for you to be alone with him and the child and for you to dictate the terms of meetings and visitations. i don't think it's HIM she's afraid of -- it's you. she's probably afraid you'll use the child to restart the affair which - you admitted it - you already did in the past. so it's not like she doesn't want you alone with him for no reason; + you're very hostile towards her and they are a team.

 

...she talked like I had no idea about his life and I said nothing just nodded.

 

well, how would she know how much you do or don't know about his life? as far as she is concerned, you were a booty call and i have no doubts that he painted you as a golddigger who had his baby on purpose - the fact that you're squeezing him for money kinda supports that theory, too.

 

i assume his wife knows his schedule better than you do.

Edited June 23, 2016 by minimariah

[LivingWaterPlease]

One hour a week at a facility is not an arraignment for visitation. I spend more time at the grocery store per week than he has been permitted to see his daughter.

 

And even then, she finds this arraignment to be too much of a burden on her because of where it's located.

 

Even if we were to follow that this woman is Looney Tunes, this is a supervised visit at a facility... There is no reason to not allow both more time as he wants (as opposed to waiting for September for the hearing he asked for) and his wife and other child to be present, both of which are forbidden by OP.

 

Well, Lady Hamilton, you, I, and May all agree that facility is an odd place for visitation.

 

It's the BW who wants visitation to occur at the facility.

 

It seems to me a park or library would be a more suitable environment for a father and daughter to have a relaxed visit. I don't see "control of time and space" as written in the post above this as being nearly as important as the advantage to the human element of providing a more enjoyable environment such as a park or library would be for both daughter and father.

 

The designation of this relatively stark environment for father and baby daughter to visit is just, imho, a mild example of one of the odd choices BW has made that has demonstrated a lack in her judgement to those who are paying attention to the red flags in her behavior posted on this thread.

 

Also, want to mention that no one has yet commented on the facility being a good venue wherein to meet until it was mentioned and/or noted that it was BW's idea.

 

As to May finding this arrangement to be too much of a burden and posting to that affect, as you've pointed out; as I understand it, one of the purposes of LS is for people to process their feelings about their situations by writing about them. Since May is a single mom of small children in addition to being a (again single) mom of a baby, I'm glad to support her as she writes of the inconveniences she faces in doing so.

 

I believe it's helpful for young moms, especially with multiple children and then even more so as single moms, to have people to listen to and encourage them as they vent their frustrations. I do that for young moms I know irl and am glad to do that for a courageous and dedicated mom, such as May is, on LS

 

Besides the fact that May has demonstrated that she is giving her all for her children and doing what she, as the only one of us who is involved in the situation, believes is best for them, there is one supreme thing that I keep in mind when posting to May.

 

That one thing is that it seems to me the more support May gets from anyone and everyone who has the opportunity to support her, the better off her precious children will be.

 

Although I'll never met May's children, I am very much cognizant of the fact that I can influence their quality of life, even to a very small extent, by how I treat May. So, I'm choosing to treat her as I would want to be treated in her situation.

 

What has been such a delight to me, is that as this thread has progressed I have been beyond proud of May's exponential demonstration of growing maturity. Her love of and commitment to her children has always seemed obvious to me. And her wisdom, judgment and maturity seems to be growing by leaps and bounds!

 

Mayday, you continue to impress. You will go far in life because of your desire to grow as a person. Please don't misunderstand me to be putting you in a category as the only person on this thread needing to grow as a person as I believe we all do, myself included, more so than anyone else as I have a front row seat to my imperfections on a 24/7 basis! If each one of us would advance in personal growth as much as May has what a dynamic force we would all be!

Edited June 23, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease