His wife texted me asking to meet- what do I do? [Updated 2016-12-2]

June 23, 2016

^ i'm not sure what does LIBRARY means - libraries are, at least where i live, VERY quiet and filled with students who are reading and studying. really not a great place for a loud, babbling child and father bonding. park is a good idea but comes with a condition of a nice weather; summer sudden rains are a daily thing over here so that wouldn't be a good option either -- from MY perspective.

in my country - supervised visitation is spent in child services space, you have a playroom and it's a safe place + with one social worker present. not sure IF that was an option... but i mean, if WE have that (and we are really a third world country) - i doubt the States or Canada don't.

also - you implying that i'm praising the facility ONLY because it was the BW's idea...? let me stop you right there and remind you that it came to that because the OP refuses to allow the BW to be present for the visitations without any real proof and based on her projections and hostility towards the BW.

you can encourage and support May all you want - i sure won't. i will never support parental alienation, a mother using the child's father as an ATM because she is unable to support the child with her own labour & hoping for the father to vanish. you can miss me with that.

Edited June 23, 2016 by minimariah

June 23, 2016

But he did though. Baby is 6 months old. We have met twice in the last 2 months to discuss baby and he still has yet to "meet" her, hold her, talk to her etc. I'm waiting for his exit once his wife loses interest because she isn't being included. The full exit will come. He was there during the entire pregnancy and wanted to continue screwing me up until 6 weeks postpartum; I started fussing because internally I could no longer cope with the idea that he wasn't even looking at her to try and start a bond. That's why I let him do the ****ing awful things he did to me over the last 8 or so months; I assumed once he saw she was real he would want to be involved. But once I started hawing, he took off, ghosted her and I had to chase him down. He's had 2 months of court appointments to be involved but he's letting his wife dictate her terms because she wants the baby more than he does. He doesn't want the baby. He sent me an email New Year's Day saying - from here on, she is YOUR child, not mine. He meant it. The way he has acted since her birth, he meant those words.

I don't need to defend any actions I take- I have been through the wringer. I have been to hell and back because I did an honorable thing keeping a pregnancy most people would not want. It's been hard. I've been heartbroken but now I'm just pissed. I'm allowed to be. I'm allowed to feel however I want and to stumble and fall over my own words. I'm done apologizing to other 'other women' or betrayed spouses lurking the board that are saying I can't want xyz.. Well, go on. i think I'm doing marvelously for having gone through what I have since I met xMM. And I think the decisions I have made have been solid, rational, and well executed. It may look messy to others but I have been courteous and composed and I have impressed the hell out of myself being able to walk right past this guy without even looking once at him. I have come a long way.

Then let it go. Stop pushing for him to see her. He has chosen not to. Accept that, move on and don't look back. Don't punish him and try to screw him out of another 200 bucks just because he doesn't want to be in his daughters life. You knew he didn't from the get go (his actions have shown you this) yet you kept wanting her to have her dad in her life. Now his wife (she isn't dictating at all, she's being a 'mom'!) and trying her best. Though thats not good enough either.

I"m glad that you're finally "over him" and not trying to woo him back for yourself. He isn't a father, or a real husband. He's a man child.

June 23, 2016

Ty Water. I think a lot of other women have had a hard time not being able to understand why I don't want his wife involved. Many assume it's because they think I wanted a life with xMM; I never did. I never planned to 'be' with him in a relationship. There was talk of him divorcing her or leaving her but we had a moment one night where he and I said we would never remarry. That our own first marriages had been so epically disastrous we could never make a commitment of that magnitude again. He had said something like, "why not just have a partnership where I would live independently/separately" and I told him it was idyllic because being a military wife my best times were when my own husband didn't even live at home! I think so many women here are of the camp that they think I must want to have him play daddy, I must want to be with him, I must want xyz, I must still love him. It's not so. I don't want his wife uninvolved not because I am envious of her position but because I have legitimate proof she is often unstable, unmedicated, and has shown violent tendencies toward her own husband and even once her own child. I don't trust her, I don't trust him; my children are the most precious things in the entire world to me and I will not offer her up like a lamb for slaughter because something feels nefarious. I do not see kindness from the wife, the looks she has given me at court, I see in her eyes a hatred; I'm not giving her the opportunity to let that filter through my daughter. That's the reason. Baby will not be an act in her/his three ring circus. She is not a shiny new toy for his wife to play with- my daughter is my heart and soul existing in a physical form outside of my body (all of my kids are), no one is ****ing with that.

You don't know what his wife truly wants as you've never spoken to her face to face. You've not had a coffee with her and just laid it all out on the table. You wanted contact ONLY through lawyers. Honestly, why not call her and have a real conversation instead of painting her as the bad one here, the dictator and the one who is controlling. I think HE is the one who is the bad guy, not her. You assume the worst that this woman is going to hurt your child. She is a mother and there's NO way she will take the chance of losing her own kids by hurting yours.

June 23, 2016

^ i'm not sure what does LIBRARY means - libraries are, at least where i live, VERY quiet and filled with students who are reading and studying. really not a great place for a loud, babbling child and father bonding. park is a good idea but comes with a condition of a nice weather; summer sudden rains are a daily thing over here so that wouldn't be a good option either -- from MY perspective.

in my country - supervised visitation is spent in child services space, you have a playroom and it's a safe place + with one social worker present. not sure IF that was an option.

I agree that a quiet place where students study wouldn't be a great place for a baby or toddler so can definitely agree with you on that. I was thinking of our city where our main library has a children's play area that's all decorated and child-friendly. Guess it would depend on the library in question.

Interesting about your country's visitation spaces.

I really like the idea of a park for visitation because fresh air, trees, flowers seem so healthy (as they emit O2) and play equipment is available (for older kids, not a six-month old) but guess it's a moot point here since it's been decided.

Anyway, thanks for your response and explanation, mini!

June 23, 2016

also - you implying that i'm praising the facility ONLY because it was the BW's idea...? let me stop you right there and remind you that it came to that because the OP refuses to allow the BW to be present for the visitations without any real proof and based on her projections and hostility towards the BW.

I believe it's a fact not an implication that no mention of the facility being a good place for a visit was noted until May explained it was the BW's choice.

I don't see Mayday as being hostile so guess we'll just differ on that.

you can encourage and support May all you want - i sure won't. i will never support parental alienation, a mother using the child's father as an ATM because she is unable to support the child with her own labour & hoping for the father to vanish. you can miss me with that.

I don't see Mayday as alienating the father from the daughter as she has agreed to visitation with father and daughter and did encourage father to be part of daughter's life during pregnancy and after at which time he outright rejected the baby.

Edited June 23, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

June 23, 2016

Do you expect that this will be the setup for 18 years?

I worry about the impact this arrangement will have on the child's self-esteem. Because the parents were stupid enough to let a pregnancy occur, this child is at the centre of drama it did not ask to be a part of. What perception will the child have of its father - a man you clearly trusted enough at one point to be sexually intimate with - when the part he has to play is that of a shunned pariah? At some point the child is going to grow up and start asking questions like where did I come from. Y'all can keep this nonsense up, or you can swallow whatever bitter pill is required to put the child FIRST.

I can assure you that if my WH had created a child during his A, I would absolutely be a supportive and active part of that child's life and relationship with my husband, without malice towards the child, because let me assure you any man who would not take responsibility for his child, is not a man I want to be married with. Hell, *I* would be the one calling to set up visitation, too! That is the ONLY thing that should matter. His wife is right not to trust her WH around his xOW, until and unless you develop a civil relationship. Whether you like it or not, the BS is your child's stepmother. The only thing that is off in this situation is the sequence of events because normally becoming a stepmom happens after the baby daddy's divorce, not during his marriage.

You need to set aside your personal interests and biases, remove money from the equation as it pertains to visitation, and start thinking about your baby's self-esteem, which will be hard enough to maintain being the product of an affair let alone dealing with the humiliation of being used as a pawn or paraded around parks and libraries while their father is supervised like he's a common criminal. You don't have the luxury of knowing the wife from any context other than whatever was filtered to you about her during the A and the grime-coloured glasses you need to keep wearing to minimize the guilt and shame you feel for getting pregnant with her husband's child.

It's going to be hard finding a peaceful way through this, but I think you might want to consider thinking of the BS as an ally not an enemy. Talk to her. Communicate with her. Unless you're actually still trying to steal her man, what could you possibly lose by establishing civility?

June 23, 2016

Besides the fact that May has demonstrated that she is giving her all for her children and doing what she, as the only one of us who is involved in the situation, believes is best for them, there is one supreme thing that I keep in mind when posting to May.

I don't know if any of us know this, to be honest. We all have our own opinions on how best to raise our kids. One thing that I get hung up on with May is financial independence. What can she do to NOT have to rely on someone who only causes her pain? I understand that it's not something that can happen overnight. But the circumstances under which this R with MM started plus the recent tone of a kind of money grab for the daughter's college costs would concern me. I don't doubt Mayday loves her kid. But who knows if this route is the best thing. It's at least debatable given all the facts, IMO.

June 23, 2016

I don't know if any of us know this, to be honest. We all have our own opinions on how best to raise our kids. One thing that I get hung up on with May is financial independence. What can she do to NOT have to rely on someone who only causes her pain? I understand that it's not something that can happen overnight. But the circumstances under which this R with MM started plus the recent tone of a kind of money grab for the daughter's college costs would concern me. I don't doubt Mayday loves her kid. But who knows if this route is the best thing. It's at least debatable given all the facts, IMO.

If you read my initial thread here I wasn't even sure if I should go after him for anything. I was urged to please for the sake of my daughter Try and get child support. I was willing to protect his ass up until the baby was born and I realized why am I protecting him! My priorities were all wrong, all wrong. I'm doing everything I can for baby now. **** him, he had his chance for me to protect his best interests, this is playing out how he made it go. Even my lawyer was like- hey may, let me just mail the papers to him at work, we'll be discreet and no drama. But he went and told the wife and it snowballed. I'm not trying to 'bilk' him or bleed him. In fact, 8 months ago I was willing to walk away clean until posters told me no! He needs to be held responsible. I would have kept his secret for him but I've had angels and Devils on my shoulders helping to guide the way of the right thing for my kids.

Financial independence is the dream here. Going to school and spending 6 years on a 4 year degree will happen. Then a career where I can take care of my kids without these jerks would be the best case scenario. Will it happen? Idk. Single mom with 3 kids trying to go to college when I'm over 30 and have poor memory retention... I hope it happens, I'm trying to make it happen. With my husband he wanted me to be a Sahm forever so that's how I planned my life for 10 years. That's all I was. No degree, no trade skills. I'm starting over but the best part of that statement is I'm starting. It's an action. I'm doing something, it's just going to take a long while for that something to become something substantial.

June 23, 2016

Are you just afraid May of what you can't control now that visitation is on the table and what happens if he doesn't do an final exit? I admit I would have been to if my xh had a new wife and my kids were with them x amount of time away from me. As it was my Son lived with his Dad for two years before coming back to me full time. It was heartbreaking and I worked tirelessly to build a solid relationship with my Son. We are good now and have been for several years. If a new wife was part of the picture during that time it would have been even harder. My x and I did have joint custody of our kids, I didn't lose my son it just felt that way and I can't imagine how it would have been if my kids were babies and I was dealing with custody issues. I think May it's time to see someone about coping with not having your baby with you full time. After all it's new territory, you've never had to part with a baby for any amount of time to an ex.

Edited June 24, 2016 by Maddieandtae

June 24, 2016

Financial independence is the dream here. Going to school and spending 6 years on a 4 year degree will happen. Then a career where I can take care of my kids without these jerks would be the best case scenario. Will it happen? Idk. Single mom with 3 kids trying to go to college when I'm over 30 and have poor memory retention... I hope it happens, I'm trying to make it happen. With my husband he wanted me to be a Sahm forever so that's how I planned my life for 10 years. That's all I was. No degree, no trade skills. I'm starting over but the best part of that statement is I'm starting. It's an action. I'm doing something, it's just going to take a long while for that something to become something substantial.

Reading this and especially the bolded is exactly what I've come to expect from you, May! And you WILL do it, I believe! Yes, it will take time and effort, won't be easy. But, one foot in front of the other will do it every time. There will be setbacks but keep on keepin' on and you will get there. I believe in your tenacity, intelligence and determination!

There are times when I wish we could all see each other behind our usernames on LS and this is one of those times. Because I believe you are going to be a great success! How satisfying it would be to see you stand before us all one day, having reared your children and worked hard, overcoming odds to have a successful life. Not financially wealthy, but a life of caring for your children and finding a way to provide for them that will be a model for them of how to overcome adversity.

Go Mayday2016!!!

June 24, 2016

I don't know if any of us know this, to be honest. We all have our own opinions on how best to raise our kids. One thing that I get hung up on with May is financial independence. What can she do to NOT have to rely on someone who only causes her pain? I understand that it's not something that can happen overnight. But the circumstances under which this R with MM started plus the recent tone of a kind of money grab for the daughter's college costs would concern me. I don't doubt Mayday loves her kid. But who knows if this route is the best thing. It's at least debatable given all the facts, IMO.

I know May addressed this but just wanted to mention that I believe I understand your viewpoint on the financial aspect of this.

I really think my attitude would be similar to yours had I not gone through the awful and challenging time of being a single mom having just gone through a divorce and having been a sahm and expecting to stay so for the duration of the kids' childhood and ending up receiving very little in child support payments. Except through God's help I never would have made it.

So, in my view, May is doing the best for her daughter by getting as much child support as possible from exMM for her.

Also, if possible I do think it's best to settle the issue of financial help for a college education from the father early. I didn't include this issue as part of my divorce and lived to regret it as when we did address the issue it was very emotionally difficult for my kids as their dad made things difficult for them. Whereas, had it been done when they were little kids he wouldn't have done so, I believe.

Edited June 24, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

June 24, 2016

I believe May has posted that arrangements that she has agreed to have been made for exMM to visit with his daughter.

The op needs to be very, very careful in this situation, and it may actually be very different than the view the op is presenting.. It's only to be expected that it;s biased, as , just as with anyone, she is only capable of presenting her thoughts feelings and interpretations of the ex-mm behavior and motives.

If the arrangement re: visits between the mm and child is not to his satisfaction, he may very well decide that court, and not mediation, is the way to seek redress, and if this happens, it will be out of the op's hands. She will not be able to dictate the rules, and it will be done for her. What she feels are in her daughter's est interests and what the courts feel are in her daughter's best interests may well be two very different things.

June 24, 2016

His wife chose the facility. We could have gone to a ymca, a park, or a library but his wife said NO because he is not even allowed to look at me. She is afraid if he even sets eyes on me he will want to restart the affair.

This, right here, expresses a big chunk of the op's problem.

She is blaming his wife for his decisions, and using his wife as an excuse for trying to control her ex-mm.

June 24, 2016

I believe it's a fact not an implication that no mention of the facility being a good place for a visit was noted until May explained it was the BW's choice.

I don't see Mayday as being hostile so guess we'll just differ on that.

I don't see Mayday as alienating the father from the daughter as she has agreed to visitation with father and daughter and did encourage father to be part of daughter's life during pregnancy and after at which time he outright rejected the baby.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the reason he was not interested in seeing his daughter, at least in the early days, was because he wasn't interested in the package that went along with her.

June 24, 2016

I know May addressed this but just wanted to mention that I believe I understand your viewpoint on the financial aspect of this.

I really think my attitude would be similar to yours had I not gone through the awful and challenging time of being a single mom having just gone through a divorce and having been a sahm and expecting to stay so for the duration of the kids' childhood and ending up receiving very little in child support payments. Except through God's help I never would have made it.

So, in my view, May is doing the best for her daughter by getting as much child support as possible from exMM for her.

Also, if possible I do think it's best to settle the issue of financial help for a college education from the father early. I didn't include this issue as part of my divorce and lived to regret it as when we did address the issue it was very emotionally difficult for my kids as their dad made things difficult for them. Whereas, had it been done when they were little kids he wouldn't have done so, I believe.

Comparing the op's situation to a marriage ending is like comparing apples to oranges, and its actually harmful to the op to do so.

The thing in this situation though is that an monies from the -mm are not for the use of the OP or her other children. They are for her daughter.

He is not obligated to pay the op to go back to school, or pay any of her expenses or provide her with financialsupport. They were never married nor in any sort of exclusive, committed relationship.

Her ex-husband may be ordered to pay spousal support, along with child support for her other children.

The ex-mm may well decide to put away funds, in trust, for his daughter to use for tuition, etc., but I don't know of any situation, even when a marriage ends, where a parent is forced to pay tuition costs for their child. Even married parents can;t be forced to do that, though many of them choose to do so.

June 24, 2016

I told him I needed to grab something from the car so I laid baby on one of the double beds and left the room. When I came back he was swaying with her in his arms patting her back awkwardly. He waited a minute or two before giving her back to me. That is the only t

He's had since she was born to see her but if he wants to wait it doesn't bother me.

May if he was swaying the baby in his arms, he's seen and met her.

June 24, 2016

The op needs to be very, very careful in this situation, and it may actually be very different than the view the op is presenting.. It's only to be expected that it;s biased, as , just as with anyone, she is only capable of presenting her thoughts feelings and interpretations of the ex-mm behavior and motives.

If the arrangement re: visits between the mm and child is not to his satisfaction, he may very well decide that court, and not mediation, is the way to seek redress, and if this happens, it will be out of the op's hands. She will not be able to dictate the rules, and it will be done for her. What she feels are in her daughter's est interests and what the courts feel are in her daughter's best interests may well be two very different things.

I believe the OP is being very very careful in this situation and conversely believe the situation may be very different than the view you may have. OP has more information about it than you do so, very kindly to you, wmacbride, I believe OP's perspective is closer to reality than your perspective is, by matter of proximity and also by matter of logic and consistency exemplified in her posts.

The visits and situation are not in OP's hands at this time. So to state that they may be taken out of her hands as you have in the above statement doesn't seem to follow logic to me. The situation is, at this time, in the hands of the legal system and the two parties have been/are working together with a third party (the system) to arrive at suitable arrangements.

This, right here, expresses a big chunk of the op's problem.

She is blaming his wife for his decisions, and using his wife as an excuse for trying to control her ex-mm.

I don't share your view that OP is trying to control exMM. I believe she is trying to do what is best for her daughter.

I have a sneaking suspicion that the reason he was not interested in seeing his daughter, at least in the early days, was because he wasn't interested in the package that went along with her.

This couldn't be further from the truth. It is actually the exact opposite of the facts as posted.

If you had followed May's posts and comprehended them you would know that in the early days exMM visited May because he was very much interested in the package that went along with his daughter (that being May, he was very interested in May), but when May wanted him to pay attention to his daughter he wouldn't do so.

Also, the term, "sneaking suspicion" that you've used to describe your thoughts seems to me to be an interesting way of expressing the method you use to arrive at your conclusions.

Comparing the op's situation to a marriage ending is like comparing apples to oranges, and its actually harmful to the op to do so.

The thing in this situation though is that an monies from the -mm are not for the use of the OP or her other children. They are for her daughter.

He is not obligated to pay the op to go back to school, or pay any of her expenses or provide her with financialsupport. They were never married nor in any sort of exclusive, committed relationship.

Her ex-husband may be ordered to pay spousal support, along with child support for her other children.

The ex-mm may well decide to put away funds, in trust, for his daughter to use for tuition, etc., but I don't know of any situation, even when a marriage ends, where a parent is forced to pay tuition costs for their child. Even married parents can;t be forced to do that, though many of them choose to do so.

Your above response doesn't address the issues of my post logically, wmacbride.

If you reread my post critically you will find that I didn't compare May's situation of being OW to my situation of being a divorced single mom as that being the similarity. I compared the financial situations of OP and myself and mentioned the divorce only to set the stage to show how I came to be in a similar financial situation and writing this is in no way harmful to the OP, imho.

I haven't read any post of OP's that states she expects to use the money exMM provides for his daughter for her own use so not sure why you're addressing that issue. Not sure why you're addressing the fact that OP's exH may be ordered to pay spousal and child support as there is no contention that he won't, in fact, it seems to me it's a given that he will.

In rereading your post it seems to me (correct me if I'm wrong) that you're understanding my statement,

"So, in my view, May is doing the best for her daughter by getting as much child support as possible from exMM for her."

to mean May is doing the best for her daughter by getting as much child support as possible from exMM for May.

If you'll notice that's not what my statement says. The "her" in the sentence refers to her daughter so means,

"So, in my view, May is doing the best for her daughter by getting as much child support as possible from exMM for her daughter."

This may be a simple matter of reading comprehension as, since I had just used the term, daughter, right before using the term, "her" it is understood that her refers to daughter not to May. That's similar (not the exact same, but similar) to saying, "Am going to the bank." Although the "I" isn't written it is understood. Likewise, although the word "daughter" is not written at the end of the sentence it is understood to be so since the term is used in reference to the word daughter shortly before it.

Had I meant it to refer to May, I would have designated so by ending the word, "her" with "self" to read,

"by getting as much child support as possible for herself." This differentiates that it refers to May. However, that isn't what I wrote.

You state that you don't know of any situation when a parent is forced to pay tuition costs for their child. FYI I know of many, my own included.

My exH was ordered by the court (a judge) to pay a portion of my children's college tuition. Whether you consider that force or not is a matter of opinion, I suppose. He didn't want to pay and could have defied the court and faced the consequences of doing so, but he didn't.

Edited June 24, 2016 by LivingWaterPlease

June 24, 2016

If you had followed May's posts and comprehended them you would know that in the early days exMM visited May because he was very much interested in the package that went along with his daughter (that being May, he was very interested in May), but when May wanted him to pay attention to his daughter he
wouldn't do so.

This man was never interested in ANY package as it relates to May. He was interested in bizarre sex even when May was pregnant.

You state that you don't know of any situation when a parent is forced to pay tuition costs for their child. FYI I know of many, my own included.

Under what circumstances was he ordered to pay tuition costs because most parents don't owe that.

June 24, 2016

This man was never interested in ANY package as it relates to May. He was interested in bizarre sex even when May was pregnant.

Under what circumstances was he ordered to pay tuition costs because most parents don't owe that.

I disagree with the first paragraph of your post.

Not sure what you mean by the bolded. He's the father of my children if that's what you're asking.

If you're asking for the particulars of our case it would go against LS regulations to state those and I wouldn't do it as it would be an invasion of privacy to do so.

We hired an attorney and took the matter to court for each individual child. Each time exH was ordered to pay part of the children's tuition after the judge heard the presentation of the case. I live in the USA if there's any question as to where this happened.

Probably not best to continue this as it could become a threadjack.

June 24, 2016

I have a sneaking suspicion that the reason he was not interested in seeing his daughter, at least in the early days, was because he wasn't interested in the package that went along with her.

I agree. Or he didn't want his wife to find out and was planning for a quick exit and therefore avoided bonding.

Now that his wife knows and is open to having the baby in their lives he may feel different and actually want visitation. Which is why he is seeking it out.

June 24, 2016

wmacbride, I came back to edit my post to include an explanation to you but stillafool had already posted so I wasn't able to do it.

But, I did want to add in reference to the reading comprehension comment I made that almost all of us (I know I do, anyway) read things from time-to-time and misinterpret what we've read so understand how that could have happened when you read the post I explained!

June 24, 2016

His wife chose the facility. We could have gone to a ymca, a park, or a library but his wife said NO because he is not even allowed to look at me. She is afraid if he even sets eyes on me he will want to restart the affair.

My guess is that she's afraid of *you* setting eyes on *him*. I would bet any amount of money that he told her that you pursued him, that you wanted to have this baby so you could be a family, etc. And, of course, she's not going to trust you. I think she trusts him (as much as she's able to) since he's clearly complying with what she asked of him. You're the wild card.

June 24, 2016

My guess is that she's afraid of *you* setting eyes on *him*. I would bet any amount of money that he told her that you pursued him, that you wanted to have this baby so you could be a family, etc. And, of course, she's not going to trust you. I think she trusts him (as much as she's able to) since he's clearly complying with what she asked of him. You're the wild card.

I'm thinking she's by now aware of how the A came to be. If so, her reasons for skepticism aren't without some merit. And I think it's separate from whether or not she trusts her H.

June 28, 2016

So only advice I can give is based on what I would do.

So you are having a baby from ur affair? I would have avoided affair and baby. It happened? Yes...so now what would I do?

So. Father will be father of ur kid and her kid. He can decide not to be husband of either. In fact, chances are he will cheat again. or maybe not but that's beyond the point

You are mom of baby#2. Bonding sexually with father for baby Bonding....not wise. No correlation. Get help

Learn to live alone. Learn to be a mom and love urself

Allow him his rights. Do so through lawyers.

Do u need to meet with her? No. No need. Just as she doesn't need to meet with u. He needs to meet with both kids. He may love one of u...u cannot force who. I think he doesn't love any of u.

Two babies who are half siblings...great

Can they both interact in future?

The wife is curious who u r and yes how it will play out. She might be deciding what to do for herself as well.

He is a coward hiding behind two skirts! For goodness sake!

If I were you. ..I would fly solo.

Meet her in public out of curiosity and do all parental rights through lawyers.

She may not be in his life in future. ...but I say Love urself !

August 9, 2016

Well. I saw him at the courthouse. I was there for a discussion on visitation on my own divorce case with my new and much better attorney. Xmm was there and his (soon to be ex)wife was there, they had separate attorneys.

I had a mini panic attack in the bathroom thinking xmm was there as a witness for my husband during our case. My attorney stepped out of the bathroom then came back and said xmm is getting divorced.

I went outside for air. Xmm wife had already left. He was walking out. I walked right past him and he was oblivious .. I got the courage to turn around and say his name. He started walking toward me then stopped when he realized who I was.

He said -

I can't talk to you.

He turned to head to his truck.

I said-

Just answer one question. Do you want anything to do with (baby's name)?

He kept his back to me and continued walking away. Then said-

Not now.

He mumbled things I couldn't hear as he continued walking away and again said-

Not now.

He got in his truck and drove away as fast he could.

So there's our ending. He's never met baby (beyond the 5 mins when she was 6 days old when he had me at the hotel for "sex") and I have my confirmation now he never will. I think it was fortuitous seeing him. Knowing he's left his wife, knowing he has an opportunity now to step up for baby or have an opportunity to talk to me on his own and he's done neither. He proved I was a distraction, everyone here told me I was meaningless to him and I didn't get it until yesterday. Everyone told me he didn't want a relationship with baby and I didn't believe. I know now. I see him for who he is; selfish, self-involved. He's now going to be divorced and still doesn't want baby or to even talk to me, there are no more excuses, he's shown his true colors.

As far as my other case? Running after xmm was my showing myself I had courage and when recess was over I went back in the courtroom and crushed it. I feel like a new person. I'm not even sad. I think my therapist would call today a break-through.

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His wife texted me asking to meet- what do I do? [Updated 2016-12-2]

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