His wife texted me asking to meet- what do I do? [Updated 2016-12-2]

[Adoraxx]

Hi May, it's so nice to see your update! I was thinking about you yesterday (I logged in before you wrote) . I really hope that he will be nothing but a distant memory one day (hopefully soon)

 

I cannot explain the draw of a sociopath. I am intelligent enough but I could never lay out the mechanization of a person like him. Of how they distort reality and bend your core to suit their needs.

 

Sooo true, May. They're dangerous and you worded it so well with 'how they distort reality and bend your core to suit your needs'. I needed to read that today.

 

Your little one sounds like a little cutie!!!! <3 <3

 

big hugs!!!

[LivingWaterPlease]

So glad to read your update, Mayday2016. Especially your delight in sweet baby girl! I'm rarely on LS anymore but think of you when I do check in. Keep posting, if you like. Would be great to learn how your experience progresses!

[MidnightBlue1980]

I also think of you. I hope you and your baby are okay. xMM was also a sociopath, so I understand and empathize that you had to deal with one as well. I hope you can move on and meet someone new in 2017 and forget him.

[Mayday2016]

Baby is doing so well. One year old on the 28th. I'm currently in the hospital just had surgery.

 

Xmm contacted me thru email asking for her doctors name and baby's social. That was it. I'm over him. I really do think I am. It hurts sometimes but I am so in love with baby he is nothing to me now.

 

Going to get some sleep now.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Baby is doing so well. One year old on the 28th. I'm currently in the hospital just had surgery.

 

Xmm contacted me thru email asking for her doctors name and baby's social. That was it. I'm over him. I really do think I am. It hurts sometimes but I am so in love with baby he is nothing to me now.

 

Going to get some sleep now.

 

I would not give him squat. He signed away his rights, didn't he? Tell him to contact your lawyer.

 

Just wait. Babies (for me) were the hard part. It gets really good once they can walk and talk.

[Mayday2016]

I would not give him squat. He signed away his rights, didn't he? Tell him to contact your lawyer.

 

Just wait. Babies (for me) were the hard part. It gets really good once they can walk and talk.

 

 

No. He didn't. He just opted for zero visitation and contact.

 

She's stepping!!! Has been for 3 weeks. And the last 2 months has said more than mama.. She says BA which means breast milk.

[MidnightBlue1980]

No. He didn't. He just opted for zero visitation and contact.

 

She's stepping!!! Has been for 3 weeks. And the last 2 months has said more than mama.. She says BA which means breast milk.

 

I still would not give out the social security number without a clear reason why he needs it. Child support is not tax deductible, so he wouldn't need it for that. I bet he is going to put her on his tax return as a dependent and take the exemption.

 

That is very sweet. I remember those days. How are you feeling about it all?

[noelle303]

Baby is doing so well. One year old on the 28th. I'm currently in the hospital just had surgery.

 

Xmm contacted me thru email asking for her doctors name and baby's social. That was it. I'm over him. I really do think I am. It hurts sometimes but I am so in love with baby he is nothing to me now.

 

Going to get some sleep now.

 

I'm guessing so he can add her as a dependant for his tax return. Takes guts to be that inconsiderate. However, I would give it to him. If you don't, he can claim parental alienation on your side.

 

I loved when my Ava finally started walking on her own and I didn't have to carry her around all the time everywhere I went.

[Adoraxx]

No. He didn't. He just opted for zero visitation and contact.

 

She's stepping!!! Has been for 3 weeks. And the last 2 months has said more than mama.. She says BA which means breast milk.

 

Awwww that's so cute, May!!! My little one is stepping too although she likes to pretend to 'run' and lets herself fall forward LOL

 

It's good to hear that you feel like you're over him!! I hope you recover soon from your surgery!! Hugs

[MargR]

If you want financial support for your child, hire a lawyer.

 

This guy is still married, right? His wife asked to meet you. What's the big deal?

She probably has a lot of questions.

 

Meet in a public place as others have suggested. I don't think it's necessary to involve anyone else. If you don't like where the conversation is going, get up and leave.

 

I think you are making this into a bigger deal than it really is.

 

You might be surprised in a good way to hear what she has to say. If not, you have two legs - use them.

[eye of the storm]

MargR, this is a long thread. Short version, A, pregnancy, MM walked, she got child support, MM does not want visitation, she is trying to move on and be a great mom.

 

Mayday, enjoy your baby. I miss the days when I could hold my babies in my arms. Sending happy thoughts your way.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Mayday2016, it's great to hear from you and especially to hear the joy in your post when you write of your little girl! I hope your other sweet children are also doing great! Was so glad to read where you wrote you're over exMM!

 

And, yes, agree with those who think he probably wants her social for his tax return.

[Mayday2016]

Mayday2016, it's great to hear from you and especially to hear the joy in your post when you write of your little girl! I hope your other sweet children are also doing great! Was so glad to read where you wrote you're over exMM!

 

And, yes, agree with those who think he probably wants her social for his tax return.

 

 

He gave up the tax exemption. I think his contact was for health insurance. But during the last "mediation" he gave me everything in regards to her care; so I get all refunds.

 

I am. It took an adjustment. A lot of tears that were all out of confusion. I saved conversations because he gaslighted me so much. I saw the pattern. Every,time he thought I was withdrawing he got emotional and sexual. He lied with his words but at the time I believed in him. I have come out of this stronger somehow.

 

Other kids are great. They adore baby, I can't remember life before her. My oldest daughter is in kindergarten and is reading!!! My boy helps me with Rosie while big sis is at school. We are all play.

 

I just had major Abdominal surgery so,im going to lay back down now.

 

I wish I had a happier update but in this case, the only one out of all of us that deserves to be happy is baby.

[Mayday2016]

Hi LS. No real update. 3 days ago my daughter turned 1!!!! Unfortunately, I couldn't be with her because I had surgery on the first and this is my 3rd time back in for complications so she will be celebrating next week.

 

She is doing incredibly. She weaned and now is drinking 1/2 of lactaid a day along with 3 meals. She eats like a 18 year old boy not a baby

 

Still not divorced from my husband. He's fighting over the property settlement, not the kids.it's so frustrating. But all the kids and I are doing so well.

 

Me personally, I'm doing alright. My mom keeps telling me i should get out there and starting meeting people but not yet. Maybe not for a long time. And that's ok. I emailed baby's dad (xMM) her stats and favorite foods. I know a lot of people will say I shouldn't have but I want to keep the door open for baby. Maybe xMM will have a moment of clarity or mAybe he won't but I can tell baby I tried. I don't miss him anymore. I'm not sure when that stopped. But I realized one day I gadnt thought about him in a long time. So, progress?

 

And I want to do this. I want you all to know who it was that turned life upside down for all involved. I love her down to my core: I changed my avatar to baby. You all helped keep her mom sane so I thank you all for the kindness, compassionate, and down right brick to the face truths.

[whichwayisup]

You're doing everything right except when it comes to exMM. He has clearly showed you, told you that he doesn't want to be part of his daughters life. Please, for your own sanity stop contacting him. IF some day he wants to see her and get to know his daughter he will contact you. Hanging onto to some fantasy that he'll be there for her and involved is only keeping you in the past (and him)...

 

Hope you heal well after your surgery.

[Adoraxx]

Hi LS. No real update. 3 days ago my daughter turned 1!!!! Unfortunately, I couldn't be with her because I had surgery on the first and this is my 3rd time back in for complications so she will be celebrating next week.

 

She is doing incredibly. She weaned and now is drinking 1/2 of lactaid a day along with 3 meals. She eats like a 18 year old boy not a baby

 

Still not divorced from my husband. He's fighting over the property settlement, not the kids.it's so frustrating. But all the kids and I are doing so well.

 

Me personally, I'm doing alright. My mom keeps telling me i should get out there and starting meeting people but not yet. Maybe not for a long time. And that's ok. I emailed baby's dad (xMM) her stats and favorite foods. I know a lot of people will say I shouldn't have but I want to keep the door open for baby. Maybe xMM will have a moment of clarity or mAybe he won't but I can tell baby I tried. I don't miss him anymore. I'm not sure when that stopped. But I realized one day I gadnt thought about him in a long time. So, progress?

 

And I want to do this. I want you all to know who it was that turned life upside down for all involved. I love her down to my core: I changed my avatar to baby. You all helped keep her mom sane so I thank you all for the kindness, compassionate, and down right brick to the face truths.

 

Awwwwww she is so beautiful, May!!!! Happy birthday wishes to her . I'm proud of you , you've come so far and I hope you will be healed in all aspects soon. I'm glad to hear that you no longer miss him!! That's huge!! Your little one looks so happy and content, and you're a wonderful mom to her and your other kids . Big hugs!!

 

 

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[Maddieandtae]

May this last post of yours reads so different from the start of this thread.

 

Your words sound healthy and you sound like you are really moving forward.

 

This post in my opinion has brought the human element of "you" to an anonymous support board.

 

So often the written word can lose the speakers voice and for me I can "hear" your voice by this update

[sandylee1]

I wish you all the very best in recovering from the surgery. Be careful lifting her up, so you don't get hurt.

 

I didn't realise you had a means of contacting him and thought it all went through solicitors now.

[LivingWaterPlease]

May, I think of you sometimes when on LS and am glad to read your update. You sound confident and peaceful! And what a beautiful little girl your Rosie is! She looks so sweet in the photo of her you posted.

 

Sorry things are dragging with your exH and that your health hasn't been the greatest. I'm thinking your parents are helping with your children during this time! How wonderful that they can be there for you! I hope you're able to get plenty of rest.

 

Take care and keep us posted as things continue to progress!

 

(((((Mayday2016)))))

[noelle303]

I think it's really good that you are sending him updates. Yu're not doing it for him, you're doing it for your baby who is going to appreciate the effort you put into keeping his door open. She's going to know you did everything you could for her to have a relationship with her father.

 

You never know, he might have a change of heart like my xMM did. Don't hope or expect it, but keep it a possibility.

 

Good luck with everything!

[anika99]

Awww...she's such a cutie. You are very blessed OP.

 

Just want to say that you are really going to want to downplay to your little girl the fact that her father rejected her. I wouldn't be telling her you tried. Maybe when she is grown up but not while she is growing. If you tell her how you reached out over and over again to her father and he rejected every opportunity you gave him to be part of her life, it's just going to make her feel awful.

 

My biological father had no interest in knowing me either. My mom, bless her heart, couched that information in very careful terms, so that I never took it personally or felt unlovable. She made sure she told me nice things about him even though he probably didn't deserve that. When it came to my asking her why he never came to see me, she simply said he didn't have maturity to be the father I deserved to have. She sort of let me believe that it was almost more her idea than his that he not be involved. Now I know that isn't true but as a child she wanted to protect me from feeling rejected by him and she did a good job of that.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Awww...she's such a cutie. You are very blessed OP.

 

Just want to say that you are really going to want to downplay to your little girl the fact that her father rejected her. I wouldn't be telling her you tried. Maybe when she is grown up but not while she is growing. If you tell her how you reached out over and over again to her father and he rejected every opportunity you gave him to be part of her life, it's just going to make her feel awful.

 

My biological father had no interest in knowing me either. My mom, bless her heart, couched that information in very careful terms, so that I never took it personally or felt unlovable. She made sure she told me nice things about him even though he probably didn't deserve that. When it came to my asking her why he never came to see me, she simply said he didn't have maturity to be the father I deserved to have. She sort of let me believe that it was almost more her idea than his that he not be involved. Now I know that isn't true but as a child she wanted to protect me from feeling rejected by him and she did a good job of that.

 

I agree. I knew from little up that my father had wanted my mother to have an abortion but she refused and the only reason they married was my grandmother made them. Later on my mother would blame me for everything in her life since I was the reason her life was a pile of crap.

 

Obviously this has impacted my life. I have no contact with them all for over a decade.

 

I wanted my kids, they were actually IUI babies but even so I am careful to not tell them too much about my/our life that they don't need to know yet, if at all. Kids' lives should not be colored by their parents mistakes. They should get a fresh start in life.

 

I'm happy you are doing so well. Your baby is very cute.

[sandylee1]

Anika and Midnight,

 

Your situations were a bit different, as you weren't children conceived through an affair.

 

Indeed there are useless dads all over the place, but his marital status was the reason he had no interest.

 

He knows how to contact you if he wants.

He knows he can see his daughter if he wants

He doesn't want either of these things

 

That's for him to him to deal with.

 

All he'll think is you still want him by sending updates about your daughter