Meet just to meet?

[Chris2016]

Should I meet someone just to meet? If they wanted to meet with me--which is still up in the air. I know I need the practice.

 

I saw her on a friend's FB post. So I inquired. She's visiting, and leaving in a few days.

 

In initially said date, but maybe that was too strong. I'm okay with paying, since I said date. Im trying to backtrack now to it being a meet. Would like to show her a good time, and practice at the same time. Maybe see if I can develop a connection. Would be cool to FB friend her, if nothing more.

[Chris2016]

Anybody?

 

This is for tomorrow, if it goes through.

 

Would it be okay to just meet for coffee to chat? Since we're just meeting for first time, and not dating.

 

Would coffee be too low-key?

 

I was initially thinking dinner. But that might be too much, for a meet.

Edited February 29, 2016 by Chris2016

[AMJ]

You should definitely meet! And keep it at a date. I have no idea what a "meet" is. Unless this is a professional meeting?

[Randomlyrandomme]

Meets usually have tents or soccer balls

[Chris2016]

Okay, I will no longer say/think, "meet".

 

Maybe we'll do coffee first. And if it goes well, move into dinner. If not, we end it early.

 

She'll get free coffee/dinner. I'll get to practice. Last time I went on a date was many many years ago.

[scorpiogirl]

I have a bit of an issue with this thing about "practice".

 

 

If you want to learn to be more sociable, learning how to communicate with women, etc, then do social things where there are no date expectations.

 

 

Nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting even.

But to ask women out for "practice" is a bit offensive to me. You're not the only one here who advocates this, and it's not only men who do it.

 

 

If this woman goes out with you, it's likely she doesn't know that she's just a practice dummy, unless you've been upfront about it, which it doesn't sound like.

 

 

Reverse your roles, and imagine someone wanted to just use you to practice on for meeting and dating other men.I doubt many people would be cool with that.

 

 

If you're trying to appear uninterested by constantly throwing around the "practice" word in case you get rejected, that's kind of unattractive too.

 

 

Be assertive. If you you're refused a "date" then roll with it. Everybody gets rejected. This whole transaction, and the way you're viewing it is very unappealing to me.

 

 

I understand you're a late bloomer and would like to meet someone, but go about it the right way.

 

 

When you're out with friends, in a social setting or you meet someone through work, that's when you practice your social skills. Going on dates is nothing more than an extension of your social skills.

 

 

Be yourself. And if you lack confidence, then fake it. Nobody needs to know you're all jelly on the inside. Ten years ago, I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me if I had any attention focused one me. I realized I couldn't live that way.

 

 

I faked confidence until it came naturally to me. It wasn't overnight. It took work.

There were people I was interested in that never even noticed me. But I've met some really amazing people too, just by being myself. Not worrying that I was somehow lacking something.

 

 

If you want to go on a date, ask her for a date. Any woman worth her salt won't be wooed by a free meal. You need to bring something to the table.

[road]

Should I meet someone just to meet? If they wanted to meet with me--which is still up in the air. I know I need the practice.

 

I saw her on a friend's FB post. So I inquired. She's visiting, and leaving in a few days.

 

In initially said date, but maybe that was too strong. I'm okay with paying, since I said date. Im trying to backtrack now to it being a meet. Would like to show her a good time, and practice at the same time. Maybe see if I can develop a connection. Would be cool to FB friend her, if nothing more.

 

 

A dating don't. You do not ask a woman out on a date then down grade it to a cup of coffee.

 

 

And, being you want to practice your skills there is not much time just going for a cup of coffee.

[Chris2016]

I flirt. I do social things. Just not one-one-one things with woman. I would like to do one-on-one things with woman, be it date, friends, whatever.

 

If this goes through, I'll be careful not to give off the vibe of "practice". I don't like it either, the idea of using someone for practice. But I got to learn to connect with woman; be comfortable; etc. And if the opportunity is there ... which I hardly get, ever. Heck, just even trying to ask someone out, is practice for me.

 

If anything, I will have hopefully gained a new connection and FB friend.

Edited February 29, 2016 by Chris2016

[Chris2016]

So this turned out pretty good I think. Gained experience trying to meet someone, from asking, confirming, to actually meeting. No romantic interests--she's leaving in a few days, just visiting town. But it was good overall.

 

I felt nervous in the beginning, but kept telling myself be open to this process. And as we started chatting we started finding commonalities, and both started to become relax and open up.

[Chris2016]

Prior to the meet, my headspace was "practice". But going into it, my headspace was "be open". I don't know her. She doesn't know me. See what happens. I think this was the better headspace.

[Mrin]

OP: I think you're headed in the right direction. Here's what I do with anyone I meet regardless of romantic interest. I basically "pre-qualify" them. It is a pretty low bar: simply, could they be an interesting person to know. For that they have to be able to be genuine and carry on a conversation. That's really about it.

 

At that point I basically treat them as an unread book. Every person is unique. Every person has a story to tell. I go into any meet up with really simple expectations: I am going to learn about a person I don't currently know. And I do just that. And they learn about me.

 

Sometimes this results in fireworks. Sometimes friendship. Sometimes business connections. Sometimes it is just a damn good conversation and nothing more. I have yet to be disappointed.

[AMJ]

going into it, my headspace was "be open". I don't know her. She doesn't know me. See what happens. I think this was the better headspace.

 

That's great news! You should feel good about this little victory! Practice is what everyone needs when it comes to dating. We all get better at it with experience.

 

Open is the best mindset. It's hard sometimes not to have expectations about meeting someone, good or bad. But the best results will come from being open-minded about it.