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Who should pay for flight?

ehmmerz

By ehmmerz,
in Long-Distance Relationships

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ehmmerz

ehmmerz

Posted
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I met a guy that lives in another state. We hit it off and he invited me to visit him. He looked up flights for me and found one and then said I should buy it. I feel like if he is inviting me/wants me to be there enough then he should buy the flight. He has a stable job so I know income isnt the issue, but when I told him I thought he should get the flight, he called me selfish for even asking. So im thinking he just doesnt really want me there that badly. Am i out of line for thinking he should take care of the flight if he is the one inviting me?

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carhill

carhill

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Generally, the person who chooses to visit handles the travel arrangements, presuming the two people are otherwise strangers. Sometimes a host will offer and acceptance is up to the individual. Invitations, to anything, aren't automatically an offer to pay for the presence of the person invited.

 

Myself, when I was distance dating, I paid (cash or points) for my flights and rented my own apartment or stayed in hotels. However, I have accepted home-stay invitations from female friends I wasn't dating and already knew; I paid for my own flights.

 

As example where I paid for someone to fly, I invited a lady I had, prior, dated overseas to fly out to Cali when she was studying back east. I bought her round trip ticket and put her up at my place and a group of us went camping over the holidays. We weren't dating at that time and I had already become engaged to the lady who would later be my wife. They drove together and I took the RV.

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Methodical

Methodical

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Since there is already a debate concerning who should pay for the plane ticket, then there are underlying fallacies already rearing their heads. You say he can afford to pony up, can you? Will it create a financial hardship for you? If so, this prob. isn't the best time to take time off from work. If it's that big a deal, why not split the cost?

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ehmmerz

ehmmerz

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i can, but call me old fashioned, i feel as if he wants me there badly enough, he should pay. especially if he is trying to stand out of the crowd of men trying to woo me. selfish?

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salparadise

salparadise

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If he were coming to visit you would you pay for the flight? Or do you just think he should be the one who pays regardless?

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bathtub-row

bathtub-row

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Drop this guy like a hot potato! I'm not kidding. No gentleman would ever expect you to pay, nor would he call you selfish for such a thing.

Edited by bathtub-row
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bathtub-row

bathtub-row

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If he were coming to visit you would you pay for the flight? Or do you just think he should be the one who pays regardless?

 

A) he invited her

 

B) he's stingy

 

C) he insulted her

 

 

Game over!

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CarrieT

CarrieT

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Am i out of line for thinking he should take care of the flight if he is the one inviting me?

Nope, not out of line at all.

 

Do not pass go and do not collect $200. Don't bother with this guy anymore....

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salparadise

salparadise

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A) he invited her

B) he's stingy

C) he insulted her

 

Game over!

 

I don't agree with him calling her selfish, and yea, I'd call that a deal breaker. What he should've done is offer to pay half and if that wasn't good enough then he should've just said, ok next.

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preraph

preraph

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My counter to that would then have been, I can't afford it, so why don't you come here."

 

I had a rich LDR one time who flew to see me and I didn't make much money but wasn't flat busted. We never talked about it at all, which we probably should have, but he never paid for anything once here. I cooked for him or paid for our trip to the zoo and didn't bring it up with him since he'd bought his airline tickets, but it did bother me, only because he actually wasn't hurting for money, as far as I knew, and it was depleting mine. We didn't do that for long and I let it kind of fade out, but not so much because of that but because he wasn't good at keeping up a conversation and it was a lot of pressure for me to do it. Nice guy, though. Married the next woman he met.

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salparadise

salparadise

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The problem with this from a guy's perspective, assuming he's philosophically in agreement, is that [some] women will encourage you to travel with all of the trouble and expense involved, plus wining, dining and entertainment, without being the least bit invested in the whole thing themselves.

 

If she is invested and it goes south, that's one thing... if she never gave a flip to begin with then he just got played for a sucker.

 

Yea, I learned that the hard way. Luckily it was just a longish drive and not an expensive plane ticket. From that I learned to suggest we meet half way in-between, so she's taking the same risk. If that seems like too much trouble... nuppers, not happening.

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Shining One

Shining One

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Am i out of line for thinking he should take care of the flight if he is the one inviting me?
In all of my long distance arrangements, we had the following agreement: Traveler pays for travel costs, host handles all expenses while traveler is in town. How were you planning on handling costs while you were in his town?
B) he's stingy
Neither of them wants to pay for the flight. Would that not make them both stingy?
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hippychick3

hippychick3

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I agree with you. Unless there are financial hardships on his part, he should have offered to pay.

 

The fact that he didn't AND he called you selfish should now end this "pre-relationship"...very unlikely now that this will go anywhere. Move on.

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LostOnes05

LostOnes05

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Doesn't matter who invited who...why would you have him pay for your flight? Then he is to house you? feed you? etc.? That turns into an expensive visit...for him. No, pay for your own flight, so that if anything goes sour you can get it changed without owing him any money or having any further contact because of it.

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TunaCat

TunaCat

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You should pay for your own flight.

 

You are the one who is traveling to see him. If you want to see him that badly, then YOU should pay for your own flight.

 

I would never expect someone else to pay for a flight I am taking.

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basil67

basil67

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If the two of you can't figure out this first hurdle without fighting, the relationship is doomed before it even starts.

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contel3

contel3

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Actually I understand why the guy was offended.

 

Even if he earns more it's pretty rude to DEMAND he pays the flight. Especially if it's not a problem financially. It's like OP feels he owes it to her.

 

Personally I would consider paying, but certainly not if the other person told me she wants me to pay. I'd refuse for that reason only.

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central

central

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Do you want to see him? They pay for the flight. Expecting him to pay is selfish. Would you pay for him to visit you? No. An obvious double standard exists.

 

 

I had a gf in Asia. She paid to come visit me. I paid when I went to visit her.

 

 

Maybe if you can't afford it, you can tell him you can't, and see if he offers. Otherwise, if you choose to go, you choose to accept the costs unless he chooses to offer to pay. He is under no obligation, IMO.

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Lady2163

Lady2163

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This is one of those times I agree with the man.

 

If your best friend who lives in another state invites you to her baby shower, do you think she is supposed to pay for your plane ticket?

 

If you're taking a three day vacation and your mom's college roommate who is like and Aunt to you is just fine with you staying and her place and has wanted you to visit since forever, should she pay for your ticket?

 

If your cousin is getting married and he/she lives a six hour car drive away, do you think because you're invited they should pay for your fuel?

 

It seems to me because there might be sex, you think he should pay.

 

Now, there is a flip side. Once you get to his city, he should pay for your meals and lodging. Maybe even entertainment. But I'm from a locale and generation where you do bring a hostess gift and you do offer to treat them to or cook one meal (you pay for the groceries for that meal).

 

So, I can see where he is coming from.

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hippychick3

hippychick3

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I would like to clarify something since I didn't address this part... Although I believe that he should have offered to pay for the flight since he invited her, I think it's absolutely WRONG to outright ask him to pay for it. Under no circumstances would it be appropriate to ask a man you're dating to pay for your plane ticket. Her response should have only been that she can't afford the ticket or didn't feel comfortable buying it so how about he come to her. Nothing beyond that should have been said.

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Methodical

Methodical

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This is one of those times I agree with the man.

 

If your best friend who lives in another state invites you to her baby shower, do you think she is supposed to pay for your plane ticket?

 

If you're taking a three day vacation and your mom's college roommate who is like and Aunt to you is just fine with you staying and her place and has wanted you to visit since forever, should she pay for your ticket?

 

If your cousin is getting married and he/she lives a six hour car drive away, do you think because you're invited they should pay for your fuel?

 

It seems to me because there might be sex, you think he should pay.

 

Now, there is a flip side. Once you get to his city, he should pay for your meals and lodging. Maybe even entertainment. But I'm from a locale and generation where you do bring a hostess gift and you do offer to treat them to or cook one meal (you pay for the groceries for that meal).

 

So, I can see where he is coming from.

 

I agree. Equality isn't equal when double standards are in play.

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ehmmerz

ehmmerz

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i suppose my real issue is not the money but the fact that he just expected me to cover it without offering. With my friends that i have spoken to that have started off in long distance relationships, the man has always either paid for the flight or at least offered and if they hit if off, the girl buys the next round and so on. I wouldnt expect him to pay for every single thing while out there either but if he is trying to court me, i want to be courted. maybe its because im from the south and expect chivalry. should i not? is chivalry dead?

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amaysngrace

amaysngrace

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Don't worry about chilvary if you're planning on sleeping at his place.

 

The two don't go together.

 

Were you planning on staying at his place?

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ehmmerz

ehmmerz

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Don't worry about chilvary if you're planning on sleeping at his place.

 

The two don't go together.

 

Were you planning on staying at his place?

 

I am. And when I asked him what his intentions are with me, whether he wants to court me or **** me, his response was both.

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