Author Love2015 Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 So after 1.5 months of backing of and NC with him, I have been feeling so much better. I have travelled as well. I come back and msg him to do property sale and for him to finish taking all his stuff. And he ignores me completely. I get upset and find out how he has started to go to our common friends houses with the OW and has been trashing me badly. He says too many things which definitely are not real ! He is going to extent of saying I forced him to get married! He proposed and all on his own....I am very hurt and feel still trapped. I am hiring a lawyer and about to file divorce based on adultery. I thought we could end it after 1 year separation but this has become so crazy, and he is character deframing me so much it hurts! I want to document he cheated now. I have also said to him for us to go to Counselling and said as u have been saying so much bad stuff about me, it would be important to resolve the issues with a Counsellor even when we divorcing. He doesn't agree...or better say doesn't reply. I now know he is the abuser. I was very open and honest and he used my weaknesses against me. He gave me the silent treatment even after saying let's part properly. I have this knot inside my tummy which is negative energy around me I feel He is a very amicable and jolly person in public and he is a different person now with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 That's what abusers are best at - looking great to the public while being an a$$ to you. Good riddance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 What an idiot! Cheaters will completely say ANYTHING nasty about you to justify their BS. I bet he has Mommy issues. I swear that's the number one thing I see. Mommy or Daddy issues. And he never worked past it and dragged it into the relationship. My husband had Mommy issues and right after we got married he started withdrawing because he felt "trapped." He didn't tell me this of course, he just went wonky when I got pregnant, three years later. Would've been nice to know in the early days! Bahahahaha mine sure does :lmao: WH is a poster child for mommy isssues! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Thanks for your reply. I have told him if he wishes to end it ... it's ok. My first reaction was to save the marriage and he pulls an online article saying that if I want to save the marriage it is because I want to continue abusing him My WH threw the whole abuse thing around too. The thing is he treated me like sh*t far before I ever did to him. When I started putting my foot down and expressing how I was feeling THAT was when my WH started to withdraw more, then he would start fights I would react and then he would call me out on my reactions as abusive:rolleyes: These type of men are very manipulative in a passive aggressive way (which is abuse btw). I believe your WS is one of these. It's better to know who he is now than down the line with kids in tow. You are making a wise decision to leave him and go NC. I wish you the best of luck in healing from this sh*tstorm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 So after 1.5 months of backing of and NC with him, I have been feeling so much better. I have travelled as well. I come back and msg him to do property sale and for him to finish taking all his stuff. And he ignores me completely. I get upset and find out how he has started to go to our common friends houses with the OW and has been trashing me badly. He says too many things which definitely are not real ! He is going to extent of saying I forced him to get married! He proposed and all on his own....I am very hurt and feel still trapped. I am hiring a lawyer and about to file divorce based on adultery. I thought we could end it after 1 year separation but this has become so crazy, and he is character deframing me so much it hurts! I want to document he cheated now. I have also said to him for us to go to Counselling and said as u have been saying so much bad stuff about me, it would be important to resolve the issues with a Counsellor even when we divorcing. He doesn't agree...or better say doesn't reply. I now know he is the abuser. I was very open and honest and he used my weaknesses against me. He gave me the silent treatment even after saying let's part properly. I have this knot inside my tummy which is negative energy around me I feel He is a very amicable and jolly person in public and he is a different person now with me. Pack his stuff and put it on the curb. Text him and tell him it's there for whoever takes it first. Let him know you aren't his storage facility. Meet with a realtor and have the info sent over to him to sign. Have the realtor be the one to follow up if they want the sale. That would take care of those two issues without too much effort on your part - and it would get a few things wrapped up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hobart_Carboys Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 I have been married for quite a long period of time. Like your husband, I feel that my wife has been "verbally abusive," too, but she has her own opinion of that, which is, I guess (she won't articulate), that she is not abusive but if she is, so she would say, it is because I am not making enough money, doing my share, etc. She repeatedly tells me, "I've worked 5 times harder in this marriage than you have." That's her answer to everything. I have stopped trying to get what I want and need because that is her answer to anything I say. If there is something I need her to do, she tell me that and then there's a quarrel with me saying, please just let's talk about this one thing this time. I'm going to divorce her. My advice to you is, are you two compatible in the ways important for love? I don't think "discussions," "counseling," "quarrels" are worth anything at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Thanks to all the replies ...it keeps me going. So the reason I claim I am not abusive is because none was a problem until he was caught that he cheated. He should have come to me if something was bothering him and if he did not like me he should have not proposed after 6.5 years of relationship. We were even trying to have babies...until the time he went with the OW and I didn't know it. Regardless he has been very mean since he left even when I said if u don't love me let us part properly. There are things like your wife I have said not to minimize him but to progress together....but are concrete things not just to say like concrete projects. I think Counselling would have been good after 7 years it was worth the try. ..at any given time u will get stuck and there is no reason to not try. I did want to go for Counselling especially to address those issues but he did not want to....so it's what it is. And he has started taking the OW in public with common friends and bad mouthing me including sharing how bad I was in sex! .... Anyway got a lawyer and divorce is in its way now. ...cause he was just waiting for God knows what?!? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 Good for you to start things moving. Take care of yourself. You are in a tough situation. Hope your attorney helps. Keep going to counseling to help yourself. do something for yourself. Pamper yourself some way as you go through this hard time. You are better off without him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 I have been married for quite a long period of time. Like your husband, I feel that my wife has been "verbally abusive," too, but she has her own opinion of that, which is, I guess (she won't articulate), that she is not abusive but if she is, so she would say, it is because I am not making enough money, doing my share, etc. She repeatedly tells me, "I've worked 5 times harder in this marriage than you have." That's her answer to everything. I have stopped trying to get what I want and need because that is her answer to anything I say. If there is something I need her to do, she tell me that and then there's a quarrel with me saying, please just let's talk about this one thing this time. I'm going to divorce her. My advice to you is, are you two compatible in the ways important for love? I don't think "discussions," "counseling," "quarrels" are worth anything at all. Um... do you help your wife with things, like everything else that doesn't involve finances? I don't hear what you contribute to the M If she's pulling most of the weight she is most likely resentful. MC can help communication between 2 spouses, but you don't believe in counseling Link to post Share on other sites
Author Love2015 Posted April 6, 2016 Author Share Posted April 6, 2016 So now he is stalling...he is playing hide and seek. He is avoiding the lawyer's call to get an address to serve him. I had asked him for this before as well...but nothing...our case is simple but it's just a nightmare because of him not cooperating. I decided that I had to file for divorce because he never would have . When trying to separate assets and house ...he also was not participating. The feeling I get is he was enjoying that I was suffering and wanted the relationship to work before . There was never once acknowledgement that he has hurt me and he doesn't even once show remorse of losing us either which shocks me a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
Hobart_Carboys Posted April 15, 2016 Share Posted April 15, 2016 Um... do you help your wife with things, like everything else that doesn't involve finances? I don't hear what you contribute to the M If she's pulling most of the weight she is most likely resentful. MC can help communication between 2 spouses, but you don't believe in counseling Lady Designer, I just commented on this thread and didn't bother to describe my own trouble. Yes, I do quite a lot: I cook, clean, launder, go grocery shopping, take out the trash, etc. visit her family (who've always looked down on me) Most of all, I'm good-tempered, respectful, and cheerful (or try to be). In my opinion, the thing I've most done is put up with her protracted, angry moods and arrogant attitude. You've got it all wrong, I think. Some people--yes, women, too--cannot be pleased; and some men are doormats. Link to post Share on other sites
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