i always apologize first, even when i've been wronged

[HansonGirl]

my cousin, who blew me off the last time i was in town- i haven't spoken to her in months - I was considering APOLOGIZING for getting upset with her -even though she neither has apologized nor admitted to any wrongdoing. it's like i will short-sell my feelings to get back into someone's good graces to make sure i don't lose a relationship.

 

That may seem like a lame example, but this is not the first time it has happened. I dated a guy who was a total jerk and i stopped talking to him because he honestly in retospect clearly didn't give a F about me - so i was al apologetic to him wanting to see him again and make sure he wasn't mad at me.

 

the farthest back i can remember this was in 6th grade. my friend at the time took something the wrong way, and spread a rumor about me. I wanted to be friends again so i apologized, even though i was still very angry with her for spreading lies. it was as if i were groveling to her even though I didn't feel like I really did anything wrong

 

never in my life have I gotten so mad at someone where the person grovels to me. NEVER. i was hoping an ex boyfriend who had cheated on me would do it, but he never has. he has moved on. (not that i have been waiting, but it was a thought in the back of my mind) I see my friends have guys begging for forgiveness and wining and dining them and maybe it's because I am afraid nobody really cares about me, and that's why i cannot afford to lose anybody. if i get mad at someone and stop talking to them, a part of me knows the person will probably move on and not attempt to get back in my good graces

 

I stood up for myself recently and then i was second guessing myself, and i ALMOST back-peddled and apologized for being so bold and almost retracted what i said-as i have done many times- but i didn't. It feels weird in way. I feel vulnerable almost - like I am not sure if the person who offended me will respect me or think I am ridiculous

 

anyways, what is wrong with me ? why am I like this?

[joseb]

Sounds like you might be a classic people pleaser?

[HansonGirl]

Sounds like you might be a classic people pleaser?

 

 

You are exactly right. :-/

[Arieswoman]

I used to be a pleaser and I was treated as a doormat, which was no-ones fault but mine.

 

May I suggest you do some assertiveness training?

 

 

And can I recommend this book ?

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

 

Good luck

[Beach Guy]

Look for kindred spirits who are emotionally healthy and treat others respectfully. Keep them in your life. Fade away from the others. You won't find yourself apologizing if they can't inflict drama on you.

Edited March 2, 2016 by Beach Guy