What's happening ?

[Relish]

Alright, so I'm hoping someone here may be able to give me some advice and shed some light on my situation.

 

Around 6/7 months ago I started sleeping with someone who I work and live with (staff accommodation). At first it was pretty casual, maybe once or twice a week, as time went on it became more frequent until I was staying with him about 5 nights a week. At first we both agreed that it wasn't serious and was just a friends with benefits kind of thing. However when he had a drink in him, he would tell me how amazing I was, how he really liked me and spending time with me. As the months passed by he began to talk about things like going away for a few days together, driving to see friends for the weekend together etc.....We were spending our days off together having dinner, going to the cinema etc..I kept some stuff in his room for when I stayed over, we bought each other gifts..all like a normal couple do but we kept insisting we werent a couple. All of our friends and workmates said we were practically a couple and they all knew we were seeing each other.

 

A few weeks ago I had a family member pass away, the guy didn't act very supportive and I think it was maybe because he just didn't know how to act around me because he had never seen me upset before. Fair enough. I told him I needed to distance myself for a little to get a handle on my emotions because I was upset and I also felt like I was getting a bit too attached to him. We agreed to back off a little bit and give each other some distance.

 

At the same time a new girl arrived in the house and at work, since then he has been very different. He has been fawning all over her and I've kind of been pushed to the side. I did explain to him how he was making me feel, but he told me I was acting ridiculous and to remember that we aren't a couple. I told him I knew, but that I was allowed to feel things and to explain my feelings like an adult, I wasn't trying to cause an arguement.

 

He thought I would be staying in his room while we have some friends visiting but I decided it would be best if I stayed in my own room just to save any awkwardness. Well, last night I had had a bit too drink and went to collect my pillows from his room, I asked if I could stay with him, but he told me I said I needed space and so he was giving me it.....I asked him how long he wanted to stop staying together for but he told me that he doesn't know. I told him that I do miss staying with him, but I respect his decision and left it at that.

 

Now I'm wondering if I may have inadvertently ended the whole thing ? I do miss him a lot and want to carry on spending time with him as I do care about him a lot and I have developed feelings for him. However I don't want to come across as desperate, especially if he needs this space too. I do feel like he might have decided to give this new girl a try, but I don't know if I am being paranoid ?

 

What can I do to ensure I do give him the space he needs to think, but also increase the chances of having him ask me to continue staying with him again ? Any advice or opinions would be much appreciated as I just don't know what to do.....

[Survivor12]

Admitting to yourself--and him--that what you really want is a relationship would be a good place to start. Granted, he may not agree, but at least you will know where you stand.