Is it possible...

[Piccolo]

Is it possible for me to remain friends with my ex-girlfriend? We both agreed upon it so would there be any complications? We've been friends like this for about 4 months. Is she just keeping me around as a back up incase she gets hurt or what? I've moved on and I'm trying to find someone new.

 

She already has a new boyfriend. She says she is in love with him after only a month of dating. Is it really possible for her to be really in love after only a month or is it other stuff? The guy said it one their first date and a month later she says it. Is he trying to pull some trickery to just get her in bed? I know you can't put a time limit on love but I don't see how it can happen on the first date. I have guy friends that do that just to get them in bed, and they hurt these girls. I just don't want to see my friend get hurt. I just wanted to get some other peoples opinion on this.

 

Another question. Do you think it's bad for me to ask one of her friends out? She has this one friend that is amazingly beautiful and just fun to be around. Would she not say yes to me just because I used to be her friends boyfriend? We're friends now, she moved on and i'm trying also but i'm not having the same luck like her. Why should it be bad for me to date one of my x's friends? Could it happen also?

 

Anyone's serious advise on this will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Tony T]

1. Is it possible for me to remain friends with my ex-girlfriend?

 

Yes, but it serves no purpose. It retards your healing process and keeps you from moving forward. Calling her now and then is OK, but a close friendship is not a practical thing. This thing is OVER. You wanted romance, not friendhsip. Don't fool yourself. The very last thing her new boyfriends are going to enjoy is her beings friends with her ex.

 

Later on, when she gets married and has kids, etc., she'll drop you like a hot potato anyway. As ladies move on in their lives, things get more complex and they really don't have time for very meaningful friendships with ex's.

 

2. We both agreed upon it so would there be any complications?

 

People very often agree on this. It sounds nice at the time but it's not a good thing to pursue after a relationship is terminated. Ladies will tell you this to take the edge off the pain...theirs or yours. But they really don't mean it. Once a lady is finished with you, at least for a while she wants to move on down the road. Maybe in six months or a year she could consider some level of contact but not right away. Both of you should move on your own individual paths.

 

3. Is it really possible for her to be really in love after only a month or is it other stuff?

 

Anything is possible. She's probably on a rebound though...but that's her business, not yours. Be concerned about yourself. You are not in charge of her life now. She's most likely infatuated but these rebound things don't ever last long. Leave her alone to make her own mistakes and concentrate on your own life.

 

4. Is he trying to pull some trickery to just get her in bed?

 

She's a big girl. She can decide for herself who she wants to go to bed with. This is 2001. You can get a lady to go to bed with you without a hell of a lot of trickery. If she falls for that "I love you" crap after the first date, she's certainly well below the curve on brain power.

 

If you are that concerned about his intentions, give him a call. Otherwise, let things happen. You really shouldn't interfere in other people's lives. Get your mind off of her life.

 

5. Do you think it's bad for me to ask one of her friends out?

 

Yes, really bad. That's not a cool thing to do at all. Maybe in a year or two you can think about that...but not right now. Frankly, I think you're still in love with your ex. If you weren't, you wouldn't be keeping such close tabs on her, caring so much about her love life, and wanting to date her friends in order to keep some proximity to her. Go find a new circle of people to hang with for now.

 

It would be cruel to go out with one of her friends at this point, unless your ex never, ever cared for you at all. If you ask her friend out, you will look like an absolute fool. Don't do that to yourself.

 

6. Would she not say yes to me just because I used to be her friends boyfriend?

 

That would certainly be part of it. But mainly, she wouldn't say yes because she would consider you a real jerk for asking in the first place. It's just not a cool thing to do. I am surprised you had to ask this question.

 

7. Why should it be bad for me to date one of my x's friends?

 

So you're a mind reader. You already knew what my answer would be.

 

Why would it be bad? Because people have feelings. Nobody wants one of their friends dating somebody they were just close to. Do you want your ex dating a good buddy of yours? If you don't understand why it's not a good idea already, you wouldn't understand any explanation I could give you. Just, please...don't do it.

 

8. Could it happen also?

 

Could what happen also?

[sparkle]

This is why it's extremely difficult to be friends with the EX:

 

"She says she is in love with him after only a month of

dating. Is it really possible for her to be really in love after only a month or is it other stuff? The guy said it one their first date and a month later she says it. Is he trying to pull some trickery to just get her in bed? I know you can't put a time limit on love but I don't see how it can happen on the first date ..." ETC

WHY do you let yourself be bothered by this????? Yes, you care about your friend, but thinking about this and wondering if she's really in love is a waste of time for you. She's her own person. She's got a brain. She can make her own decisions. You're not her boyfriend anymore. So what if he tells her he loves her just to bang her? As harsh as it may sound, whatever she does with anyone else is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. You can't tell her what to do. You can't tell her how to live her life.

 

Thinking about the above things just goes to show that you are one of the 99.9% of people out there who cannot be friends with their ex. So don't feel bad about it. If you're bothered by these things, MOVE ON. Stop talking to her on a regular basis.

Another question. Do you think it's bad for me to ask one of her friends out? She has this

Not at all. You can ask out anyone you like. You two aren't together anymore. You can ask out her sister, her mother, or her best friend, if they're available. But don't date a friend of hers in order to stay in touch with your ex, or keep tabs on her personal life. That's none of your business.

 

It's really pointless to stay friends with your ex if you're trying to get over her. That just makes things worse. If you want to move on, then REALLY move on. Leave the past in the past.