My ex is threatening to blackmail me if I don't talk to him

[MidwestUSA]

He says he still has to help me with my phone and he's like "don't make me say I'll send those videos to your sis and mom if you don't talk to me"

He's talking about stupid videos he recorded of me and my friend (another girl) making out one time. I basically did it to please him.

 

I'd kill myself if he sent them. What do I do?

 

Pretty ballsy for a guy who broke up with YOU. WTF?

 

I agree with getting the PD involved. One visit from them might be enough.

[SunnyWeather]

wow, he sure did think he had you all nicely wrapped up in a complacent bow my guess he's starting to lash out because he's actually being forced to ponder the fact that you are NOT going to dutifully wait for him while he meanders off to enjoy his escapades.

 

if it were me, I wouldn't contact the police with this, but I would consider blocking him, and that includes from ALL social media, asap.

 

creating this distance is vital for your well being and the first step to living life on your terms.

[loveandhearts]

He wanted to see if I'd respond to her, to see if it was just an accident that I'm not replying to him

 

She never texts me out of the blue like she just did, only when she wants to hang does she.

 

Should I call her out on it knowing she may be telling him everything I say? Like I'm pissed

[loveandhearts]

He has been relentlessly calling me today, I'm not sure if he's done but I'll be sad/hurt if he is and I'll blame her for pretending to care about me, and just texting me to show my ex whether or not I will reply to her.

I don't want to be friends with her anymore.

 

It's sad but I get a high everytime my phone lights up from him calling.

I don't get to answer but it's nice to see

[loveandhearts]

Even though I'm going for NC I became used to him calling and texting me all day

It's been an hour without him doing it and I miss it. I know it's messed but I still want a piece of him.

I thought I was getting over it but I'm obviously not.

I'm scared.

I'm just being forgotten.

[MidwestUSA]

This is the guy who is threatening to blackmail you!

 

Where is your panic?

 

You're all over the place, get a grip. Lock yourself down and don't speak with anyone if that helps.

[loveandhearts]

You're right but I already responded to her and it pisses me off that I did. She's not that loyal to me. Not a best friend.

I just feel so lonely now.

[Zahara]

You're right but I already responded to her and it pisses me off that I did. She's not that loyal to me. Not a best friend.

I just feel so lonely now.

 

Please don't respond to him. I understand you're feeling lonely but don't salve those feelings by re-engaging with a man that is blackmailing you! Hold on to your self-respect and manage your feelings in other ways. Calling him will only kick you back down the hole because at the end of the day it all remains the same -- it is still a break-up, he's still going to go on those dates, he's still a douchebag for wanting to keep you on the side, he's still an arse for threatening to expose you to your family. Nothing changes. So work through your pain and push forward.

 

Reach out to your friends, your family for support. Keep posting on LS. He is not someone that is capable of supporting, comforting or caring for you.

Edited March 3, 2016 by Zahara

[loveandhearts]

Thank you, that calmed me down. I really needed to hear that!

[dreamingoftigers]

He says he still has to help me with my phone and he's like "don't make me say I'll send those videos to your sis and mom if you don't talk to me"

He's talking about stupid videos he recorded of me and my friend (another girl) making out one time. I basically did it to please him.

 

I'd kill myself if he sent them. What do I do?

 

Well, one way to defuse this is to beat him to the punch. Tell your Mom about it and tell her that he's trying to blackmail you with it.

 

If you were my daughter, he'd be lucky to walk away with his eyesight.

[dreamingoftigers]

He wanted to see if I'd respond to her, to see if it was just an accident that I'm not replying to him

 

She never texts me out of the blue like she just did, only when she wants to hang does she.

 

Should I call her out on it knowing she may be telling him everything I say? Like I'm pissed

 

Ignore the friend for a couple of days, see where that goes

[dreamingoftigers]

Even though I'm going for NC I became used to him calling and texting me all day

It's been an hour without him doing it and I miss it. I know it's messed but I still want a piece of him.

I thought I was getting over it but I'm obviously not.

I'm scared.

I'm just being forgotten.

 

This happens. It's like a bad drug.

 

This dude sounds unstable, you might want to shut your phone off for a bit or block his number.

 

Clearly he isn't your friend.

 

What a douchey way to handle a breakup

[loveandhearts]

All these horrible thoughts are running through my head. I was able to get through day quite easily for the most part (mainly because he was calling me or texting me multiple times each hour) even though he broke up with me...

I'm still going crazy thinking about him liking another girl just as if I was still with him. I was always worried about that. Truth is he never liked one girl in particular, he just liked females in general and wants to experience other girls. I'm still nervous and this shouldn't be happening because he's not mine anymore. I should expect him to be with someone else. And whoever it will be, I won't be jealous because he was kind of lucky to have me.

 

However I just want to cuddle with him again. He certainly wouldn't reject that if it was just one more time. Why don't I just hang out one last time? I rather have a slip up now instead of later.

 

I feel like I'm truly nothing, just a notion of existence now. I don't have a lot of friends, if any anymore and I just lost my bf who was also my best friend.

 

It's so sad.

[dreamingoftigers]

Unfortunately our brains aren't set up really well to cut things off the second they don't work anymore.

 

So what happens is, we get the same old "get with your mate" urges at the same time we get the "filled with grief" pains as well as the "upset over rejection and betrayal" shame.

 

The truth is, you aren't losing YOURSELF. You aren't fading away.

 

He's actually fading out of you, and that's what you are struggling with at the moment.

 

But in life we are ever-changing. Gaining and losing at the same time. Having new experiences and forgetting old ones. Some are just much much rougher and more painful than others.

 

In the long run, you don't want to hitch your yourself to a guy who "just loves women for what experiences they as a collective group can provide to him stimulation-wise."

 

You don't want a guy that treats you like a useful object in varying ways, among many other useful objects.

 

You are going to be more respectful to yourself and find a guy that wants something more than that, and with you in particular.

 

Otherwise, you just keep getting hurt by aholes like this.

 

A helpful book might be How To Break Your Addiction to a Person.

 

It helped me with my last breakup.

 

Breakups are awful. Have you been through one before?

[loveandhearts]

Thank you dreamingoftigers, reading your posts for me are guiding me further in this healing, truly!

It just makes little sense to me now how he just wants to experience women, because he also expressed wanting to get married and have kids, in particular with me! He even talked about our wedding night and what he would do if I was his wife. I held onto that when things felt bad because I thought we would overcome things and grow together.

 

He was my first real boyfriend and had the most significant impact on me, therefore the biggest heartbreak.

When I was 12 I remember feeling heartache over a boy which spiraled me to become obsessed with my body. Then at 15-16 I met a senior who ended up giving me what I thought was the worst heartbreak ever that lasted through a summer. I only had a few memories with him, but now have millions with the guy I met at 18 and is my reason for being on this site now!

So I have gone through similar things but nothing quite like this...this actually resembled a real relationship.

However you're right, the guy in high school and this recent ex are similar in their douchey ways. I just didn't feel like I was picking douche bags, it just happened.

 

Thank you, I'm hoping for that, to meet one who wants more and wants me in particular

[Simon Phoenix]

He says he still has to help me with my phone and he's like "don't make me say I'll send those videos to your sis and mom if you don't talk to me"

He's talking about stupid videos he recorded of me and my friend (another girl) making out one time. I basically did it to please him.

 

I'd kill myself if he sent them. What do I do?

 

He's a piece of s--t. Don't fall for that. If he's that much of a jackass than it reflects a lot more on him than you. I really hope you didn't fall for this.

[Simon Phoenix]

All these horrible thoughts are running through my head. I was able to get through day quite easily for the most part (mainly because he was calling me or texting me multiple times each hour) even though he broke up with me...

I'm still going crazy thinking about him liking another girl just as if I was still with him. I was always worried about that. Truth is he never liked one girl in particular, he just liked females in general and wants to experience other girls. I'm still nervous and this shouldn't be happening because he's not mine anymore. I should expect him to be with someone else. And whoever it will be, I won't be jealous because he was kind of lucky to have me.

 

However I just want to cuddle with him again. He certainly wouldn't reject that if it was just one more time. Why don't I just hang out one last time? I rather have a slip up now instead of later.

 

I feel like I'm truly nothing, just a notion of existence now. I don't have a lot of friends, if any anymore and I just lost my bf who was also my best friend.

 

It's so sad.

 

Dude, where is your self-respect? This guy threatened to blackmail you with sexually suggestive videos he took of you and you want to cuddle with him? I get you're hurt, but c'mon, this is ridiculous. Snap out of it!

 

No one expects you to be healed, but we do expect you to have some sort of boundaries.

[loveandhearts]

You're absolutely right, it proves to me that I became used to loving a guy with douchey behavior, that I just overlook how terrible he can be then want him in my arms. Than you for waking me up a little!

It kind of sickens me when I remember perfectly his mother saying that her son has *a heart of gold*....like it messes me up that she thinks that.

and don't worry, I didn't fall for his threat!

[loveandhearts]

Immediately after the break up, the first 24 hours, I had my hormonal reaction of pleading him to be with me and saying "I know you love me, blah blah" and just making him feel like he was the hottest, coolest guy on Earth. I read up a little about the natural reaction in a female when a guy breaks up with her and it has to do with the brain, which causes you to become frantic and have a newly found passionate love for that person. I had that. And goodness gracious, it fed his ego like *insert euphemism*. He even displayed his body across the stairway railing acting like it was a beautiful site. Even in my heartache and false passion for him I thought he looked super silly and undeserving of my immense desire for him.

He was like on cloud nine the following day, laughing, singing music, eating whatever, while I couldn't eat or drink for days.

Later he admitted to crying after I moved out but just rememberin how ungracious he was about it reminds me not worry so much about what I lost. I even feel a little bad for him.

[loveandhearts]

For some reason I'm worried my ex likes my friend, who he even admitted several times that she is "ugly". No offense, I don't find her face to be attractive either. I know that's not all it's about, but if somehow he did like her I'd be so angry I'd want to kill someone.

How do I deal with this?

 

Is this horrible for me to say? Am I getting too comfortable with saying what's on my mind here? I just need to vent. I'm sorry

[dreamingoftigers]

Thank you dreamingoftigers, reading your posts for me are guiding me further in this healing, truly!

It just makes little sense to me now how he just wants to experience women, because he also expressed wanting to get married and have kids, in particular with me! He even talked about our wedding night and what he would do if I was his wife. I held onto that when things felt bad because I thought we would overcome things and grow together.

 

He was my first real boyfriend and had the most significant impact on me, therefore the biggest heartbreak.

When I was 12 I remember feeling heartache over a boy which spiraled me to become obsessed with my body. Then at 15-16 I met a senior who ended up giving me what I thought was the worst heartbreak ever that lasted through a summer. I only had a few memories with him, but now have millions with the guy I met at 18 and is my reason for being on this site now!

So I have gone through similar things but nothing quite like this...this actually resembled a real relationship.

However you're right, the guy in high school and this recent ex are similar in their douchey ways. I just didn't feel like I was picking douche bags, it just happened.

 

Thank you, I'm hoping for that, to meet one who wants more and wants me in particular

 

It won't feel easy over the next little bit.

 

And it will hit at odd moments.

 

Don't let him bully you into talking with him.

He's disrespected you enough. Let him go kick rocks.

 

It feels like no one could ever take his place or fill his shoes right now. BUT I assure you, someone better will be there and you will go, "oh wow. Good thing I didn't get back in contact with that guy. This is so so so much better and I'm glad I'm not still pining over him."

 

I sensed "first real breakup" here. Just like you are in real shock over just how painful it is. I totally get that. No one ever told me how heart-wrenching breakups are. My first one nearly crushed me. It took months to get over and we weren't even dating that long......

 

But once you go through a few, you just treat yourself really really nicely through them and develop more of a sense of "oh this sucks, but I'll get back out there eventually. Healing time."

 

Sounds like he's pretty naive himself. Figuring he can threaten and cajole you into being "friends."

 

When you get older and have breakups, generally you don't try to be "friends" because you know it just kills the dumped person inside.

[PegNosePete]

Well, one way to defuse this is to beat him to the punch. Tell your Mom about it and tell her that he's trying to blackmail you with it.

Agreed, this is the only way to deal with blackmailers.

 

Tell your mum, and tell your abusive ex to go suck eggs.

[Toodaloo]

He says he still has to help me with my phone and he's like "don't make me say I'll send those videos to your sis and mom if you don't talk to me"

He's talking about stupid videos he recorded of me and my friend (another girl) making out one time. I basically did it to please him.

 

I'd kill myself if he sent them. What do I do?

 

This is now against the law.

 

Take the threat to the police and show them. Ask them to pay him a visit to ensure they are deleted.

 

That is just really nasty behavior. If you do not stamp on it right now he will get worse.

 

You have nothing to be ashamed of even if he does sent those to your Mum and Sister. Be proud of who you are.

[loveandhearts]

I'm at college and I have so many memories with him here. I want to go back to how it was even though deep down I dream for a better man than him. I still really really miss him.

I also realized I left a camera at his house.

I hate feeling so alone now, walking around knowing I don't have anyone to go home to, to talk to.

I thought I was feeling good this morning but it took a dive.

I thought I felt confident but realized how much I want to improve myself. All the things he said plays in my head, the good and the bad.

I still can't believe it's over. A week ago I wouldn't have saw this coming. I still lived with him then and could kiss him. Yes I became used to loving a jerk.