Boyfriends brother hitting on me??

[karmenElektra]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years. His brother and I get along very well. He is a cool person to talk to we have a lot in common etc..He is married.

 

In the last few months he has often invited me out drinking with him and other family members and other times alone to clubs.

 

At a recent party at my parents home several people noticed he was watching Me and looking at me and he stayed talking with my sister and I way past when everyone else left the party.

 

My latest encounter was when we went out for his birthday along with my boyfriend and some of their cousins. He asked me twice throughout the week asking if I was going and during this week he also told me his wife and him may be separating soon and how he felt hurt.

 

Skip ahead to birthday night he was completely ignoring during the dinner and pregame to his B-Day event and once we were all drunk at the club he caught me at the bar by myself and told me I get crazy and then he shook his head and smiled and said I like you... don't know if was a "man I like you :laugh:" or "I like you;)" if that makes sense and he also said "if my wife wasn't here I would get wasted with you and you know what else it seems like my brother can't handle you once you start dancing."

 

I'm very nieve haha. I didn't date a whole lot before I got into a long term relationship and I have no idea what all this means! Is he hitting on me? Does he like me? What's he mean his brother can't handle me?

Is he just treating me like a family member... I've been confused and can't stop thinking about that conversation.

[stillafool]

All you have to do is tell your bf about that conversation and he will take care of the rest. He was completely inappropriate and you should have told your bf about this that night.

[SunnyWeather]

just give yourself some distance from him as he sorts through the confusing times he's experiencing. what ever you do, do not feed into his confusion or cause any extra drama- maintain your dignity and filial affections and this probably will pass.

 

IF, however, he continues to pursue you more blatantly, then I would tell him to cut it out, and what he is doing makes you feel uncomfortable.

[smackie9]

When they start talkin about how their marriage is falling apart, "I like you", blah blah blah that is your cue to run.

 

Stop talking to him, don't answer his texts, don't let him know where you are going, don't dance with him, find ways to excuses yourself from being around him at family functions, stand by your husband in from of him, no more one on one, etc. Keep your distance. Eventually he will get the hint that you have no interest.

 

I know it's tough when it comes to family because you don't want to cause a disturbance between brothers. So try your best to stay away from him. If he does get out of hand, sit him down and tell him with the the things he has been saying to you and his behavior, it's making you feel uncomfortable. If he doesn't stop, then make steps to gently tell your husband what has been going on.

[stillafool]

 

 

Skip ahead to birthday night he was completely ignoring during the dinner and pregame to his B-Day event and once we were all drunk at the club he caught me at the bar by myself and told me I get crazy and then he shook his head and smiled and said I like you... don't know if was a "man I like you :laugh:" or "I like you;)" if that makes sense and he also said "if my wife wasn't here I would get wasted with you and you know what else it seems like my brother can't handle you once you start dancing."

 

I'm very nieve haha. I didn't date a whole lot before I got into a long term relationship and I have no idea what all this means! Is he hitting on me? Does he like me? What's he mean his brother can't handle me?

Is he just treating me like a family member... I've been confused and can't stop thinking about that conversation.

 

Don't watch him to see if he is ignoring your or not. Don't give him any attention what so ever. It doesn't matter if he likes you or not because he is your bfs brother and it needs to stop. The best way to get him to stop is be honest with your bf about how uncomfortable you are around him because of the things you've stated here. Why haven't you talked to him about it? You say you are naive about this stuff but how did you know your bf was coming on to you before he became your bf?

[SSJROMANCE]

When they start talkin about how their marriage is falling apart, "I like you", blah blah blah that is your cue to run.

 

Stop talking to him, don't answer his texts, don't let him know where you are going, don't dance with him, find ways to excuses yourself from being around him at family functions, stand by your husband in from of him, no more one on one, etc. Keep your distance. Eventually he will get the hint that you have no interest.

 

I know it's tough when it comes to family because you don't want to cause a disturbance between brothers. So try your best to stay away from him. If he does get out of hand, sit him down and tell him with the the things he has been saying to you and his behavior, it's making you feel uncomfortable. If he doesn't stop, then make steps to gently tell your husband what has been going on.

 

Well said. I second that. You need to cool his tune a bit. You don't have to be mean but don't to the things that put you alone with this guy. Keep your guard up. Eventually he will get the picture.

[Dreamworld]

At one point in my life, I was a married man magnet. Of course the guys were not cool, but it was also the vibes I was giving off.

And almost all of these hit ons started with them commiserating about their marital woes. This is the first alert sign. And it is how you react to it that will either show them "stay away" or give them further incentive to pursue you.

 

Even a tiny smidge of niceness will motivate them. You gotta be firm and make them aware there will be consequences.

 

And deep down inside if you are a even a tad flattered by this, he will read this loud and clear.

 

Wondering if he likes you doesnt matter. This in itself you really have to ask yourself why you want to know. It shouldnt matter. He was being inappropriate and I would be a little more firm if I were you.

 

Hope this wasnt too harsh an answer. It is just from my own experiences.

[Dreamworld]

The "if my wife werent here" and the comment about his brother not being able to handle you when you were dancing were really inapproriate.

 

Oh one thing though..why didn't you just talk to your boyfriend?

[Cherryz]

I dont understand your attitude and questions about all of this.

 

How is it appropriate to be going out alone you and someone you datings brother?

And why are you just asking things that seem like you are looking if he likes you really and find it fun.

Instead of asking how to stop this or how to behave yourself.

 

I think this may be same kind of behavior you have around this guy.

Ans since he have issues in his marriage he saw you as a easy target to hit on by the way you behave.

 

What ever the story, its not ok how he is acting.

And you should tell your bf right away and stop joining this guy in any type of

occasion.

And block him also. If he have something to say let him contact his brother.

 

He have no respect!

 

And stop acting like you are naive and dont know what is going on!

Woman up, and dont make this a secret for your bf and behave yourself also decent and cut this guy off any kind of way.

[Cherryz]

And you should be first one to address him. Specially at the bar.

And let him see that he is wrong and you not accept that kind of behavior.

[karmenElektra]

Thank you. You are all right. This all intrigued me to be honest. I did want to know if he liked me bc I realized that I like the idea of him seeing me that way. I know that is completely wrong because he is married and he is my boyfriends brother! I would never* do anything with him because I know how many people it would affect and I can't handle that kind of guilt.

The truth is that it intrigued me because I like to dance and be crazy once in a while and it's something that boyfriend doesn't appreciate and tries to suppress in me and when his brother admired that about me it blurred the lines of our relationship for me. His brother is crazy and loves the dancing and raving and loud music like me. I can't stop thinking about it now it's like my mind is infected with all these thoughts and temptations now. I know how ****ed up this all sounds. It makes me feel insane and seriously ****ed up inside my mind. Understand that I realize how wrong this is all so much that I came to a bunch of strangers on the internet to make sense of all this and I know the best solution is to stay away from him as much as possible and cut of any communication with him.

 

My bf has told me that his brother was really mean to him as a kid and it's disgusting that I feel intrigued by his brother knowing that and that I like the feeling of playing with fire.

 

The deeper issues are that my parents always suppressed Me when I was kid.. shut me up, extra strict, etc and I feel my bf does the same and there's all these suppressed feelings and emotions that I can't ever let out.

[LoveRefreshed]

lawls. Break up with the boyfriend. Clearly he's not your man.

[karmenElektra]

There's a kid involved it's not that easy for me to just leave.

[road]

lawls. Break up with the boyfriend. Clearly he's not your man.

 

There's a kid involved it's not that easy for me to just leave.

 

 

No she needs to stop playing games, be honest and tell her BF the truth and go NC with the BIL.

[Cherryz]

Thank you. You are all right. This all intrigued me to be honest. I did want to know if he liked me bc I realized that I like the idea of him seeing me that way. I know that is completely wrong because he is married and he is my boyfriends brother! I would never* do anything with him because I know how many people it would affect and I can't handle that kind of guilt.

The truth is that it intrigued me because I like to dance and be crazy once in a while and it's something that boyfriend doesn't appreciate and tries to suppress in me and when his brother admired that about me it blurred the lines of our relationship for me. His brother is crazy and loves the dancing and raving and loud music like me. I can't stop thinking about it now it's like my mind is infected with all these thoughts and temptations now. I know how ****ed up this all sounds. It makes me feel insane and seriously ****ed up inside my mind. Understand that I realize how wrong this is all so much that I came to a bunch of strangers on the internet to make sense of all this and I know the best solution is to stay away from him as much as possible and cut of any communication with him.

 

My bf has told me that his brother was really mean to him as a kid and it's disgusting that I feel intrigued by his brother knowing that and that I like the feeling of playing with fire.

 

The deeper issues are that my parents always suppressed Me when I was kid.. shut me up, extra strict, etc and I feel my bf does the same and there's all these suppressed feelings and emotions that I can't ever let out.

 

 

I understand we all go true things in life.

Some more then others. There are no perfect parents at the end.

 

But this is not a excuses to be bad or behave wrong.

If you feel this way or see that some things of your childhood /parents education effected you certain type of way, get a therapist and not a bf rigth now.

And work on your issues.

 

Don ever say i go cheat or have affairs or do this or that because my parents did this and that.

Once you see and know why you may be doing or feeling certain hurt etc.

its in your advantage to use that opportunity to get help.

Instead of using it as a excuses to go do wrong.

Because people sometimes takes longer without knowing what their issue may be.

 

At the end, you will only keep damage yourself if you not get help, or keep dating same kind of guys because thats what you grew up with and use to.

Go get a therapist or have conversation yourself heart to heart with your parents about this, and work on finding closure and grow, get something you good in it and better yourself. to help your self esteem.

 

But again, this is no excuse to go do messy stuff.

If you need to break up with your bf to safe yourself from being around this messy feelings and his brother. so be it!

Dont allow yourself to get into stuff like that. Because the weight of it will be very heavy and hard to come back from it.

 

Dont keep secret about this guy. With or without support of your bf, cut this dude off.

[Try]

Break up with the boyfriend. Clearly he's not your man.

There's a kid involved it's not that easy for me to just leave.

Wow, when LoveRefreshed told you to "Break up with the boyfriend. Clearly he's not your man." and your response is "There's a kid involved it's not that easy for me to just leave", that is you saying that if you did not have a kid with your BF you would leave him for his brother. That is messed up.

[sandylee1]

Do you love your BF?

 

Have you cheated on him before?

 

It sounds like you are a bit flattered with what his brother said to you... you like the attention. Just don't go there .... especially as there's a child involved.