yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 The young girl who cheated on her Indian BF with me is still with him. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/566465-dating-much-younger-girl After he arrived in Vietnam, she went NC on me, which I had predicted... She eventually told me that: "Everything was sorted out, no problem, and I can't ever see you again" Which didn't surprise me However, a couple days later I noticed he browsed my Facebook page, and become a "people you may know" entry...which naturally drew my ire. I got angry he was cyber stalking me, and obviously she had told him all about me. So I chatted to him using Facebook chat.' I told him everything about what had happened, everything, including the fact we first hooked up in March LAST YEAR, and that I was on her bed, naked while she video chatted to her. He acted very surprised, asked for clarification, more details, lots of: "What!" and "My God" replies. I do believe he wasn't told everything, but he knew she had slept with me, she probably said it was "just once" or something. I continued to hint that she would probably cheat again if he didn't chain her down, yeah, i was fuming at this stage... "She's a good f&ck, but a terrible girlfriend" (In fact she's just an OK F&ck...but whatever) At the end, he suddenly turned it all around... "you keep away from her, don't even text her, don't go to her shop" "I know she get horny quickly, I know she very quick girl (his English isn't the best). I made commitment to her, I am a man of my word, i keep my promise to her" I replied that i had moved on, and that he was welcome to her. (which he is) A little later she calls me: "Congratulations, you got everything you want, you happy now?" Which I took to mean he broke up with her, but then: "Yeah everything you say is true, so what, he still want me" But isn't it odd that he totally accepts all she has done...and intends to come to Melbourne to live with her... Man, is that one DOOMED relationship? He has ZERO trust in her. PS, no, I'm not proud of myself... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Well, on the positive, you can guarantee that she will probably hate you from now on. Also, it's impossible to know if someone browsed your FB page. And 'people you may know' are simply friends of friends. You got angry over something which didn't happen. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 Well, on the positive, you can guarantee that she will probably hate you from now on. Also, it's impossible to know if someone browsed your FB page. And 'people you may know' are simply friends of friends. You got angry over something which didn't happen. Yep, she's not happy...~ It said "[name} found you using your phone number" or some such thing. The girl was NEVER my friend on Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Yep, she's not happy...~ It said "[name} found you using your phone number" or some such thing. The girl was NEVER my friend on Facebook. Has she ever used his phone to call you? (I've never had the 'people I may know' tell me how/why they pop up). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 Has she ever used his phone to call you? (I've never had the 'people I may know' tell me how/why they pop up). No, it was in Facebook Messages area... Link to post Share on other sites
Aniela Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 He could have checked out her phone. She might not have given him your name. You knew she was still involved with the guy, when you were with her. Why punish her now? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) He could have checked out her phone. She might not have given him your name. You knew she was still involved with the guy, when you were with her. Why punish her now? I was punishing him... Edited March 3, 2016 by yxalitis Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 He could have checked out her phone. She might not have given him your name. You knew she was still involved with the guy, when you were with her. Why punish her now? No, more than that... All along she said that we could still be friends. She said; "He has to accept you, that you can be in my life, he has to trust me with you" And one of the last things I said to her was: "Don't let him make you push me away" Yet there she was, doing exactly that. Yeah, she hurt me...people lash out when they're hurt. Doesn't matter if I predicted it, expected it, it STILL hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 "People you may know" on Fb is NOT people who creeped you! Also, I bet you searched him and messaged him on your own. What are you doing to her and now yourself? Let it go, move on. This whole situation is completely toxic. Who cares if it's doomed, it could flourish. Would that bother you? Not your life, not your worry. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
moebius Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Doesn't matter if I predicted it, expected it, it STILL hurt. She cheated on her BF with you. Maybe that gave you the wrong idea that you were better than her BF. I guess she cheated on you too, which is something cheaters do. You shouldn't be hurt, you should be happy. If she turns you in her BF she's going to cheat on you with another dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 "People you may know" on Fb is NOT people who creeped you! Also, I bet you searched him and messaged him on your own. When I first noticed him in my "People you may know" list, he was #1. I had no idea how he got there. I had one photo of her on my account, and a friend suggested "big data" had face matched her, tagged her, and added her friends to my list. However, when I went to message him, it tells you in the little messaging box how you know this person: A friend comes up as: "You're friends on Facebook" His said: "[Name] used your phone number to reach you" I found a couple of other in my "People you may know" list with the same message, you probably have one too. Please don't accuse me of lying just because YOU don't know how something works! What are you doing to her and now yourself? Let it go, move on. This whole situation is completely toxic. Who cares if it's doomed, it could flourish. Would that bother you? Not your life, not your worry. My life, my worry. I care for her, this relationship will fail, and she can't see it. She's just putting off the inevitable pain of a break up, and it will be so much worse if she's living with him. Link to post Share on other sites
AMJ Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 OMG I can't believe you did that! And you said she was amazing in bed...we all read about it for pages and pages, can't take that back now. I've wanted to do something similar to my ex. He keeps contacting me and telling me all about how he is about to dump his girlfriend, but she keeps posting new photos of them on Facebook, and I'm thinking...oh if you only knew what he was doing behind your back. She seems like a nice person and doesn't deserve to be treated badly at all. Then again, I also think she's an idiot for not being able to see him for who he really is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
66Charger Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 (edited) She is a cheater and so are you. You write this like it is something you are proud of. The only thing it is, is dirt, and of course you know it, because thats where you live. The bf did nothing to you. What! Looked at your precious facebook page? What a stupid idiot. No not him...you. Here is a spin. One day you will be in the place of the boyfreind and you will get the call. Of how great your fiancee is. How she begs for more for him and not you. All the details. ..and a video too. And you watch it. On the day before your wedding. Your mirror is broken. No MAN would do such a juvenile thing. Edited March 3, 2016 by 66Charger 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Totally immature behavior. One thing to be an OM. Another thing to rub all those details in that BH's face. There is nothing lower left for you to sink to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 I was punishing him... Oh come on, this is her doing. Well, and yours. Your beef with him has been weird and misguided from the start. I think you're just pissed because you think you "lost". But she was never interested in letting you "win". And now he has to deal with her lies, so what's to punish him for? I'm sure she never really cared much about being friends in the first place, and perhaps never had much intention to bother. You were the guy she had sex with while her BF was away, not her friend. Your people-picker needs work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 She is a cheater and so are you. You write this like it is something you are proud of. The only thing it is, is dirt, and of course you know it, because thats where you live. The bf did nothing to you. What! Looked at your precious facebook page? What a stupid idiot. No not him...you. Here is a spin. One day you will be in the place of the boyfreind and you will get the call. Of how great your fiancee is. How she begs for more for him and not you. All the details. ..and a video too. And you watch it. On the day before your wedding. Your mirror is broken. No MAN would do such a juvenile thing. Well, I'll disagree that NO MAN would do such a thing, lots have and will continue to do so. But you are right, it was a stupid thing to do. It didn't achieve anything except make her cut all ties with me. Except...maybe that's what I wanted... Before that, we were on friendly speaking terms...I'm trying to move on, date new people, but this girl is still in my head. When I saw he had viewed my Facebook, I got angry, and was hurt she had let him know my details. I wouldn't have done that in a similar situation, if I told my gf I had an affair, I'd have deleted their details first. What good does it do to know exactly who they were? But anyway, I did have the thought that at least this would burn the bridges...no going back. Link to post Share on other sites
VeveCakes Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 When I first noticed him in my "People you may know" list, he was #1. I had no idea how he got there. I had one photo of her on my account, and a friend suggested "big data" had face matched her, tagged her, and added her friends to my list. However, when I went to message him, it tells you in the little messaging box how you know this person: A friend comes up as: "You're friends on Facebook" His said: "[Name] used your phone number to reach you" I found a couple of other in my "People you may know" list with the same message, you probably have one too. Please don't accuse me of lying just because YOU don't know how something works! My life, my worry. I care for her, this relationship will fail, and she can't see it. She's just putting off the inevitable pain of a break up, and it will be so much worse if she's living with him. Sorry but that's not how "people you may know" works. He might have found you through your phone number and messaged you that way. Then he might show in the people you may know because you have been messaging him. So actually that is how it works. What are you hoping for? Her to come back to you? Enjoy a life of misery and paranoia being in love with a compulsive liar and cheater. Wake up buddy, everyone here is trying to HELP YOU not enable you. Time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 Sorry but that's not how "people you may know" works. He might have found you through your phone number and messaged you that way. Then he might show in the people you may know because you have been messaging him. So actually that is how it works. What are you hoping for? Her to come back to you? Enjoy a life of misery and paranoia being in love with a compulsive liar and cheater. Wake up buddy, everyone here is trying to HELP YOU not enable you. Time to move on. You obviously didn't read my last post... And...again...he did appear in my list...before I messaged him..,I have no reason to lie about that. Link to post Share on other sites
PacMann87 Posted March 4, 2016 Share Posted March 4, 2016 Wow... I'm stunned that you decided to make the decision to contact this guy and involve yourself. The only thing you've done now is permanently erase yourself from this girls heart and mind and ensure she's not ever going to miraculously come back to you. If you had left it alone, you would have come to her mind when she was unhappy with her fiancé and she would've remembered how enjoyable being around you was when she was miserable around him. Now, you've left a sour taste in her mouth and her last contact with you formed a hostile feeling that won't go away in the future. You said that you wanted to punish him. This guy literally did nothing to you. He didn't harm you in any way. You are punishing him for being the one she chose if anything. The fact that you're 48 and acted this way is incredibly immature and not something you can just get off the hook by saying "not proud of it, stupid mistake" You wanted to do it because you wanted to cause some emotion in her life (good or bad) even when you're not in her life anymore. If that meant forcing the degrading details of your affair down her finances throat, so be it. Clearly by his responses he's not the kind of guy to throw her out in the street with this knowledge. And what's even more deplorable is the fact that at one point you mentioned being concerned for her well being if this guy came to visit her and she told him about the affair. That he might react and harm her physically or something. That was something you legitimately worried about. And here. You literally give the guy the ammunition to go on an emotional rampage directed at her. What..the ___!?!.... Can you imagine if this guy just lost it and assaulted this girl? What would you have done then? Because if you can't think about the consequences of your selfish temptations and restrain yourself, then you shouldn't date anyone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 (edited) Wow... I'm stunned that you decided to make the decision to contact this guy and involve yourself. The only thing you've done now is permanently erase yourself from this girls heart and mind and ensure she's not ever going to miraculously come back to you. If you had left it alone, you would have come to her mind when she was unhappy with her fiancé and she would've remembered how enjoyable being around you was when she was miserable around him. Now, you've left a sour taste in her mouth and her last contact with you formed a hostile feeling that won't go away in the future. You said that you wanted to punish him. This guy literally did nothing to you. He didn't harm you in any way. You are punishing him for being the one she chose if anything. The fact that you're 48 and acted this way is incredibly immature and not something you can just get off the hook by saying "not proud of it, stupid mistake" You wanted to do it because you wanted to cause some emotion in her life (good or bad) even when you're not in her life anymore. If that meant forcing the degrading details of your affair down her finances throat, so be it. Clearly by his responses he's not the kind of guy to throw her out in the street with this knowledge. And what's even more deplorable is the fact that at one point you mentioned being concerned for her well being if this guy came to visit her and she told him about the affair. That he might react and harm her physically or something. That was something you legitimately worried about. And here. You literally give the guy the ammunition to go on an emotional rampage directed at her. What..the ___!?!.... Can you imagine if this guy just lost it and assaulted this girl? What would you have done then? Because if you can't think about the consequences of your selfish temptations and restrain yourself, then you shouldn't date anyone. Except he can't because he is 10,000 miles away. She went to Vietnam, he was going to meet her there. Before that happened, she leaked the info to him, and he lost it, cancelled his trip. HSe contacted him two days later, and asked for one more chance, come to Vietnam still He did, they reconciled, (as easily as I predicted) and in so doing she not only told him about me, but dumped all my personal details to him. That's what hurt, that's what angered me, that she let him know all about me, so he could cyber stalk me. He told me "I know all about you, I know your money, your past girlfriends, your life..you know nothing about me" So I told him all about us...she DID tell me he knew anyway... He is hardly going to fly a plane 10,000 miles to assault her, is he? Edited March 5, 2016 by yxalitis Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 If you had left it alone, you would have come to her mind when she was unhappy with her fiancé and she would've remembered how enjoyable being around you was when she was miserable around him. Now, you've left a sour taste in her mouth and her last contact with you formed a hostile feeling that won't go away in the future. Which is what I didn't want...see, I didn't want a doorway back to her...I needed to close that..or I couldn't get on with my life. Link to post Share on other sites
PacMann87 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Which is what I didn't want...see, I didn't want a doorway back to her...I needed to close that..or I couldn't get on with my life. Cmon... No need to bs yourself here. Twisting the knife in this guys back after you were banging his fiancée for almost a month isn't what you needed to close to door here. It just made you feel like you got to her in some way because even after your convo with him ended you knew they were going to fight or have an issue over what you said. You're probably pissed/jealous that you lost to a guy who you deem as a piece of crap with nothing to offer. It's pretty obvious that you fell hard and fast for this girl and despite being warned multiple times, you felt blindsided by how easily she left and chose him and how quickly it all deteriorated. That's a ****ty feeling for anyone. But at your age I think it's pretty obvious that you should've taken the high road here. You say you were upset because she told him your personal details.... What's so awful about that? Big deal he knows your Facebook profile, a couple girls you've had sex with or dated, and what you do/make for a living..... I fail to see what is so detrimental and upsetting there. After all... You know a lot more about his fiancé and him than he could possibly know about you right? Even if she told him the details of what you and her did/talked about etc... This guy NEVER tried to contact you or reach out in any way. You falsely determined that just because he showed up on your "people you might know" suggestions, that be creeped on your profile and looked you up. I'm pretty sure people have explained to you how incorrect that belief is. Pretend that he was her brother for a second. Your Facebook friends with her and she's Facebook friends with him. He never needs to know you exist and Facebook would put him on the "people you may know" list because he's a freakin person you might know! You have a mutual friend. He's not stalking you . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PacMann87 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Except he can't because he is 10,000 miles away. She went to Vietnam, he was going to meet her there. Before that happened, she leaked the info to him, and he lost it, cancelled his trip. HSe contacted him two days later, and asked for one more chance, come to Vietnam still He did, they reconciled, (as easily as I predicted) and in so doing she not only told him about me, but dumped all my personal details to him. That's what hurt, that's what angered me, that she let him know all about me, so he could cyber stalk me. He told me "I know all about you, I know your money, your past girlfriends, your life..you know nothing about me" So I told him all about us...she DID tell me he knew anyway... He is hardly going to fly a plane 10,000 miles to assault her, is he? He didn't cyber stalk you man. That's not how Facebook works. Just for arguments sake let's say he did. Which even at worst means he looked at your profile which is pretty vague if you have it set on private to the public. He never tried to contact you or confront you at all about you sleeping with his gf. Never showed any sign of using the Info that she told him against you in any way. When you reached out and messaged him... You started the situation. Now he has motive to use any of the details she told him against you just to get back at you. If there's anything she could've told or showed him that is not something you'd want publicized then the last thing you want to do is piss off the person who has that info. What if this guy now just decides to mess with you and get revenge with false accusations? What if he calls or sends a letter to your employer saying you are a sexual deviant or doing things that would harm the company? Who knows . Now it may be all proven to be untrue and just a compete lie.... But you don't want to have to deal with that at work or socially do you? Not the best thing for your job to have to deal with no matter if it's tru or false. Act your age for a change and learn to walk away. At the end of the day, she's with him, you're not gonna see her again. End of story. Don't add more drama to your life for no reason Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 He is hardly going to fly a plane 10,000 miles to assault her, is he? He's her boyfriend. He's eventually going to see her again. No? What if he beats the crap out of her? Or kills her? At nearly 50, you should know better. Shame on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I was punishing him... Didn't you say you were worried for her safety with this guy because you thought he might be potentially violent? Then you go and tell him exactly the kinds of things that would set a violent guy off against the girl?? :eek: That is horrifying. Well, in any case I guess we all can see how much you actually cared for the girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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