jsmith92 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Hi all, I have been unemployed now for 4 months. Previously i worked in a bar for a few years, the job was OK but pay not great and felt i needed a change and get out, i was to used to the life that came with that job but it was doing me no good. What made me finally leave the position was that i started seeing a really good mate who i worked with, it last for a few months working together but it got too stressful at times so i decided to leave. I thought i would be out of a job for maybe 2 months max, but like i say its been 4 months now and things are getting tough. Im bored, i get stressed and depressed every now and then. I live mainly at my girlfriends house with her dad and i havent seen mates for almost a month now. Three weeks ago i was offered a job and good salary and few days before my start date i found out it was a scam, it knocked me quite a bit. Ive just been taking things out on my gf lately, just silly little things and i know eventually it will get too much for her. I said yesterday that maybe we should have a few days apart but she just feels like i dont want to see her, i do but i just dont like having little fall outs caused by the stressful situation i find myself in. We been together a year end of this month and we do really get on, with a job and a sense of being good enough for her again things would be so much better but until then i just feel like i am failing her and our relationship. Any advice or thoughts on this would be great, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Ideally spending a little less time at hers, trying to get any job, on building sites, whatever just to get your head straight and not to drive eachother up the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jsmith92 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 Im 26 in a few weeks, i dont feel like i can just work little jobs i feel i need something stable at this age. I feel like i have wasted the last few years of my life, average job with know one pushing me to do better, i got so used to the job and life but it wasnt good enough. I started seeing my gf and she has been the first person to try and help me better myself, im not close to either of my parents and they have never helped me or asked me what i want to do with myself, i feel like i needed to be pushed and helped more by them but i have just never had it. My gf is from a well off family and im just the opposite have always had to do everything for myself, i have this sense of whatever i do will not be good enough for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 So let me be clear: are you looking for a solution or to complain and explain why you can't do something? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jsmith92 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 I want to make things better for us and I know that a job is all i need i just dont feel like i can go into any job though. Have never known what i wanted to do and now i have come into a serious relatioship with someone i really want to be with i need to work it out for us. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Im 26 in a few weeks, i dont feel like i can just work little jobs i feel i need something stable at this age. That's all well and good if you actually managed to GET the stable job, but after 4 months? Yeah, you're not doing anyone any good holding out for that. What have you been doing during that time anyway? If you desire a particular type of job, have you done anything towards increasing your skills/experience to increase your chances at it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jsmith92 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 I have had three or four interviews where i have come close to getting a good job along with the scam job. Maybe i just need to stop aiming so high and start of low and aim to progress quickly as i can. I wouldnt mind so much if i was single, but being with my gf i feel pressure to do something good enough for her and her dad, he strict type who has done well for himself and i just want him to feel im good enough for her. My gf assures me i am its just way i am though i dont want to come across as someone who doesnt want to work hard Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 I understand the pressure. However, you can't usually just walk into a good job after working for years in a bar. What you have to show is that you know what you want and prepared to work for it. Could mean taking on a part-time internship while also working in a crappy job to make ends meet. Recruiters have to see that you are serious, that you have aptitude and not wasting their time. Updating skills continuously is also a requirement nowdays. Off your own back, not being motivated by someone else. If your gf's father is judging you then probably it's for not making constructive effort. Everyone knows these things take a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jsmith92 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 I get that i cant just walk into a well paid job, but i dont want to settle for rubbish like i was on before. I have come close on a couple interviews to getting a job with good money, its just taking a lot longer then expected to find something. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 But I don't understand how doing casual labour of some kind while interviewing simultaneously is settling? Surely you want to show that you are realistic with expectations? Bar work doesn't have a great reputation beyond student years, you are fighting a bit of a battle. You have to show awareness and grit rather than come across a good-time boy. Link to post Share on other sites
Ferret Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 I get that i cant just walk into a well paid job, but i dont want to settle for rubbish like i was on before. I have come close on a couple interviews to getting a job with good money, its just taking a lot longer then expected to find something. If your living off their kindness in their home im sure any money will be welcomed at the 4 month mark. I get what your saying but ide be rethinking holding out to long. If you don't get something soon you might just start planting the seed of resentment on her family's side even wealthy people have their limits when it comes to generosity.. Link to post Share on other sites
Ferret Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 But I don't understand how doing casual labour of some kind while interviewing simultaneously is settling? Surely you want to show that you are realistic with expectations? Bar work doesn't have a great reputation beyond student years, you are fighting a bit of a battle. You have to show awareness and grit rather than come across a good-time boy. Ide think its all in the bar one chooses to work in just like being in the cooking industry one can be a high end chef or one can flip burgers..there are some high end bars/restaurants out there... Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Ide think its all in the bar one chooses to work in just like being in the cooking industry one can be a high end chef or one can flip burgers..there are some high end bars/restaurants out there... If someone progressed to a manager role, perhaps but what's the difference between charging 5 quid or 10 quid for a glass of wine? Same skills. I don't think you can compare bar work to the hard training it takes to be a good chef. Hospitality jobs are easy, that's why students do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jsmith92 Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 There were a few reasons why i left my bar job and the little pay rise you get in progression was one of the main reasons. They expect u to get up at 5am for a little pay rise, that and the lack of social life were the main reasons. I will stop aiming so high And just take any work i can, i would do labour work, i like working hard but as long as i get paid decent money, the past few years was working long hours which gave me no money and no social life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Good luck. Just get back to earning some money and keep looking Link to post Share on other sites
Ferret Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 If someone progressed to a manager role, perhaps but what's the difference between charging 5 quid or 10 quid for a glass of wine? Same skills. I don't think you can compare bar work to the hard training it takes to be a good chef. Hospitality jobs are easy, that's why students do it. Its the environment I was really talking about a higher end place would more then likely pay more and be a bit more respectable then working at billy bobs coroner bar that's all I meant.. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Its the environment I was really talking about a higher end place would more then likely pay more and be a bit more respectable then working at billy bobs coroner bar that's all I meant.. I don't know. A former tenant of mine works in one of the Hilton Hotel bars. Crappy hours and not much tip as far as I can see. Link to post Share on other sites
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