Cheated with Engaged Man

[Try]

That is not exactly true. A lot of older woman once divorced decide that THEY do not want to remarry.

I have been told by many such women that they do not want to remarry if their only option is to marry some older guy that they will have to take care of in his old age.

 

My sister divorced her near do well husband at 52. She was remarried within two years.

That is not the norm.

[Liam1]

 

That is not the norm.

 

What is not the norm? Are you saying they don't want to marry or can not find anyone to marry.

 

I think if people want to marry they can because I also know many colleagues, in their 50s, who have remarried.

 

I think it may be more difficult for a young financially dependent wife, with a brood of kids to find someone to Marry her. Once their kids are grown it likely gets easier.

 

I agree, though, that a lot of people in their 50s don't want to remarry after divorce or losing their spouse to death. Both men and woman.

[mrs rubble]

I have been told by many such women that they do not want to remarry if their only option is to marry some older guy that they will have to take care of in his old age.

 

That is not the norm.

 

It's pretty common for older women to get married where I'm from, I've been to two weddings in the last two weeks the brides were 52 and 47. I'm getting married myself next year and will turn 45 this year.

[ShatteredLady]

My experience is like Mrs Rubble. All of my divorced friends who like the idea of marriage (just not their choice of H) are remarried after a couple of years...All same age or younger men. They don't say that was a deciding factor though.

 

I have a particularly horrible step father sexual abuse history in my family. I have a friend who, like me, has little girls. I know for both of us it's a big worry when it comes to the idea of bringing another man into our homes.

[sandylee1]

Leave the young man be and refocus on your marriage.

 

When you have children... always try and imagine what they'd think of your behaviour. I always want to be a good example to my children and can't imagine having them know I would do something as bad as cheat on their father and risk the stable home they have.

 

Cheating isn't just about you and your spouse.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Thank you for your thoughts and honest feedback I was never looking for anyone to support or think that what I had done was appropriate or respectful, to myself or to his fiancee.

 

Emotions are everywhere now and so I'm just trying to deal with them the best that I can.

 

Thank you to Liam for calling this what it was and nothing more.

 

Sunshine...you know what you have done is dangerous. You could potentially lose everything.

 

The question now is...how will you handle what you have done....will you disclose your betrayal? Will you end this relationship with this young man? will you tell his fiance what he has done?

 

You have complicated your life...you have potentially destroyed your family....now what?

[bubbaganoosh]

You never know how much you have to gain until you see how much you have to lose.

 

You had an affair. You not only cheated on your husband but you never took in consideration that it also cheated your family, meaning your kids.

 

Sooner or later there's a slip up of some sort and the spouse finds out. Then and only then will you fully understand your poor lack of judgement causes so many problems.

 

It's one thing to have to face your husband, it's another when your kids look at their mother in a different light and don't see the mother they thought they had or was and for what? A tumble in the back seat of a car or a cheesy motel room versus your home, husband and family. I hope it was worth it because if this ever comes to light, your going to see first hand what you have to lose.

[aliveagain]

Perhaps she's risking what she has because she doesn't value what she has enough. What other women would kill to have has become everyday to her. Maybe once she looses it she'll understand the true value. No matter how it turns out, her actions have forever changed her life, her husbands life, her children's lives, the man she cheated with, his fiancé and everyone that is family and a friend on both sides of this affair. She can fool herself that keeping the affair a secret will protect her but that's a lie because she can't control other people. It is obvious that it's already bothering her affair partner, what if he decides to come clean before he marries his fiancé? Guess who will be the first person the fiancé calls before she calls you sunshione04, yes, your husband. Lies won't save you, they will only lead your family to more pain.

Edited March 6, 2016 by aliveagain

[Just a Guy]

Reading this thread made me think that the OP would have to be a really shameless person with no thought about her family, that is, her poor husband and her ' beautiful children'. She comes across as an extremely selfish person who is remorseless and completely guilt free with respect to what she has done. All she can think of is to continue her liaison with herAP, who, after having enjoyed what she had to offer, wants to distance himself from her. He wanted a free pas, was delighted to be given one, and having tasted the forbidden fruit, has suddenly grown a conscience, and wants nothing more to do with her, preferring his fiancee over an old woman who he has no future with. She, on the other hand, is pining for him, missing the thrill of youthful passion that her AP provided her.

It is such a great pity that a forty three year old woman with a fifteen year old marriage and a twenty year history with her husband and three beautiful children in tow, would decide to gamble it all away for a few stolen moments of illicit sex which, put in it's proper context, was a completely meaningless proposition, gaining her nothing. I guess some people just cannot see beyond their noses and there is little that anyone can do to help them. I am sorry if I have come across as harsh but some people are just beyond redemption.

[Arieswoman]

Try #16,

 

This is nonsense;

 

Please be advised, that should you get caught and your marriage ends over this, statistics show that single women over 45 are rarely are able to get married again.

 

I remarried at over that age and so did some friends of mine who were widows.

 

Having said that the OP wants to either tinkle or get off the pot.

 

If she's so bored with being married she wants to come clean and divorce the guy.

 

If she wants to stay married then she needs to come clean and put some work into it. (This is of course assuming that hubby still wants to be with her when he finds out)

 

My exH cheated with an engaged girl, so when it all came out there were two relationships blown to $h!£r@g$ and 4 families upset.

 

I hope she thinks it's worth it?

[Robert]

Closing this one up as the thread starter has not been back for a few days. If they wish it to be reopened they can use the 'Alert Us' button on this post.

 

~6