Married man dumped me no reason given?

[Cappycorny]

You need to go to counselling to examine this. You say shame so you know right from wrong but none of that stopped you... Why?

 

One day you'll be married to a man you love and remember that there are women out there just like this.

 

I was married and I've been to counseling after losing my husband years back. I'm a semi young widow. I know all about counseling. Don't think I need that right now. Have you lost a spouse?

[Cappycorny]

If you want to feel better, you can, very easily. But you have to really want to.

 

Wine helps!

[13Hearts]

Wine helps!

 

It's never helped me much. I never could get a grip on my emotions as lomg as I was trying to drown them.

 

Took me many, many years to learn that if I wanted to change how I feel, I had to change the way I looked at things, especially relationships.

[whichwayisup]

I was married and I've been to counseling after losing my husband years back. I'm a semi young widow. I know all about counseling. Don't think I need that right now. Have you lost a spouse?

 

Affairs are dysfunctional and can really ruin a person, make them change in not a good way and do self esteem damage. Counseling can help you rid of the affair fog and how to get over him in a healthy way so you put yourself first and not settle for table scraps he may throw at you and you willingly accept with a smile on your face.

 

I'm sorry that you lost your husband at a young age..Condolences.

[Cappycorny]

It's never helped me much. I never could get a grip on my emotions as lomg as I was trying to drown them.

 

Took me many, many years to learn that if I wanted to change how I feel, I had to change the way I looked at things, especially relationships.

 

I just have a glass or two on occasion to chill out. No addictive personality here.

[Cappycorny]

Affairs are dysfunctional and can really ruin a person, make them change in not a good way and do self esteem damage. Counseling can help you rid of the affair fog and how to get over him in a healthy way so you put yourself first and not settle for table scraps he may throw at you and you willingly accept with a smile on your face.

 

I'm sorry that you lost your husband at a young age..Condolences.

 

They are dysfunctional I totally agree. I just dispute therapy for already knowing what I need to do. In this case, no need to pay anyone fot advice as its a waste of time and money. Staying away from relationships of any sort for now. Alone time is good and healing. I'm sure I'll be more in tune with the desire for a real relationship at some point. When I say real, I'm saying emotionally involved with a like minded single. Thanks for your advice and kindness.

[Cappycorny]

**** update! I'm struggling with severe rejection and self esteem issues due to this. It's really hurting me. I've been working out like crazy and not eating much

[13Hearts]

**** update! I'm struggling with severe rejection and self esteem issues due to this. It's really hurting me. I've been working out like crazy and not eating much

 

You haven't been rejected. He is very self-centered. The choice he has made was not between you and he is wife. His choice was between himself and his conscience. You have nothing to do with it.

 

Your self-esteem is suffering, not because of your perceived rejection by this guy, but because you are not acting in harmony with your own self-image. There is something missing in your life, something that means a lot to your self-identity, that you are ignoring. Working out is great but you need to take some time to rediscover YOU. Who were you and what were you doing at that time in your life when you were at the very top of your game? What are YOUR needs? Forget about his for a while; there is plenty more where that came from when you have gotten yourself back on your feet.

[Cappycorny]

You haven't been rejected. He is very self-centered. The choice he has made was not between you and he is wife. His choice was between himself and his conscience. You have nothing to do with it.

 

Your self-esteem is suffering, not because of your perceived rejection by this guy, but because you are not acting in harmony with your own self-image. There is something missing in your life, something that means a lot to your self-identity, that you are ignoring. Working out is great but you need to take some time to rediscover YOU. Who were you and what were you doing at that time in your life when you were at the very top of your game? What are YOUR needs? Forget about his for a while; there is plenty more where that came from when you have gotten yourself back on your feet.

 

I'm getting older and I'm highly self conscience of my body. I feel like he was turned off by me and that's the real reason he ditched me. I'm not overweight at all I'm thin and 5'7 but in also not 25 and it takes effort to maintain my shape. I've also had kids and more than 2 so I feel like ok I have a few little stretch marks and this was a turn of when be finally got to see it all at house that last time. Keep thinking younger woman that's perfect because he was all set with his phone all locked out from wife and ready to have his needs meet. Then suddenly his guilt comes to play? I text again like an ass asking him if he'd reconsider and zero reply! Just wish I never got into this.

Edited March 10, 2016 by Cappycorny

[Cappycorny]

Should have walked away the second time he came back then he could just wonder what it would be like to have me.

[13Hearts]

Relationships are not meant to make you feel bad about yourself. They're meant to make you feel good about yourself. IDK why you attribute the break-up to your body but it doesn't seem like a thing to break up about. Like I say, get the focus off him and back on you.

[Cappycorny]

Relationships are not meant to make you feel bad about yourself. They're meant to make you feel good about yourself. IDK why you attribute the break-up to your body but it doesn't seem like a thing to break up about. Like I say, get the focus off him and back on you.

 

I hear you. I'm just stuck right now.

[privategal]

I don't want to sugarcoat it, it is going to take a LONG time to heal and recover. A lot of people want the pain to end and magically move past it and just be carefree and back to normal. It doesn't work that way at all.

You have to grieve and go through it not around it.

You also have to be very diligent in no contact and that includes FB.

Its one foot in front of the other.

[loveisanaction]

Girl,

 

I read your thread from beginning to end and i have to say that lots of people warned you to back away from this, many told you that you would get hurt but you didn't listen. You thought that you could handle it. Very and i mean very with a big V...very few women can handle NSA sex. Even if you started off not having the slightest feelings for the person you're sleeping with, you almost always develop them once you start sleeping with them. This is because women release a drug-like hormone called Oxycontin during intercourse, this hormone causes a woman to bond to a man. Men, unfortunately do not release this hormone and can very easily sleep with a woman without having feelings for her in the slightest, attraction..yes...like her yes...feelings no.

 

Sometimes we learn from the advice given to us by other people, other times we learn from other people's mistakes, many times though we learn from our very own mistakes and experience.

[Cappycorny]

I don't want to sugarcoat it, it is going to take a LONG time to heal and recover. A lot of people want the pain to end and magically move past it and just be carefree and back to normal. It doesn't work that way at all.

You have to grieve and go through it not around it.

You also have to be very diligent in no contact and that includes FB.

Its one foot in front of the other.

 

Yeah grief is good to work through stuff. I just went shopping and want to puke. I think it's my body.. It has to be

[Cappycorny]

Girl,

 

I read your thread from beginning to end and i have to say that lots of people warned you to back away from this, many told you that you would get hurt but you didn't listen. You thought that you could handle it. Very and i mean very with a big V...very few women can handle NSA sex. Even if you started off not having the slightest feelings for the person you're sleeping with, you almost always develop them once you start sleeping with them. This is because women release a drug-like hormone called Oxycontin during intercourse, this hormone causes a woman to bond to a man. Men, unfortunately do not release this hormone and can very easily sleep with a woman without having feelings for her in the slightest, attraction..yes...like her yes...feelings no.

 

Sometimes we learn from the advice given to us by other people, other times we learn from other people's mistakes, many times though we learn from our very own mistakes and experience.

 

I know.. I know!

[Rejected Rosebud]

Don't worry, he'll be back.

 

There is no reason. It's just what he decided to do for right now.

Not necessarily. Married people who play with other people for casual sex are likely to get easily bored and want to move on to a new toy.

[Cappycorny]

Not necessarily. Married people who play with other people for casual sex are likely to get easily bored and want to move on to a new toy.

 

I agree! And I'm thinking this is exactly what happened which is even more of a reason to feel rejected! Seriously it really sucks. It's not that I loved him or wanted any real future with him, I wanted the A to continue even though I though I wanted out. I really wanted in. Now I pay the price. And I was not even in love. So I can just imagine how this other woman who've fallen in love feel. It's gotta be like a trip to H*ll!

[ladydesigner]

I agree! And I'm thinking this is exactly what happened which is even more of a reason to feel rejected! Seriously it really sucks. It's not that I loved him or wanted any real future with him, I wanted the A to continue even though I though I wanted out. I really wanted in. Now I pay the price. And I was not even in love. So I can just imagine how this other woman who've fallen in love feel. It's gotta be like a trip to H*ll!

 

Right here you actually admit that your A is more about how it made YOU feel as opposed to really wanting a relationship with MM. When I was a MOW years ago, I started an A to appease the pain I felt at my WH's betrayal of grouping a co-worker at my b-day party . I thought hey what's good for the goose must also be good for the gander. I had an A with a co-worker (because he was the one I was confiding to about my M problems ). Anyways when my xOM ended our A I was devastated, even said exactly what you said, that I actually wanted to end it first but he did. He rejected me What I realized years later was that I was addicted to the way he made me feel. I really did not want a R full time with him I wanted my ego boost to keep going.

 

What I have worked out in therapy, because these feelings of rejection have come up over and over again in life, always in my relationships with men, was that I am trying to change the outcome of my childhood relationship with my dad. He was very emotionally distant and sometimes cold and judgemental. I have ALWAYS seeked his approval. I have also been seeking this same approval from the men in my life so that I might actually change the outcome I had with my dad. So far every man in my life has rejected me in one way or another including my WS.

[Cappycorny]

Right here you actually admit that your A is more about how it made YOU feel as opposed to really wanting a relationship with MM. When I was a MOW years ago, I started an A to appease the pain I felt at my WH's betrayal of grouping a co-worker at my b-day party . I thought hey what's good for the goose must also be good for the gander. I had an A with a co-worker (because he was the one I was confiding to about my M problems ). Anyways when my xOM ended our A I was devastated, even said exactly what you said, that I actually wanted to end it first but he did. He rejected me What I realized years later was that I was addicted to the way he made me feel. I really did not want a R full time with him I wanted my ego boost to keep going.

 

What I have worked out in therapy, because these feelings of rejection have come up over and over again in life, always in my relationships with men, was that I am trying to change the outcome of my childhood relationship with my dad. He was very emotionally distant and sometimes cold and judgemental. I have ALWAYS seeked his approval. I have also been seeking this same approval from the men in my life so that I might actually change the outcome I had with my dad. So far every man in my life has rejected me in one way or another including my WS.

 

You just described my dad to a "T". However, even while distant we got along and he has always been there for me. Always my cheerleader so we are close. I'm not sure this stems from my dad. I think I've always been insecure with my body even though it looks pretty darn good. I grew up around a bunch of snobs and they focused on perfection. What I've realized now as an adult is they are shallow minded people and I adapted to shallow when in all actuality it's what's below the surface that really matters. It's my personal issue and old thinking patterns have stuck. I know the tricks of how to change my thinking I think im being stubborn and a brat! Rejection sucks and that's that!

[Cappycorny]

Think I pointed this out in an earlier post. He came back after his phone was all secure and was clearly looking for an A of some sort with someone. I assume since he started with me he naturally came back to me. He wants to mess around but I think he likes variety I'd almost put money on that. The more I think about this, the more I think there is another person who filled my shoes and like me, once sick of her " oh I can't do this" and onto the next. Self centered is what he is.

[tillwemeetagain]

Highly doubt there is another woman. His wife is so controlling part of the reason he stepped back was that he was afraid she was getting into his phone. So he got a separate bill and locked phone up.

 

 

 

 

be very afraid now that he has separate phone for you. it only means that he is good in hiding things out and that makes him one of the professional cheaters... it should bother you big time.

[Cappycorny]

be very afraid now that he has separate phone for you. it only means that he is good in hiding things out and that makes him one of the professional cheaters... it should bother you big time.

 

Well what he told me was he got his own bill separate from her and has her locked out. I believe that as he's not exactly very bright about this stuff. It took him forever to figure out how to do all that. But I think he's very much strange and has no clue what he wants.

[Ms. Faust]

Well what he told me was he got his own bill separate from her and has her locked out. I believe that as he's not exactly very bright about this stuff. It took him forever to figure out how to do all that. But I think he's very much strange and has no clue what he wants.

 

If he has his own phone line with her blocked out she doesn't sound like she has all that much control. And is it that he is controlling, or he has turned over some of the day to day things to his wife?

[Cappycorny]

If he has his own phone line with her blocked out she doesn't sound like she has all that much control. And is it that he is controlling, or he has turned over some of the day to day things to his wife?

 

No. I think she's always been so controlling of him and that may be why he cheats. I know he had enough of it and looked up how to go about getting his own bill and locking her out of his phone. She use to crack into his phone all the time. She's the one who wears the pants so I bet me feels like less of a man. And then what could that Lead to? Actually a woman who puts him on a pedestal unlike his wife. Perfect scenerio to seek attention elsewhere.