Babsinhealing Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Cappy- through my own experience I have been able to have a few FWB "relationships" with little to no emotional connection. I've been able to walk away, wishing them well and never look back with a second thought. But sometimes it doesn't work out that way... And boy is it a wake up call. Not sure if it's chemistry or pheromones but sometimes someone comes along and while you have all intentions to keep it sexual only, for some reason it's just different. You feel different when you are with them, kiss them, when they look at you... You love their smell and before you know it you are on one of these sites begging someone to help you to take the pain away when it ends. We don't always know who we will connect with and who we won't. My xMM was not my typical "type" and if I passed him in the store I wouldn't have looked twice. I also tried to blow him off the second time we were supposed to meet because I wasn't sure we would connect (it wasn't sexual at that point- just meeting for drinks again). However, I should have ran for the hills the first time we kissed because it was absolutely perfect. I knew it was different and I still allowed myself to fall for him and have a long term A. My biggest lesson from this- I can't trust myself anymore to not have emotions if I get into a sexual relationship. I'm just made that way. I was lucky that I could do it in the past but grieving the loss of my A is hell on earth and I never want to do this again. Going forward I will just accept that it's highly possible no matter how much I argue with myself. Good luck! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Do you really think she will come looking for me? And tell her eveything? If she confronts him then he will probably spill his cowardly guts out..but be sure he will do his best to blame you for anything he can get away with. And yes, I think that if he tells her your name, she will want answers (I know I did), which she deserves. You helped make this mess and the least you can do is help clean it up. To a point. I would not suggest getting overly involved though. Make your apologies, give her answers, and walk away. He's probably going to feed her as many lies about you as he fed you about her and she's going to be angry at you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Babsinhealing Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 Do you really think she will come looking for me? And tell her eveything? Cappy- my xMM wife did come after me the day after DD... She wanted answers because she was getting trickle truth from her husband. unfortunately my devotions were to him and I was just very direct in my responses (he and I determined together how I would respond to her 50 questions). She eventually knew she wasn't going to get anything "new" from me. In retrospect this really bothers me- I try to put myself in her shoes and my heart breaks. Since DD (2 months ago) she still checks my social media and she sat outside my house once (that I saw). I don't think she will hurt me - probably just curious ..."who is this 3rd woman now in my 25 year marriage" and she never got full disclosure of the A (maybe 25%) and she knows that. Never underestimate a scorned wife when her life comes crumbling down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Cappy- my xMM wife did come after me the day after DD... She wanted answers because she was getting trickle truth from her husband. unfortunately my devotions were to him and I was just very direct in my responses (he and I determined together how I would respond to her 50 questions). She eventually knew she wasn't going to get anything "new" from me. In retrospect this really bothers me- I try to put myself in her shoes and my heart breaks. Since DD (2 months ago) she still checks my social media and she sat outside my house once (that I saw). I don't think she will hurt me - probably just curious ..."who is this 3rd woman now in my 25 year marriage" and she never got full disclosure of the A (maybe 25%) and she knows that. Never underestimate a scorned wife when her life comes crumbling down. Yeah. I'm not sure how this will pan out but my feeling is not good! Luckily I'm not in the same circle anymore so probably not going to see her. But she does know me. Do I know if she knows for sure? No. But I do know that if she has found out and since she knows me that makes it even worse. how stupid I've been. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Well let's just say I found out it's official she knows and she wants him out! Omg! Now I feel absolutely terrible! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted March 23, 2016 Author Share Posted March 23, 2016 Just ignore him like he's invisible. Do not respond! He sent you that message so you would respond. And since she may now know - and they may split up - don't allow yourself to be his # 2 pick! He dumped you to stay with her! That was his choice until SHE found the truth. He already showed what his decision is - to stay with her. I've not responded back at all. It's driving me crazy Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 I'm sure being broken inside does not help and probably puts stress on the marriage. Suppose the saying is true. You can't love anyone else until You love yourself. Many betrayed spouses are shell shocked on Dday and had no idea. Some MM are very skilled liars and manipulators. Why wouldn't she trust her husband at his word? Meaning he didn't communicate IF he was unhappy, he just chose to go outside of the marriage for selfish reasons instead of fixing things. ** update. I did not want to bump this thread as now I'm skeptical about posting about this in the first place. So I hear from mm " think she knows". That's it. So now I'm shaking in my shoes. Knows what?? How do You know she knows? Geez why do I need to know this I've stayed away from contacting him!!! Don't get involved with married men ever! Do you really think she will come looking for me? And tell her eveything? Own your part in the affair. Don't put all the blame on him. Apologize to her for helping her husband cheat on her. Let her know that you will answer all that she wants to know and that the A is over, that you want nothing to do with him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Well let's just say I found out it's official she knows and she wants him out! Omg! Now I feel absolutely terrible! Lock your doors and ignore him. He may just show up at your house expecting you to take him in with open arms. His wife is upset and devastated so her first reaction is to kick him out, good for her! In time things may calm down and they may talk and work things out... Doesn't matter, stay out of it , don't call him and ask what's up. Silence is golden right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Faust Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Wow, I can't help but wonder how she found out. Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 ** update. I did not want to bump this thread as now I'm skeptical about posting about this in the first place. So I hear from mm " think she knows". That's it. So now I'm shaking in my shoes. Knows what?? How do You know she knows? Geez why do I need to know this I've stayed away from contacting him!!! Don't get involved with married men ever! Don't you just love when people drag you into their drama, dysfunction, and crap they call their life? You have a choice. You can fall for this tactic of his, reaching out to you to be his "partner in crime" again (or should i say "partner in dysfunction?) or you can block him from sending you his drama alerts. I vote for blocking him. Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 Do you really think she will come looking for me? And tell her eveything? She's not going to come looking for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Wow, I can't help but wonder how she found out. Im beating that someone saw us together. I don't think finding a strand of my hair at their house would be likely lol. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Don't you just love when people drag you into their drama, dysfunction, and crap they call their life? You have a choice. You can fall for this tactic of his, reaching out to you to be his "partner in crime" again (or should i say "partner in dysfunction?) or you can block him from sending you his drama alerts. I vote for blocking him. I'm not sure he was pulling drama. He probably got really scared and just tried to reach out. I'm all for blocking him eventually but for now just incase I get a message saying, umm she's on her way to you're house I need to know this sort of stuff. Ya know what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted March 24, 2016 Author Share Posted March 24, 2016 Many betrayed spouses are shell shocked on Dday and had no idea. Some MM are very skilled liars and manipulators. Why wouldn't she trust her husband at his word? Meaning he didn't communicate IF he was unhappy, he just chose to go outside of the marriage for selfish reasons instead of fixing things. Own your part in the affair. Don't put all the blame on him. Apologize to her for helping her husband cheat on her. Let her know that you will answer all that she wants to know and that the A is over, that you want nothing to do with him anymore. Sorry. I don't really owe her a thing. She needs to take it up with him do I don't agree. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted April 19, 2016 Author Share Posted April 19, 2016 Text me recently saying now she does not know? Wth? And that he wants to see me. I want to cave. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Text me recently saying now she does not know? Wth? And that he wants to see me. I want to cave. If you cave, you'd be making a huge mistake. He is fishing and if you react, you'll have nobody to blame but yourself if you let him come see you. I thought you blocked him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted April 23, 2016 Author Share Posted April 23, 2016 If you cave, you'd be making a huge mistake. He is fishing and if you react, you'll have nobody to blame but yourself if you let him come see you. I thought you blocked him? I know. I did not block him as I was waiting to hear anything about the wife knowing. I'd been pretty upset over that. I don't what to think now? He might be lying to me and she does know? Have not contacted him back. As much as I miss him and I don't even know why, I can't get messed up in this anymore. It's crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted April 24, 2016 Author Share Posted April 24, 2016 **** text from him tomight. Listen to me. Ive not been a man at all. Ive been a chicken who is to afraid to once and for all end my dead end marriage. I need to do it. All i want is to cup my hands around that precious face of yours and kiss you forever. I know you are probably freaking out right now. i want you and no one else. Let me end it with her. i hope you wilk be there waiting. Have not replied back. Yes I am freaked out, but i want him just the same. Help me out folks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 (edited) **** text from him tomight. Listen to me. Ive not been a man at all. Ive been a chicken who is to afraid to once and for all end my dead end marriage. I need to do it. All i want is to cup my hands around that precious face of yours and kiss you forever. I know you are probably freaking out right now. i want you and no one else. Let me end it with her. i hope you wilk be there waiting. Have not replied back. Yes I am freaked out, but i want him just the same. Help me out folks. If he ends his marriage it should be because he wants out, not because you're waiting in the wings. DO NOT REPLY. Please block him. I think he's still blowing smoke up your butt and having admitting he's been afraid of ending his so called 'dead end marriage' I highly doubt he is going to pull the trigger on it now. If he finds you later and can prove that he did in fact divorce, only then should you consider 'dating' him in a proper way and rid of the affair dynamic with the lying and sneaking around. If she knows, then why hasn't he just come clean and told her he wants a divorce and doesn't want to stay married to her. He hasn't done that and it's doubtful he will. Seems he just wants to know if you're 'there' waiting regardless of how long it takes. Can you picture yourself sitting there waiting by summers end? Or even by Thanksgiving? Actions speak louder than words...Right now everything is just words isn't it. Edited to add, remember he might have OOW so is this someone you can trust and build a healthy relationship with? Be careful what you wish for. Just because you two have sexual chemistry doesn't mean he's the right man for you and that your lives with mesh together well and you'll live happily ever after. Edited April 24, 2016 by whichwayisup 2 Link to post Share on other sites
loveisanaction Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 **** text from him tomight. Listen to me. Ive not been a man at all. Ive been a chicken who is to afraid to once and for all end my dead end marriage. I need to do it. All i want is to cup my hands around that precious face of yours and kiss you forever. I know you are probably freaking out right now. i want you and no one else. Let me end it with her. i hope you wilk be there waiting. Have not replied back. Yes I am freaked out, but i want him just the same. Help me out folks. *side eye*...Until he is divorced i will not believe it; seeing is believing. One thing I’ve noticed, we humans say the most romantic things when we are...errrrr...*in the mood*.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted April 24, 2016 Share Posted April 24, 2016 I wouldn't believe him. If he was going to do it then he would have done it before he texted you. He will have you waiting for him forever if you go back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cappycorny Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Thank you all. I'm not contacting him but having a hard time blocking him still. Probably going to take me a little while. I'm so sad and miss him, but know I can't cave in. This is not easy at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Oldest line in the book "My wife doesn't understand me." Second line, " Trust me I'm not like all the other guys who cheat on their wives, I'm different. Listen, a married man is trying to sweet talk you back. Think about that one. He is married. End of conversation. Period. Unless he shows up on your doorsteps with Divorce papers you have to follow through with NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChickiePops Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 So basically he wants to make sure he has a soft landing IF he does leave his wife. Pretty words, no action. He's horny and looking for a quickie. Ignore! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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