Married man dumped me no reason given?

[Rejected Rosebud]

It seems mutual with us both having the same expectations for sex.

I bet he's not on a relationship forum asking how to act. Just have sex. End of story.

 

I'm sorry you are stooping to this though. Not the casual sex part - the part about being an on-call lay to a married man. That makes me feel sad for you. Just by the way you're writing on here it's clear that you are not handling this.

[SmartDude]

I am absolutely astounded by the gender role steryotyping here.

 

OP, I beleive you are a woman who can enjoy sex while monitoring your own feelings of attatchment, and be in control of the situation. There are many people who think that a woman enjoying sex without a commited relationship is impossible.

 

Being single and having sex and friendships is great fun. I wish I did more of it in life to tell you the truth. Just as long as you are ok with being comfortable living on your own without *needing* a partner, it can be your own little paradise.

 

The married guy might be a drag eventually. You can find someone who is also single and in the same state of mind that your in now. You might have a much better time that way.

[Cappycorny]

"I guess it's really hard to know when someone is feeding you a line or when they truly are being sincere.". Sometimes but in YOUR case he is STILL with his wife. That is a red flag my dear. And you have NO IDEA if he is seeing other women as well. One of my good friends was a player and he was good, very good. Kept the women away from each other with all his little excuses. Be careful.

 

Highly doubt there is another woman. His wife is so controlling part of the reason he stepped back was that he was afraid she was getting into his phone. So he got a separate bill and locked phone up.

[Cappycorny]

I am absolutely astounded by the gender role steryotyping here.

 

OP, I beleive you are a woman who can enjoy sex while monitoring your own feelings of attatchment, and be in control of the situation. There are many people who think that a woman enjoying sex without a commited relationship is impossible.

 

Being single and having sex and friendships is great fun. I wish I did more of it in life to tell you the truth. Just as long as you are ok with being comfortable living on your own without *needing* a partner, it can be your own little paradise.

 

The married guy might be a drag eventually. You can find someone who is also single and in the same state of mind that your in now. You might have a much better time that way.

 

Agree. For now it is what it is.

[losangelena]

I am absolutely astounded by the gender role steryotyping here.

 

OP, I beleive you are a woman who can enjoy sex while monitoring your own feelings of attatchment, and be in control of the situation. There are many people who think that a woman enjoying sex without a commited relationship is impossible.

 

Being single and having sex and friendships is great fun. I wish I did more of it in life to tell you the truth. Just as long as you are ok with being comfortable living on your own without *needing* a partner, it can be your own little paradise.

 

The married guy might be a drag eventually. You can find someone who is also single and in the same state of mind that your in now. You might have a much better time that way.

 

Hey, to be clear, I am all for booty calls. I object to her getting down with a married dude. Unless he's got some kind of open relationship situation, it's just about 12 shades of wrong. OP can go have hot, nsa sex with a single dude without recrimination. Go forth! Screw like bunnies! Just leave the married to eff-up their own lives.

[Cappycorny]

I bet he's not on a relationship forum asking how to act. Just have sex. End of story.

 

I'm sorry you are stooping to this though. Not the casual sex part - the part about being an on-call lay to a married man. That makes me feel sad for you. Just by the way you're writing on here it's clear that you are not handling this.

 

Not handling this? I came to ask questions to you all. I think that would mean I'm working through how to be booty call or FWB. I'm just honestly stating my opinions and a bit of the scenario.

[ExpatInItaly]

Highly doubt there is another woman. His wife is so controlling part of the reason he stepped back was that he was afraid she was getting into his phone. So he got a separate bill and locked phone up.

 

And this is all information you learned from him, correct? And he is known to lie, obviously, or he wouldn't be carrying on with you. I imagine his wife would paint a very different picture of their marriage. I am assuming you don't know her or their marriage- correct?

 

You need to learn to take what this guy says with a massive boulder of salt. If you think he is honest with you, you're fooling yourself, girl. He is not trustworthy and will say what he thinks paints him in the best light. Browse the Infidelity and Other Man/Other Women forums and you will learn a lot about the extent cheaters will go to hide their affairs.

 

You seem to have very little experience in this department, which will make you primary "booty call" material for a cheating husband. He doesn't have to do much to get his way and keep up the lie - to his wife and to you. I don't think this will end well for you at all, OP.

[ExpatInItaly]

I am absolutely astounded by the gender role steryotyping here.

 

OP, I beleive you are a woman who can enjoy sex while monitoring your own feelings of attatchment, and be in control of the situation. There are many people who think that a woman enjoying sex without a commited relationship is impossible.

 

Being single and having sex and friendships is great fun. I wish I did more of it in life to tell you the truth. Just as long as you are ok with being comfortable living on your own without *needing* a partner, it can be your own little paradise.

 

The married guy might be a drag eventually. You can find someone who is also single and in the same state of mind that your in now. You might have a much better time that way.

 

No, it's not about the gender at all - it's the fact that she's playing with fire by catching feelings for and sleeping with a married man. She could be a man involved with a married woman and my opinion would be the exact same.

 

Apples and oranges, SmartDude.

[SmartDude]

No, it's not about the gender at all - it's the fact that she's playing with fire by catching feelings for and sleeping with a married man. She could be a man involved with a married woman and my opinion would be the exact same.

 

Apples and oranges, SmartDude.

 

The breaking of marriage vows is the guys problem.

The OP made no commitment to any one's monogamy did she?

Catching feelings is not such a bad thing. Feelings can be let go of if your skilled about it.

[ExpatInItaly]

The breaking of marriage vows is the guys problem.

The OP made no commitment to any one's monogamy did she?

Catching feelings is not such a bad thing. Feelings can be let go of if your skilled about it.

 

I invite you too to have a look at the Other Man/Other Woman forum. You'll have a better understanding then of how easily people apparently let go of their feelings for their affair partners.

 

OP's initial post in this thread suggests she isn't prepared to deal with the fall-out. She was already wondering who she is to him and what to expect. I don't get the impression she'll be able to detach so simply as this progresses.

 

As far as not making promises of commitment, of course she didn't. That still doesn't make it a wise choice for her. I don't believe she really understands what she's getting herself into whatsoever.

[Lois_Griffin]

And what's the deal with when I ask him why me? He says there is just something about you?

LOL. You're a sure bet, that's why.

 

And it's possible he's telling his other FWB's the same thing when they ask him that question.

[Lois_Griffin]

Highly doubt there is another woman. His wife is so controlling part of the reason he stepped back was that he was afraid she was getting into his phone. So he got a separate bill and locked phone up.

But...but...I thought they were at the 'end' of their marriage, basically co-existing in the same house and eagerly awaiting the day they can file those divorce papers because they're SO ready to part ways? Seems to me if he was on the verge of divorce, she wouldn't be looking at his his phone and he wouldn't have pulled back, limiting your 'booty' time together.

 

You know, because they're divorcing and all.

 

Wait!

 

I just had a thought!

 

Could it be that your married man is...GASP!...lying to you?

 

I know, that's crazy talk, right?

[Cappycorny]

The breaking of marriage vows is the guys problem.

The OP made no commitment to any one's monogamy did she?

Catching feelings is not such a bad thing. Feelings can be let go of if your skilled about it.

 

Yes exactly to the feelings.

[Cappycorny]

And this is all information you learned from him, correct? And he is known to lie, obviously, or he wouldn't be carrying on with you. I imagine his wife would paint a very different picture of their marriage. I am assuming you don't know her or their marriage- correct?

 

You need to learn to take what this guy says with a massive boulder of salt. If you think he is honest with you, you're fooling yourself, girl. He is not trustworthy and will say what he thinks paints him in the best light. Browse the Infidelity and Other Man/Other Women forums and you will learn a lot about the extent cheaters will go to hide their affairs.

 

You seem to have very little experience in this department, which will make you primary "booty call" material for a cheating husband. He doesn't have to do much to get his way and keep up the lie - to his wife and to you. I don't think this will end well for you at all, OP.

 

 

Very little experience is correct. Do I know his wife? Yes. Not well but I've seen enough to back up reasons why he's miserable! Do I care? Not sure I do. It's his choice to go outside the marriage. Given the quirks he's had with how to go about things like this himself, pretty sure there are not other booty calls or women in the picture. He's sounds just as clueless as I. Believe what you want.

[Robratory]

Is it pathetic to say I have a back up booty call?

 

Well, being a booty call is pathetic. I honestly don't understand why women would agree to that or being FWB. I can see why it's great for the guys -- they get to have sex and don't have to pay or even romance the woman. But what's in it for a woman? To me, it seems like desperate settling.

[ExpatInItaly]

Very little experience is correct. Do I know his wife? Yes. Not well but I've seen enough to back up reasons why he's miserable! Do I care? Not sure I do. It's his choice to go outside the marriage. Given the quirks he's had with how to go about things like this himself, pretty sure there are not other booty calls or women in the picture. He's sounds just as clueless as I. Believe what you want.

 

Yes, that much is clear from the questions you've asked - which is why those of us who are more experienced and have seen this scenario before are cautioning you to stay away from him.

 

But If you're fine with everything, and believe everything he's telling you, knock yourself out.

 

Just don't expect anything from this..to answer your original question. Sex and some laughs. And, I suspect, some hurt feelings for you.

 

EDIT: Also, if his wife is as suspicious as he says, don't be surprised if word somehow gets back to her and he throws you under the bus. The risk here is that you will encounter a lot of backlash. Trust me when I say plenty of married cheaters find ways to twist the events and paint their affair partners as the aggressors, which would then put you on the receiving end of the heat. Only you know if you can actually handle that or not.

Edited February 9, 2016 by ExpatInItaly

[Cappycorny]

Yes, that much is clear from the questions you've asked - which is why those of us who are more experienced and have seen this scenario before are cautioning you to stay away from him.

 

But If you're fine with everything, and believe everything he's telling you, knock yourself out.

 

Just don't expect anything from this..to answer your original question. Sex and some laughs. And, I suspect, some hurt feelings for you.

 

EDIT: Also, if his wife is as suspicious as he says, don't be surprised if word somehow gets back to her and he throws you under the bus. The risk here is that you will encounter a lot of backlash. Trust me when I say plenty of married cheaters find ways to twist the events and paint their affair partners as the aggressors, which would then put you on the receiving end of the heat. Only you know if you can actually handle that or not.

 

Thank you. I don't exactly know what I'm doing clearly and you have valid points. I don't think the wife could call me the aggressor if I was smart enough to save text messages on the days he intimates. One thing that has come to mind now is this. If the wife is so controlling as I mentioned above, then perhaps he's cheated on her before and her lock down of his phone is the due to that. So now as I'm reading back through the posts, could be he is a flat out lier. Currently I don't think there is another booty call babe but, has this happened in the past, it's very possible. Then again he's making that choice to stray. I know I don't love him. Enjoy the company and hook ups for now. I'll probably get bored with it anyway. To the poster who said I was desperate, that's hardly the case. Back up single booty call is present or perhaps a potential relationship. Thing is, I don't want a relationship right now!

[Cappycorny]

Well, being a booty call is pathetic. I honestly don't understand why women would agree to that or being FWB. I can see why it's great for the guys -- they get to have sex and don't have to pay or even romance the woman. But what's in it for a woman? To me, it seems like desperate settling.

 

When you don't want a relationship how is it pathetic? I can't say with a Married man it's not a bit pathetic, but it sounds like some here have had it work out. I just don't know???

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you. I don't exactly know what I'm doing clearly and you have valid points. I don't think the wife could call me the aggressor if I was smart enough to save text messages on the days he intimates. One thing that has come to mind now is this. If the wife is so controlling as I mentioned above, then perhaps he's cheated on her before and her lock down of his phone is the due to that. So now as I'm reading back through the posts, could be he is a flat out lier. Currently I don't think there is another booty call babe but, has this happened in the past, it's very possible. Then again he's making that choice to stray. I know I don't love him. Enjoy the company and hook ups for now. I'll probably get bored with it anyway. To the poster who said I was desperate, that's hardly the case. Back up single booty call is present or perhaps a potential relationship. Thing is, I don't want a relationship right now!

 

There is no "could." He is a flat-out liar. Do you think his wife knows he's cheating? I doubt it. If he can lie to wife, he can lie to you too..and very easily. You're not dealing with someone who values honesty and transparency. To assume he's been honest with you about everything is foolish, to be blunt.

 

And you're right, his wife might have a darn good reason for not trusting him. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors there, and he could indeed have a history of this. You're only hearing his version, and as mentioned above, he's not a particularly truthful man.

 

Be careful. I still think it's a good idea for you to read through the Infidelity and OM/OW forums, not because you're trying to become his secret girlfriend but those folks can really give you an idea of what to expect from this.

[Cappycorny]

There is no "could." He is a flat-out liar. Do you think his wife knows he's cheating? I doubt it. If he can lie to wife, he can lie to you too..and very easily. You're not dealing with someone who values honesty and transparency. To assume he's been honest with you about everything is foolish, to be blunt.

 

And you're right, his wife might have a darn good reason for not trusting him. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors there, and he could indeed have a history of this. You're only hearing his version, and as mentioned above, he's not a particularly truthful man.

 

Be careful. I still think it's a good idea for you to read through the Infidelity and OM/OW forums, not because you're trying to become his secret girlfriend but those folks can really give you an idea of what to expect from this.

 

I'll go look at those parts of the site. Thanks.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I am absolutely astounded by the gender role steryotyping here.

 

OP, I beleive you are a woman who can enjoy sex while monitoring your own feelings of attatchment, and be in control of the situation. There are many people who think that a woman enjoying sex without a commited relationship is impossible.

 

Really?:confused: I haven't seen that.

 

What we are reading is a woman who is trying to manipulate a "booty call" into something more than a booty call, and it's with a married man. She is doing harm to herself (by pretending she's going along with a "booty call" while in reality she is angling for something more than that - hence the thread) and to a marriage. She is going to get trashed.

 

 

You can find someone who is also single and in the same state of mind that your in now. You might have a much better time that way.

I am not against casual sex at all. But the idea of "booty call" is NOT positive for the person providing the booty. I think everybody realizes that. The implication is that they are being used when convenient. It's not the same as a "f*** buddy" or "friends with benefits" which are supposed to be and CAN be mutually decided upon.

 

A girl sitting around her home ready for some married guy to feel it's convenient and easy to get a piece at his whim is not in a good situation.

 

That's not sexist. I would say the same thing if it were a guy posting here, but if we're going to be honest it is almost exclusively women who are used for "booty calls" at least as far as what I've read.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Not handling this? I came to ask questions to you all. I think that would mean I'm working through how to be booty call or FWB. I'm just honestly stating my opinions and a bit of the scenario.

Ok it's simple. Be home when he's horny and not doing something with his family. Unlock the door when he shows up. Have sex. Say bye.

 

That's all.

[Cappycorny]

Ok it's simple. Be home when he's horny and not doing something with his family. Unlock the door when he shows up. Have sex. Say bye.

 

That's all.

 

 

"What we are reading is a woman who is trying to manipulate a "booty call" into something more than a booty call, and it's with a married man. She is doing harm to herself (by pretending she's going along with a "booty call" while in reality she is angling for something more than that - hence the thread) and to a marriage. She is going to get trashed"

 

Really? That's what you see? I think you need an eye exam. How many times have I stated I don't want a relationship. Don't want a relationship! Single or married at this point. Do you understand that??

[Robratory]

When you don't want a relationship how is it pathetic?

 

Oh, I didn't say not wanting a relationship was pathetic. I said becoming a man's sexual outlet was pathetic. Without the relationship part, what does a man provide that electric appliances can't?

 

But not wanting a relationship in general might be cause for concern. Most people do want to be in relationships. Of course, it depends on your circumstances, and only you are the final arbiter about that.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Really? That's what you see? I think you need an eye exam. How many times have I stated I don't want a relationship. Don't want a relationship! Single or married at this point. Do you understand that??

I believe that you don't want a traditional relationship. But you said you have feelings, and you are here asking questions about the arrangement as if it has more meaning than this:

 

When he has nothing better to do, you let him in your apartment, do the deed, say bye.

 

It's that simple!

 

Think of it sort of as the MacDonald's drive through of sexual relations! (or In n' Out Burger ... sorry I couldn't help myself!! :laugh:) You're the bargain burger, he's the customer.

 

 

The fact that you are here asking how it works gives me (and evidently most of the other people on this thread) the impression that you think it's something more than ... a booty call.