Married man dumped me no reason given?

[Cappycorny]

First know that in order to say something like "I'm all he thinks about", there has to be proof. A consistency of behaviors(not only sexually related) is not difficult to determine. What are the texts about? When does he contact you? What happens after sex?, etc. if all you want is a physical relationship and viceversa, don't assign qualities to the relationship which don't exist outside the confines of a consensual sexual agreement. Even here boundaries must be set. Talk to him. Express what you think and want...decide if you want to be mutually sexually exclusive and nothing more. Protect yourself from STD's.

 

Just got back from a meeting with him. Boundaries established I said no feelings and no friendship I can't do that. If you want to continue to have sexual relations fine. But I'm not wanting anything more. After sex today it was chilling out for a bit talking about general life stuff nothing sweet and emotional. I always look around his house we get away with it there because his wife works an hour away and he lives remote so really no one to see us. And we did talk about exclusive and he said your it baby. No one else I don't need anyone else nor want anyone else. So I guess I'll have to believe that. Always protection and all saftey messures in place. Sound ok?

[Cappycorny]

I do feel a bit guilty seeing pics of the wife all over the place!

[Gigi2015]

Just got back from a meeting with him. Boundaries established I said no feelings and no friendship I can't do that. If you want to continue to have sexual relations fine. But I'm not wanting anything more. After sex today it was chilling out for a bit talking about general life stuff nothing sweet and emotional. I always look around his house we get away with it there because his wife works an hour away and he lives remote so really no one to see us. And we did talk about exclusive and he said your it baby. No one else I don't need anyone else nor want anyone else. So I guess I'll have to believe that. Always protection and all saftey messures in place. Sound ok?

 

Of course he doesn't need anything else. He's already got a wife and a lover.....he's hasn't reached the "having a harem" for himself threshold because the opportunity hasn't presented itself. If all you want is sex, why are you ok to participate in victimizing someone ( his wife)? There are literally millions of single guys that would love to simply have emotionally detached casual sex.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I do feel a bit guilty seeing pics of the wife all over the place!

You went to his HOUSE!?!?!? To have a talk about BOUNDARIES!! I hope I read this wrong I really really do!

[Cappycorny]

Of course he doesn't need anything else. He's already got a wife and a lover.....he's hasn't reached the "having a harem" for himself threshold because the opportunity hasn't presented itself. If all you want is sex, why are you ok to participate in victimizing someone ( his wife)? There are literally millions of single guys that would love to simply have emotionally detached casual sex.

 

I hear you on the wife part. That's now bugging me. I don't Know what it is married men seem to find me. I'm not a woman who dresses in a way that would be suggestive of anything sexual. Nor do I flirt. I'm pretty strong willed and independent. So not sure what vibe im sending to attract the men with the rings?

[Cappycorny]

You went to his HOUSE!?!?!? To have a talk about BOUNDARIES!! I hope I read this wrong I really really do!

 

We did talk about boundaries at his house as at this point it's the safest place for us to meet. I know that's strange but it's the truth. More worried about being seen at a hotel then at his house with no neighbors in a remote location. We ditched my car in a location near by then I get in his car with my hood up just in case and we drive to his house and he pulls into the garage. I know sounds freaking strange but that's what's working at the moment.

[elaine567]

I hear you on the wife part. That's now bugging me. I don't Know what it is married men seem to find me. I'm not a woman who dresses in a way that would be suggestive of anything sexual. Nor do I flirt. I'm pretty strong willed and independent. So not sure what vibe im sending to attract the men with the rings?

 

Its not the vibe, its the fact they throw the bait and you pick it up.

Other women tell MM to get back to their wives and stop bothering them.

[Cappycorny]

Its not the vibe, its the fact they throw the bait and you pick it up.

Other women tell MM to get back to their wives and stop bothering them.

 

Well it would be nice for single guys to throw the bait! I feel like a slut now. I can see why the other woman gets bashed it's very wrong. The sex is exciting and fun but at the end of the day, he's with her where he belongs and I don't want to trash that! Of course I probably wouldn't unless we got caught. Seems men who cheat can separate there feelings well. I should walk away, but when I go to do so I feel pulled in. Pulled into the pleasure of it all.

[losangelena]

I think when he tells you that you're "so special" to him, that's to keep you on a string, coming back for more. A man who would demand pics from you before he calls you doesn't sound like a man who thinks you're so special.

 

What exactly are you getting out of this? It's feeling trashier and trashier by the day.

 

Walk away from this guy. Better to be single than to put up with this ish. From a married man. Jesus, I feel bad for his wife.

[SSJROMANCE]

I asked because I came here once before after meeting a guy by chance my first post on this site and you all helped me get passed that rather quick. I've not had very good luck with men recently and there for I'm not interested in a real relationship. Now I'm thinking that this might be why this is the second married man I attracted. I don't know if it's booty call or what? But now it looks like I'm the OW???

 

 

"You've not had very good luck with men recently". Honey look - do you think this is going to help? Nine out of ten times YOU are going to be on the losing end.

 

My wife had many dates, boyfriends, ONS's before she met me and had sex with them on the first or second date. She was NEVER the one to dump anyone. Every one of these guys dumped her - EVERY SINGLE ONE. The reason? She was easy - in my book. In HER book she thought that's what she needed to do to keep a guy - so she says. I said why didn't you get a clue? Sex/dump, sex/dump, sex/dump... Sometimes it lasted a few months others for one night. I said didn't you see the pattern? She refused to open her eyes and continued on the same destructive path until she had to go into counseling because it messed her up. Guys don't want easy chicks as their wives.

 

I would suggest you find posts on here from women who had NO IDEA the REAL INTENTIONS behind the guy until they got dumped. You may be right but like I said 9 out of 10 times you will be on the losing end.

[Cappycorny]

I think when he tells you that you're "so special" to him, that's to keep you on a string, coming back for more. A man who would demand pics from you before he calls you doesn't sound like a man who thinks you're so special.

 

What exactly are you getting out of this? It's feeling trashier and trashier by the day.

 

Walk away from this guy. Better to be single than to put up with this ish. From a married man. Jesus, I feel bad for his wife.

 

You have very good points. And the wife is beautiful. So it's like wth? Why do you even need me? Today I played a little trick on him. I said " So how are things going with you and blank"? His response, obviously not that great if your here. Then I asked him if he's ever done this sort of thing before? His response yes it was 19 years ago right before we got married. We will be married 20 years. Ok then! Hes actually sort of a very strange egg! Lol

[SSJROMANCE]

You have very good points. And the wife is beautiful. So it's like wth? Why do you even need me? Today I played a little trick on him. I said " So how are things going with you and blank"? His response, obviously not that great if your here. Then I asked him if he's ever done this sort of thing before? His response yes it was 19 years ago right before we got married. We will be married 20 years. Ok then! Hes actually sort of a very strange egg! Lol

 

It's only a matter of time where you get a text message from him that says "Sorry we have to end this. I'm feeling guilty bla bla bla". Translation: he found a new woman and has no room for you anymore.

[Cappycorny]

"You've not had very good luck with men recently". Honey look - do you think this is going to help? Nine out of ten times YOU are going to be on the losing end.

 

My wife had many dates, boyfriends, ONS's before she met me and had sex with them on the first or second date. She was NEVER the one to dump anyone. Every one of these guys dumped her - EVERY SINGLE ONE. The reason? She was easy - in my book. In HER book she thought that's what she needed to do to keep a guy - so she says. I said why didn't you get a clue? Sex/dump, sex/dump, sex/dump... Sometimes it lasted a few months others for one night. I said didn't you see the pattern? She refused to open her eyes and continued on the same destructive path until she had to go into counseling because it messed her up. Guys don't want easy chicks as their wives.

 

I would suggest you find posts on here from women who had NO IDEA the REAL INTENTIONS behind the guy until they got dumped. You may be right but like I said 9 out of 10 times you will be on the losing end.

 

What I'm thinking too now is lets just say he feels guilty then tells her? Or gets drunk one night and spits it out? This I can see as a big problem and the woman could very well come after me. You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors in people's homes. As for being on the losing end her finding out and it messing up their marriage that would by far put me on the losing end. As for anything else? If I continue to have no emotional attachment then I've not lost anything more then good sex.

[Cappycorny]

It's only a matter of time where you get a text message from him that says "Sorry we have to end this. I'm feeling guilty bla bla bla". Translation: he found a new woman and has no room for you anymore.

 

Really? I'd never thought of that. He told me he'd back off it it got to emotional and then we would have to keep a good distance. I agreed with that.

[SoleMate]

OP, the consequences of affairs can be difficult to predict. Everybody who jumps in knowingly says they're just in it for the sex. Many, many of them end up attached and in love, then gutted and under the bus. An affair with a MM is very different from an ordinary r/s with a single person and much more likely to cause lasting harm. The research is not yet complete, but it seems the following factors combine in 95+% of affairs to make them devastating to the OP, usually an OW:

 

* MP/MM comes on strong, sells it hard

* Forced acceptance of secrecy and lies

* Loss of self esteem

* Can't talk to family or friends about the affair (because they get disgusted or angry and demand the OP stop)

* Life revolves around the reward/withhold cycle

* Waiting by the phone, alone on holidays

* MM gets 200%, OW gets <50%

* Bus tossing, "sudden death"-style breakups

* Betrayal is part of the landscape

etc.

 

I think any woman agreeing to be OW to a MM when there is still a single man left alive should check herself in immediately for evaluation. It is self-destructive behavior.

 

Reading LS, the suffering of OW post-A is way more than what we see in ordinary breakups not involving a MM.

[Gigi2015]

What I'm thinking too now is lets just say he feels guilty then tells her? Or gets drunk one night and spits it out? This I can see as a big problem and the woman could very well come after me. You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors in people's homes. As for being on the losing end her finding out and it messing up their marriage that would by far put me on the losing end. As for anything else? If I continue to have no emotional attachment then I've not lost anything more then good sex.

 

You have said you have no emotional attachment and that you're concerned as to wether the W will come after you....I don't understand why you're not going for a single guy. Many would love that kind of relationship you desire....

[Poppy47]

What I'm thinking too now is lets just say he feels guilty then tells her? Or gets drunk one night and spits it out? This I can see as a big problem and the woman could very well come after me. You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors in people's homes. As for being on the losing end her finding out and it messing up their marriage that would by far put me on the losing end. As for anything else? If I continue to have no emotional attachment then I've not lost anything more then good sex.

 

Cappy,

 

If he is taking you to their home, there is not a shred of remorse there. He might even get some kind of perverse pleasure from having you there. It's like a small child getting away with being naughty.

He won't tell her.

Poppy.

[Cappycorny]

OP, the consequences of affairs can be difficult to predict. Everybody who jumps in knowingly says they're just in it for the sex. Many, many of them end up attached and in love, then gutted and under the bus. An affair with a MM is very different from an ordinary r/s with a single person and much more likely to cause lasting harm. The research is not yet complete, but it seems the following factors combine in 95+% of affairs to make them devastating to the OP, usually an OW:

 

* MP/MM comes on strong, sells it hard

* Forced acceptance of secrecy and lies

* Loss of self esteem

* Can't talk to family or friends about the affair (because they get disgusted or angry and demand the OP stop)

* Life revolves around the reward/withhold cycle

* Waiting by the phone, alone on holidays

* MM gets 200%, OW gets <50%

* Bus tossing, "sudden death"-style breakups

* Betrayal is part of the landscape

etc.

 

I think any woman agreeing to be OW to a MM when there is still a single man left alive should check herself in immediately for evaluation. It is self-destructive behavior.

 

Reading LS, the suffering of OW post-A is way more than what we see in ordinary breakups not involving a MM.

 

I believe every word you typed above and it all really scares me. I'm not sure I need a mental evaluation, probably just need to detach and not answer his pleasure calls. Can't I do it? We shall see. My bet, you all can help me edit and perhaps guide me to a single guy. Idk?

[Cappycorny]

Cappy,

 

If he is taking you to their home, there is not a shred of remorse there. He might even get some kind of perverse pleasure from having you there. It's like a small child getting away with being naughty.

He won't tell her.

Poppy.

 

Hmmm. That's tough because if he did not have any remorse then why would he be so worried about a strand of hair being found in his house? It's like he totally does not want to get caught which I'd take it as he still loves the wife a lot and wants to stay married. One thing I did was google the main reason mm have affairs. One big one that I noticed came up was not always about the sex but emontial connection is lost. The emotional connection scored high. I sense he has a general fear of intimacy cause he's more rough with me. My bet, not intimate with the W either. Think its his character. How do I find the strength to end this?

[Gigi2015]

Hmmm. That's tough because if he did not have any remorse then why would he be so worried about a strand of hair being found in his house? It's like he totally does not want to get caught which I'd take it as he still loves the wife a lot and wants to stay married. One thing I did was google the main reason mm have affairs. One big one that I noticed came up was not always about the sex but emontial connection is lost. The emotional connection scored high. I sense he has a general fear of intimacy cause he's more rough with me. My bet, not intimate with the W either. Think its his character. How do I find the strength to end this?

 

He's concerned about the hair strand because he doesn't want to get caught....that's all. If the emotional connection is gone has he tried to rekindle it? If he can't or doesn't want to he has the choice to divorce.

[Cappycorny]

He's concerned about the hair strand because he doesn't want to get caught....that's all. If the emotional connection is gone has he tried to rekindle it? If he can't or doesn't want to he has the choice to divorce.

 

I don't have an answer for the status of their emotional connection. I do remember him clearly saying a long while back when this first started that they had been together since hs and he was not sure what he was going to do once his only child graduates in 2017. He stated his parents had gotten a divorce while he was still in school and that really upset him and he felt he could not do that to his kid like it was done to him. But waiting till his kid got to college might be easier? I don't know that makes sense?? Divorce is never easy on a child or adult at anytime. Now this next part keep me up last night! I noticed he is very rough with me. He constantly starts off meetings with forcing his blank in my mouth. It seems like he is just in it 100% for his pleasure. Which if That's the case I seriously think he needs to find an ap that enjoys one sided sex. I mean when he does enter, it feels great. But, is all this really worth it to me?? The risk of ruining a someone's marriage, not getting Fufilled the way I really need and constantly worrying about if what he tells me is all a lie? Bottom line no. I can do much better. In trying to examine why I've been enjoying this it might very well be the adrenaline high. I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie. I'm brutally honest too. Think this is the plan. When he reaches out next week as planned for another meet. I say ring me after I get the booty text. And just explain to him "sorry I'm not your girl for this". And get the heck away from it! Do you you think that sounds practical?

[elaine567]

I don't have an answer for the status of their emotional connection. I do remember him clearly saying a long while back when this first started that they had been together since hs and he was not sure what he was going to do once his only child graduates in 2017. He stated his parents had gotten a divorce while he was still in school and that really upset him and he felt he could not do that to his kid like it was done to him. But waiting till his kid got to college might be easier? I don't know that makes sense?? Divorce is never easy on a child or adult at anytime. Now this next part keep me up last night! I noticed he is very rough with me. He constantly starts off meetings with forcing his blank in my mouth. It seems like he is just in it 100% for his pleasure. Which if That's the case I seriously think he needs to find an ap that enjoys one sided sex. I mean when he does enter, it feels great. But, is all this really worth it to me?? The risk of ruining a someone's marriage, not getting Fufilled the way I really need and constantly worrying about if what he tells me is all a lie? Bottom line no. I can do much better. In trying to examine why I've been enjoying this it might very well be the adrenaline high. I'm a bit of an adrenaline junkie. I'm brutally honest too. Think this is the plan. When he reaches out next week as planned for another meet. I say ring me after I get the booty text. And just explain to him "sorry I'm not your girl for this". And get the heck away from it! Do you you think that sounds practical?

 

This sounds like he is using you like some sort of free prostitute service.

[Cappycorny]

This sounds like he is using you like some sort of free prostitute service.

 

I'm now thinking that too! Seriously annoying me.

[Cappycorny]

I wonder if I charge him for services rendered?:lmao:

[Cappycorny]

You see this is the thing. Sorry for all

The posts I'm really trying to work through this. Campground man as I call him was what brought me here in the first place. That was an accidental meeting between him and I. He happened to be a separated MM who while separated fathered another kid with an old hs love a few years back. He had some demons but the difference between what transpired with him and this guy was night and day. With camp ground man he was gentle, never layed a hand on me just lots of hugs more friendly ones and we talked and talked for months then one day slept together. That encounter was so sweet, so gentle and more like making love. But was enough to freak us both out as emotions had become involved and he was at best honest with he could not do this due to his young kids. We now keep in touch on occasion with a how are things going email. But with no relationship and I was able to put the feelings behind me. That might have spooked me into the no emotion sex thing. The no strings I don't need a relationship type of thing. I still feel I don't want or perhaps am not ready for a feelings type of relationship but that's hard to find because the men out there that like no strings tend to use you like your a piece of meat. Don't know that I can be meat to anyone. I'm sooo confused!