She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie; cocaine....

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Layla

So sorry to hear this :-(

 

where does your PTSD stem from? What caused this trauma?

 

Yeeeee....

 

molested when I was 4, raped when I was 12, raped again at age 19. Abusive relationship. Witness to violent crime. physical abuse as a child.

 

If I could, no matter how expensive, I would erase this sh*t from my past....

[EnigmaXOXO]

It's one thing to run from your past.

 

But have you figured out why (yet) you're running from you future?

[moimeme]

I hate having PTSD I hate it

 

Otter, HAVE YOU TRIED EMDR????

 

Sorry to yell but I asked before and I don't think you saw it.

 

You are in a rut of being the product of the life you've had. Being in therapy and abandoning drugs means maybe extricating you from someplace you've learned to live comfortably. It may be screwed up but it's familiar and in familiarity lies safety of a sort. It's 'way too scary to abandon your screwed-upness to live an entirely different life.

 

And hard as hell.

 

So it's up to you to grab your gonads and make the BIG changes you'll need to make. But you gotta WANT it. You have to want it more than you want safety and security and your routine of no-routine. You're as trapped in your bohemianism as some of us are in our less-rowdy lives. But you can, if you WANT to, shed that old skin and step into something completely different.

 

Or you can continue to hide.

 

But maybe at least try EMDR.

[blind_otter]

I asked my therapist about it but she didn't have any experience (in fact had no previous PTSD treatment experience) so she wouldn't/couldn't do EMDR. She's just doing the "relaxation techniques while re-experiencing the trauma stuff"...which is me described detail by detail everything that happened. I am remembering details I had forgotte, things that happened....that I probably blocked out for a reason. The best therapist I had, who moved, said that sometimes we block things out to protect ourselves, and I blacked out for a reason, even though those memoreis are still stored in there.

 

I need to find a therapist experienced with PTSD treatment.

[Moose]

awright, awright......so you fubbed up.....get over it BO. Get off ur ass and shut the hell up already!

 

I've been through hell in my early days too with physical, sexual and emotional abuse from my step-dad.......been down the alcohol trail.....never did the blow or anything, but, I know and have been where you were......the only difference is that I'm not allowing what happened to me affect what's going on now.

 

Sorry if I'm not as supportive as the rest, but you know as well as I do that if you keep dwelling on what happened to you in the past, you're not helping what's going on now.

 

Get over it. Move on. Don't forget, just stop remembering.

 

Suck it up, don't let it happen again.......what good is it doing you sulking over it?

 

Yes, if it's going to keep bothering you enough to distract you from your daily activities, get help......otherwise, use your strength, your intellegience to get a grip.......and enjoy what life you have left.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

It's one thing to run from your past. But have you figured out why (yet) you're running from you future?

 

Worth repeating.

[moimeme]

I need to find a therapist experienced with PTSD treatment.

 

You really do. Try looking for an EMDR therapist. There's a well-known PTSD specialist that I know and I asked her about EMDR and she said it does work.

 

With all your history, Otter, you don't need to be a guinea pig for a junior therapist. People need to know what they're doing to specialize in PTSD treatment. Find a new one pronto!

[moimeme]

I've been through hell in my early days too with physical, sexual and emotional abuse from my step-dad.......been down the alcohol trail.....never did the blow or anything, but, I know and have been where you were......the only difference is that I'm not allowing what happened to me affect what's going on now.

 

Moose, you can't just 'suck up' PTSD. I am SO sick of people who haven't the slightest clue about mental ailments spouting off such utter garbage. You can no more 'suck up' PTSD than you can diabetes. That's not the answer. She needs someone who knows WTF they're doing to treat her.

 

And by the way, Moosie poo. You're a TON older than her. You were, by your own admission, at least as screwed up as her at her age. And it took you years, you say, to get your head on straight so don't be making like you were Mr. Wisdom when you were her age.

[millefiori]

It's true, you have a lot of great qualities that many people would envy you for. I'm sure you could do so many wonderful things with your abilities when you learn to cope with your traumas. Don't give up.

[Moose]

And it took you years, you say, to get your head on straight so don't be making like you were Mr. Wisdom when you were her age.

Yes, it did take years to get my head on straight.......and what was most effective was burying the past Moi! I had to suck it up and realize there isn't a thing I can do about what happened to me back then and instead of dwelling on it I needed to get on with my life. Got it? I may not of been Mr. Wisdom back then, (I don't think I am now either), but I know what worked........

 

You're also right about me not knowing about mental illnesses.....that doesn't mean what I said was utter garbage. What I said got me off that ride Otter is on.......I may not have a degree in mental illness but my experience gives me the credentials to speak with authority......

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by moimeme

You can no more 'suck up' PTSD than you can diabetes.

 

Exactly. Some days there's a fine line between courage and denial.

[Debster]

Blind Otter,

I definitely think you should see a therapist skillled in PTSD.

I think the best way to be with your boyfriend is honest.

He deserves your honesty.

If he can't deal with your issues and setbacks then maybe he isn't the right man for you.

However, in saying that, I do think that you need to try really hard to put the past behind you.

Stop associating with people who are bad influences and start re-gaining control over your life.

Good luck.

[scarlyjones]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Been to AA and NA. It's not a habit....it's self-medicating. AA actually helps me minimize my issues because I'm like, well I'm not as bad off as THOSE people. There are always triggers and I always binge, the only thing I use habitually is cigarettes and caffiene. I used to smoke weed every day but for some reason that has just tapered off naturally.

 

I have been having flashbacks from the CBT therapy and told the therapist I'm taking a 2 week break because she is pushing, pushing me to do things I don't feel ready to do. She is young, and idealistic I suppose. Thinks she can "cure me" by exposure therapy. All it's doing is putting me inthe mental state I was in right after it happened. I TOLD HER THIS WOULD HAPPEN! I said no, if I could take 3 months medical leave and cope somehow I would but I can't I just can't.

 

To be numb, that's what I wanted. To forget. I wish I could just forget what happened to me. I wish I was not like I am. I hate having PTSD I hate it. I don't want to use, I hate using drugs and alcohol to forget. I wish I could erase it from my head.

 

 

WOw,..........scortching case of denial.....Dont you know that self medicating IS addiction????????????? I was taught in treatment, that ,...that is why we do it. To escape our problems. Self medicating.....Man,....you'd better wake up soon,...or Im worried you will be very very sorry. Your poor family.

[scarlyjones]

On an unrated topic,.....................its "Shes alright, shes alright,...shes alright....COCAINE"

 

You didnt even get the lyric right...

[sweetadeline]

Originally posted by moimeme

But maybe at least try EMDR.

 

http://www.emdria.org/search/index.cfm

 

BO, this link will enable you to search for therapists in your area who are trained in using EMDR.

 

I saw a therapist trained in EMDR for several years and found it very helpful.

[scarlyjones]

Originally posted by blind_otter

Been to AA and NA. It's not a habit....it's self-medicating. AA actually helps me minimize my issues because I'm like, well I'm not as bad off as THOSE people.

 

What exactly do you mean by "those people"? And how are you NOT AS BAD OFF?

[Pocky]

Originally posted by scarlyjones

On an unrated topic,.....................its "Shes alright, shes alright,...shes alright....COCAINE"

 

You didnt even get the lyric right...

 

For someone that can barely write above a ninth grade level, I hardly think you're in a position to point out written mistakes. And, if you had read the first post, one might assume that the replacement of words was intentional as it applies to her lying continuously to her boyfriend. Assumptions aside, in the grand scheme, it really doesn't matter all that much though does it? A title is just a title.

[scarlyjones]

she wrote "She DONT lie"

 

And how is it that you think my writing isnt above a ninth grade level?

[scarlyjones]

Not that it matters in how I post in an internet forum. Proper punctuation is hardly a concern in here as I didnt think they would be redlined and turned back in to me for correction. Pardon me for giving you the benefit of the doubt in being sharp enough to not need essay quality punctuation to understand. My mistake. So far, Pokey,..you have said nothing other than Im being mean. So unless you think what Im saying is wrong, then you have nothing to say. I will have you know that I am educated. I drank uncontrollably for 15 years. I am now about to get my MBA from Michigan State Univ. So I got sober,..and got educated. It can be done and all Im trying to do is help her. Im not typing with a sinister look on my face and snickering evil Attack my punctuation if thats all you've got,...but,...that IS all you've got.

[Pocky]

I didn't say anything about your punctuation. I believe you may be confusing me with another poster. There are far more problems with your writing skills than just punctuation. Misspelled words, incomplete sentences, run-on sentences, incorrect grammar and excessive misused punctuation makes it difficult to want to invest the time into trying to read what you write. Incorporate your snide comments, your born again alcoholic preaching, your pompous attitude and all you have left is something that some people are only going to see as abrasive and unnecessary.

 

What was the purpose in pointing out her title and how she used words that were inconsistent with how the song was written? What does that have to do with her problem?

 

Your comment clearly demonstrated your desire to make her look stupid. I fail to see how that comment reflects your desire to help her and lead her down a path less destructive.

 

As I've said before, the warnings you're trying to convey are probably warranted and considering you have been able to overcome alcoholism there are many that may benefit from your knowledge, but you're hardly a martyr and you certainly aren't in any position to elevate yourself to a level that affords you the opportunity to demean in the name of compassion.

 

Your approach is not the approach of tough love - your approach is to insult and humiliate someone into complete submission. People don't need to be completely destroyed in order to understand their weaknesses. Emotionally and verbally beating the **** out of people isn't going to make them understand your message - the only thing it's going to do is alienate you even more from the people you claim to want to help.

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by scarlyjones

Im being mean.

 

not mean, mean isn't the word. no one gets personal about your posts, they don't affect anyone that way. it's just a source of frustration because you are condescending, and you have no right to be. it's also because your delivery is very under-developed, and while you think you sound intelligent, the viewer sees right through you an often walks away confused and annoyed at having wasted those two minutes on you.

 

reading other people's repsonses is akin to the experience of reading someone's master's thesis, things to be learned, objective opinions, empirical research, and well-considered, thoughtful ideas. your posts look like you're kicking people while they are down just to say that you know better, make your point, and look like you are right, and you're only trying to help. i am telling you, you don't help. your words reek of "haha" and "duh" and all insults that should have been left behind in 6th grade.

 

...reading your posts is like reading an elementary school newspaper article.

 

typos are forgiven. everyone makes those. it's the attitude that is so infuriating.

 

you wanted it explained, so you have it. don't get all mad now; you asked.

[tiki]

let's not get all mad,....lets try to support little miss otter,....she needs our help right now....

 

 

The last thing she needs is the people here slamming her. Give her support! Not support to continue to be an addict, but support to be a drug-free, wonderful being.

 

This could be any of us. And not just an addiction to the cocaine, some of us overeat, some curse, some are addicted to sex. Just help the poster out in HOW to pull herself out of this, puhleeeease!!!

[scarlyjones]

who cares about some misspelled word?? Like Im being careful or the forum. As if that has any bearing at all on whether Im right or not....

 

 

Its born again people like me that helped me to begin with. Without them, addicts couldnt get sober. I bet you thought the couselors at treatment centers were just doctors and psychologists. Most treatment centers employ former addicts because they are the only ones who truely can understand an addicts way of thinking. So you can call me tired or boring all you want. One day you or someone you love just might NEED someone like me. So dont knock it.

[tiki]

See? You're typing better already. You can do it! It's so much easier to read...just being honest.

 

I think that you offer an important side of an addict, you have a lot to contribute, especially here at LS. I think your approach should be key. You get more bees with honey.

[scarlyjones]

Its been taught to addicts that you also further more addictions with honey. Saying "Oh poor you" doesnt help. All that does is give the addict the illusion that they are the victim. Oh poor me. Everybody is against me. Boo hoo hoo. Until you stop looking to the skies and saying "Why me, God?" and saying "I give up, God", you wont get better, ........only worse. And let me just say this about the way I type in these threads. I type the way people talk. I try and show the pauses and breaks as if you could hear my voice. Im not trying to write as if it were going in an essay or novel. I just thought that would be easiet to get my point across. So I was wrong. Sorry. I'll try to be clearer.