Meet up with ex gone horribly wrong - DONT BREAK NC! (Updated)

[JDam]

So today he sent me another email (he had not responded to my last email from about 2 weeks ago). I dont know, it seems like he waited with response because he thought I would email him myself and tell him how I feel about the letter. But I decided to ignore it so he used the unanswered email as a back up plan to continue conversation if I do not respond. He said he is coming back home next week and that he is "looking forward to seeing familiar and sweet faces". Then he talks about traveling and people that he met abroad. He said he mostly talks to international students and that he met only three guys who come from the country he's visiting but no girl from that country. I find this reference really inappropriate because it was our inner joke that he would find a woman from that country and date her once he goes there. It was just a joke, we would make fun of it. Then he recommended a city that I should visit because of a place he thinks I would like. Im like What the ****?!?! I think this should also go unanswered.

[marky00]

There is term for this type of Ex boyfriend:

 

THE CLUELESS GUY

 

its kinda of like giving a loaded machine gun to a chimp.

[JDam]

There is term for this type of Ex boyfriend:

 

THE CLUELESS GUY

 

its kinda of like giving a loaded machine gun to a chimp.

 

Hahahaha oh my that cracked me up! :D:D

 

His behavior is really odd. I dont understand why anyone would do this if they just wanted to be friends, it's just too much in my opinion.

[JDam]

Hi guys, I posted my story here back in December. To sum it up, he broke up with me (over phone) out of the blue last April, I immediately went NC, no pleading or begging, deleted him off all social media etc. not to be reminded of him at all. He texted me after 3 months to say he wants to thank me for our time together (over 2 years), but also mentioned he does not regret the break up. He then went to study abroad and sent me a card in the fall, then also a letter (to sum it up, he says he cant forget our time together, that it is wrong not to be in touch and that he would like to meet up after he comes back).

 

I DID reply to the card, we exchanged some emails, but I ignored the letter. I got my hopes up and hoped for reconciliation. However, after he came back, he did not contact me at all to suggest a date or something. I thought that maybe I would hear from him during Christmas. It didnt happen. So I was devastated, I was like what the hell is this all supposed to mean? How can he be so cruel to say he wants to meet only to ignore me later on? So part of my new years resolution was that the pain must end, that I truly need to know what is going on in order to get a closure for myself. So I texted him Happy New Year. We then talked for a bit (via text) and I said I was confused about the letter, that it is just confusing to read he wants to meet up and then disappear etc. He said he is sorry and that he would "of course" like to meet up "sometime". What about next week? I said Im busy during the first few days but weekend would work.

 

Then guess what? NEVER BREAK NO CONTACT!!! Because you will only be disappointed!!! Unless they say they want to get back together, ignore everything else!!! He texted me on Sunday saying he is sorry, he's been busy doing stuff to school and that he has an exam next week in a different country (the one where he studied). He said "when Im back I will try suggesting a day when we will meet". I was upset (not that he is busy but he should have let me known earlier, not Sunday afternoon, it takes a freakin minute to text someone!!!). I said ok, then text me when you are back. He said ok "we will let each other know somehow" and then asked me if I still had a discount for buses in Europe, that he is taking a bus to get back. I know some of you are probably laughing but I was SO ANGRY. I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL??? He was using me to get a freakin discount? So this is how he values me and the two years together.

 

And of course, he's been back in the country for more than a week and I havent heard from him since.

 

So... NEVER BREAK NO CONTACT. Never!!! Im so angry at myself that I did break it only to be soooo disappointed again and for him to alleviate his guilt. I was proud of myself for sticking to NC for several months and then this happens. Now I dont know what Im going to do next. It is of course possible that he is busy as he has tons of exams to finish in the next few weeks, but it is just so rude to say you will get in touch and then ignore the person. So I will either send him an email saying that I do not want him to contact me ever again (not to show him my anger... but to really let him know that I really do not want to be in touch anymore. Because it is still possible he will text me again and everything will start all over again). Or just block him and his friends everywhere (it is the same, without letting giving him an explanation as to why I did that. And I want him to know that what he's been doing is just wrong and selfish).

 

I dont know, Im just heartbroken. I never did anything to anyone, this was my first and only relationship in my life and I dont understand why I have to put up with all this crap. I really regret every second spent together today, after what he just did. Before that... I had some pleasant memories but now there is just pure hate...

 

Sorry guys, I just really had to vent... :(

[TheArtist]

Personally I wouldn't send him anything, no matter how angry you are at him, because, once again, you're giving him the attention he craves. Complete silence from you will be much worse for him than anything you can send.

 

Unless it's a turd in the mail that he has to sign for. But seriously, don't do that.

 

Silence. Remove him from everything.

[Neffer]

No email, just block him and don't respond to any attempts to start a conversation. He knows that he's acted badly and selfishly. He does know that, and he did what he wanted regardless. So anything you say is really not going to matter. It won't register the way you think it will.

 

You will feel better in the long run if you just stop all contact and stick to it. This right now is back and forth game playing that he is keeping you off balance with. Just stop it; take control of how you are being treated and block him on everything.

 

Btw - Breaking up over the phone is cowardly and very disrespectful. I think he showed you who he is right there.

 

Vent here. Give him silence. He isn't worth anything else.

Edited January 24, 2016 by Neffer

[dyna85]

I can definitely understand how this would mess with your emotions and I would be just as angry and hurt as you.

 

I don't think you should let him know what you're doing though and you should just breathe through the anxiety and let it pass and don't tell him you don't want him to contact you again, because as much as it won't be to let him know you're hurt/angry, by telling him this, you're going to convey that message and it's just going to be to your detriment.

 

I think you should just use this as a lesson and fade into the background without a word, and if he ever pops back up to say whatever, you can then do what you want to do at that point, keeping in mind how he was so nonchalant while toying with your heart strings.

 

If I were you, I'd let him contact you in the future and then play the nonchalant card right back at him and/or don't respond, period, or at that point tell him you don't want to keep in communication.

 

If you do it now, you're just feeding into his bs. It's wrong that he sent you these letters/cards to tell you he 'doesn't regret the breakup' but yet 'wants to meet up.' Such a cloud of confusion and so wrong to do when he already hurt you by breaking up with you. He's clearly only thinking of himself and it's messed up what he's doing.

 

My first boyfriend definitely played with my feelings after the breakup way back when too, and it was so hurtful, and the worst thing I ever did was feed into it.

 

The best thing you could do is not feed his ego further at this point and the absolute best way you can do that is by ignoring the f out of him because he's demonstrating right now that's he's an a-hole who doesn't care for your feelings.

 

Don't be angry with yourself for breaking no contact when he fooled you into doing so. He made it seem like he wanted to keep in contact and meet with you only to then act completely differently when you finally acted in accordance with this request.

 

My first ex did this exact thing and it hurt SO MUCH. It still makes me angry/hurt when I think about how messed up it was. He was all like 'don't be a stranger, let's be friends' and then he went on to treat me like dirt and a nobody, and then when I got upset, that was the true end of everything and I saw his true colors as I'd never seen them before then.

 

I think it's that they want to feel wanted still or something and to know how affected you are, and once they get that vibe, then they go away for good, but until they suck you dry for that feeling and know for sure you are upset at the loss of them, they string you along a bit. It's so cruel and it deals with their insecurity and ego.

 

If he felt so confident in his decision to dump you, he wouldn't be sending you letters and cards and saying 'let's meet up' and whatever.

 

He wants to get you to show your cards -- which you did -- hence the backing off at that point. He knows you care, so he can rest easy.

 

It's messed up and he doesn't deserve you.

 

Give it a few yrs and you will see you are better off without someone like him, because as you said, you know it's not right to treat someone like this and you would never do this to someone else.

[JDam]

First of all, thank you so much for your responses and to everyone who took the time to read it. I really appreciate it!!!!

 

Personally I wouldn't send him anything, no matter how angry you are at him, because, once again, you're giving him the attention he craves. Complete silence from you will be much worse for him than anything you can send.

 

Unless it's a turd in the mail that he has to sign for. But seriously, don't do that.

 

Silence. Remove him from everything.

 

Thanks so much for your response! I really appreciate it. Yes, I think you are right. I replied to his text from summer and then wanted to engage in more conversation but he then went silent. I was angry back then and wanted to send him a similar text that I just mentioned. I eventually did not and I remember how glad I was that I decided not to do it. You are right!

 

No email, just block him and don't respond to any attempts to start a conversation. He knows that he's acted badly and selfishly. He does know that, and he did what he wanted regardless. So anything you say is really not going to matter. It won't register the way you think it will.

 

You will feel better in the long run if you just stop all contact and stick to it. This right now is back and forth game playing that he is keeping you off balance with. Just stop it; take control of how you are being treated and block him on everything.

 

Btw - Breaking up over the phone is cowardly and very disrespectful. I think he showed you who he is right there.

 

Vent here. Give him silence. He isn't worth anything else.

 

Thanks so much!!! Not sure he knows he acted badly. I dont know. It almost feels like he does not understand it at all. It is just bizarre. I mean, he probably has no empathy at all to do such a thing. When I wished him a Happy New Year I acknowledged the letter by saying that the content is just confusing... that it is just too random to talk about a meet up and then start ghosting me again. And now he does it again. You are right, I will not contact him to tell him. It just would not change anything, it would just suck my energy again.

 

I can definitely understand how this would mess with your emotions and I would be just as angry and hurt as you.

 

I don't think you should let him know what you're doing though and you should just breathe through the anxiety and let it pass and don't tell him you don't want him to contact you again, because as much as it won't be to let him know you're hurt/angry, by telling him this, you're going to convey that message and it's just going to be to your detriment.

 

I think you should just use this as a lesson and fade into the background without a word, and if he ever pops back up to say whatever, you can then do what you want to do at that point, keeping in mind how he was so nonchalant while toying with your heart strings.

 

If I were you, I'd let him contact you in the future and then play the nonchalant card right back at him and/or don't respond, period, or at that point tell him you don't want to keep in communication.

 

If you do it now, you're just feeding into his bs. It's wrong that he sent you these letters/cards to tell you he 'doesn't regret the breakup' but yet 'wants to meet up.' Such a cloud of confusion and so wrong to do when he already hurt you by breaking up with you. He's clearly only thinking of himself and it's messed up what he's doing.

 

My first boyfriend definitely played with my feelings after the breakup way back when too, and it was so hurtful, and the worst thing I ever did was feed into it.

 

The best thing you could do is not feed his ego further at this point and the absolute best way you can do that is by ignoring the f out of him because he's demonstrating right now that's he's an a-hole who doesn't care for your feelings.

 

Don't be angry with yourself for breaking no contact when he fooled you into doing so. He made it seem like he wanted to keep in contact and meet with you only to then act completely differently when you finally acted in accordance with this request.

 

My first ex did this exact thing and it hurt SO MUCH. It still makes me angry/hurt when I think about how messed up it was. He was all like 'don't be a stranger, let's be friends' and then he went on to treat me like dirt and a nobody, and then when I got upset, that was the true end of everything and I saw his true colors as I'd never seen them before then.

 

I think it's that they want to feel wanted still or something and to know how affected you are, and once they get that vibe, then they go away for good, but until they suck you dry for that feeling and know for sure you are upset at the loss of them, they string you along a bit. It's so cruel and it deals with their insecurity and ego.

 

If he felt so confident in his decision to dump you, he wouldn't be sending you letters and cards and saying 'let's meet up' and whatever.

 

He wants to get you to show your cards -- which you did -- hence the backing off at that point. He knows you care, so he can rest easy.

 

It's messed up and he doesn't deserve you.

 

Give it a few yrs and you will see you are better off without someone like him, because as you said, you know it's not right to treat someone like this and you would never do this to someone else.

 

Oh wow, thank you so much for your response!!! Im sorry you had to go through the same crap. Did he ever contact you again?

 

You know, maybe Im just naive, maybe I try to see the good in people, but it just amazes me that people like that even exist. I mean, it is just so cruel to act like that. They either have no empathy (which is just very bizarre - he reminds me of a wolf's child, you know... a person whose social skills are just so bad it is just incredible... makes you wonder who actually raised him) or you do that on purpose. And he had the courtesy to write (in the letter) that he thinks it is just wrong if ex partners do not talk if they did not break up for horrible reasons. And that he does not have a problem to meet up to catch up from time to time. I mean, he broke up with me over phone, then did not even say hello to me in school and now he says it is wrong not to talk. He is 24 and seriously... he acts like a 5 year old. I never did anything to him and he treated me like I murdered his family or cheated on him or whatever. He trash talked me and now he says he does not have a problem meeting up. Yet then he cancels on me and then disappears. Ugh, just a horrible, horrible person.

 

I just wanted to write this up for people who might be tempted to break NC. Dont do it! Im not saying that every situation is the same, there might me situations when reconciliation actually happens etc. but in general I think sticking to NC in really the way to go.

[JustAnotherLostLove]

Hi guys, I posted my story here back in December. To sum it up, he broke up with me (over phone) out of the blue last April, I immediately went NC, no pleading or begging, deleted him off all social media etc. not to be reminded of him at all. He texted me after 3 months to say he wants to thank me for our time together (over 2 years), but also mentioned he does not regret the break up. He then went to study abroad and sent me a card in the fall, then also a letter (to sum it up, he says he cant forget our time together, that it is wrong not to be in touch and that he would like to meet up after he comes back).

 

I DID reply to the card, we exchanged some emails, but I ignored the letter. I got my hopes up and hoped for reconciliation. However, after he came back, he did not contact me at all to suggest a date or something. I thought that maybe I would hear from him during Christmas. It didnt happen. So I was devastated, I was like what the hell is this all supposed to mean? How can he be so cruel to say he wants to meet only to ignore me later on? So part of my new years resolution was that the pain must end, that I truly need to know what is going on in order to get a closure for myself. So I texted him Happy New Year. We then talked for a bit (via text) and I said I was confused about the letter, that it is just confusing to read he wants to meet up and then disappear etc. He said he is sorry and that he would "of course" like to meet up "sometime". What about next week? I said Im busy during the first few days but weekend would work.

 

Then guess what? NEVER BREAK NO CONTACT!!! Because you will only be disappointed!!! Unless they say they want to get back together, ignore everything else!!! He texted me on Sunday saying he is sorry, he's been busy doing stuff to school and that he has an exam next week in a different country (the one where he studied). He said "when Im back I will try suggesting a day when we will meet". I was upset (not that he is busy but he should have let me known earlier, not Sunday afternoon, it takes a freakin minute to text someone!!!). I said ok, then text me when you are back. He said ok "we will let each other know somehow" and then asked me if I still had a discount for buses in Europe, that he is taking a bus to get back. I know some of you are probably laughing but I was SO ANGRY. I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL??? He was using me to get a freakin discount? So this is how he values me and the two years together.

 

And of course, he's been back in the country for more than a week and I havent heard from him since.

 

So... NEVER BREAK NO CONTACT. Never!!! Im so angry at myself that I did break it only to be soooo disappointed again and for him to alleviate his guilt. I was proud of myself for sticking to NC for several months and then this happens. Now I dont know what Im going to do next. It is of course possible that he is busy as he has tons of exams to finish in the next few weeks, but it is just so rude to say you will get in touch and then ignore the person. So I will either send him an email saying that I do not want him to contact me ever again (not to show him my anger... but to really let him know that I really do not want to be in touch anymore. Because it is still possible he will text me again and everything will start all over again). Or just block him and his friends everywhere (it is the same, without letting giving him an explanation as to why I did that. And I want him to know that what he's been doing is just wrong and selfish).

 

I dont know, Im just heartbroken. I never did anything to anyone, this was my first and only relationship in my life and I dont understand why I have to put up with all this crap. I really regret every second spent together today, after what he just did. Before that... I had some pleasant memories but now there is just pure hate...

 

Sorry guys, I just really had to vent... :(

 

I feel you, I really do. Me and my ex broke up exactly 4 months ago now. She'll text me on holidays, very brief ones, but that's it. It's funny, cause I feel like I'm in jail, and only get brief visitations when it's convenient for her. Other than that, I did contact her last week, via text. I said, "I think of you often, and hope you're okay". No response.

 

After looking back on our relationship, I see now that it wasn't perfect. She was somewhat gold digging, very materialistic, she cheated on her fiance with me, AND I'm pretty sure she did something to me, that I can't even mention here.

 

With regards to you, you'll be okay, and you will find someone better for you. At least you have the comfort of looking forward to that.

[dyna85]

 

Oh wow, thank you so much for your response!!! Im sorry you had to go through the same crap. Did he ever contact you again?

 

 

Well, we'd broken up (this was ~10 yrs ago as he was my first bf) and he pretty much walked right by me the next day, no hello no nothing. We continued to not speak. Then a wk or so goes by -- maybe a few wks, I can't recall -- and I get the text.

 

We were in contact for a little while after he sent the text saying 'let's not be strangers' but he pretty much left it up to me to try to remain friends and he wasn't a very good friend and was just really cold and distant... despite him reaching out to me and acting like he wanted to keep in contact.

 

The end result was that it had me really confused and really upset and way worse off than had he just left me alone, since he did the whole bait and switch maneuver. I finally saw it for what it was and there was a final moment where it sealed the deal for me, and it truly was the end end. That was about a month or two later and we haven't spoken since, and it's been nearly 10 yrs.

 

If I could go back in time, I would have deleted his stupid text and stayed on my own path, since it would have saved me a lot of dignity.

 

You know, maybe Im just naive, maybe I try to see the good in people, but it just amazes me that people like that even exist. I mean, it is just so cruel to act like that. They either have no empathy (which is just very bizarre - he reminds me of a wolf's child, you know... a person whose social skills are just so bad it is just incredible... makes you wonder who actually raised him) or you do that on purpose. And he had the courtesy to write (in the letter) that he thinks it is just wrong if ex partners do not talk if they did not break up for horrible reasons. And that he does not have a problem to meet up to catch up from time to time. I mean, he broke up with me over phone, then did not even say hello to me in school and now he says it is wrong not to talk. He is 24 and seriously... he acts like a 5 year old. I never did anything to him and he treated me like I murdered his family or cheated on him or whatever. He trash talked me and now he says he does not have a problem meeting up. Yet then he cancels on me and then disappears. Ugh, just a horrible, horrible person.

 

Yes, he's very horrible. At least you're wise enough to see it for what it is and to know the best course of action to save yourself further distress.

 

He's definitely playing the hot and cold game and you can't trust him if one minute he's not talking to you and the next sending you a letter wanting to meet, and then going back to not talking to you.

 

This is seriously like my first ex, lol. So immature and messed up and so not worth it.

 

You are so much better off without him and far more deserving of someone who doesn't play with your feelings like this.

 

I so know how you feel right now. Like, I literally have been through it, and it sucks so bad. However, I can say, one day, far down the road, you will be thanking your lucky stars you didn't end up with him.

 

At least that's how I feel about my first ex, since emotionally, clearly, we were not on the same wavelength... among other elements.

 

I would just do you and if he tries to play this whole 'we should talk' game, let it be on your terms, even if that's a 'no thank you' to him. It's not up to him, after all, to decide what the terms should be at this point. He made his bed and he can now sleep in it, and you can rest peacefully knowing you're the more caring person.

[JDam]

I feel you, I really do. Me and my ex broke up exactly 4 months ago now. She'll text me on holidays, very brief ones, but that's it. It's funny, cause I feel like I'm in jail, and only get brief visitations when it's convenient for her. Other than that, I did contact her last week, via text. I said, "I think of you often, and hope you're okay". No response.

 

After looking back on our relationship, I see now that it wasn't perfect. She was somewhat gold digging, very materialistic, she cheated on her fiance with me, AND I'm pretty sure she did something to me, that I can't even mention here.

 

With regards to you, you'll be okay, and you will find someone better for you. At least you have the comfort of looking forward to that.

 

Thank you!

 

oh, that analogy about prison is very accurate. I just feel the same. Like they will get it touch at their convenience or when they need something. But what about our feelings? Well, they dont matter. It is just disgusting. I felt really offended and disrespected when he asked me about the discount. I mean, it really showed how little respect he has for the two years spent together and me as a former partner. I never thought I would say it but seriously now I really do regret every second I was in a relationship with him. It's funny because he does all this to alleviate his guilt, yet he is making matters even worse and should be feeling even more guilty for acting like a jerk almost 10 months later when it is just no longer necessary.

 

Well, we'd broken up (this was ~10 yrs ago as he was my first bf) and he pretty much walked right by me the next day, no hello no nothing. We continued to not speak. Then a wk or so goes by -- maybe a few wks, I can't recall -- and I get the text.

 

We were in contact for a little while after he sent the text saying 'let's not be strangers' but he pretty much left it up to me to try to remain friends and he wasn't a very good friend and was just really cold and distant... despite him reaching out to me and acting like he wanted to keep in contact.

 

The end result was that it had me really confused and really upset and way worse off than had he just left me alone, since he did the whole bait and switch maneuver. I finally saw it for what it was and there was a final moment where it sealed the deal for me, and it truly was the end end. That was about a month or two later and we haven't spoken since, and it's been nearly 10 yrs.

 

If I could go back in time, I would have deleted his stupid text and stayed on my own path, since it would have saved me a lot of dignity.

 

Oh my... so the jerk ignores you but then says "lets not be strangers". Yeah, makes a lot of sense. Then why are THEY acting like strangers in the first place? I mean, it was THEIR choice to break up so they should be the ones to take the high road and say at least hello but by saying "lets not be strangers" it is as if he was saying that it was your choice to act like a stranger. Yes, it is the same situation with my ex. He ghosted me for several months and trash talked me. Once he accidentally liked my picture on instagram only to immediately unlike it. I dont make a big deal out of it, I hate instagram (no longer have it), Im mentioning it as an example of how senseless his behavior is. He cared enough to unlike it because he just wanted to cut me out of his life completely, yet then he says in the card "I think there has been enough silence" "It is wrong not to talk". Ughhh, what a douchebag...

 

 

Yes, he's very horrible. At least you're wise enough to see it for what it is and to know the best course of action to save yourself further distress.

 

He's definitely playing the hot and cold game and you can't trust him if one minute he's not talking to you and the next sending you a letter wanting to meet, and then going back to not talking to you.

 

This is seriously like my first ex, lol. So immature and messed up and so not worth it.

 

You are so much better off without him and far more deserving of someone who doesn't play with your feelings like this.

 

I so know how you feel right now. Like, I literally have been through it, and it sucks so bad. However, I can say, one day, far down the road, you will be thanking your lucky stars you didn't end up with him.

 

At least that's how I feel about my first ex, since emotionally, clearly, we were not on the same wavelength... among other elements.

 

I would just do you and if he tries to play this whole 'we should talk' game, let it be on your terms, even if that's a 'no thank you' to him. It's not up to him, after all, to decide what the terms should be at this point. He made his bed and he can now sleep in it, and you can rest peacefully knowing you're the more caring person.

 

Yes, you are right! I dont think he will get in touch anytime soon though. I mean, he has tons of exams so this could be his only excuse to make. But I will not accept it as it takes like one minute to grab a phone and tell me that he just does not have enough time to meet up, especially if he makes the promise to get in touch once he comes back. My friend is like "well, you are no longer in a relationship, he does not owe you anything". wtf? Yeah he does not, but I think it is just disrespectful to ghost ANYONE (be it a friend, former partner etc.) after making the promise to get in touch. But maybe it is just me because Im generally very reliable.

[CDJ]

Don't beat yourself up too much over breaking NC. It's a very difficult thing to do, especially when we are upset, desperate for answers and of course missing that person. Break-ups and traumas easily make us irrational, so it is hard to do the rational things (which usually become so obvious with hindsight).

 

I regret how I handled my own break-up; I wish I'd gone NC and let her agonise and stew over what she had done. By desperately trying to see and speak to her I allowed her to flip the situation and take the high ground.

 

You have the high ground now, make sure you stay there!

[marky00]

Yeh this guy sounds like a pure A hole.

 

He sounds convinced 100 percent he made the right call yet then wants to dictate the post BU proceedings.

 

If he is so happy with his decision why the heck is he still hanging around.

 

Don't worry Karma will get this guy for sure. Every time you break a heart, your one step closer to getting your heart broken yourself.

[JDam]

Don't beat yourself up too much over breaking NC. It's a very difficult thing to do, especially when we are upset, desperate for answers and of course missing that person. Break-ups and traumas easily make us irrational, so it is hard to do the rational things (which usually become so obvious with hindsight).

 

I regret how I handled my own break-up; I wish I'd gone NC and let her agonise and stew over what she had done. By desperately trying to see and speak to her I allowed her to flip the situation and take the high ground.

 

You have the high ground now, make sure you stay there!

 

Thank you! Yes, I could not have foreseen what was going to happen. Im taking a lesson from all this

 

Yeh this guy sounds like a pure A hole.

 

He sounds convinced 100 percent he made the right call yet then wants to dictate the post BU proceedings.

 

If he is so happy with his decision why the heck is he still hanging around.

 

Don't worry Karma will get this guy for sure. Every time you break a heart, your one step closer to getting your heart broken yourself.

 

Thank you!! I hope you are right. I really believe in karma and that he will end up being lonely for the rest of his life.

 

 

 

Btw, you will not guess what JUST happened. His friend (female) texted me saying: "So you probably know that X is looking for an apartment and I look for a roommate. So we were thinking that we could move in together, if you dont mind. Of course only as friends, nothing more. I just wanted to let you know so there are no hard feelings between us."

 

To put it in context. This is a girl Im sure he has no romantic interest in. The same goes for her. They have been really old friends since high school. BUT what bothers me is that I havent talked to her in months and now she contacts me to ask about some stuff and also mentions this as if I was supposed to care after 10 months. She is actually asking me for a permission there. It is just absurd and it really offends me that she is thinking there should be a reason for me to care. I really dont understand it and now I dont know what to respond. But I think I have had enough and will finally be very clear about everything. I will tell her that I find it offensive that she is thinking that I give a damn (if would be different if she was a good friend of mine and were regularly in touch, but I havent heard from her for months). Maybe I will also tell her that it is ridiculous for her to say that "as I probably know he is looking for an apartment" since I havent spoken to him since the break up and it was actually him who contacted me twice and wanted to meet up (when we broke up he trash talked me and a different friend of his spread falsehoods that I was desperate and begged and called after the break up, that I wanted to meet and talk - which NEVER happened). Not sure if it was him who made it up or that mental friend of his... but well, seriously... I cant believe such people even exist.

[marky00]

Hmmm,

 

Yeh you dont need this extra crap. I really do feel for you.

 

That does seem very weird. Either there is something going on between those 2 or he such an A hole he been feeding her stories that your still pining for him.

 

This behaviour isnt typical behaviour for a dumper who is supposedly happy with his decision.

 

He either a very cruel person or there is something else (an insecurity issue etc) that is going on that we arent aware of.

 

The best bet to handle that text msg is to reply with "sorry but who is this?". Since she just ur E'x friend. No ned to assume you saved her number as a contact. If you send that msg she may get embarrassed and let it be or she will need to send another message which will make her look stupid anyway.

 

Of course that tactic wont work if she mentioned her name in the text.

 

And yes if she was really worried about your feelings, she would have never told you what was going on. If they are supposedly good friends he would have informed her that you guys are essentially not in contact so why would she come out and tell you this. I'm pretty sure it is to get a reaction from you.... Maybe he put her up to it. If so, he really is scum of the earth.

Edited January 25, 2016 by marky00

[JDam]

Hmmm,

 

Yeh you dont need this extra crap. I really do feel for you.

 

That does seem very weird. Either there is something going on between those 2 or he such an A hole he been feeding her stories that your still pining for him.

 

This behaviour isnt typical behaviour for a dumper who is supposedly happy with his decision.

 

He either a very cruel person or there is something else (an insecurity issue etc) that is going on that we arent aware of.

 

The best bet to handle that text msg is to reply with "sorry but who is this?". Since she just ur E'x friend. No ned to assume you saved her number as a contact. If you send that msg she may get embarrassed and let it be or she will need to send another message which will make her look stupid anyway.

 

Of course that tactic wont work if she mentioned her name in the text.

 

And yes if she was really worried about your feelings, she would have never told you what was going on. If they are supposedly good friends he would have informed her that you guys are essentially not in contact so why would she come out and tell you this. I'm pretty sure it is to get a reaction from you....

 

Thank you, marky! I dont know, anything can happen but Im sure they is nothing going on between them.

 

Well, she is his friend and I think she considers me to be her friend but I do not think she is my friend. There was some convo before she mentioned this so I cant act like I dont know who she is. She actually texted me to ask if there is a free position at our firm and if she could apply. I dont think she cares about me at all, she just wanted to use me to get info about a job position. But then she mentioned this as "oh and by the way"...

[marky00]

yeh but then there was the other friend who was spreading rumours.

 

Its starting to sound like your initituil prideful reaction to the breakup got under his skin so he resorted to lies to his friends to portray the image he wanted. Again, if so.. he is pure scum.

 

Male dumpers can't stand it when the girl they breakup with takes it well and moves on.

[DarkHorizon]

Really... you need to just block all these people. Him, his friends, etc.

They keep poking your wound and it will keep bleeding. Just go through every social media, e-mails, phone numbers, etc... block them all, so there is absolutely no way they can reach you. It is the only way.

[DarkHorizon]

Also, stop looking for answers. This process is like addiction withdrawal, and our brains keep looking for answers trying to learn something so it can try to prevent us from getting hurt again. But it won't find answers, and it will go into obsessive, ruminating mode.

 

It doesn't matter WHY he did what he did, or WHY he is doing what he is doing.

It's really all pointless at this point - you are not in a relationship with him and all this is just noise. Don't look back, only forward. The reasons of Y and Z don't matter. If he starting something with his friend... it doesn't matter. All that matters is you and your healing. Yes... you need to make sure none of this noise reaches you.

[marky00]

Here's why Karma always prevails.

 

We can all see his behaviour is disgusting and the way he conducts himself. Well do you think people (including women he enters relationships with) will accept this type of crap long-term. No way.

 

One day, he will fall head-over-heels for a girl. He will display this crappy behavior because he was never really held accountable for it.

 

She won't accept it and she will walk and break his heart. Only then, the penny drops and he learns and starts to change.

 

This is why luck plays a huge role in the success of relationships. Both people need to be in it at exact the right timing and both learnt valuable lessons.

[JDam]

Thank you both!

 

So do you think the best option would be to just ignore the message and do not reply at all? The reason why I want to send her a long message saying Im fed up and the assumption she is making is just absurd is because silence has not been helpful here at all. They all probably need to be told that they should just take a hike a leave me alone. Not sure if Im clear here but I just find it horribly offensive that she makes the assumption that I give a **** about where he lives, you know?

 

Im afraid that if I just dont reply and block them all she will be like "omg, she just threw a tantrum and it confirms that she cares so much! She must hate me because I want to be his roommate."

[DarkHorizon]

Your loudest answer is your silence.

Total silence.

[marky00]

Thank you both!

 

Im afraid that if I just dont reply and block them all she will be like "omg, she just threw a tantrum and it confirms that she cares so much! She must hate me because I want to be his roommate."

 

Yes this is one of the dilemmas but her's how it works.

 

Short-term, someone might fleetingly think "oh shes to pissed to respond".

 

But longer-term when they never hear from you they are forced to assume you are indifferent and don't care.

 

This is why you have the inner battle as what to do. And I know what you mean where you say that your silence hasn't protected you.

 

Stay Silent. Give him and her a SILENT SANDWICH. You need to think long-term, not short-term.

[JDam]

I see you point, guys! Thanks for your insight!

 

I helped me to write up the message but I decided not to send it to her. However, I think that not replying and later blocking these *******s will just make it seem like it really pissed me off. I could just say: "Now I dont understand your message. 1) Why should I know? 2) Why should I care even today, even to the extent that you assume hard feelings? I dont get it."

[marky00]

I see you point, guys! Thanks for your insight!

 

I helped me to write up the message but I decided not to send it to her. However, I think that not replying and later blocking these *******s will just make it seem like it really pissed me off. I could just say: "Now I dont understand your message. 1) Why should I know? 2) Why should I care even today, even to the extent that you assume hard feelings? I dont get it."

 

Then what happens when they don't reply back? And they go silent on you.

 

You will feel worse than the scenario you described.

 

NO need to block right now. Something tells me if you don't respond this time, yo probably won't hear from them for quite a while.

 

Also your message about the hard feelings is fraught with danger because let's face it you do have hard feelings. In these situations I don't think its wise to fake it because then they might decide to act even more cruel since you just addmitted you don't even care.

Edited January 25, 2016 by marky00