Distractions + Anxiety

[FAQU]

If I seem like an idiot, it's because I am.. And I'm really tired '-'

 

Hi! I'm currently 15, in my sophomore year of high school.. And I have social anxiety

..I met a girl recently, after joining a super nerdy club, and eventually we started talking.. And after awhile I developed a crush on her.. (This was actually the worst thing that could have happened, as I'm sure anybody with social anxiety will understand) ...Soo then I confessed my feelings to her in probably the worst possible manor.. (Facebook) And needless to say, she didn't feel the same way

So, after about a month.. I'm still not over her, which sucks because I'm really trying to focus on myself for the time being... I've been eating healthy for like three weeks now, I've started working out regularly, and I've been trying to dress well.. I'm really trying to be all that I can be.. And the lack of immediate results are really making it hard to just, be out in public..

It's really hard, because after joining the club, I see her almost every day And I don't feel comfortable with just being myself.. Let alone being around the person I totally still like.. Especially because she's constantly doing things that tell me, "maybe she does like me.. Maybe she feels differently about me now" *Shakes head slowly*

Aand, it makes my anxiety flip **** '-' because she turns into the person I "might end up with someday" Which, won't happen, but I of course, must follow my stupid ****ing heart..

I want to forget about her, I try to avoid her, but it never works out in my favor.. Today she hugged me while I was sitting there talking to my friends, and all I could think about was how my thighs looked to her in the position I was sitting in.. Which sent me into full blown panic mode, which is actually hilarious.. because she probably wasn't even paying attention... xD Aaand there probably wasn't anything wrong...

I'm not used to having friends, that are cute girls, because I don't talk to anyone.. I barely talk to my friends...

I don't think she cares about appearance though... U.U but there really isn't any way I'm going to stop feeling insecure when she's around.. I worry about what she thinks of me, I think she's really cool :/ ..

...So I'm working on myself, part of it is for her.. I wish it wasn't, I know I should be doing it for myself, and that's what I say I'm doing.. but I just want to be enough for her, she isn't happy, and I want to be better for her..

I want to forget about her.. I want to focus on myself...

So that's it, I just need some advice, thanks.

[d0nnivain]

You don't have social anxiety. What you have is a temporary case of being a teenager. It goes away with time as you grow into a mature adult so don't put limiting labels on yourself.

 

 

Even the kids that that look like they have it all going on don't have the world on a string.

 

 

Pat yourself on the back for having the courage to risk being hurt. You took a shot. That is soooo much more then some adults can do but you were brave enough to try. It didn't work out but you learned something -- don't put stuff like this on FB! Again, another lesson some adults haven't quite grasped.

 

 

Keep eating healthy. Study. Play sports. Hang with your friends & talk to supportive people -- including <gasp!> your mom & dad. Ask them about the 1st time they got rejected. I promise their tale of whoa will make you feel better because you aren't the only one.

 

 

She doesn't think bad things about you so there is no reason to be awkward at your club meeting, even though that will be hard. I forget the comedian who said it but go ahead & be yourself; everyone else is taken. lol. Focus on what made you want to be in the club in the first place & don't pay so much attention to her.

 

 

Another insight -- you may have simply scared her. When I was a freshman the Captain of the freshman football team asked me out. You would think any HS girl would be thrilled at that. I thought it had to be a cruel joke & I ran away from him. He didn't talk to me again until senior year when he told me how much I hurt him. In turn I confessed that he scared me & I didn't believe he liked me. I honestly thought he had been setting me up to be the butt of a school wide joke. He was horrified that I could think that about him. I pointed out that 4 years earlier I didn't know him. We never did date but I share this story with you to show you that there may be factors in play that you are not aware of.

[preraph]

Unfortunately, she did say she didn't feel the same way. If she even thought she might be interested, she wouldn't have been quite so direct, because it's hard to say that to a guy, knowing you hurt them, which is why she's hugging you now, because she probably does feel bad about it. But apparently the attraction is simply not there for her. Every girl is different though. They all do care about appearance, of course, but each one is different what they find attractive or unattractive, so you can't tailor yourself to someone like that.

 

All but a lucky few are socially awkward at your age. Most of us grow out of it with experience. The good thing is you let her know you were interested. Lots of guys kind of sneak around and act like they're not and act like they're just friends and think something will change, but girls have no problem being friends with guys, and guys do seem to not be able to be "just friends" with most girls, so they end up wasting a lot of time and emotion. But you made your romantic intent known like a man. So good for you. Just because it didn't work on her doesn't mean some other girl won't like you.

 

In fact, right now you have a window of opportunity, so don't miss it. Now that she and probably some of her friends know you're datable, even though she may have not been feeling it, one of her friends or someone else in that circle may have been thinking, "I wish he'd ask ME out." So don't focus on her at those meetings. Instead you keep your eyes open for any girls who are looking your way, smiling at you, or making contact with you, because they are the ones who may be interested. Good luck. You'll be fine.