innerspaces Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Hi All, I post about two months ago regarding my LDR and said that I was confused about my LDR BF wanting 'space' even though I'm on the other side of the world. Since then I've relaxed and lot and just took a step back to see what would happen, and to my pleasant surprise he consistently showed up and contacted me and made an effort to be there regarding my relationship needs / needs to talk. For whatever reason today he has brought up this kind of cyclical issue we have, saying he doesn't want to feel 'obligated' or 'required' to respond to my texts all the time -- that I shouldn't get upset if he goes a day without contacting me because hes busy. I'm kind of confused because in the last two months hes made an effort do to this, and it seems to be working, and now again he seems to be irritated / suffocated at the prospect of having to 'always respond'. Just to be clear I'm not asking that he call me every day or have long text conversations, just a 'hello how was your day' text of text. On top of this he said he likes not talking to me for days at a time occassionally because it makes him 'yearn for me more in a different way' - He says he misses me every day etc. but a few days or a week of no contact makes him miss me more, or makes him more eager to talk to me. I feel like this is kind of immature and unrealistic ask to get me to play 'hard to get' or some such.. and would result in me having to 'fake' being busy to get him to feel this. Just to be clear I have a life, I work hard and play hard and have lots of friends, but never find that it gets in the way of me being able to say hello to him daily. I just don't get it. What's rubbing me the wrong way even more is during this same conversation he said he wanted to sign up on this app that lets you find people in your area that smoke weed to hang out with. The actual app description says its for finding 'like minded community' of marijuana smokers or whatever.. but some reviews I have read said its Tinder for pot smokers. I told him this makes me extremely uncomfortable as I'm on the other side of the world and he would be meeting people (men and women?) that he has no mutual friends or history with, strangers from the internet basically, to get high with. His take on it is that he has no friends, wants to meet new people, and that he would only meet up with these people platonically and make it clear that he has a girlfriend. I feel that its really inappropriate to put yourself in a situation with someone that could be looking to date you. He accused me of not trusting him when I voiced these concerns. Does anyone else have experience with this kind of thing? Partners meeting new people through thinly veiled dating apps while in an LDR? I want him to make friends and be happy, and I feel that I trust him, but I simultaneously don't like the idea of this app stuff. Any suggestions or thoughts would be very much appreciated... thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Give up and stop wasting your time. He is not that interested in you any more. Go find yourself a real bf, one you can hug and talk to in the real world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author innerspaces Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 Hi, We have been together for 2 years in person, and he is the one that wanted to do long distance as I'm in another country for 6 months for contract work. He also is taking care of my car and things. So there is a lot of faith in the relationship and a lot of trust and history already. I don't think it is as simple as 'he isn't interested' ... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Sounds like he's not much into the long distance penpal thing. The last time you wrote, I asked if he was fine about you moving away for work or if he had reservations - but you didn't reply. Thing is, not everyone is cut out for playing second fiddle to their partner's work. You took a huge gamble by moving away - you now have to see if that gamble pays off. Oops, we cross posted. Perhaps my advice was wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Author innerspaces Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 Hi there, Sorry I didn't respond to that message. He was almost abnormally supportive of my move. He's even said that if I want to spend a few extra months here he is okay with that and might come visit me if that is the case. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 Hi there, Sorry I didn't respond to that message. He was almost abnormally supportive of my move. He's even said that if I want to spend a few extra months here he is okay with that and might come visit me if that is the case. He loves you so much he wants extra time away from you??? "he doesn't want to feel 'obligated' or 'required' to respond to my texts all the time" He said he wanted "space", he wants go hang out with other people via a "dating" app. Listen to what he is telling you here. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 He wants a relationship with somebody local. Unless one of you has a definite date by which you will relocate, this LDR has run it's course. Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author innerspaces Posted March 5, 2016 Author Share Posted March 5, 2016 I'm returning home in 2 months.. it's not that long. o.o Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I'm returning home in 2 months.. it's not that long. o.o No not long, but he is distancing himself from you here, and you need to work out why. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 5, 2016 Share Posted March 5, 2016 I'm returning home in 2 months.. it's not that long. o.o If he can't wait 8 weeks you really need to figure out why. There may be nothing for you to come home to expect a pothead who has slept with a bunch of like minded women & will then cry that it just happened because he was stoned Link to post Share on other sites
Elwood Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 I was in a LDR and my ex did something similar. At one time we texted every day, phone, etc. Near the end she started to distance herself from me. She said the same thing to me, "I'm busy" "We don't have to talk everyday". She was setting me up for the break up. I don't know if that is what your boyfriend is doing but it seems similar. I don't want you to give up hope but what I learned was that when she really liked me the contact was effortless. She contacted me all the time. Once here interest was gone so was the communication. See if you can go several days with no contact and see if he reaches out. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted March 6, 2016 Share Posted March 6, 2016 Do him a favor: break up for the best, for both. he doesn't want to feel 'obligated' or 'required' to respond to my texts all the time [...] he said he likes not talking to me for days at a time occassionally because it makes him 'yearn for me more in a different way' [...] he said he wanted to sign up on this app that lets you find people in your area that smoke weed to hang out with. [...] His take on it is that he has no friends, wants to meet new people, and that he would only meet up with these people platonically and make it clear that he has a girlfriend. I feel that its really inappropriate to put yourself in a situation with someone that could be looking to date you. He accused me of not trusting him when I voiced these concerns. I would have answered: No, I can't trust a guy who's looking forward to getting high with unknown people. And even if I could, I wouldn't trust strangers getting high. Plus, I'd have a good reason not to trust any of the bunch, because I have indirect experience of bad tricks played for fun, substances added to drinks that sent people to coma due to overdose. You can't trust strangers. Sorry. So that's where you need to go your separate ways. There's no being tolerant. Being tolerant about smoking weed might have been OK in the '60s and '70s, not in 2016. The world changed considerably since then. Drugs did too. Come to terms with that. There's nothing natural about it, unless you grow your own plants and are 101% sure of what you're using. Which is impossible in most cases, or would get you in serious trouble in most cases. Being with him right now is just a bad idea. Cut ties immediately. Have someone pick up your stuff at his place ASAP, car included. Be happy and don't look back. It's for the best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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