Is my relationship beyond repair?

[Hanker]

This is going to be a long one so if you take the time to read its entirety and respond thank you in advance.

 

I am 20 and my girlfriend is 21. We have been dating for what will be 5 years (in April). Clearly we love each other a lot but have been on what seems a downward spiral. About two years into our relationship we were broken up by my parents who discovered we were having sex. We decided to discretely stay together and managed to see each other once a week or every other. I began partying a lot and cheated on her with three or four girls over the course of the summer, no intercourse but still sexual hookups. . I told her a few weeks later and vowed to her it would never happen again (and three years later it hasn't). I changed a ton of things about my life (crowd I hung out with, stopped partying almost all together, stopped any communication with the girls I cheated on her with.) I tried to be as supportive as possible and mend our relationship. Things got better after a few months and everything started looking upwards.

 

Fast forwards till this year and my girlfriend recently told me she cheated on me with an older friend at a party she hasn't spoken to for a few years. I got angry that they hung out in the first place and she said things like "atleast I didn't hookup with him like you did to me years ago" before revealing she actually did a few days later. She swore it was a one time screw up and it would never happen again. We stayed together but she continued to party every weekend and some weekdays. A week later I saw him and her texting eachother and freaked out about that because I felt I had been betrayed a second time. She blocked his number. A month or two later she came on a trip with my family to Cuba. On the trip my sister instigated an argument with my girlfriend which led to my mother screaming at my girlfriend. I do think the blame is on my family for instigating and elevating the fight but some blame is on my girlfriend for arguing and yelling back.

 

My girlfriend still goes out and parties multiple times a week and doesn't hangout with me or text or call as often as before. We have had many big fights lately because I feel as though she doesn't care that she cheated on me because she doesn't really make an effort to see me or talk to me because partying is her first priority ( she attributed this to just wanting to be a kid). And I don't blame her but I don't want to be on the back burner because I'm not really into the party scene. I feel I annoy her when I want to talk about how I'm feeling but she doesn't care. She also doesn't like hanging out because she resents my parents for interfering with our relationship over the years. We both say we want to work through this but things are looking dim. Does anyone have any experience in this or any advice to offer? Is my relationship too bad to save or even worth saving. I mean I have been with this girl for 5 years through many ups and downs in both of our lives but we always had eachofher and I'm not sure if we do anymore. Thanks if you took the time to read this any advice is appreciated.

 

Ps: just this week I saw her and him liking and commenting on each others social media pages so that was a whole new fight and me feeling betrayed a third time.

[almond]

Yes unfortunately, it is absolutely beyond repair. She is refusing to stop contacting this other guy - it's totally, 100% over with.

 

You're young - let this one go. Learn lessons from it, spend some time alone establishing your independence and exploring the world. You both need that now, and it's painfully obvious.

 

Settle down again when you're ready. But this relationship needs to end now - it is going nowhere fast.

[moebius]

You cheated on each other. She looks not so interested in you anymore. Yes, break up and stop suffering. You are going to hurt each other more and more until you finally break up. Do it now and save you both a lot of pain.

[road]

Maybe your parents saw she was not a good DIL material.

 

 

Though you sunk this relationship when you cheated on her. Just because she kept seeing you did not mean she got over it. She still saw you after you cheated because she did not know how to break off cleanly with you.

 

 

She still does not know how. And or she is done with you and wants to hurt you back and is rubbing this OM in your face.

 

 

Any way proper response to a affair is not a revenge affair, RA.

 

 

This relationship is toast.

[smackie9]

Your situation is not uncommon. You both are not the same people from 5 years ago.....you both are growing up, developing physically and mentally into mature adults.

 

The reality is you both are denying the best years of your youth, to explore new experiences, and date other people. It is important to go through different relationships to gain experience and to learn what you want out of life.....basically it prepares you for marriage.

 

It would be beneficial to you both if you just moved on, close this chapter in your life, and start a new one. She's going to be wanting to hit the clubs, flirt and have fun...this is her direction....you seem focused to establish a relationship, and build a future...you both have just grown apart....now it's time to part ways.

[ah10]

I think it is beyond repair. It is a commonly accepted view that when women cheat, it usually means that they are moving away emotionally from their primary partner to the next one. Women do it to often fill the emotional void inside them. In your girlfriend's case, this may be true, especially since she seems to be actually cutting down on communication between you two

 

I think she is also correct in being angry with your family because they shouldn't have an instigated an argument with a guest on the trip. This issue is an add-on obviously but I don't think that it's the main problem.

 

You should amicably part ways with her. Don't keep much resentment towards her. Plus you two have grown up to be in two different places in your lives. An exact same thing had happened with my friend and his girlfriend when they were around your age. In his case, the girl went further and actually started sleeping with another guy for a prolonged time. But her excuses to my friend were very similar to the ones you have mentioned.

[d0nnivain]

Most relationships don't survive the transition from childhood to adulthood. You both have out grown each other. It's time to find out what the rest of the world has to offer.

[Satu]

As a friend of mine once said to her bf:

 

"You did me some good, and you did me some bad, and now its time to say goodbye."

 

Take care.