morbidangel666 Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I am new to this but would like some advice. I have been married for about 8 years now. I am happy with my husband, we have a good relationship but I find my self not very attracted to him anymore. I am a very sexual person and love sex. Everytime I feel the need I go to my husband for satisfaction however it always seems that i am not completely satisfied, like something is missing. I now seem to find myself not that attracted to my husband and thinking about being with other men. I havent cheated yet and dont want to but these urges keep getting stonger and stronger. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by morbidangel666 I am new to this but would like some advice. I have been married for about 8 years now. I am happy with my husband, we have a good relationship but I find my self not very attracted to him anymore. I am a very sexual person and love sex. Everytime I feel the need I go to my husband for satisfaction however it always seems that i am not completely satisfied, like something is missing. I now seem to find myself not that attracted to my husband and thinking about being with other men. I havent cheated yet and dont want to but these urges keep getting stonger and stronger. Any advice? Have you actually TALKED to him about this? Lack of communication is the #1 contributor to failed marriages/relationships. Perhaps if you talked to him about it, you could come to a satisfactory resolution. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morbidangel666 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 I have discussed how I feel about this with him and he doesnt realy do anything. He just says he like the way things are between us and he is sexually satisfied and is doing he best he can. He states that he isnt into sex as much as I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Hello, I would strongly suggest that you get both of you into marriage counseling at once. You also need to ask your yourself are you willing to get divorced and start over because if you start cheating the chances are great that this may indeed happen. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by morbidangel666 I have discussed how I feel about this with him and he doesnt realy do anything. He just says he like the way things are between us and he is sexually satisfied and is doing he best he can. He states that he isnt into sex as much as I am. Ouch. Try counseling first. Can you do anything to get him more motivated for sex? Like...spice it up a bit? Shrug. What do I know, I'm not married. Link to post Share on other sites
ImaManDammit Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Is this issue with your husband only sexual? Because if everything else is good with the relationship then generally the sex is usually good. You say you talked to him about this and he didn't really do anything? Is he like that with other things? For you to think about being with other men just for the reason of an unsatifactory sex life, when you say you are very happy within him doesn't sound right. The other side of the coin is, if you are truly happy in other areas, how did you approach the issue with him? Did you just tell him that you found sex unsatisifying and him unattractive? If you did, that would put any guy off. Maybe an approach to take is talking about lead a better lifestyle to help him shape up, live well and bring a healthy look about him. As far as sex, tell him what you like to try and discuss new things. This assume your relationship is as strong as you say it is on other fronts. Otherwise if you relationship is shakey, sex is only part of the problem and the one symptom that is usual visible. Then I suggest perhaps some couples counselling. And always communicate, not to be critical but to be heard and understood. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I feel for your situation........although it is odd to hear this from a female! don't get me wrong but I am sure you know that it's usually the men that do the complaining about wanting more sex tee,hee,hee this is cute. Now - onto some serious business........have you tried toys? Have you tried taunting and teasing him until he is ready to burst if he does'nt get a piece of you? Sometimes driving your partner crazy with anticipation makes YOU feel more sexy and more desired and may replace that feeling of distance or of something that is missing. THAT may be what you are missing? What about "role play" have you tried that? Rather than a new man? bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Originally posted by morbidangel666 I have discussed how I feel about this with him and he doesnt realy do anything. He just says he like the way things are between us and he is sexually satisfied and is doing he best he can. He states that he isnt into sex as much as I am. Why not buy some sex toys and have some fun together too. I'm sure once he is part of the "play" time, he'll want it more and more...Turn him on. Get him to use a vibe on you. If this isn't appealing to him then it's time to head to MC. Maybe you are just not that attracted to him period. I don't know. It could also be the 7-8 year itch and you're bored sexually with him. Which is why sex toys or some porn might heat up the action. Discuss this with him or just go ahead and try it! He may just LOVE that surprise! I think it's a frame of mind one gets themselves into. Try to convince yourself he is enough for you. The other senario of cheating just for sex isn't a good idea. The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. Everybody knows that. Are there any other needs that you feel he isn't meeting? Communication is huge right now, you're at a dangerous point. I think you need to come completely clean and tell him everything that you've written down here. Tell him you don't have any intention of cheating but the idea of it gets you going. Maybe he'll see and understand this as a bigger issue and not brush it under the rug. Don't give up and keep talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
UltimateZen Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Role play. Always a way to spice up the sex life and send you over the edge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morbidangel666 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Thanks for all the advice. I did confront him in a calm and understanding way. He has definitely gained alot of weight since we have been married. He isnt up to doing any kind of exercises to get him in shape. I recently joined a gym and asked him to go with me and he said hed rather stay home and for me to go and have fun. As for trying out new things, everytime I try he states he is not into that kind of stuff and he didnt marry a porn star. I dont know what is up with him. He was okay when we first got married. It seems like when he started gaining weight it just went down hill for him. He also doesnt last very long in bed. I try to tell him that is not my main concern. Just being sexually active with him in some way satisfies me. Any advice on what activities gets you guys realy going? Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Spontaneity, don't wait till you are in the bed at night. What turns me on the most is having my woman initiate sex at different times and places of the day. Routine is a real passion killer IMO! Link to post Share on other sites
Author morbidangel666 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 Thats a good idea tudor but I am at work form 6 am and dont get home until 8 pm. I have two kids to take care of when I get home so the usual time for us is bed time. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I didn't mean to imply it was an easy thing to do but that is why it adds so much. You have to go out of your way some times to break the routine. But breaking the routine is all it takes some times to add some flavor and get the juices flowing again. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Sounds like he is feeling terrible about the way that he looks. You know, everyone needs validation. either from your spouce or from your friends or even from a stranger giving you a "I think you are attractive..." look or nod. Maybe since his weight gain he is not being validated and it is belittling his ego? I agree with statement that was made about "routine is a passion killer" ABSOLUTLY 100%!!!!!! Jump on him when he walk through the door. Tee, hee, hee.......... bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 I posted my "jump on him when he gets through the door" BEFORE I read your work times and that you have two children. Get the kids busy with SOMETHING and go to the bathroom, call him as if you need his help for something......don't scare him.......once he comes to the bathroom door - grab him and pull him in. Grope - Kiss - and Grab everyhting! Tell him that you need to feel him inside you just for 2 min - please, please, please Baby! I'd be willing to bet he goes for it! If he does'nt? There is something seriously wrong with him. He could be feeling financial pressure. He could be feeling like he "does'nt matter" anymore......it could be a number of things that women go through also. bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
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