Fresh start tomorrow [UPDATE]

[sorano]

I original post is called "so much pain". Let me know if you can't find it and I'll write my story again

 

I found your story. I was never in that situation. Its one of those things where there are no answers. why it happened. I mean, I can sit here and say if he really loved you, he would have stayed and worked it out. But I just dont know. All we can do right now is to let it out and talk. This forum is great. Total strangers talking about there pain. I thought I had the answers to everything long time ago about relationships. But each time I meet someone, I learn something new.

[Emaize3]

Kztar, I'm 100% with you! God saw my pain..and my tears from so many failed relationships. He knew that I did not need any more unesessary pain. I've had enough! There is no lesson. I could've just not been without my ex if it was going to cause more pain. I really don't know how to ever believe that I can keep a relationship anymore. I don't need this pain and its literally ruined my future. I'm very angry. I'm 47- all lessons learned!

[Murek]

100% In our minds, we think our ex's were IT. But like you said, one will come into our lives and show us what love really is. we haven't found it yet

 

Actually, I never once thought she was the one. I never do to anybody.

To each their own I suppose.

 

I was single for a very long time. I could not find anyone. I prayed. Then I met my ex. same as you, I thought she was the one. I was so happy. Everything was falling into place, I was back out dating, I wasn't single anymore, and that talk came up. FAMILY. I was so excited.

 

I did so much for her and put 101% in that relationship. I went ALL OUT. But, if she really did love me or had any feelings, she would have stayed. Facing the thought that she wasn't meant to be, is hard. In our mind, our ex's are still the ones for us, even though they did wrong and in some way weren't compatible. This is the hard part.

 

I think god put these people in our lives for a reason. chance at love, or maybe change us? teach us something? I don't know. The first two weeks I was praying all hateful things on my ex. I wished karma on her, I prayed that she would suffer, etc. Now I pray to god to heal me. I am using prayer not for her, but for me. so it makes it better. I did say one for her, bc she needs it. she needs it more than me.

 

Unfortunately for some I am not a pious person. Life throws **** at you, and truthfully I deal with it in a unique way. Either the person wants to be in your life or not.

 

Enough is enough, stop putting them on a pedestal - not out of anger, or some draught emotion that swivels their tiny existence into your head only to rot you of sanity. Look, I love my ex this is something that wont go away. However don't take this as a plea for false hope. I've come to terms with not being with them, and possibly never being with them ever again and i am completely okay with that. I harbour no ill feelings, when I think about it I feel absolutely nothing in regards of angst or anxiety - I don't feel sad. Truthfully, I do not care if she comes back in my life or does not. I do not concern myself with the motives of what if. I do not care if she truly meant anything by her love for me. I refuse to be stepped over and used, she is gone and I am more than happy to let her go if this is what she wants despite what hurts.

 

be kind, be compassionate, be empathetic, be understanding for they themselves have their own journey to go on. But do not let someone walk all over you, because you're a kind soul - stand your ground and if they feel the need to play games then up and leave regardless if it hurts or not.

[sorano]

Ding dong. Same thing happened to me. I was single for four years although living my life to the fullest. Yet I was hoping to meet someone special one day and I thought he was IT. And he was the IT that o didn't want to bump into. I know these people come into our lives for a reason but to me, this is just unnecessary pain. I don't need it to grow or learn more, I don't care what so ever. I wish God just stops placing all these idiots in my life and just sending me the one. I'm tired of hurting over people who are not worthy. Maybe it's just me. I look back at my exes and I feel like they really didn't teach me crap. They taught me that love is non existent these days, very rare for some. Other than that, what I want in a person has not changed. I don't get why daring has to be so difficult.

 

I am still in disbelief on what happened to me. unnecessary pain is a understatement. Looking at what you wrote, its as if I wrote it. I feel the same way.

[sorano]

murek, that is why I put my foot down two days ago and made this thread. I am not going to let another human being walk all over me, make me feel like crap and make me go through this. Enough is enough and its time to move on. I know for a fact my ex won't come back. she won't. I know her very well and I came to terms with that. I try everyday to be positive, compassionate and kind. Are there times I feel sad, angry? sure. certain things trigger those emotions. But its something new that I am going through and have to learn.

 

Listen, before this girl, I had gf's ok. we broke up, drifted away, etc. I didn't give a rats ass if they left or not. I built a immunity to women. I used to be bad ass and not care. ok you left, good, go away and have a great life. I was like that for years!!

 

But this one, this new one who broke my heart, I wasn't like that with her. There was some kind of connection we had. I loved her so very much. That old me, was gone. I was shocked. My friends even told me, wow, you changed. Maybe she came into my life to change and be nicer and more open to women? Not be so hateful? I don't know!!!

 

all I know is, this woman, really did turn my world upside down. I never had a woman make me feel this way or hurt.

[Murek]

Ding dong. Same thing happened to me. I was single for four years although living my life to the fullest. Yet I was hoping to meet someone special one day and I thought he was IT. And he was the IT that o didn't want to bump into. I know these people come into our lives for a reason but to me, this is just unnecessary pain. I don't need it to grow or learn more, I don't care what so ever. I wish God just stops placing all these idiots in my life and just sending me the one. I'm tired of hurting over people who are not worthy. Maybe it's just me. I look back at my exes and I feel like they really didn't teach me crap. They taught me that love is non existent these days, very rare for some. Other than that, what I want in a person has not changed. I don't get why daring has to be so difficult.

 

There is at no age, a barrier to stop learning or growing as a person.

 

The owner of the company I work for found love at the age of 64. he is married and is very happy as well. If you refuse to learn or grow then you stay stagnant at the same position. If you're beaten down by another team in a sport and continue to do the same game plan, then truly what does that make you.

 

You're ex's do not teach you anything, the situation does. Love is existent but from what you've ushered out - you sound utterly bitter with a scorn outlook on love. Love isn't rare, its not even non existent it hasn't changed from my generation to yours.

[sorano]

crazy part is, I workout at bev francis gym. any of you guys can look it up on the internet. especially if you are from new york, you know bev francis gym. Its the east coast version of golds gym in california or venice beach. From movie stars to professional body builders and world famous athletes train here. There are so many hot women, I even dated a few women in there late 40's lol, so many sexy hot women right, yet? Not one of them is appealing to me at this point. I look away. wild ****

[Murek]

murek, that is why I put my foot down two days ago and made this thread. I am not going to let another human being walk all over me, make me feel like crap and make me go through this. Enough is enough and its time to move on. I know for a fact my ex won't come back. she won't. I know her very well and I came to terms with that. I try everyday to be positive, compassionate and kind. Are there times I feel sad, angry? sure. certain things trigger those emotions. But its something new that I am going through and have to learn.

 

Listen, before this girl, I had gf's ok. we broke up, drifted away, etc. I didn't give a rats ass if they left or not. I built a immunity to women. I used to be bad ass and not care. ok you left, good, go away and have a great life. I was like that for years!!

 

But this one, this new one who broke my heart, I wasn't like that with her. There was some kind of connection we had. I loved her so very much. That old me, was gone. I was shocked. My friends even told me, wow, you changed. Maybe she came into my life to change and be nicer and more open to women? Not be so hateful? I don't know!!!

 

all I know is, this woman, really did turn my world upside down. I never had a woman make me feel this way or hurt.

 

I'm glad. I've spent far to many occasions in these situations with numerous people in general. Your immunity should be to refuse to be used that is all my friend . I'm glad you're holding strong now.

[kztar]

There is at no age, a barrier to stop learning or growing as a person.

 

The owner of the company I work for found love at the age of 64. he is married and is very happy as well. If you refuse to learn or grow then you stay stagnant at the same position. If you're beaten down by another team in a sport and continue to do the same game plan, then truly what does that make you.

 

You're ex's do not teach you anything, the situation does. Love is existent but from what you've ushered out - you sound utterly bitter with a scorn outlook on love. Love isn't rare, its not even non existent it hasn't changed from my generation to yours.

 

That's great for him. Ill probably be DEAD by 64. By then who cares about love? NOT ME for a fact. I would call that a companion and I would really settle for someone who is looking for the same by then. Just company to not die alone would be sufficient for me. I won't look as good, will not be able to have children at that age or passionate sex. By then LIFE IS ALMOST over if we are still alive. I would want to share children, young life experiences and that I will not be able to do at such old age. After you're 30 its all downhill so.....

 

Every time a new guy comes in the picture, he continues proving that love is almost non-existent these days. We all just want to mingle, look good and have sex and thats OK, but then lets just not be committed. I was single for four years, dating but no commitments, I had everything that a relationship required minus the emotional attachment and guess what, I didn't get my heart broken then. Then this guy comes in the picture to sweep me off my feet and prevent me from living my NON-attached life to then say "hey, im sorry but I dont feel like putting in any work on this". I do not appreciate that AT ALL The situation teaches me nothing. It makes me close my heart up to avoid going through this same annoying process YET AGAIN. I refuse to go through this ever again, even if it means marrying someone just to be married but walk away when needed. No one has time and energy for this nonsense.

 

We all one to have fun and meet the "perfect" person when in reality there is no SUCH thing. Perfect = commitment.

 

People say im glad I went through a heartbreak, I say I wish I would have never experienced one. I rather get physical pain for years than a heartbreak. Physical pain can be somewhat controlled. This unfortunately NO and it sadly makes me annoyed at having to get through it.

 

Just my opinion and personal beliefs.

[kztar]

Kztar, I'm 100% with you! God saw my pain..and my tears from so many failed relationships. He knew that I did not need any more unesessary pain. I've had enough! There is no lesson. I could've just not been without my ex if it was going to cause more pain. I really don't know how to ever believe that I can keep a relationship anymore. I don't need this pain and its literally ruined my future. I'm very angry. I'm 47- all lessons learned!

 

Let's just hope that GOD allows us to see the light in all of this, because honestly im getting annoyed at all these "lessons". I rather be learning something else. SMH

[kztar]

I am still in disbelief on what happened to me. unnecessary pain is a understatement. Looking at what you wrote, its as if I wrote it. I feel the same way.

 

I hope that this pain fades ASAP because honestly I wish I had a delete button in my life. My EX would be the first thing completely gone. I would wake up so happy. GRRR

[sorano]

I just got back from the gym and my endorphin's are so high I have no idea how I am going to go to bed later!!! The gym has always been my therapy. Now? I can see how much it really helps. start working out people. Its better than medicine.

 

I spoke to one of my good friends tonight, who is a professional body builder and told me to buy a book that may interest me and help me. Its called SPARK.

 

I believe it was written by a doctor, who used certain aerobic activities to re program the brain, alter the brain, produce the good hormones and improve the receptors in the brain, similar to what paxil, prozac, effexor do. He used it on depressed people, kids that had trouble learning, etc. He immediately thought about me and said you need to read this and it won't hurt. It may change your life. so now, I have ANOTHER TOOL to help me through this break up.

 

everyday, I am learning something new, trying new things.

[kztar]

I just got back from the gym and my endorphin's are so high I have no idea how I am going to go to bed later!!! The gym has always been my therapy. Now? I can see how much it really helps. start working out people. Its better than medicine.

 

I spoke to one of my good friends tonight, who is a professional body builder and told me to buy a book that may interest me and help me. Its called SPARK.

 

I believe it was written by a doctor, who used certain aerobic activities to re program the brain, alter the brain, produce the good hormones and improve the receptors in the brain, similar to what paxil, prozac, effexor do. He used it on depressed people, kids that had trouble learning, etc. He immediately thought about me and said you need to read this and it won't hurt. It may change your life. so now, I have ANOTHER TOOL to help me through this break up.

 

everyday, I am learning something new, trying new things.

 

Will buy this. Thank you for the information Sorano.

[sorano]

I hope that this pain fades ASAP because honestly I wish I had a delete button in my life. My EX would be the first thing completely gone. I would wake up so happy. GRRR

 

I would love to delete my ex. wish I was never put through this pain. I didn't deserve this bc I was a good damn person before her. Now Im a changed person. Is it for the better? no clue. But she ruined me.

 

Hopefully I start to get better and better, improve, start finding women attractive again, get back my sex drive, and live a normal happy life.

 

This saturday I am going to my vitamin doctor. I am very well educated in herbs, vitamins and minerals, but together with an expert, I want to create a cocktail of healthy supplements that I don't know about or are new and get better.

 

plus, I get to check my hormone levels. If there low, I can bump them up. Any guy on here that had there testosterone increase, you know how fun that is lol :eek:

[sorano]

Will buy this. Thank you for the information Sorano.

 

Im ordring it right now on amazon.

 

when I was going to my neurologist, I got sick from anti depressants. so I had chronic fatigue which was one of the lingering side effects. The withdrawal effects from effexor was worse than heroin.

 

He told me to run. Do aerobics. so tonight I put two and two together. The book spark, and what my neurologist said, aerobics and cardio. There has to be a connection and what it does to the brain.

[Emaize3]

Good for you Sorano. I'm going to join the gym this weekend.

 

Kztar- you are angry girl! And guess what? I feel exactly like you. I feel so betrayed, guys wanting no commitment and then -boom- here comes Prince Charming (likes kids, fine with commitment, etc). and what does he do? Same!! He bails and I totally trusted this one! I so feel you!!! I don't know how to trust ever again.

[sorano]

join and enjoy. I always new working out is natures antidepressant. But tonight I learned how and why on a scientific level. cant wait to receive my book in mail. Just spreading some info and maybe it will help us out.

 

Sparking Life :: Optimize your brain function with exercise!

[Murek]

That's great for him. Ill probably be DEAD by 64. By then who cares about love? NOT ME for a fact. I would call that a companion and I would really settle for someone who is looking for the same by then... Just company to not die alone would be sufficient for me. After you're 30 its all downhill so.....

 

Just my opinion and personal beliefs.

 

 

Just an observation here, but you are by far one of the most cynical people I have met.

 

When there is a lifetime of experiences, they have to be sorted to make sense of them and inevitably patterns emerge. When those patterns reveal what is important and what is not, there is a tendency to be irritated when one is forced to deal with what should be no big thing. To be put in a position of having to adjust to what others insist is still important, irritates an already overloaded system.

 

Dreams are now seen that cannot/will-not be fulfilled.

 

All the psychological hurts have accumulated with the can't forget process and feels like the next person who is rude, is going to get it.

 

There can become a feeling of general Malaise from discovering "That's all there is?"

 

Betrayal by people that loved you, betrayal by friends, betrayal by society.

 

Then again, if this is how you see life then truly I feel sorry for you. Hopefully it's just a temporary outlook. I mean.. die at 64 - I don't know where you live but the life expectancy where I live is 81.

[kztar]

Good for you Sorano. I'm going to join the gym this weekend.

 

Kztar- you are angry girl! And guess what? I feel exactly like you. I feel so betrayed, guys wanting no commitment and then -boom- here comes Prince Charming (likes kids, fine with commitment, etc). and what does he do? Same!! He bails and I totally trusted this one! I so feel you!!! I don't know how to trust ever again.

 

It's a tough world out here. My thing is cool you want to date thats fine but don't act like you're in it to win it when you are not sure if a few months later you're going to bail out. Most people walk away when things get tough for different reasons. That is not commitment. My last breakup has been the worst of them all because now that im older I have a better understanding of love. You can't claim to have loved someone at some point but yet never really try to fix the issues as they come. Just seems like people's emotions change like underwear. That is very scary to me because I rather have a FWB for life than have someone tell me "i fell out of love with you" AGAIN. It becomes harder and harder to trust.

[kztar]

I would love to delete my ex. wish I was never put through this pain. I didn't deserve this bc I was a good damn person before her. Now Im a changed person. Is it for the better? no clue. But she ruined me.

 

Hopefully I start to get better and better, improve, start finding women attractive again, get back my sex drive, and live a normal happy life.

 

This saturday I am going to my vitamin doctor. I am very well educated in herbs, vitamins and minerals, but together with an expert, I want to create a cocktail of healthy supplements that I don't know about or are new and get better.

 

plus, I get to check my hormone levels. If there low, I can bump them up. Any guy on here that had there testosterone increase, you know how fun that is lol :eek:

 

Yeah my sex drive has been like zero to -10 LOL. It's a good thing because Im single so too much sex drive means I'd have to use my resources, LOL my whores that are always available and call it a day. Im trying to live a more descent life than before because I was doing WAY too much. But yes lets get back to that NORMAL HAPPY LIFE. I think that is the main goal right now for all of us. I think next time we need to be careful choosing our partners and take some time to get to know them.

[kztar]

Just an observation here, but you are by far one of the most cynical people I have met.

 

When there is a lifetime of experiences, they have to be sorted to make sense of them and inevitably patterns emerge. When those patterns reveal what is important and what is not, there is a tendency to be irritated when one is forced to deal with what should be no big thing. To be put in a position of having to adjust to what others insist is still important, irritates an already overloaded system.

 

Dreams are now seen that cannot/will-not be fulfilled.

 

All the psychological hurts have accumulated with the can't forget process and feels like the next person who is rude, is going to get it.

 

There can become a feeling of general Malaise from discovering "That's all there is?"

 

Betrayal by people that loved you, betrayal by friends, betrayal by society.

 

Then again, if this is how you see life then truly I feel sorry for you. Hopefully it's just a temporary outlook. I mean.. die at 64 - I don't know where you live but the life expectancy where I live is 81.

 

Join the club buddy. I live in NYC . I've been close to dying possibly about 2-4 times.Two of those times recent years and thankfully here I am to share my survival stories, while others have been in the same situation and unfortunately are not in this world to share their stories. SO LIFE EXPECTANCY is when GOD decides you go. Some go earlier and some go later. I would love to live that long only if im healthy. If im suffering of anything, I rather be taken away.

[sorano]

Hope everyone is doing well today. Our goal is to make our lives better every single day. Won't happen over night. But chip away at it. Today I woke up feeling good. I said, I could give two ****s if my ex is over me or happier and moved on. Good. God bless bc the next guy in line will have his hands full.

 

This is my time. I went above and beyond for her, now I'm going above and beyond for myself. That is when great things start to happen. Just do you right now, get better and let karma take care of the rest. It's in her hands.

[kztar]

Hope everyone is doing better and moving forward . Happy Monday everyone.

[sorano]

yes... Happy monday and have a good week! Had a little set back but I should be ok.

[keiji]

Thinking about her more than usual today, for no particular reasons. But the onslaughts are getting much easier to hold back as weeks go by. Don't give up!