Fresh start tomorrow [UPDATE]

[Emaize3]

Happy Monday. I'm feeling better.. Hope you are too!

[andie1969]

Feeling a bit better today too, the sunshine must be helping. I was afraid the time change was going to have me so down today. Today is day 8 of no contact. I got so little done at work last week that I'm throwing myself into it today. I'm also listening to upbeat music on Pandora while I work...any sappy love songs get a big thumbs down lol!

 

I'm going to a charity dinner event tomorrow night, we were going to go together but I'm taking my daughter instead. It will be nice to get out around people I haven't seen in ages and do something good for the community.

[sorano]

Lets keep this thread going. seems most of us are doing better. Motivate each other and lets get rid of this ****ty feeling!!

[Emaize3]

Agreed, Sorano!

[kztar]

Sorano what happened? set back?

 

Everyone else. So glad to hear we are all doing better. Seems like we are SLOWLY progressing though. Im doing better as well. No where near great but moving forward.

[sorano]

Sorano what happened? set back?

 

Everyone else. So glad to hear we are all doing better. Seems like we are SLOWLY progressing though. Im doing better as well. No where near great but moving forward.

 

**** was wild. I went in my garage right, and found a receipt for a frye bag that I bought my ex for christmas. Yea there crazy expensive but I wasn't mad about the money. I guess the receipt fell out of the bag? I stored all my gifts in the garage.

 

so it just brought back memories of us going to the mall together, shopping, holding hands, being goofy and having a really damn good time. It literally flooded my brain.

 

I was depressed all day. sad, I cried a little, and I could not break the pain. I said to myself, what happened? what is going on? But I came to terms with it and said, I will have these days again. I am only human. I am trying to push these feelings out.

 

Today as well, I still feel a tad sad. I did go to the gym, feel good, but in the back of my mind, its there.

 

I wish this monster never came in my life. Hate hate hate people that promise you **** and me, who fell for it. I thought she was the love of my life. Then just left me. Gone. no closure nothing.

 

THEN TO MAKE IT WORSE, why I also get mad at that rceipt,on christmas, each gift had a little note from her. all said different things. How she is falling in love with me, how I am the one, our future is going to look bright, I cant believe men like you exist. BULL****.....two weeks later after she wrote that, gone. fairy tale bull****.

 

she even wrote me a freakin card for me to ask her to be my gf. I took all those letters, that note, her stupid little notes she would leave in my lunch bag, and burned them all.

 

I even made a little scrap book about us......BURNED. I hope she felt that burn. I will never wish that demon peace. I was living my life, happy, being positive, and being me, a nice person. she came in, turned it upside down, and now I am left with this. To her, she said it was a fairy tale and didnt mean anything. she is fine right now, having a blast and not one flying you know what was giving towards me.

 

Its ok......I will show everyone what I can do. I am not backing down. she wants to play with me and beat me and put me down..........You got the wrong guy. I am not one of these little dumb asses off the street that you can blow smoke up my ass. No.

[kztar]

OMG I think im feeling somewhat similar to you. My ex and his family gave me a whole bunch of XMAS gifts and I liiterally hid everything but when I went to my car, I found this receipt of something he had bought for me and It ruined my DAY.

 

All the promises, the fake BS.

 

My daily thoughts consist of:

 

I gave this guy a chance after initially, not being attracted to him, and knowing we were from two different worlds. But he basically moved mountains for me, he did EVERYTHING to win me, even things he didn't like until he finally had me. Then dump me like garbage after I finally fell for him. I will never forget he told me "I never thought I could get with a girl like you, you're so pretty, friendly and outspoken, and although I know you're going to break my heart, im still going to date you". IRONIC how he was the one who broke my heart right?.

 

I did EVERYTHING for this dude, I drove all the way to LONG ISLAND every damn weekend on that stupid LIE to spend my lovely time with him, switching up MY lifestyle to fit him in, forgetting I had friends, family and other things to do. Yet he complained my life revolved around him but I only saw him on weekends. I tried to adjust the things I liked to do for him. and all for NOTHING. To sit here a year later and say DAMN, I should have seen this coming from the start.

 

Man im sorry im just venting. IM ANGRY TODAY.

[Murek]

You both have so much pent up anger and angst, I understand why but you both need to come to terms with what has happened my friends.

 

Truthfully it will take others years to come to terms with it, while others a matter of days, but this it not the time nor place to discuss how long it will take but rather to suggest that you both stop spending so much time trying to find who the victim is, accept what went down - release yourself from the emotional baggage you still carry. Its much harder to apply than the actual thought process behind it.

 

It's not easy, it's tough, its savage - The constant thoughts drowning your mind of what if, why's, I did everything, you did nothing, it wasn't enough, this and that - my friends let go.. It no longer matters and it sucks to hear.

 

Look, you may ask me "murek, how do you get over it so quickly" Truly, you don't. You come to terms with what has happened and you let what has occurred be in the past. Sure there's the occasional thought that comes by or the struggle to not contact the person - the thought of wanting to be back together the feelings of love etc. As much as I would love to be able to hold my ex the way i did before and mend her troubles, but this is not the place nor the time to figure this out. Patience is virtue.. believe in yourself. Love occurs, it will happen again - whatever they did to you.. its over - their gone.

 

Remind yourself that you are worth every single second and effort from somebody - no more anger, no more resistance; Release yourself.

 

"true love is so hard to find and they say that once you found it you lost your mind" - captial steez

Edited March 16, 2016 by Murek
More to say, don't want to post twice.

[kztar]

You both have so much pent up anger and angst, I understand why but you both need to come to terms with what has happened my friends.

 

Truthfully it will take others years to come to terms with it, while others a matter of days, but this it not the time nor place to discuss how long it will take but rather to suggest that you both stop spending so much time trying to find who the victim is, accept what went down - release yourself from the emotional baggage you still carry. Its much harder to apply than the actual thought process behind it.

 

It's not easy, it's tough, its savage - The constant thoughts drowning your mind of what if, why's, I did everything, you did nothing, it wasn't enough, this and that - my friends let go.. It no longer matters and it sucks to hear.

 

Look, you may ask me "murek, how do you get over it so quickly" Truly, you don't. You come to terms with what has happened and you let what has occurred be in the past. Sure there's the occasional thought that comes by or the struggle to not contact the person - the thought of wanting to be back together the feelings of love etc. As much as I would love to be able to hold my ex the way i did before and mend her troubles, but this is not the place nor the time to figure this out. Patience is virtue.. believe in yourself. Love occurs, it will happen again - whatever they did to you.. its over - their gone.

 

Remind yourself that you are worth every single second and effort from somebody - no more anger, no more resistance; Release yourself.

 

"true love is so hard to find and they say that once you found it you lost your mind" - captial steez

 

Hey Murek, I get it. Coming to terms with things is easier said than done.

 

I totally get it it's DONE. There is no going back. However although these are "lessons" I don't think they are a requirement for growth.

 

Sadly this breakup, just reminded me how much I hate all of my other EX's as well and it brought up emotions from ALL breakups and it made me even more angry.

 

Thanks for the advise though. I shall try .

[sorano]

Murek I know. That's all I will say.

[sorano]

Your telling me stuff that I already know. I know. I'm not trying to be a dick but., I understand lol.

 

The people I know, who I hung out with, my family values, play a huge role on how I forgve someone, trust someone, what I expect in return, etc etc. all that stuff. Trust loyalty honesty everything. When you give me the horns, your done. Is it the right way to be? No. But it never failed bc I never disrespected anyone, lied to someone, or tret them like garbage for no reason or pull off what my ex did. Old school italian values. So I react different than you. We take things a tad more personal. If you knew who, you will understand. I can't say more than that.

 

I am a better person. I am making changes. I did come to terms with it. I don't want her back. It's over. I don't wish her harm. I hope she finds what she is looking for.

[sorano]

I'm also 34. For me, being 20 and falling in love and 30? two different things. cant compare. Just my opinion. search search search for years...Think you find the one, get lied to, then you get dropped. each person will react different to the situation and where they are at what point in there life

[sorano]

OMG I think im feeling somewhat similar to you. My ex and his family gave me a whole bunch of XMAS gifts and I liiterally hid everything but when I went to my car, I found this receipt of something he had bought for me and It ruined my DAY.

 

All the promises, the fake BS.

 

My daily thoughts consist of:

 

I gave this guy a chance after initially, not being attracted to him, and knowing we were from two different worlds. But he basically moved mountains for me, he did EVERYTHING to win me, even things he didn't like until he finally had me. Then dump me like garbage after I finally fell for him. I will never forget he told me "I never thought I could get with a girl like you, you're so pretty, friendly and outspoken, and although I know you're going to break my heart, im still going to date you". IRONIC how he was the one who broke my heart right?.

 

I did EVERYTHING for this dude, I drove all the way to LONG ISLAND every damn weekend on that stupid LIE to spend my lovely time with him, switching up MY lifestyle to fit him in, forgetting I had friends, family and other things to do. Yet he complained my life revolved around him but I only saw him on weekends. I tried to adjust the things I liked to do for him. and all for NOTHING. To sit here a year later and say DAMN, I should have seen this coming from the start.

 

Man im sorry im just venting. IM ANGRY TODAY.

 

Its ok to be angry. vent. Its not even been 2 months for me but I am getting so much better. if I feel angry, I go with it. I do turn it around, and try to make it positive.

 

plus my job is very very high pace and demanding. It doesn't help. There are days I start punching stuff and I have to walk outside and regroup. so that doesn't help the matter.

 

so many factors on how WE HEAL. Living in new york, the island next to the city, the stress is insane. stressful life, unnecessary pain, we dont need this crap. But we have to try and make it better

[Murek]

I'm also 34. For me, being 20 and falling in love and 30? two different things. cant compare. Just my opinion. search search search for years...Think you find the one, get lied to, then you get dropped. each person will react different to the situation and where they are at what point in there life

 

This is quite hilarious and shouldn't even warrant a reply - however I'm sleep deprived and will give one.

 

You're literally demeaning me, which is completely fine - go for it. However, it is incredibly ironic. Remember, you're the one who told me that my words were inspiring.

 

The anecdotal advice you're throwing at me based purely off of comparisons from age is complete and utter nonsense. At any age, can people experience someone who is emotionally inept, incapable of handling their own emotions and/or will flee as soon as a rut occurs.

 

 

Right, lessons are meant to teach someone something - which in result would warrant a growth in personality, character or mental capacities changes. Even the wisest, and oldest people can learn something from a much younger individual.

 

My advice simple and sort,

1: stop letting anger control your life.

2: stop berating your ex/'s, it no longer matters (if you are or aren't)

3: Come to terms with it what has happened.

4:finally release yourself and you will not longer concern yourself with it.

 

But by no means have I ever said my opinion was a one way ticket express highway here. As I've said before, take it with a grain of salt.

 

(If this wasn't meant as a passive-aggressive quasi attack then I apologize, however I've done nothing but help and am, no longer going to continue to post to ensure you continue your grieving process. Hope all goes well.)

[kztar]

I'm also 34. For me, being 20 and falling in love and 30? two different things. cant compare. Just my opinion. search search search for years...Think you find the one, get lied to, then you get dropped. each person will react different to the situation and where they are at what point in there life

 

I tend to agree with this. At 20 no matter whatttttt you're doing your life is NOWHERE NEAR the life of someone older who is looking to settle, marry etc. I got dumped at 20 and it hurt but nothing compares to the pain im going through right now. Im older and im looking for someone to share my life with forever. Literally.

 

When I was 20 and heartbroken, I wasn't thinking about family, children, housing. I was thinking, what are this guy and I going to do this summer when we go back home and we can't live together like now until we return back to school ? How many more classes do I need to graduate? What should I do this summer, vacation with my parents or get a part time gig?. All those things that were relevant but not relevant to what a real serious relationship consist of. A failed relationship now is worst than getting hit by a truck. You thought you found the one and you think you're going to get married and never go back into the dating world to start ALL over again from scratch. But you're older, your odds are now lower, people are either already in relationships or they're single with children or are not willing to commit. Most of your friends are married, or getting married and you're happy for them but you're also looking at yourself like WTF did I do that I don't have this by now?. I wish I was 20 and could say yeah Ill go party this off with my girls. At 20 everyone was partying and drinking their lives away in college, including myself.

 

No hard feelings for Murek. I think you a great head over his shoulder and is learning from his recent breakup at a young age which means maturity. However at 20 unless you're fully developed mentally and know what you want out of life and a partner, you will not fully understand what we are going through fully.

[kztar]

Its ok to be angry. vent. Its not even been 2 months for me but I am getting so much better. if I feel angry, I go with it. I do turn it around, and try to make it positive.

 

plus my job is very very high pace and demanding. It doesn't help. There are days I start punching stuff and I have to walk outside and regroup. so that doesn't help the matter.

 

so many factors on how WE HEAL. Living in new york, the island next to the city, the stress is insane. stressful life, unnecessary pain, we dont need this crap. But we have to try and make it better

 

I go from Angry to SAD and cry myself to sleep. We certainly don't need this. We must make it better that's our only option. BTW looks like we have similar values, why did we end up with people who didn't :/

 

How are you feeling today ?

[Emaize3]

I tend to feel worse lately too. Had a brief moment of not thinking about him and then I did again. And as far as age goes, I'm 47 with kids and I feel like this is it! Me and the cat forever. I agree with kztar that I don't know what I did to deserve this over and over when the last time I chose very wisely and he had all the qualities and values I was looking for. I guess it doesn't matter how good of a significant other you really are.

[Murek]

I tend to agree with this. At 20 no matter whatttttt you're doing your life is NOWHERE NEAR the life of someone older who is looking to settle, marry etc.

 

No hard feelings for Murek. I think you a great head over his shoulder and is learning from his recent breakup at a young age which means maturity. However at 20 unless you're fully developed mentally and know what you want out of life and a partner, you will not fully understand what we are going through fully.

 

Unfortunately I will be going back on my word, however I hope this will end this discussion based off of belittling me and my problems, the seriousness of my relationship based off of age, experience and time period in life.

 

I came from a place of poverty, at the age of 15 me and certain members of my own family moved from cape-town South Africa. At the age of 16, I had to support my self with no help. I do not have time to party, nor worry about vacations and such. I will never be able to afford a house in my country, I literally cannot afford dental the list goes on. Unfortunately, I'd love to experience the care-free attitude of people my age. As we speak, I'm in more debt then the majority of people at your age purely from school.

 

Yet again, anecdotal evidence based on your own life experience serve literally no purpose to put basis to paint an entire age group with the same tone, that you have seen in your own life. This literally prevents introspection and encourages settling. Please note I'm in no way trying to one up someone here.

 

I understand what you're going through, I just do not agree with it and that's okay to have a difference in opinions. There is no point in your life will you ever be developed "fully" mentally either, a constant state of change is inevitable wither you like it or not. More so, mental fortitude and resilience. With age comes wisdom, but it is not absolute.

 

You're correct, numerous people my age fit into what you're describing however I'm not the case. I know what I want in my life, I also believe i know what I want in a partner. Problem being, I do not revolve my life around my partner and will never do so. They are an important factor yes, I would love to settle down and have that - but I am utterly fine and content without it. My partner, is not what completes me - I complete myself they are an addition to compliment me.

 

So please, do not downplay someone's ruts/pitfalls, and emotional troubles purely based off assumptions. I'm sure you both have gone through much more than I have (no sarcasm) The innocence of youth is what makes it so powerful, to love unconditionally, lose it just like you did and have future plans with this one even if it fades is still a powerful connection despite age.

 

While to you it may not seem as a big deal at my age, however to me it is - it is a very big deal, as I am sure it is a essential part of your life as well.

 

I truly respect your perspective ktzar, and I thank you for taking the time to explain it in a better view to me; it helped.

[sorano]

so every time I do better, there is something else that starts to remind me of my ex. During the holidays, we did all the shopping together. we gift wrapped everything over a bottle of red wine and had so much fun together.

 

so one night I dedicated my shopping just for my nephew. My brother had a new born few weeks before christmas so its my first nephew and my brothers first baby. I went overboard with him. My ex helped me buy the stuff and shop with me. she also has a new niece in her life.

 

This may sound silly but, every time my brother brings a new toy that I got him from the holidays, it brings back the good times I had with her during the shopping. the holidays and the time we spent with our families.

 

she told me, " I am so happy that you are here with me." "This means so much to me." Then we kissed.

 

I can't throw away the babies toys haha. My brother is staying with us so I see these everyday. so I just try to keep my calm and realize it is over and that I must move on.

 

Its funny, the toy triggers the memories, which then reminds you of what she said during the holidays and how important and happy she was that I was there. Its like a domino effect. Then I get dumped out of nowhere. so its like, that period of time never existed.

 

I know it sounds crazy but I do like to share and vent how I feel on here. Tonight is gym time thank god. Go lift some weights and be with my friends for a few hrs.

[Emaize3]

Hi Sorano,

Glad you posted. Haven't seen you here lately. As you probably remember, we are about at the same time since the BU- about 2 months in. I am doing better but still think of him often. I was telling my sister today that I don't want to go to her house or see her cat because they all remind me of him. I totally wanted to just skip Easter this year too. Last year, he and his daughters were with my family for Easter and we all had a great time! This year- sadness. This sucks so bad. Wish I could fast forward to a happier time.

[surferchic]

Both your situations are similar to mine. I struggle with being around certain functions with during certain occasions because it's all connected and reminds me of my ex o. So many levels.

 

The part that once annoyed me the most is when people/close friends or family don't understand how difficult it is to separate the memories. I fake it everyday at work...I don't feel I should have to fake it/please people around the clock because it makes them comfortable. So sometimes I've opted out of going to certain functions. I'm now learning to stop being such a people pleaser. That offends people sometimes too. ..oh well. All my life I did everything "right"/or the way other people expected me to.

 

Can't please everybody.

[Emaize3]

I also feel like I have to fake it but again, it's getting better. My family does not understand at all. I have two sisters and they are the two people in my life that I cannot talk to. Thank God for some very few friends (who haven't tired of me) and a therapist.

[surferchic]

I also feel like I have to fake it but again, it's getting better. My family does not understand at all. I have two sisters and they are the two people in my life that I cannot talk to. Thank God for some very few friends (who haven't tired of me) and a therapist.

 

Yeah, for real.... Dido to every single thing you said, I just don't have two sisters.

[sorano]

I am also not looking forward to easter. I was supposed to go to her families house. But I will go to church, pay my respect and say a few prayers.

 

I am also not looking forward to my cousins wedding in june. I got one of those save the date things. so I told my gf, hey we have a wedding to go to at a very very fancy classy place.

 

she booked a hair appointment and was starting to look at dresses. I told her she was going to be the most beautiful woman at the wedding.

 

That's all gone.

 

The truth is, and this may sound harsh, but our relationships that all of us are trying to get over, is dead. It's gone. we have to accept this. I know we want to go back in time, change what we said or did, wish that we would just get back together and its all going to be ok. Its done. That relationship we were in and ended, is gone.

[sorano]

Today really does suck. This is the first easter that I have been a bit depressed. Being around family and loved ones is what its all about. Alone once again. I cant wait until all these holidays just go away so I can heal even further.