My boyfriends Jaw is locked down I have a few questions that I need answered!

[Beautiful Breakdown]

Hey. I'm in a long distance relationship, which I've been in for a year, a month, and two weeks. He just had jaw surgery on May 24th and can't even talk and won't be able to until July 7th, when he gets "unlocked". I went and visited him in the hospital and everything, and things were pretty okay for a while. What I mean is he was happy. And recently he's been miserable. I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's because he's frustrated that he can't talk or what it is.

 

He tells me how he loves that I'm the only one who understands him. (He doesn't know real sign language, but he made some up, and I understand it.) So I don't know if he takes out his misery on me, because I'm the only one who actually understands him, or he's just genuinely frustrated with me. Which, to give you background, doesn't happen. We don't usually fight, I mean, we do, but only for about 5 minutes. We're just happy to be together most of the time.

 

But anyway. My questions are these: What can I do to make him smile? Am I asking too much of him to smile at a time like this? Can I go anything special to let him know that I will drop everything to do something for him, without flat out saying that? any help would be appreciated! Thank you SO much!

[Merin]

Your BF just had Jaw Surgery and his jaw's are wired shut and you're wondering why he may be a tad on the cranky side?

 

LOL I'm sorry! Seriously he isn't feeling well, and YES IMO it would be asking to much for you to expect him to be all sorts of smiley and happy Mo Fo when his Jaws are wired shut!

 

While I can understand you don't want him being all crabby this, that, the other... for real put yourself in his place for moment and cut him some slack.

[Beautiful Breakdown]

I don't expect him to be all bubbly and happy. I know he's not going to be. I just want one smile. I see him like 4 times a week. Going from us laughing and being happy ALL the time, to him being completely miserable is really rough. I understand that having his jaw locked down is hard on him, but it's hard on me too because things aren't the same. It's like.. with his friends he's smiling, but it's because they wouldnt understand his fustration. I want him to smile with me like he used to, like he still does with his friends.

[HokeyReligions]

He just had surgery! He's going to be uncomfortable and maybe in pain for a while, not to mention whatever drugs he may be on and how drastic an inconvenience this surgery is to him.

 

Don't expect anything of him right now. If you want to be supportive and show him that you love him then help him by doing some of the things that need to be done -- his laundry; water plants; care for pets; keep his car gassed up and run it every couple of days; sort his bills or pay them if that is something that he will be OK with; wash his feet and give him a foot massage; collect his mail and keep it organized; talk to the doctors and nurses about what he can have to drink (I would guess he can't eat any solid foods??) and mix up some special treats for him - maybe he can have some frozen slushy types of drinks with fruit and/or milk shakes (Root Beer Float?)

 

Make sure he has pads & pens for writing notes -- or those lift-off tablets that let him write multiple notes and then erase them. Bring him things to help him pass the time -- being in a hospital the days last forever!

 

ASK him what you can do to help him. This time is about him now, not you.

[Beautiful Breakdown]

I don't think I was clear. Sorry He isn't in the hospital anymore. He was only in it for 3 days. (the 24th, 25th and 26th). He can drive, he can run around and do things. Basically, he can livea normal life all except eating solid food. (Which he can eat, we just have to make "meat smoothies" -as gross as that is, they actually don't taste all that horrible) Granted he has to take some pain meds, but by his own choice is not taking them. It's hard for me to give him sympathy because he's been going out to parties and things still (like Graduation parties), so it's just hard for me to be like "oh he's miserable with everyone" when know for a fact that he's not.

[HokeyReligions]

Oh, sorry -- I just envisioned him still being in the hospital.

 

It could just be a case of him being so comfortable with you that he can let his guard down around you and be himself, even if himself happens to be cranky at the time. In a way that is a good thing, but only if you both understand it and it doesn't become habit.

 

Talk to him about it and about how it makes you feel. If you are flattered and love knowing that he can be totally himself around you tell him that, but remind him that you need some joy and happiness too. If he doesn't get that, then stay away for a while and hang out with your friends and do some fun things for yourself. I'm not saying No Contact -- just get your own life on track and allow him space to realize that you were serious when you discussed needing some smiles and joy in your relationship.

[Sal Paradise]

Give the guy a break, even if he isn't in the hospital. You sound really needy complaining that he won't give ya a smile. Let the man heal.

 

As far as his bittersweet mood goes......well he had surgury, he's a young man about to go out into the world, he just graduated highschool or college and is contemplating the rest of his life, he has a girlfriend nagging him to smile even though his jaw is locked. I think his mood is perfectly normal.

 

Also as you said he is smiling for his friends because he doesn't think they understand what he is feeling now. He feels you do understand and that you get him. So what do you want? Do you want him to treat you like his friends and fake it to make you comfortable around him?

 

Be supportive and stop making everything about you.

[moimeme]

If my jaw were locked for several weeks and the best I could eat would be 'meat smoothies', you'd need to approach me wearing riot gear. Be grateful he hasn't run you out of town! Don't nag him to smile, whatever you do.

[whichwayisup]

Maybe back off abit, give him space and time. Who knows what is in his head, but pressuring him isn't going to work. Hasn't yet right?

 

Showing less interest in him, concentrating on yourself may be the better thing to do right now. Go out with your friends, have fun. Go visit family, see some movies, go dancing - Just keep busy and let him come to you.

 

Or you can come right out and tell him how you feel by him going out all the time, seeming like he's having fun but with you he is down and out. Is it possible (I'm sorry for saying this, don't want to hurt your feelings) that he isn't as into you as before? It's something to think about anyway. And the backing off, showing less interest in him will give you an answer too.