sharing private information at work

[Sunny85]

Hi everyone,

 

Recently I told some co workers about a private relationship. The problem is, I don't want to share this information with all my co workers. For excample, there is a male co worker who I just find very weird and he had a crush on me wich I found very unpleasent. I don't want him to know anything about my personal life. Now the problem is that i found out that people have been talking about me during lunch time when I wasen't there. I don't trust my co workers and I wish I didnt tell anything about my personal life and relationship. Now how to set this straight so that they dont know whats going on in my private life, if I have a relationship or not and who I am dating or not. Also I even find it very difficult to talk about holidays and if I travel or not, cause one of my close co workers, seems to be very jalous when I tell that I went far away ( cause she is not able to travel much) It even gets to the point that the co worker don't even asks how my holiday was, because she doesent want to hear I had a good time. This is very sad and also for this reason I dont want to tell her any private information. I basicly just want to work and not talk much about anyhting other then work. How to deal with these kind of things on the workplace??

[d0nnivain]

You can't take it back. Anything you do to try to down play your disclosures simply bring more attention to them.

 

 

You now know your co-workers are gossips so restrict your conversations to general topics like current events & what you saw on TV recently

[Satu]

*How to deal with these kind of things on the workplace??

 

*Realise that you made a mistake, and don't do it again.

 

If no more information about you is forthcoming, they'll turn their attention to something/someone else.

[carhill]

Think of work like the internet. Put something out there and it ends up circling the globe. Generally, there is no consideration for privacy or security other than what we each enforce for ourselves. Sorry about that. Times have changed.

 

Since your stuff is out there, leave it and move on and learn the work version of 'no comment' and focus on less personal topics and the water cooler machine will target someone else.

[whichwayisup]

Unless the co worker is a friend whom you're close to and hang out with outside of work, do not discuss your personal life with anybody unless you want it to be gossip.

 

Unfortunately some people have big mouths and have nothing better to do than to talk about others.

[CC12]

How can you expect others to keep a secret that you couldn't even keep yourself? If you hadn't talked about it first, they wouldn't have had anything to talk about.

 

It's really not very hard to keep your personal life private. Just don't talk about it. If people try to pry into your personal life, redirect the conversation and talk about the weather or something.

[whichwayisup]

Also I even find it very difficult to talk about holidays and if I travel or not, cause one of my close co workers, seems to be very jalous when I tell that I went far away ( cause she is not able to travel much) It even gets to the point that the co worker don't even asks how my holiday was, because she doesent want to hear I had a good time. This is very sad and also for this reason I dont want to tell her any private information. I basicly just want to work and not talk much about anyhting other then work. How to deal with these kind of things on the workplace??

 

So what if she gets jealous! That's on her, not you. If someone asks, feel free to talk about what a great time you had and if she gets upset by the fact you went away, so be it. You can't control how others react or feel. But, as you say, you just want to work and not talk, so don't talk! Joke around, sure why not but keep your personal life to yourself and then nobody will know.

 

Are you upset that the co worker doesn't ask about your holidays? That part kind of confused me.

[Sunny85]

The direct co worker doesent ask me how my holiday was, but when she sees other co workers, then all the sudden she is really curious about their holidays....

 

So its obvious she wants to ignore me and she also does this with other small things to let me know she doesent like me. I have noticed woman are more jalous and difficult to work with compared to men. I never had a problem with any man on the workplace, they are always friendly and polite.

 

She once made a comment about her own shoes, that she was thinking that her shoes looked big and then I said that I sometimes have that problem also, but she reacted with saying: Well I doubt that, come on you have much smaller feet then me!! Like she was angry that I was saying this. So what if I have smaller feet, is that a reason to be so unfriendly?? One time she even asked me on a demanding tone where is was during lunch time. Like I needed to explain her. Its just weird.

[d0nnivain]

So don't talk to her about yourself. Just say Of course your feet don't look big. Make it all about her. She'll think you are a brilliant conversationalist & she will never have ammunition to use against you because you will have stopped telling her things.

[Methodical]

As a general rule, anything you tell another person is no longer private. I can count on one hand how many ppl I trust with information I'd rather not have broadcast.

 

I worked in a field that required me to maintain confidentiality, so I'm pretty darn good at it. I know many ppl's secrets and the best way to handle that information is to file it away and forget you ever heard it. That can be a difficult task in certain situations. For ex: Wife confides she believes her husband is cheating. Husband admits he met up with an old friend and still has feelings. I was in a position where I couldn't sway one way or the other. A breach would have costed me my licensure and a lawsuit.

 

Because some info. is already circulating, the best course of action is to not feed anyone's curiosity any further. Don't tell anything you'd rather not have broadcast, even in confidence. Ppl who truly can keep a secret are rare. If you are bold have thick skin, when ppl ask personal info. tell them it's none of their business. Be prepared for backlashes tho. Otherwise, deflect the conversation to the person asking. In this instance tho, it sounds like you volunteered the information. Lesson learned, moving forward don't divulge details.

[Miss Peach]

I tend to give high level information at work like other places I've worked, where I went to school, whether I have a family. I have only shared things more personal than that with a select few people I knew I could trust. Usually I have found 1-2 people like that for each company I've worked for.