Back with his ex-wife

[Inconnecticut]

I just had to get this out today.

I met someone who was married. This is 9 years ago. He left her 2 months after we met. We were on and off for 8 years. He had all kinds of excuses why we could not move on to living together; her (at the beginning, he was confused), religion, guilt, his job. Of course, he was the love of my life. He made my world technicolor, instead of black and white. We broke up because, even though he asked me to marry me, he was very distant and was working all the time, and not paying attention to me. So, I broke it off. We have not spoken in one year. I sent him and email yesterday. I had this hope that maybe, he was straightened out now. The divorce had screwed up his head.

I just got an email back from his ex-wife. "Leave him alone, we are happily remarried" OMG, They were divorce for almost 9 years! OMG OMG OMG, this is such a shock to me. We got along so perfectly. We had great sex, which he did not have with her. I wasted so many years. The worst thing is probably that I feel so much hatred, and I know that that is very wrong.

Thank you.

[whichwayisup]

I get that you're hurt by finding out he and his wife are back together but did you expect him not to go on with his life after a year of NC, even more so since you were the one who ended it? And for valid reasons.

 

Seems your R with him started off as an A and you say the R was 8 years on and off so it wasn't a perfect relationship. Also you don't know (only his word) what his marriage was like in the past so don't go there it'll just mess with your head.

 

I hope you can move on and go back into NC mode, focus on really healing and not focusing on him. He isn't worth it.

[Satu]

I just got an email back from his ex-wife. "Leave him alone, we are happily remarried" OMG, They were divorce for almost 9 years! OMG OMG OMG, this is such a shock to me. We got along so perfectly. We had great sex, which he did not have with her. *I wasted so many years. The worst thing is probably that I feel so much hatred, and I know that that is very wrong.

Thank you.

 

*Its good that you realise that.

 

Don't do it again.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

[ribeto]

I met someone who was married. u.

 

You can stop right there.

 

Well, you should have stopped right there.

 

The rest is no surprise.

[ShatteredLady]

What made you contact him after a YEAR?!?

 

You had moved on with your life but things didn't workout so you went fishing. Your hook came back empty because he's moved on with his life & it HAS worked for him.

 

There's no shock there. Your ex on & off boyfriend has moved on. It's a disappointment. It's not like you've spent the last year in a relationship with him.

 

Because this started as an A you have a natural competition with his wife. A's involve a lot of lies & rewriting of marital history. I believe that 'fighting for a man', the insecurity of him going home to her etc. makes women naturally hate eachother AND makes you want him all the more!

 

Can I suggest that you only feel so bad because it's HER that's he's settled down with?

 

No matter what's been going on between you in the past you dumped him a YEAR ago. Did you really expect him to be waiting all this time for you to email him?

 

It's unusual for a divorced couple to get back together after 8-9 years. When you say that your relationship was 'off & on' was he having a similar relationship with his wife? Have they been getting back together over the years? Were they actually divorced or separated? For how many years?

Do they have children?

[Poppy47]

Are you sure he was divorced for that long?

 

I understand only you would know.

 

Did you live with him for 8 years or was it a live out relationship?

 

You did say goodbye to him so he didn't do anything wrong on that score. I suppose he wasn't going to wait for you forever.

 

Best move on and leave them alone. It was a big mistake to contact him again.

It has opened up all those wounds for you.

Just keep going,

Poppy.

[S2B]

I bet he wasn't working that much.

 

He was obviously still with her but didn't tell you.

 

Date single men.

[ladydesigner]

Are you sure he was divorced for that long?

 

I understand only you would know.

 

Did you live with him for 8 years or was it a live out relationship?

 

You did say goodbye to him so he didn't do anything wrong on that score. I suppose he wasn't going to wait for you forever.

 

Best move on and leave them alone. It was a big mistake to contact him again.

It has opened up all those wounds for you.

Just keep going,

Poppy.

 

OP stay NC for YOU. Don't worry about THEM. Make your life fantastic and forget about the rest. Let it go.... and heal YOU.

[Satu]

'He' doesn't deserve either of you.

 

He's a joke.

[Inconnecticut]

Thankfully there were no children. We are now in our 50's. No, I would never under any circumstances get involved with a married man, again. He may have been seeing her between our times together. But I was with his family and friends and think she had to be more in the background. But I was aware he never stopped speaking with her.

 

I did have just a tiny bit of hope for us, when I wrote that.

 

I could not help myself and found myself texting him. I said, "your wife told me you were married, that was quite a stab and a big surprise. Tell her I was not going to contact you again, and I just came back from a great vacation with a wonderful man." Could not help myself with that, though exaggerated.

 

So then he texted me back. Sounds like they are not doing well.

No worries. I will not let myself get involved again.

 

VERY RARELY DO GOOD THINGS COME OUT OF AFFAIRS, just pain.

[S2B]

Why text him at all?

 

Now he's had the chance to Lay more lies at your feet about his marriage... And thinks you will hang onto his continued lies.

 

I'd give it one last text and say "buzz off douchebag".

 

That way he gets a clear message instead of thinking he can reel you back in with more lies about his marriage being bad. IF it was so bad he wouldn't have gone back!

 

Tell him point blank to buzz off.

Edited March 8, 2016 by S2B

[imsosad]

You are now in pain, but try to regroup and consider things calmly.

You are now looking back and pretending you had the ideal.relationship. Well, it obviously wasn't so great, you don't typically break up when you're so happy together.

On and off for a decade indicates dysfunction, anxiety of letting go rather than true love.

Based on what you wrote, you have both been available for years,yet did not make it work. Why? Long hours at work don't cut it.

You have been broken up for a year. He ended up remarrying his ex wife. I get that it stings, but this might be your blessing in disguise. He removed himself from your back and forth dance,so now you have no choice but to move on for real. He did you a favour! You will get over the initial shock, nurse your bruised ego and move forward,this time for real.

In the meantime,watch yourself. The text you sent him was both pointless and childish.Maontain your dignity. Don't behave like a sore loser. You lost nothing, you earned a fresh start.

[S2B]

Are you sure he was divorced for that long?

 

I understand only you would know.

 

Did you live with him for 8 years or was it a live out relationship?

 

You did say goodbye to him so he didn't do anything wrong on that score. I suppose he wasn't going to wait for you forever.

 

Best move on and leave them alone. It was a big mistake to contact him again.

It has opened up all those wounds for you.

Just keep going,

Poppy.

 

From what she wrote I believe he never divorced. He also never lived with the OP.

 

He was probably living with his wife the whole time.

[sandylee1]

I just had to pick up on the bad sex with him and his wife ...

It's either he was lying to you about it being bad

 

OR

 

the sex isn't that important to him.

 

Actually option 3..... The sex is now good for them.

[sandylee1]

I just had to pick up on the bad sex with him and his wife ...

It's either he was lying to you about it being bad

 

OR

 

the sex isn't that important to him.

 

Actually option 3..... The sex is now good for them.

 

It doesn't sound like he was really committee to a relationship with you... or like many he got GIGS syndrome.

[Liam1]

I just had to get this out today.

I met someone who was married. This is 9 years ago. He left her 2 months after we met. We were on and off for 8 years. He had all kinds of excuses why we could not move on to living together; her (at the beginning, he was confused), religion, guilt, his job. Of course, he was the love of my life. He made my world technicolor, instead of black and white. We broke up because, even though he asked me to marry me, he was very distant and was working all the time, and not paying attention to me. So, I broke it off. We have not spoken in one year. I sent him and email yesterday. I had this hope that maybe, he was straightened out now. The divorce had screwed up his head.

I just got an email back from his ex-wife. "Leave him alone, we are happily remarried" OMG, They were divorce for almost 9 years! OMG OMG OMG, this is such a shock to me. We got along so perfectly. We had great sex, which he did not have with her. I wasted so many years. The worst thing is probably that I feel so much hatred, and I know that that is very wrong.

Thank you.

 

Are you sure they were actually divorced at all.

 

I had an affair and was honest with my affair partner about ONLY wanting sex.

 

But, here is a little secret, a lot of cheating men will play the OW in order to keep the gravy train going.

 

It's wrong, but it's more common than uncommon

 

If a man truly does not love his wife, he would divorce.