penguinlikesmoothies Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 So I met this girl at a volunteer club last month. We instantly clicked and it was clear she was very interested in me (eye contact, giggling, smiling, asked for my number etc.) She seemed to me she as a very polite and adorable girl. Within two weeks, we went on two dates, she'd reply to my texts instantly, send me cute and flirty texts, and say yes instantly whenever I asked her out. We got to know each other much better and she even invited me back to her house after our date. As she seemed to me a more reserved type of girl (both of us come from a conservative culture), we didn't have sex, but there was a lot of flirting ie. she let me play with her hair, touch her hand...etc. She responded well to all my advances. To me, it was very clear we were dating and not just "hanging out" as normal friends. I paid for dinner, took her home. etc. I asked her on a third date, and she said yes right away. I offered to cook at her place this time and she seemed enthusiastic. We were both super busy so didn't text for a few days. On third date-day morning, after a few light texts she suddenly told me that she was no longer single now and that she met a new guy last night. However, she said she was still free to meet me at night but I ended up turning it down as I was shocked and honestly upset, though I did not voice this. Didn't really make sense for me to cook dinner for her at her place alone, the day after she tells me she is no longer single. I guess one explanation can be that I'm in the "friendzone", but at least to me I was never that type of friend and we haven't even met that long. I only ever texted her to set up dates and she always seemed like a honest/sincere person. Thing is, I have 0 interest being a "side guy". I feel my pride is a bit hurt as I felt like she led me on slightly. This was not a girl I was only interested in sleeping with and felt we could have been something more, but maybe I was just naive, as I admittedly don't have too much dating experience. If she is in a relationship now, 1.Why would she feel the need to tell me and 2 why would she still be interested in meeting with me one-on-one at her house next day for dinner? I will see her tomorrow. Should I cut contact with/ignore her or confront her about it? Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 She met a new guy last night and she's already in a relationship with him? Anyway...I would cut contact. I see it as wasting my time 3 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 So I met this girl at a volunteer club last month. We instantly clicked and it was clear she was very interested in me (eye contact, giggling, smiling, asked for my number etc.) She seemed to me she as a very polite and adorable girl. Within two weeks, we went on two dates, she'd reply to my texts instantly, send me cute and flirty texts, and say yes instantly whenever I asked her out. We got to know each other much better and she even invited me back to her house after our date. As she seemed to me a more reserved type of girl (both of us come from a conservative culture), we didn't have sex, but there was a lot of flirting ie. she let me play with her hair, touch her hand...etc. She responded well to all my advances. To me, it was very clear we were dating and not just "hanging out" as normal friends. I paid for dinner, took her home. etc. I asked her on a third date, and she said yes right away. I offered to cook at her place this time and she seemed enthusiastic. We were both super busy so didn't text for a few days. On third date-day morning, after a few light texts she suddenly told me that she was no longer single now and that she met a new guy last night. However, she said she was still free to meet me at night but I ended up turning it down as I was shocked and honestly upset, though I did not voice this. Didn't really make sense for me to cook dinner for her at her place alone, the day after she tells me she is no longer single. I guess one explanation can be that I'm in the "friendzone", but at least to me I was never that type of friend and we haven't even met that long. I only ever texted her to set up dates and she always seemed like a honest/sincere person. Thing is, I have 0 interest being a "side guy". I feel my pride is a bit hurt as I felt like she led me on slightly. This was not a girl I was only interested in sleeping with and felt we could have been something more, but maybe I was just naive, as I admittedly don't have too much dating experience. If she is in a relationship now, 1.Why would she feel the need to tell me and 2 why would she still be interested in meeting with me one-on-one at her house next day for dinner? I will see her tomorrow. Should I cut contact with/ignore her or confront her about it? Who cares WHY she texted that... Focus on the WHAT. She's doesn't want to see you anymore... MOVE ON! Link to post Share on other sites
spriggan2 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 Don't know why she'd tell you she met someone last night and she's already in a relationship with him? That's pretty rough. If true that guy moves faster than anyone I've ever heard of. Sucks you were into her and she already ended it. But yeah, the offer to hang out was most likely just a courtesy. She's no longer single. You shouldn't accept anything less than your initial hopes, which I'm assuming were moving in the direction of exclusivity. Oh well...time to move on. There are so many wonderful girls out there, you get to pick another one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 Sounds really shallow. You did the right thing. If you haven't I'd blocke everything and go very dark. Pretty weird Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 sounds strange that she would be in a relationship so quickly i wouldnt if i were you take second place or second best.....no one deserves that.....you are right to think it is a waste of time...i wish you well...deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted March 8, 2016 Share Posted March 8, 2016 If she's telling the truth about being in a relationship, this guy was probably already in her life. I think she didn't want to tell you she was also seeing him at the same time. Or she really did meet him last night, whole love at first sight situation I guess, and she only dates one guy at a time... (Which I all can't imagine l) but it would still mean she picked him over you And I doubt she wanted to cook dinner anymore. She knew you wouldn't want to come over, she just didn't want to be the one to cancel the plans. I'm sure if you would take her up on that offer she would try to come up with reasons to get out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author penguinlikesmoothies Posted March 9, 2016 Author Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/572726-20m-19f-about-go-third-date-she-tells-me-she-no-longer-single ^So I posted here yesterday. For those interested in full read Long story short: - met and clicked immediately with this girl 3 weeks ago - Asked her to two dates, never had a girl who didn't play "games" and showed me such attention (she let me touch her hair, hand, giggling, eye contact, complimenting me, instantly replies to my texts, invited me to her place etc.) - Third date, i offer to cook her dinner at her place she says yes. Wanted to really make it official. - Morning of (week after 2nd date), she texts me that she is no longer single since last night. But she tells me that she was still up to meet for dinner - I was confused and upset (though did not voice this) and didn't reply (she didn't text me either after) and we did not meet Part of me felt that she led me on but we were never exclusive so I can not blame her. Maybe I am just too naive/not direct enough. For me, I am still a newbie and it was quite direct for me to ask her to dates already and to flirt with her. She also seemed to be a very innocent/genuine person so I was a bit shocked. We're both still quite young (20M/19F), so I wasn't about to do any too sexual just after 1 nighttime date. And this was a girl I wanted to be a gentleman to. I haven't contacted her since (3 days) and will probably see her tomorrow. Think I should apologize face to face for not telling her I was not up for dinner? I am definitely not a rude person. Or as she never asked me either about it either, was it implicit that she just didn't want to be rude to cancel? Not sure if I should apologize and ask her about it or just let it go as it's her loss. Edited March 9, 2016 by penguinlikesmoothies Link to post Share on other sites
LostOnes05 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Dude, you gotta man up in this situation. She knew you were interested in her. She either blew you off with a lie or told you the truth. The outcome is the same...she isn't interested. What do you have to apologize for? I certainly wouldn't be cooking for a woman that isn't family, a close friend (strictly platonic), or a gf/wife. She doesn't fall into any of these categories... Link to post Share on other sites
GR4 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Apologise for what? She blew you off so man up and move on. Do not contact her again. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 I have no idea why you would apologize to her. For what? Don't bother meeting up with her. I think she offered to meet you again because she didn't want to seem rude and didn't actually expect you to take her up on that offer. I think this guy was already in her life before, or he's an ex that has re-entered the picture. Either way, it's done now. It sucks, but there's not much you can do from here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Crikey that's harsh, feel your pain there, but sadly you don't. As upfront and honest as she were, there was clearly more going on in the background. Maybe she was using you to get the other guy jealous, I don't know, it just sounds like that relationship was already in place by the time you two met. Either way, you owe her nothing. The way she told you and asked about still meeting up does indicate that at that precise moment, she saw you as a friend. Let this one go and do not contact her. If you have to see her, just be polite but busy. Link to post Share on other sites
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