Outgrowing friendship?

[chocolate_boy]

I have a buddy who has been my friend since college days in the early 2000s. We live at opposite ends of the country now, both in our mid 30s.

 

Thing is, he still wants to hook up like every month and live it up like it's still 2001. I've met him 3 times in the last year, and he even said to me recently "it's so cool that you and I still act like we're 18 years old, all my other friends get so boring when they settle down".

 

I'm getting married next year, I run my own business and work 7 days per week most weeks. I'm also saving up for my own house and maybe saving to start a family in the next year or two.

 

He is still single, just works for a few months and travels the world a lot, just backpacking and partying with random people he meets online,

 

He wants to have like 2/3 day drinking and drug sessions, which were great fun when I was 20, but not so much now. I feel tired and grumpy for days after, I miss work, and it takes me like a week to get over it. I feel I've outgrown my fratboy excessive years, many years ago tbh.

 

I've tried subtly dropping hints and being vague about meeting up again, but he's calling/texting me like every few days asking when the next meeting will be. He's unemployed at the moment, but wants us to go on a guys holiday with these people he met on some couch-surfing website, heading off on some Spring Break kinda thing. Because we did something similar in 2002 and he thinks it will be the same.

 

Running my own business, it's hard to even get one day away, let alone 2 weeks like he's asking, and if I DO take any vacation, I'd rather spend it with my fiance. He accuses me of being boring, and uses passive agressive phrases like "so many guys get so boring when they get a woman, and stop being young and enjoying themselves".

 

The truth is, at age 36 I'd rather take my lady out for a nice meal and a few bars than do to a nightclub and drink until 6am, followed by weed smoking until midday then hitting bars again, it just ruins me now.

 

He is a nice guy, and I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to meet up every month and pretend I'm still the same guy I was 10-15 years ago.

Edited March 8, 2016 by chocolate_boy

[basil67]

I have a buddy who has been my friend since college days in the early 2000s. We live at opposite ends of the country now, both in our mid 30s.

 

Thing is, he still wants to hook up like every month and live it up like it's still 2001. I've met him 3 times in the last year, and he even said to me recently "it's so cool that you and I still act like we're 18 years old, all my other friends get so boring when they settle down".

 

I'm getting married next year, I run my own business and work 7 days per week most weeks. I'm also saving up for my own house and maybe saving to start a family in the next year or two.

 

He is still single, just works for a few months and travels the world a lot, just backpacking and partying with random people he meets online,

 

He wants to have like 2/3 day drinking and drug sessions, which were great fun when I was 20, but not so much now. I feel tired and grumpy for days after, I miss work, and it takes me like a week to get over it. I feel I've outgrown my fratboy excessive years, many years ago tbh.

 

I've tried subtly dropping hints and being vague about meeting up again, but he's calling/texting me like every few days asking when the next meeting will be. He's unemployed at the moment, but wants us to go on a guys holiday with these people he met on some couch-surfing website, heading off on some Spring Break kinda thing. Because we did something similar in 2002 and he thinks it will be the same.

 

Running my own business, it's hard to even get one day away, let alone 2 weeks like he's asking, and if I DO take any vacation, I'd rather spend it with my fiance. He accuses me of being boring, and uses passive agressive phrases like "so many guys get so boring when they get a woman, and stop being young and enjoying themselves".

 

The truth is, at age 36 I'd rather take my lady out for a nice meal and a few bars than do to a nightclub and drink until 6am, followed by weed smoking until midday then hitting bars again, it just ruins me now.

 

He is a nice guy, and I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to meet up every month and pretend I'm still the same guy I was 10-15 years ago.

 

I'm not a guy, so perhaps my advice won't be great for a blokey friendship - but I will give it anyway.

 

I'd approach it with humour. Something like "hey, you know all those boring dudes who grew up? Yeah, I've become a card carrying member. I can go out with you on X night, but I've got a big day planned the next day so I will have to behave". If he gives you a hard time, say in a joking voice "yeah, I know. You'll have to get some younger friends"

 

Start by setting boundaries on your own behaviour without commenting on his choices. Odds on he'll get bored with it and stop calling you so often.

[preraph]

I have a buddy who has been my friend since college days in the early 2000s. We live at opposite ends of the country now, both in our mid 30s.

 

Thing is, he still wants to hook up like every month and live it up like it's still 2001. I've met him 3 times in the last year, and he even said to me recently "it's so cool that you and I still act like we're 18 years old, all my other friends get so boring when they settle down".

 

I'm getting married next year, I run my own business and work 7 days per week most weeks. I'm also saving up for my own house and maybe saving to start a family in the next year or two.

 

He is still single, just works for a few months and travels the world a lot, just backpacking and partying with random people he meets online,

 

He wants to have like 2/3 day drinking and drug sessions, which were great fun when I was 20, but not so much now. I feel tired and grumpy for days after, I miss work, and it takes me like a week to get over it. I feel I've outgrown my fratboy excessive years, many years ago tbh.

 

I've tried subtly dropping hints and being vague about meeting up again, but he's calling/texting me like every few days asking when the next meeting will be. He's unemployed at the moment, but wants us to go on a guys holiday with these people he met on some couch-surfing website, heading off on some Spring Break kinda thing. Because we did something similar in 2002 and he thinks it will be the same.

 

Running my own business, it's hard to even get one day away, let alone 2 weeks like he's asking, and if I DO take any vacation, I'd rather spend it with my fiance. He accuses me of being boring, and uses passive aggressive phrases like "so many guys get so boring when they get a woman, and stop being young and enjoying themselves".

 

The truth is, at age 36 I'd rather take my lady out for a nice meal and a few bars than do to a nightclub and drink until 6am, followed by weed smoking until midday then hitting bars again, it just ruins me now.

 

He is a nice guy, and I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to meet up every month and pretend I'm still the same guy I was 10-15 years ago.

 

You know, I think it's time you told him, "My life is really busy right now, things to do, a business to run, and I like spending time with my lady. Gonna have to pass. I like catching up with you every now and then, but I'm not really into these all-day things anymore. Too busy."