Is he using 2 usernames online

[sarahj]

I've been chatting to a guy online for 9 months and recently he has stopped chatting online and told me (after asking why) that he felt it necessary to keep his distance. I am assuming by this he was getting close to me more than he wanted because both he and I live too far away to be together. He has been really cold to me lately and used to be so warm and always wanting to chat. He says now that is because he was really trying to keep away. He told me a while ago that he kept all our conversations.

 

Recently I was contacted by another guy online (Yahoo Messenger - one to one). He had a similar sense of humour and happened to mention the same phrase I did to my online friend. I will tell you what it was because I suspect it may be the same guy under a different name trying to see what I am like chatting to someone else.

 

I sent an email to my real friend attaching a link to a site with a gender test to see if it can guess if male or female. My online friend wrote back saying 'oh no I'm female'. I sent a reply saying 'hello fancy some lesbo action' for a joke.

 

Whilst chatting to this new guy online I said I was off out that night to visit friends and he said 'what for some lesbo action'. Don't you find that a big coincidence or do you think I'm reading too much into it. What is the chance of someone else using that phrase and particularly in response to me saying going to visit friends.

 

He also said he is a medical student and I said I could do with some medicine and he said 'what antidepressants'. My real friend knew I had been depressed lately. He does not talk about medicine or anything like that and when I ask stuff to get to know him he can't answer things and goes quiet and often disappears - says he is having computer problems.

 

Other things make me believe it is not him but these 2 things stick out.

 

What does everyone else think or am I being paranoid. I did try and trick him by asking what he recommended for depression and he said 'weed' or 'alcohol' - just the same sort of humour my real friend has.

 

Anyway my problem is not should I continue chatting to this other guy because frankly he's not worth my time - I've only been chatting a few times because I have my suspcions it could be my real friend.

 

Thing is whilst I was online to him yesterday I had created a different alias to see how it can be done, and he contacted that one whilst chatting to me so am assuming he just seeks people out who are online and did not specifically contact me.

 

Im confused.

 

thanks

[Sally]

Honestly, I think you're reading too much into it. 'Lesbo action' is a pretty common term used. It could be the same guy or it could be a different guy, the point is why would you bother with him? First, you don't know him - and I mean you don't know him at all. You only know what he tells you. He could be a married man for all you know, or he could be 80 yrs. old. My male friend was talking to a girl on-line for over 6 months, and found out she was engaged, after she led him on, sent pics of herself, sent gifts and invited him to visit her in Cali.(he lives in NYC). When he started getting really serious about her and took up her offer, she got freaked out and finally fessed-up that she was getting married.

 

Anyway, second, if this guy is using two surnames, then he's playing head games with you. If this is the case, then why bother with him? If you really liked a guy, would you use two different names to confuse and play games with him? Probably not. Also if this guy is trying to stay away from you because he's "feeling too much", then why would he continue to communicate with you under a different name? Won't that make him like you more, by still communicating with you?

[sarahj]

Thanks for your reply Sally - I'm glad you think that about the phrase I used - I cannot believe my real friend would play games and was hoping that someone would say I'm reading too much into it - lol. Actually, I do know this guy (well, never met, but he is a friend of a friends so know things about him), but I totally understand what you saying about people you meet on the internet could be anyone.

 

Yes and you're right about if he is feeling too much then why bother under this other username - my thoughts on this are that this other guy is trying to talk dirty to me etc and I wonder if he's checking if I would behave like that with anyone (we have had very intimate chats a few times).

 

Anyway, this guy is a total waste of time and won't bother again - just curious that's all and paranoid.

 

Thanks again

[Tony T]

Instead of using passwords and usernames, why not get away from your computer and find some old fashioned, in the flesh love and romance.

 

This guy is obviously jerking you around big time. Wouldn't it be so much nicer if you started hanging with friends and meeting people right there where you live? If you feel better, you could issue the people you meet usernames.

 

For thousands of years, men and women got together and had wonderful...if not BETTER...romance without email, sending fake pictures in email, instant message fraud and misrepresentations, stupid and petty online games, lies, etc.

 

Never, ever carry on an online relationship for more than 30 days before converting it into an in person relationship. If they live too far, just forget it!!!

[sarahj]

Thanks Tony - yeah great advice. I could feel this way about someone (I bet everyone says that). I think deep down I know he can only really be a friend, but we had become so close and because of this would be hurt to think he was doing this and playing games.

 

This guy online as been on several times when I would not have expected my real friend to be on so doubt if it is him now.

 

Anyway, I will take your advice, and although do go out quite a bit with real friends I am trying to forget this guy as the relationship/friendship is causing me hurt now and that isn't good.