I'm the other guy involved with a committed woman..

[Liam1]

 

So all of you, men and women, please give me some perspective what you all think about this scenario and what I should do. I just want to be single again. Life was so simple, I have no kids ... I just work and go home, enjoy my car, my hobbies, friends. Life is simple for me. This past year and a half has been a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. I feel guilty, overwhelmed, and mixed emotions.

 

 

Anyways.. that is the short version. Please give me your advice.. thanks all.

 

You seemed to be bonded to this woman chemically only. During sex people release oxytocin and this can cause a bonded feeling. But it's just lust and infatuation not real love. You also admit that your are starting to see all her faults.

 

But intellectually you realize how dysfunctional she is and that you should run.....run....run.

 

You have no children of your own and you say you just want to be single.

 

If you really loved her, rather than being chemically bonded to her, you would want to marry her

 

Listen to you big head, not your little head. Run.

[sandylee1]

Anika raises a good point. There are innocent children and you could have been a part of breaking up their stability and comfort..... yet I'm sure you don't see yourself as anyone who would hurt a child. Hurt can be indirect as well.

 

People will say it's the parents responsibilityto look out for their kids... and that is true... but that doesn't absolve all of us of having a moral responsibility. If nobody had a sense of decency this world would be a damn awful place to live.

 

This woman has no self respect.... don't be a part of this bad behaviour anymore. I can tell you she has sex with him because she wants to. She could say no if she wanted to and forcing her would be rape. Don't believe that nonsense.

 

You need to surround yourself with sensible positive human beings or you'll be pulled down into the dysfunctional behaviour.

[Popsicle]

I say Thank God her boyfriend is staying with her because what would happen to her poor kids if they had to rely on their selfish and disturbed mother for everything? I think the boyfriend knows his kids won't be well taken care of by her and that may play a part in why he keeps her around.

 

Well, I happen to think it's just as irresponsible as a parent to stay with a cheater, than to be a parent who has cheated.

 

Good thing courts don't decide custody based on whether a parent has cheated or stayed....

[kgcolonel]

Thank you all .. you have all been a wonderful help and have given me a lot of insight, taking this whole thing on by yourself can be very difficult. My parents and closest friend knows about the situation and they pretty much tell me the same thing, it's always nice to have some additional voices to solidify everything when I read it.

 

I get so frustrated because she tells me that her and her MM are separated, 100% disconnected, saying he wants to leave (never does). All that, yet she still sleeps with him because she "has too" .. I do believe to an extent that they are disconnected... but I think she is overblowing it a little bit.

 

Since I've refused to see her since September she has done an endless cycle of being incredibly sweet, nice, and logical and respecting my decision, then she will give me my space for a bit (a week or two). She will then come back very mean, illogical, kind of in a crazy mode. She never actually insults me or anything, just very angry. Then she will apologize and be nice again. It's literally been like this for almost 6 months.

 

 

I guess the best thing is to put up a steel curtain and just go into total ghost shut down mode and never contact her again. I'll probably get my number changed which is a total pain but I suppose it will help, might even change my e-mail address to.

 

I just wonder how long it will actually take before she finally backs off. She's pretty relentless.

 

BlackInk....If you're really serious about ending this affair all you have to do is to tell her that the next message from her will be forwarded to her SO. I will bet that while she is telling you that they're separated, they are nowhere near being separated. She is playing both of you to get some on the side. I also bet he has no idea of what she is doing, regardless of what she is telling you.

 

You'll be able to tell for sure by her reaction when you tell here that you'll let him know what she has been up to if she contacts you ever again. Watch her reaction to that.