Starman68 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Please dont be judgemental, i know the situation i am in is wrong, that is why im asking for advice... So, I am in a loving relationship for more than 5 years with my current girlfriend, lets call her Annie...I met her when I was having a huuuuge crush with her friend, lets call her Donna. Donna and I flirted for a long time but at one moment i realized she was playing hot and cold, i made a move, it didnt work, and i went cold towards her even though i still had feelings. I hate when girls go into extreme games. In the same time i met Annie, through Donna actualy, and i was amazed by this girl, we were so compatible and i managed to start falling for her even though i was still crushing with Donna. Eventually, Annie and me ended up in a relationship, which lasts to this day. During these years I still felt something for Donna, and after recently getting drunk with her and some friends (we have similar social circles) she admited that she loved me after all those years. I said the same. She also has a boyfriend and loves him too. I love my girlfriend. So you may begin to see the problem. Im not even sure that this is possible - having such similar feelings of love towards two persons. For Donna it is much more fleeting and fluctuating but intense and somewhat painful when it does surface, for Annie it is much more consistent, healing and blissfull. I guess the answer is obvious? Annie is the right choice, at least according to my gut....although we did have our rough periods too but i guess thats normal in a long relationship ....but the question is - what to do with Donna? I love her too much to exclude her from my life but i feel that if i keep her as a friend this would be disrespectful towards my girlfriend, and could potentially build up things to god knows what. On the other hand, when Donna and I did have a fallout years ago, it didnt "remove" the love...it evolved from a crush to love anyway. What is the right course of action here? Is there any way to keep them both in my life, and to show Donna some form of affection without it being unfair and disrespectful to Annie? TL;DR: Im in love with my "ex" and my current girlfriend" They both love me too. I dont want to kick the other girl from my life but I have no idea what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Let's say Anne had an old guy friend she once had a crush on and she connects with him years later. Turns out they have feelings for each other, but the guy 'Carl' now has a GF. Anne still wants him in her life despite that 'kiss' they could not help the other week.... she still wants him in her life but she has you. ..her BF of 5 years. Do you think she can keep him in her life (and never act on the love they have) without disrespecting you? If you think it's possible and you think it's FAIR to you.. then you go ahead and maintain a friendship with Donna. If you'd rather Anne took a different approach to show her respect and love to you .... then that's what you need to do. If you live by the very basic of values "do unto others as you'd like done unto you" ... you'll put a stop to it right now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Boundaries! You knowingly put yourself in a situation with her so it's not like you're avoiding your feelings for her. Time to make a decision, either break up with your gf and pursue Donna, or cut Donna out of your life and focus only on your gf. What is happening now is just complicating things and making it harder on you. And, your gf doesn't deserve what you're doing behind her back. I'm not judging you, you're in a tough spot. It's just time to make better choices. Link to post Share on other sites
13Hearts Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 1. You have a problem with alcohol. Try AA. 2. What is the right course of action here? To stop doing what you are doing. The decision is NOT between Annie and Donna. The decision is between you and your higher power. Morality says it is wrong to lie and deceive. Is that who you are, a liar and deceiver? Tell Annie the truth and let her decide whether or not she wants to continue with you. Tell her you fully intend to continue your relationship with Donna. Annie needs to have all the information about you in order to make her own decision. 3. Is there any way to keep them both in my life, and to show Donna some form of affection without it being unfair and disrespectful to Annie? No. Link to post Share on other sites
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