Vlw0024 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) Hello All. I am completely new to this forum and need some community insight. I have been with my SO for almost 7 years. We have 2 children and a house together and had never even really talked about marriage until our 5 year old daughter started to ask questions and as we tried to explain why we had different last names, she looked at her father and said "You know Daddy, you are going to have to marry her one day." And so started the conversation and decision that it was time to tie the knot and talked about going to the County Clerk. Honestly, I did not know it was a final plan until his Mom and Dad came to visit a few weeks later and his mom congratulated me. So, even though a bit blindsided, I was happy and excited and proceeded to tell my friends and family the decision. I was a bit surprised that after being together for so long and a family already in existance that our families were so disappointed with the idea of a County Clerk. Feelings were hurt, especially my father's. So, OK a quick lesson in the fact that weddings are not just about the bride and groom. Got it. So we decided we could do something small. I found a small, beautiful venue here that was FREE (we are not getting financial help with this wedding) and when I brought it up to my SO, the words from his mouth were, we are going from small to talking about venues? Keep in mind the venue I found can seat about 12 people. Then his sister brought up the lakehouse that she and her boyfriend have as a possibility. Great, so when should we do this? A bit of background info is important here. My sister's husband is ill with cirrhosis and needs a living donor for a transplant. I have volunteered to be his donor as my sister has diabetes and cannot donate. We are still waiting for tests to be done for compatability but the initials are all giving the green light. This will likely be done in the fall of this year and I wanted to be married before. So we chose a wedding date of June 11. Now, my SO had told his parents and one of his sisters but not his other sister. He kept saying he wanted to tell her in person, which he had the opportunity to do at Christmas but did not. A few days ago she called to tell us that she and her BF are getting married, in another state, on June 10. So now we can't get married this year because even if I am a donor, my sister and her husband can't attend a fall or winter wedding because no matter what, he has to have surgery and a long recovery. Then a few days ago his other sister called to say she was getting married too, probably early next summer. Considering we are getting married outside (we can't afford an indoor venue), in central Texas, early summer is our only option so it could be the following year before we can get married. He says he doesn't think we need to put off our wedding to accommodate theirs and I said that we already had pushed it back a year for his sister getting married on June 10 (Not her fault) and that his other sister's fiance had spent months planning a proposal and picking a ring (none of which I got) and I would feel bad making her put off her wedding when she is in the same outdoor wedding in Texas boat we are in. I pointed out that we may have to just go to the clerk if we want to do this anytime soon and he said fine as long as his parents are there. I told him we can't make arrangements for one set of parents to be there and not the other and now we are at an impasse....and arguing. I don't think I should be the only one breaking my parent's hearts since I wasn't the one keeping a secret and messing up our date. We also have a venue issue now since his sister will be using the lakehouse for her wedding now. Am I just being hard headed here? Advice please! Edited March 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Go back to the county clerk, have a small civil ceremony, and then throw yourselves a party to celebrate the event. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vlw0024 Posted March 9, 2016 Author Share Posted March 9, 2016 That was my solution but he won't do it unless his Dad is there which leaves hurt feelings from my side that we made concessions or his family but not mine. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 9, 2016 Share Posted March 9, 2016 Sit down with his sisters and figure it out together. Personally, I can't see any problem with getting married in the same year as one of them but a month earlier or later. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Texas is hot as hell in June. What's wrong with May? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Couples get a wedding DAY not a year. If she's getting married on June 10, can you get married in May? I understand that you may not want to be married in the July heat in Texas but what about later in month of June even. Especially since you are talking about a dinner for under 20 people just pick a weekend & do it. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Good grief. Just elope whenever you want and then you'll see them all at the others' weddings and receptions. No one can afford that many wedding gifts all at once. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted March 11, 2016 Share Posted March 11, 2016 Couples get a wedding DAY not a year. If she's getting married on June 10, can you get married in May? I understand that you may not want to be married in the July heat in Texas but what about later in month of June even. Especially since you are talking about a dinner for under 20 people just pick a weekend & do it. This was my thought. Could you do a hybrid? Do a court wedding and then take everyone out to a nice restaurant to celebrate? Or have an official marry you at a park or somewhere special to you both? Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 It's strange that you are only getting married because your daughter spoke about it. It sounds like marriage isn't overly important to you and there's nothing wrong with that. Now you are talking about a wedding when that isn't what you wanted. It sounds like you are allowing family influence your decisions far too much. Why not have a wedding in a small chapel which offers ceremony and photography packages? After that, you can take everyone to a fancy restaurant. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 What about marrying in a courthouse ceremony and have both sets of parents present so that no one's feelings get hurt? I was married by a JP at City Hall. Loved it. So personal and intimate. Just me and my DH and the little old ladies who worked for the JP that acted as witnesses. My sister, father, uncle, and a few others married in courthouse or City Hall ceremonies with family invited. The men dressed in suits, the women in slacks and blouses or knee length dresses. One of the uncles came and took video of the ceremony and pictures with the JP inside and of just the family outside. family there, record of the occasion, no muss and no fuss beyond dressing up a bit more than usual. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 I'm a little confused on why it's so complicated to plan such a small wedding. As long as it's more than a couple of weeks off from his siblings wedding it should be fine. Unless you have people coming from out of town or overseas or something, that can't afford to go to multiple weddings in a year? Also as a Canadian I understand an outdoor wedding being limited to a 3 month timeframe... but in Texas that sounds funny. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 14, 2016 Share Posted March 14, 2016 Also as a Canadian I understand an outdoor wedding being limited to a 3 month timeframe... but in Texas that sounds funny. It's about the same here, and the window's closing: it's supposed to get up to 86 (30 C) today. Link to post Share on other sites
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