yukon66_1999 Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Recently, a female friend of mine had a relationship that was ended by her boyfriend. He is 34 and she is 21, but very mature. they were together for a little over 2 years and she had just recently moved in with him, the breakup happened a little while after she moved into his house (about 5 months) We became friends while they were together; the connection was absolutely amazing, and both of us spoke about it after a short while because we couldn't believe how well we clicked. she came over a couple times when he was out of town and we would hang out with my friends and we continued to get to know each other, and continued to be surprised by how perfect we seemed for each other, nothing physical happened during any of her visits. Come to find out, the times that he was out of town, he was cheating on her. After one weekend trip he came back and said that he wasn't in love with her, and that it would be best for her to leave. After about a week, she had found an apartment closer to her job. This puts her around 1 1/2 hours away from me as opposed to 20 minutes (she commuted quite a ways to her job so that she could live with him...) She knows i'm crazy about her, I love her as a friend, and i think that we could be perfect as more than that. She has a 6 month lease where she is at now, and has mentioned possibly moving closer to home after the lease is up...which would make it nearly impossible to pursue any kind of intimate relationship. I'm trying to be a good friend right now because what she's going through has been hard on her, but at the same i have these other feelings for her in the back of my head, and she's aware of them. Its been a little over 3 weeks that they have been broke up, which i know isn't a long time. I feel that if i let the six months go by that i will let her slip away from me. I know that right now i need to be a good friend without coming on to her too strong, but how long does anybody think that I should wait to fuel the fire a little more and pursue what we both know would work well, and try to keep her as close to me as possible so that we can continue to let our relationship grow? Link to post Share on other sites
Marshbear Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Let her dictate the length of time. Don't push her and be their for her. If she wants more than friendship with you she will let you know. You mention that she knows you like her but does she like you more than friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author yukon66_1999 Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 yeah, she's mentioned it before they broke up; that she was interested in me in a "more than just a friend" way as she put it... There were always hints that she was quite interested in me, but i kinda have this mindset that makes me think that it was easy for her to say that because she always had the "well i have a boyfriend" thing to fall back on if i pursued anything more. i doubt that that was what was going through her head though... i know that the ball has to be in her court with this, and i know that everybody is different, but how long do you think that it takes to be able to move on after a relationship like that? the waiting game is hard, and if i play it too long i'm worried that i could let this get away from me. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 This is an old post but hopefully things are still going on. You need to be very careful about 'being there for her" -- soon you will "therefor be her" emotional tampon, you will be a sexless friend and you will be stuck in the friendzone. If she's still in the rough patch, then I would back off contact a lot, go out with her on occasion but make it as date like as possible. I would avoid having sex with her until she's got her feet under her. But you need to get in their as soon as the situation permits or else some other dude will. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted June 28, 2005 Share Posted June 28, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius I would avoid having sex with her until she's got her feet under her. But you need to get in their as soon as the situation permits or else some other dude will. Agreed. In the meantime, be friendly and supportive, but don't let her forget you're a man. So be flirty - both complimentary and teasing - joke sexily from time to time, take charge a little, be strong and confident. Acknowledge her pain, but try not to focus on this. Instead focus on taking her out and having fun as far as possible. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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