How to make my point politely

[Snow_Queen]

I'd like some advice with a little ranting due to what I've been dealing with.

 

I have a long time friend who has placed me in an uncomfortable position. Lately, he's been using nicknames like "sweetheart" or "honey" when addressing me. These terms are used for female family members so I thought, "Okay, I'm the little sister". This has now become a regular thing with a more sensual tone to it. This guy is like a brother to me which makes everything all the more uncomfortable.

 

Now he's been pressuring me to spend more than a few hours with him besides the friendly "catch up" coffee met ups and whatnot. I try to let him know I'm not available for that nor do I want to spend the weekend with him. He started talking to me like a guy would speak to his GF to show he's thinking of her or cares about her. Not to mention, he's also been hinting at the fact we were made for each other and discourages me from dating at all. Sometimes I wonder if I should just yell "not interested" but I wanted to try to salvage this. Now, I'm not so sure.

 

As of a few days ago, his emotions abruptly spilled into social media. Mostly includes cute emoticons or responses like "your smile is so beautiful, etc." I try to hide such responses. To make matters worse, I have begun to develop feelings for someone else who probably saw these comments before I could hide them. He was finally starting to show interest but backed off when I reciprocated (which happened after these emotional postings). Of course, I could be overthinking this particular scenario. So now I'm afraid my friend might try to scare him off if he finds out before things take off. This isn't just any guy either, he's someone I could see as a lifelong partner. So if it came down to it, I'd have to boot my friend out of the picture.

 

Anyway, he's been a great friend but that doesn't mean his time invested should automatically equal me being his GF. My dilemma is how to make my point politely yet firmly. I have also considered cutting ties all together at this point. If he's only friend for this reason, he was never a friend to begin with. Any advice?

[preraph]

I think you need to tell him bluntly that you are not interested in him that way. You're going to have to block him eventually because as you said, he is discouraging you from dating. He will also be discouraging any men around from hitting on you or dating you or taking an interest in you. If you keep him as a friend he'll be a liability. You need to tell him, "I'm sorry, Bruce, but I'm not interested in your romantically. I think we need to stop getting together." And then give him a chance to respond, but he'll ask to be friends and then you will have to tell him no to that. Say "No, I can't be friends with you now that I know you want to date me because it will get in the way of me finding the right man." And then you may have to block him.

[Methodical]

Tell the friend you have found someone you're interested in. If he tries to pursue you, let him know you value your "friendship" and any romantic inclination could be detrimental to your relationship so you want to keep things as they are. Be firm and place emphasis on friendship.

[Snow_Queen]

My thoughts also brought me to the conclusion of eventually having to end the friendship. If I want to date to find a partner a good friend would support that.

 

I do think being blunt may be the best way to deal with it despite trying to avoid that route. If he stops hinting and goes back to friend mode, then I know he respects me as a friend. If not, then I have my answer.

[preraph]

In the long run, being blunt up front so there is no lingering hope is usually honestly the most humane way. Don't let him talk you out of it. And be careful he doesn't cross a line and try to use friends of family to get info about you or influence you.

[privategal]

I dont think you have to be so mad about it. Guys fall for a friend who is pretty and they feel comfortable with.

Doubt he feels your "obligated" he is probably hinting and so scared how to approach his newly realized feelings and terrified to mess up the friendship.

I do think you have to set it straight but dont be angry its sweet and happens often. Unfortunately its going to be to his demise this time but many people marry their best friend.

Its not far fetched or inappropriate you just dont happen to reciprocate his feelings and thats ok too and perfectly within your right.

Neither of you are "wrong" but try not acting so chilly toward the situation.

I have compassion for your friend.

Its a tough spot and likely not planned but just happened.

[road]

My thoughts also brought me to the conclusion of eventually having to end the friendship. If I want to date to find a partner a good friend would support that.

 

I do think being blunt may be the best way to deal with it despite trying to avoid that route. If he stops hinting and goes back to friend mode, then I know he respects me as a friend. If not, then I have my answer.

 

 

Do you live in Egypt. For you are living in the land of denial. This man can never be your boy friend because he wants to be your boyfriend.

 

 

You must go no contact/NC him.

[Bufo]

Beta orbiter gone wild. Check out the term in Google if you haven't heard of it before. Lots of links to blogs, forums but mostly from the male point of view. Deep inside he sees hope. Don't feed that fire. Tell him bluntly that you don't have any romantic in him and see. I possibility of it ever developing. Sure he'll be hurt but it's not your fault he's trying to force you to live your life his way.

[Els]

Yes, be blunt. Going to throw out a huge stereotype here, but guys are usually not great with hints! Tell him straight up: "I'm really not interested in you romantically. And it makes me uncomfortable when you try to be more than just friends. Please stop." That gives him he chance to 'salvage' whatever is left of your friendship if he wants to. If he doesn't respect your request and doesn't stop, then cut all contact with him.