Author Smoothman Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 Fair enough on not wanting endless sexual conquests. You want more substance. Nothing wrong with that. But I'd wonder about your "long healthy relationship" I've tangled with a BPD. And I've spent a lot of time researching it because of those years. It was at times fun, exciting, crazy, great sex, etc. But it came at a price. What it was not was healthy. The BPD didn't really settle in until the 15th year or do. Unfortunately, the wild sex started after I left her, as she struggled th get me back anyway she could..... C'est la vie Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) Jabron, you write often and loudly about your thoughts on manhood... I think for a start you have to accept that there is more than one definitive type of "man" in the world... I told you to redefine it for yourself - rather than rely on others to define it for you, and and boost your ego as 'a man of character' merely for serving a woman's purpose. I am perfectly comfortable in my own skin, I have rejected people who were unable to show me their dedication to me This thread is completely contrary to these statements. I'm not seeking endless sexual conquests Never said you were. I said you were seeking a sexual relationship, and going the completely wrong way about it. I discovered to my surprise that sex is easy, very easy A man with options doesn't get obsessed over a girl he hasn't kissed - just doesn't happen. Yet so many people here, not just you, condone this superficial, "kiss or ditch" attitude... One of my prerequisites for a relationship with a woman is that she'll kiss me. You can call that 'high standards' if you like. You and others are possibly missing out on meeting amazing people because you are too quick to make a judgement call. I'm not waiting around for a low-interest woman to decide whether or not she fancies me enough for a kiss. I have too much pride for that. I've PROVED I can sustain a long term, multiple-decades relationship, warts and all... Have you? No. I'm only 29 years old. Not sure what your point of your question is, mate. Can you be more specific? Edited March 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted March 21, 2016 Author Share Posted March 21, 2016 I told you to redefine it for yourself - rather than rely on others to define it for you, and and boost your ego as 'a man of character' merely for serving a woman's purpose. This thread is completely contrary to these statements. Never said you were. I said you were seeking a sexual relationship, and going the completely wrong way about it. A man with options doesn't get obsessed over a girl he hasn't kissed - just doesn't happen. One of my prerequisites for a relationship with a woman is that she'll kiss me. You can call that 'high standards' if you like. I'm not waiting around for a low-interest woman to decide whether or not she fancies me enough for a kiss. I have too much pride for that. No. I'm only 29 years old. Not sure what your point of your question is, mate. Can you be more specific? When I was 29 I had a wife and 2 children... You're still, by your own posts, dating multiple partners. And let's put this in perspective. I saw this woman for 3 weeks, about 12 meeting in all. That's not a long time to determine if someone is suitable... I was, in fact, seeing other people for the first half of this period in time, I have reconnected to one of these ladies, which is no problem as it was, after all, ONLY A FEW DAYS! YOU ACT LIKE I WAS PINING OVER THIS GIRL FOR MONTHS! IT WAS THREE GOD DAMN WEEKS! Jesus, since when is THAT too long?? I was never "obsessed with her, I didn't fall in love. I took it as far as I needed to find the answer..."is she right for me" In this case, the answer was "no" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DeeplyMissHer Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 The sad thing is, she is obviously going to find another man online...and do the same thing to him...again and again... She knows she's not ready..she should stop online dating until she's ready.. I read this entire thread, and I have to say she is a huge manipulator. I don't think she can safely be anyone's partner ever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 21, 2016 Share Posted March 21, 2016 (edited) YOU ACT LIKE I WAS PINING OVER THIS GIRL FOR MONTHS! IT WAS THREE GOD DAMN WEEKS! Jesus, since when is THAT too long?? Finally we see some FIRE -- some SPIRIT, some backbone coming from you! It's a shame you couldn't display that same fire, spirit and backbone towards your ex friend. It was certainly warranted in her case, much more so than towards Jabron... and had you shown her that side of you....the strong side that takes no crap from NO ONE.... it might have even turned out differently! Not in an abusive way...but in a strong, assertive way! I truly believe that is what she needed to get the FIRE going in her (towards you). I mean, not to be mean, but SM you did kinda let her call all the shots...a few times....even though you posted here how troubled you were by that. And as such, you treated her like a fragile little girl who may break if you spoke your mind. That is how it appeared to me anyway. Just sayin. Edited March 21, 2016 by katiegrl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Finally we see some FIRE -- some SPIRIT, some backbone coming from you! It's a shame you couldn't display that same fire, spirit and backbone towards your ex friend. It was certainly warranted in her case, much more so than towards Jabron... and had you shown her that side of you....the strong side that takes no crap from NO ONE.... it might have even turned out differently! Not in an abusive way...but in a strong, assertive way! I truly believe that is what she needed to get the FIRE going in her (towards you). I mean, not to be mean, but SM you did kinda let her call all the shots...a few times....even though you posted here how troubled you were by that. And as such, you treated her like a fragile little girl who may break if you spoke your mind. That is how it appeared to me anyway. Just sayin. I'm tempted to call her with this assertive stance: "Right, I've decided I want you, but you have to play by my rules, OK" "I'm going to take you out, and when I finish, I will kiss you." Ha!, that'd be fun just to hear her reaction! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm tempted to call her with this assertive stance: "Right, I've decided I want you, but you have to play by my rules, OK" "I'm going to take you out, and when I finish, I will kiss you." Ha!, that'd be fun just to hear her reaction! Huh? You just said that you saw her for 3 weeks, have no feelings for her, decided you aren’t a good match- and you think it would be fun to mess with her? THAT is not healthy.... Leave her alone, see that other woman you're seeing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Huh? You just said that you saw her for 3 weeks, have no feelings for her, decided you aren’t a good match- and you think it would be fun to mess with her? THAT is not healthy.... Leave her alone, see that other woman you're seeing. I'm JOKING... sheesh Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm tempted to call her with this assertive stance: "Right, I've decided I want you, but you have to play by my rules, OK" "I'm going to take you out, and when I finish, I will kiss you." Ha!, that'd be fun just to hear her reaction! Nice thought.... albeit a bit late though, unfortunately. But hey for next time! With next girl! Should you ever encounter this type of woman again... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Nice thought.... albeit a bit late though, unfortunately. But hey for next time! With next girl! Should you ever encounter this type of woman again... Towards the end, she started to remind me of my ex-wife. Bossy, short-tempered, perfectionist-to-a-fault. I showed her my hobby one day, painting fantasy miniatures... she sat down and looked at them more closely. "if I did this, I'd be better than you...much better!" I cooked her dinner once. "I'm a much better cook than you, if I cooked you dinner, it would be 10 times, 20 times better than that" "but it was yummy" Yeah, strange things like that... I do not want that in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted March 22, 2016 Share Posted March 22, 2016 I'm tempted to call her with this assertive stance: "Right, I've decided I want you, but you have to play by my rules, OK" "I'm going to take you out, and when I finish, I will kiss you." Ha!, that'd be fun just to hear her reaction! Please don't, she will laugh in your face because she knows that this sudden cocky assertiveness is not congruent with the guy she has been seeing regularly for the last 3 weeks. It will be obvious that you are trying to change your personality to try and win her over from a different angle and will probably make you look even weaker in her eyes. Just give it up with her and be like that from day 1 with the next girl you meet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted March 22, 2016 Author Share Posted March 22, 2016 Please don't, she will laugh in your face because she knows that this sudden cocky assertiveness is not congruent with the guy she has been seeing regularly for the last 3 weeks. It will be obvious that you are trying to change your personality to try and win her over from a different angle and will probably make you look even weaker in her eyes. Just give it up with her and be like that from day 1 with the next girl you meet. Again...joking.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 Towards the end, she started to remind me of my ex-wife. Bossy, short-tempered, perfectionist-to-a-fault. I showed her my hobby one day, painting fantasy miniatures... she sat down and looked at them more closely. "if I did this, I'd be better than you...much better!" I cooked her dinner once. "I'm a much better cook than you, if I cooked you dinner, it would be 10 times, 20 times better than that" "but it was yummy" Yeah, strange things like that... I do not want that in my life. That's pretty narcissistic and rude. Good riddance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eleenasmith Posted March 23, 2016 Share Posted March 23, 2016 If you are still in touch panic, you probably have to keep working on it in therapy or support for Freedating victims to get beyond that point group. But if it's just confidence, really, just let him know that is not the type that is insensitive and does not mind hurting people and you would be honest with her if things do not go well and not just leave it hanging or whatever, but they are in it with good intentions. You might even ask if she wants some recommendations of dates or past girlfriends (I know that there may be Chancey, but perhaps there is one that the breakup was not bitter that could simply attest that be a good boy.) Or if not former -GF herself, perhaps one of her friends are still talking about an acquaintance. Good luck. i also get A scam on Anastasia Dating Link to post Share on other sites
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